Talon (Ashes & Embers Book 4) (35 page)

"
I
s this stuff edible
?"

My heart jumps and then sinks at the unexpected sound of that voice. The voice that's been haunting me both day and night, nonstop, since he walked out of my life. My eyes close of their own accord, pulling me into the memories of everything attached to that sexy, silly voice. Memory lane is not a place I want to visit right now. Or maybe ever.

Turning to him, I muster up every tiny ounce of courage I have to face him and not fall apart—or throw myself at him, bury myself in his neck, and just breathe him into me and never let go again.
I will not cry.

"You shouldn't really eat them," I respond with a forced smile. "There's a food court just down there to the left if you're hungry, though."

He's holding one of my new gift boxes of soaps and body lotion up to his nose. "I miss this a lot. The way your soap feels and smells." The expression in his eyes is saying so much more, though, and I know he's not just talking about the soap.

I blink and swallow, taking a few steps closer to him and lifting the box out of his hands. "You actually like this one better." I hand him the lavender and vanilla gift pack. "This is the one you always liked."

"See? I don't even know what I like."

"Trust me, I know." The words escape my lips before I can stop them.

He chews the inside of his cheek. "You look great. And all of this—" he nods at my kiosk "—it all looks terrific and so professional. The new packaging is fuckin' awesome, and the logo is kick-ass. I'm really proud of you, Aze."

Aze.
God, I miss hearing that shortened version of my already short name.

"Things have been going well," I reply.

"I saw on Pixie's blog that you're designing and selling some cat clothes now, too."

"You've been reading her blog?"

"Well, yeah, of course. I'm still her biggest fan."

"That's really sweet."

He looks around the mall like he's thinking, then turns his dark eyes back to me.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry. I fucked up. And I wanted to thank you for finding the doctor.”

All the pain I’ve tried to ignore for months rushes back, but I refuse to yell at him or break down crying. “Well, thank you for saying that,” is all I can manage to say.

"Do you want to maybe grab a bite to eat? When you're done working? I could come back."

I stop breathing for a moment. Why is he doing this? Is he crazy?

"I don't think that's a good idea…" My voice shakes and I look away from him, pretending to straighten out some boxes on display.

"Just to catch up. I want to hear everything that's been going on with you. I miss talking to you. You're the only one who really ever talked to me—or listened to me." He touches my cheek, and I see the tiny tattoo on his ring finger. The ring is gone, but I'm still there.

"Talon..." I lean my cheek into his hand, then capture it with my own, squeezing it before I let him go.

"I can't. I'm sorry. It's just not good timing." How long does it take for a broken heart to unbreak? Does it ever go back together again? Or is it just forever damaged, eternally weakened, shivering in the dark among our bones?

His eyes remain on mine, unblinking and waiting, and I wonder if my voice was too soft and he didn't hear me say no. I almost wish he didn't, so I could take it back.

Finally, he flashes me his beautiful smile. "Okay, I understand. No harm in trying, right? If you change your mind, text me. Anytime."

"Sounds good," I say casually, as if we're merely old friends.

Taking out his wallet, he attempts to pay me for the soaps, but I push his hand away. "Just take them. A thank-you gift from me for helping me with all this. I couldn't have done it without your help—and the money."

Without warning, he pulls me into an embrace and hugs me tightly, and I think I hug him even tighter.

"You're still my girl," he sighs into my neck, the closeness of him sucking the breath right out of me like a vacuum.
Yes, I am. I always will be.

"I still love you," I whisper, my lips against his ear, my hand at the back of his neck, tangling in that messy, silky hair I miss so much.
I don't want to let go.

He didn't hear it, of course. But I said it. I got it out, and maybe that's enough. Sometimes, maybe just hearing words isn't enough. Sometimes, they have to be felt to be heard.

We pull away slowly, like magnets that keep wavering, trying to connect again until the space is too far, and we separate. I don't watch him walk away because I did that once already, and I can't do it again.

I
close
up the kiosk an hour early, my mind and body drained and raw after seeing him. I wish he hadn't come by and opened up all those wounds again. I can still smell his cologne on my clothes from when he hugged me, and now I just want to bury myself in my blouse and inhale his scent.

I wish I had said yes to him.

What a coward I was—to whisper my heart to the side of him I knew was safe. Hiding behind his deafness… How low could I sink?

Later that night, I lie in bed and flip through the photos in my phone until I find the one I need to see again. The one of him sleeping with Pixie nestled in his neck, purring against his ear. His hair is messy, half covering his face, the rest on the pillow around his head. One arm is raised, his hand curled and resting against Pixie, the other lying on his naked chest.

I loved him so much that day. I thought the next day would be the start of our new forever, free of experiments. The day we chose each other. But instead, it was the day he shattered my heart.

I
was doing so well
until he stopped by that day a month ago. Since then, I can't stop thinking of him, dreaming about him, and wanting him. I thought maybe I was over him, or at least making progress, but now I know I'm not even close. And then I get a text from Lukas.

I can't say no, because, well, it's Lukas.

I frown at my phone, confused.

I
'm not
sure what he's up to, and I'm a little scared to find out, but I can't not show up. I shower and dress in skinny jeans, black boots, and a low-cut purple silk blouse. I put on my dandelion necklace, because I wear it every day. I throw a tattered-up black scarf I made over my neck, kiss Pixie good-bye, and head out the door.

As I drive to the café, I'm pretty sure I'm being set up, and I don't know how I feel about it. I can't let myself think that far ahead. I'm just going to go, see what Lukas has planned, and take it one moment at a time.

I haven't been to the café since Talon and I got lattes there the day I got my tattoo from Lukas, but it's different now. It's been expanded into the space next to it that used to be a boutique. The entire inside has been remodeled with distressed wood floors and vintage musical instruments hanging on the walls, and there's a stage area taking up a large portion of the back for what looks like open mic night. It's crowded, so I can't see much when I first walk in, but I do see the big sign across the top of the slate menu on the wall: Valentine Café & Chill.

Valentine? Did Lukas buy this place?

I make my way toward the back through the crowd just as the music starts, and I'd know the voice that's singing anywhere. Finally, I see them, sitting together on the stage under the dim lights. Talon, perched on a stool in the front, playing acoustic guitar and singing, Lukas behind him playing violin, and Rayne off to the side, also singing. They sound amazing together, their voices both soft and raspy, even sexy. I find a small empty table and sit, not able to take my eyes off of them. Talon finally notices me and looks surprised for a moment, then winks at me. Judging by the look on his face, I'm pretty sure he had no idea I was coming. I try not to stare at him, but he looks even better than he did the last time I saw him. His hair is a bit longer, a shade darker, and he's got a five-o'clock shadow that makes him appear older, a little less pretty. His arms and shoulders are more muscular, straining against the black T-shirt with the skulls on it that I designed for him last year. Around his neck, I see our wedding bands on a silver chain. My breath catches at seeing something so personal and unexpected. Being so close to him, watching his fingers dance over the strings, and hearing his sexy scratchy voice dredge up so many memories and feelings that it’s almost overwhelming. I still feel that intense pull to him, that fluttery electric connection that makes me want to get closer to him, embrace him, and never let go.

They play for about an hour and a half, and Lukas approaches me first when they're done. He leans down and kisses my cheek. "You're not mad, are you?" he asks.

"No. Not at all." I worked hard to let go of my anger. If I hadn’t, it would have eaten me alive.

"Good. What do you think of the new café? It's ours—mine and Talon's."

My mouth falls open. "Wow! Lukas, it's amazing. What a cool idea."

"We thought having a café that catered to local musicians would be pretty neat. It's been doing great. We kept the manager and employees from the previous shop, cuz we don't know shit about how to make coffee."

I laugh as Talon approaches the table, looking nervous and a little shy.

"I'm gonna head home," Lukas says. "You two should catch up."

"Thanks, Lukas," I reply. "We'll talk soon."

Talon hovers by the table after Lukas leaves. "Can I sit?"

I nod and wrap my hands around my coffee cup. "Sure."

He pulls the chair a little closer to mine and sits, not taking his eyes off me. "I had no idea you were coming. This is all Lukas's doing."

"I know that." I smile weakly. "I kinda owed him a favor."

"So I hear," he says. "No pun intended. I can't thank you enough for what you did. I'm so much better now. I still can't hear much, and I have some issues, but it's nothing like before. So, thank you for doing that for me. I never would have found a doctor like that on my own."

"You don't have to thank me, Tal. I'm just happy for you. And you own this café? How did that happen?"

He looks around, grinning proudly. "It was Lukas's idea, and I thought it was great. I don't know if you heard, I left A & E."

"I did hear that. I'm sorry. I'm sure that was hard for you."

"It was, but I think this is better for me. Our little band, the name is Be the Moon. We're making our first CD, and we're having a blast. I love the music we're playing and writing. My creative side is going wild."

I nod excitedly with him. "You guys sound great."

"You gave me the idea for the name, ya know. Remember the day on the porch? You told me to be the moon?"

"I do." The memories assault my heart like daggers. "That's the day I found out you wrote my favorite song."

He nods slowly, holding my eyes, and I'm sure he's remembering what else happened on the porch that day, just like I am. I feel my cheeks getting warm and my eyes burn. I look down at my coffee, avoiding the pain and regret evident in his eyes and not wanting him to see it in my own.

"I'm really glad you came. I'm sorry if Lukas tricked you into seeing me, though."

"It's all right. I'm glad I came too."

"How's Pixie? I miss her a lot. Especially sleeping on my head."

"She's good. I'm sure she misses you, too. Thank you for setting up insurance for her; that was incredibly sweet."

He waves his hand. "Let's not talk about all that. I just wanted to make sure you were both taken care of."

I don't know what to say to that, when he’s the one who destroyed everything we had, so I look around the room. "The old instruments are a cool touch."

He follows my gaze. "Yeah, most of these belong to Lukas. He's collected old stuff since he was a kid."

We talk until midnight, avoiding anything too personal or about the past, until most of the guests have started to leave and the employees are cleaning up. I should be mad at him. I should have slapped him and walked out of the café, but sitting there talking to him felt too good, too comforting. It was probably the most we had ever talked, just as friends, getting to know each other. He’s a great listener. It’s ironic that he would have made a great boyfriend, in another time, under different circumstances. This would have been the perfect blind date.

"I should really get going," I finally say, glancing at my watch.

"Can I walk you to your car?"

"Um, sure."

He doesn't talk as he walks me across the street, and I'm confused, not sure how to say good-bye to him. He leans against my car and looks up at the night sky for a moment, then looks at me. "What are you doing tomorrow night?"

"I don't have any plans." Tomorrow night or any night.

"Would you have dinner with me? Lukas says I have to get out and start dating."

I giggle. "Oh, did he?"

"Yeah, but I don't know how. I've never dated anyone."

God, he's so fucking cute, and I know what he’s trying to do. This is a dangerous game we're playing, and I'm not sure I can do this.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

He pouts. "You're going to turn me down the first time I ask a woman out on a date? That could scar me for life."

I look down at my feet, trying to gather my wits. I can’t deny that I want to see him again.

"I don't eat meat. I'm not a very good dinner date."

A smile creeps across his face. "I think I can find a place around here that has vegetarian dinners."

I force myself to breathe. "Okay, then. I guess I could have dinner with you."

"I could pick you up at seven."