Authors: MJ Carnal
Chapter 20
Liz gave Kevin one final kiss on the cheek. “Your sister will be waiting for you. Give her a big hug from me. And if you see Daniel, please tell him I miss him. Watch over us.
You’ve been my best friend for years. I will miss you so much. I love you, Kev. God speed gorgeous.”
Lily was next. Her eyes were full of tears as she hugged him. “I was ok losing my boy toy to Andi.
But I’m not ok losing you like this. Thank you for being so nice to me and for making LA so much fun. I will never forget you. Jena says there’s still a chance. You aren’t a quitter. Fight for us. Open your eyes and say something really inappropriate. I’m not giving up on you. Don’t you dare give up. I expect to see you again. I love you.”
Sophie sat on the edge of the bed. Looking around the room, she felt sick. Being in the ICU brought back terrible memories for her. This was so much worse. Taking his hand, she took a deep breath. “This doesn’t seem real. I refuse to say goodbye because I know we will all be together again someday. I keep hoping to wake up from this nightmare. Whatever happens, know you are loved and life just isn’t the same without you. Keep them laughing up there.”
Seeing him lying there, Mark was rendered speechless. He walked to the bed and kissed him on the forehead. “I love you, brother.”
Steve felt
sick. When his brother had his accident, the decision to cease all life saving measures was an easy one. He had been suffering and there was no chance of survival. He had been so young but that emptiness had stayed with him and shaped the man he was today. As he looked down at Kevin, he was overcome with emotion. “We will all watch over Andi and make sure she’s ok. I will personally kick anyone’s ass that hurts her. I promise you she will be alright. I’m sorry we didn’t get the chance to know each other better. You were always making us laugh and I’m jealous of your legendary bedroom roster. Sorry for all the times I pissed you off about Andi. She’s a good friend but it was never more. It was always you. Don’t break too many hearts up there.”
Jena checked his vitals. There had been some eye movement for the past few days.
The doctors had ruled it involuntary. She had refused to get her hopes up. But even now, as she examined him one last time, she prayed for a change. Even the smallest change. Anything. “Kevin, you add a lot to this world. You’ve added so much to my life. Thank you for always trusting me, for reaching out to me when you needed something. You’re one of my dearest friends. I thank God every day for you. Any way you have a miracle in there for us? When they remove the vent, I want you to fight like hell to breathe.” She kissed him and wiped her eyes. “I love you. I will for the rest of my life. We witness miracles everyday in this hospital. I am praying for another one. Bye honey.”
Caleb was so emotional that Jena stayed by his side during his goodbye. “I’ve been so pissed since this happened. I know if you had your way, you’d be sitting in my living room saying something completely inappropriate about my sister. Thank you for loving her so much. You manned up and came over to ask if it was ok to take her out. That showed
me the kind of man you are. As much as I wanted to fight against it, you both were good together. I’m angry you’re leaving her. I’m angry you’re leaving all of us. I feel so guilty being so mad. I’m sorry, brother. I am so sorry. I wish there was something we could do. I love you, Merck.”
Layla
was hesitant as she climbed into the bed with him. Her tears flowed freely down her cheeks, soaking his hospital gown. “I’m not sure how I’m going to keep breathing after this. You’re my family. You gave me Ryan back. You allowed us to go on and have baby K and have a future. I would have nothing without you. Ryan blames himself for your sickness. I don’t know if saving Ryan caused any of this or not. But I do know that you would do it all over again, even if you knew the outcome would be the same. Your godson will always know you. I promise to tell him everything.” She giggled. “Not everything. Not until he is older anyway. You have a beautiful heart and I’m blessed that you showed it to me. I don’t know how Andi is going to handle all this. Send her strength. I hope that somehow you will be able to see us and watch K grow up. I hope you can hear all of us and you feel how much we all love you. I’m still holding on to hope that you will open your eyes. I have to go. Thank you for allowing us to believe in superheroes. You saved us all.”
“Everybody is outside. I’m sure you know. You haven’t had a second of silence today. I don’t think I can say goodbye to you. You’re the best friend I
’ve ever had. You were one hell of a wing man. Gave me a run for my money.” Ryan tried to smile. “You busted my balls like hell when I fell in love with Lay. I didn’t get a chance to bust yours. Andi’s awesome. You picked a good one. If she falls in love again someday, I will make sure he’s worthy. There won’t ever be anyone as good as you. We all know that. But I’ll make sure she chooses someone that will be good for her.”
Ryan stood and paced next to the bed. Kevin’s eyes fluttered like they had so many times that week. “I’m sorry. You were fine until you helped me.
I feel so helpless. If I could rip my own heart out and give it to you, I would. Right here. I’m tempted to find some hot nurses and make them parade around in here naked to see if we can get your heart pounding again.”
Andi poked her head in and tapped her watch. Ryan nodded and returned his focus
to Kevin. “I love you, brother. I hope you can forgive me. I’m so sorry for making you sick, for making the choice to take you off this fucking machine, for not being able to save you. I have a picture of you with K the day he was born. I will cherish that forever. I’m so sorry.”
Ryan stepped out into the hall where hi
s friends were all waiting. He waited until the door closed behind him. He couldn’t catch his breath. He hit his knees and sobbed. His life would never be the same.
Back in the ICU, Andi curled into Kevin’s bed. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his chest. She had slept here every night since the heart attack and she would stay until his heart finally gave up. She held him as tightly as she
could. She would miss every single thing about him. He was the reason she got up every morning and the reason she laughed and smiled all day. Tears filled her eyes but she willed them away.
“They will be here soon. I promise that you won’t feel pain. I want you to know that it’s ok to let go when you’re ready.
I will miss you so much Deuce. Thank you for loving me. Thanks for pushing me to open my eyes. Thanks for making me realize the sappy stuff really doesn’t suck. You weren’t mine for long but I had the time of my life. Someday I’ll understand the reason all this happened. I can’t say goodbye. What a stupid word. There’s nothing good about it. I love you so much. You will always mean everything to me. I don’t regret anything. You were my log ride and roller coaster all wrapped into one.”
Jena stepped into the room with tears in her eyes. Ryan was right behind her. “They’re ready.”
Ryan and Andi nodded their heads as the doctors entered the room. They injected some pain medication into his IV and recorded his vitals. As they pulled the tape securing the tubing to his mouth, Andi closed her eyes and pulled Ryan down next to her. The tube was pulled and the machine disconnected. Andi watched his chest rise and fall slowly, she memorized the feel of his body next to hers, she breathed him in to memorize his scent, she listened to his heart beating in his chest. Ryan’s arms tightened around her as she memorized everything about this moment. She knew he would soon be at peace. Agony crushed her knowing she had said her goodbye.
Jena kissed Kevin’s forehead one last time and left the room. She took several steadying breaths before stepping into the main hallway.
All eyes snapped her way. “They’ve disconnected the ventilator. Ryan and Andi are with him. I’ve asked the doctors to keep me posted.” She sat down in Caleb’s lap and held him while he cried. “I just needed to be out here with all of you.”
Andi rubbed her eyes. It was midnight and she was exhausted. She struggled to stay awake but her eyes grew
heavier and heavier. Eight hours. She had stared at the monitors, watching his heart rate, for the first few hours. The next hours were spent watching his chest rise and fall. The ICU was quiet. Ryan had left a few hours ago to pick up the baby and head home with Layla. He had rubbed Andi’s back and whispered encouragement. He let her fall apart in his arms. She had wanted to do the same for him but she was frozen in her grief. She had been relieved when he left. It meant more time alone with Kevin and she wanted every second he had left.
They had removed the crash cart and the rest of the equipment was quiet. Several nurses had come in to record vitals and give him medication to keep him comfortable. A
bag of fluid still hung, providing his body with nutrients while he continued to breathe. She smiled. He had hung on longer than anyone expected.
“
Thank you for hanging on so long. I love you, Deuce.” Andi kissed his lips and closed her eyes.
I can feel she’s here again. I don’t know what she did but it’
s so much easier to breathe now. I don’t know what’s going on but thank God she’s with me. I’ve tried to move my arms to hold her but I can’t move. My fucking chest is killing me. Why can’t I remember what happened? I’ve opened my eyes a few times. Everyone looks so sad. I’m so exhausted. I can hear her crying. God, please help me. Let her know I’m here. Please. Make this stop. Don’t cry, baby. I’m fighting for you. For us.
Chapter 21
Lily cried into her pillow. She felt so alone. Her family was in Georgia and her friends in LA were all suffering. Sophie and Mark had come home from the hospital and locked themselves in their room. After saying goodbye to Kevin, she had sat silently in the hall and watched, as one by one, her new friends fell apart in the waiting room. She stared at her phone. She needed someone.
“Hello?” His voice was full of sleep.
“It’s Lily.” Her voice cracked. “I’m so sorry to wake you up. I just needed someone to talk to. I didn’t know who else to call.”
Steve
sat up and stretched. “It’s fine. Are you ok?”
She cried. “No. I feel so alone.
Kevin’s the one I always call when I get homesick or I can’t sleep in the middle of the night. I’m sorry.”
“Lil, it’s fine. Are you still staying with Moretti?
” Steve bent over to put his shoes on.
“Yes.” She whispered.
“Want me to come over?” When she hesitated, he continued. “I could use the company. I don’t remember a harder day in my life.”
“Thank you, Steve.” Lily hung up and curled
back into a ball. If Kevin was here, he would tickle her until she laughed or make fun of her until she gave in and smiled. If Kevin was here, she wouldn’t be this sad. If Kevin was here.
Layla
smiled at Ryan. He had finally fallen asleep. She had never seen him so emotional. He had lost so much in his life but he still felt so blessed. When Kevin had saved him, Layla had promised she would never take life for granted. She spent every day thanking god for the incredible life she had been given. And one of her greatest blessings was sleeping right next to her.
She smiled at the bassinet next to the bed. She promised
that she would spend every day telling him about his godfather and telling him just how much he had loved him.
The ringing of her phone startled her. She looked at the screen before answer it. Her stomach dropped.
“Soph?” Layla climbed out of bed and tiptoed to the hall.
“Hi. Did I wake you?”
“No. I can’t sleep. Have you heard anything?” Layla paced.
“Jena called about an hour ago. He was still holding on. Andi is still there. My heart just breaks for her.” Sophie sniffed. “How is Ryan? We’re so worried about him.”
“He’s finally asleep. He’s hardly slept in a week. I’m worried he’s going to run himself into the ground and get sick.” Layla stopped pacing and looked out the back door at the pool. She smiled remembering all the times Kevin came over and made it his mission to splash her or pull her in behind him. He had taken baby Kevin for his very first float around the pool just a little over a week ago. His smile had been contagious. She could almost hear his laugh echo through the house. “Do you think there’s a chance Kevin will pull through this?”
Sophie sighed. “I hope so, Lay.
I know what Andi is going through. When Mark was in the ICU, I didn’t want to leave. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. Ryan and Kevin made me go home because it was so early in my pregnancy. I remember Kevin used to drag me home and tuck me in and then keep watch until I fell asleep. I hated every second I wasn’t there. I had nightmares and was terrified he was going to die. I was just waiting for it to happen. Knowing she’s going through the same thing makes me wish I could rescue her.”
“Maybe Kevin will rescue her. I haven’t wanted to say anything because I don’t want anyone to think I’m crazy. I just don’t want to believe that he won’t pull through this. He is a gigantic pain in the ass. If anyone can pull through it, it’s him.”
Layla laughed. “Thanks for letting me say that. I know you won’t judge me. I don’t dare say anything to Ryan. He’s so devastated.”
Sophie looked at her watch. “I should go try to get some sleep. I’ll call you if I hear anything. If you hear first, call me right away. I love you, Lay.”
“I love you too, Baby sister. Get some sleep.”
Steve pushed the guest room door open. Moonlight
streamed through the window, lighting the room just enough. Lily was curled into a ball in the middle of the bed. Her tiny body shook with her quiet tears.
He set his jacket on the chair and kicked his shoes off. She scooted over to the side of the bed to make room for him. He laid down next to her. “You ok?”
She nodded her head. “Thank you for coming. I had no right to ask you to.”
Steve smiled. “You didn’t ask. I offered. You needed a friend, here I am.”
“Can you hold me?”
“Come here.” Steve held his arms open and Lily climbed into them. “I promise that everything is going to be ok. I
know it may not seem like it. I think that there’s a reason for all of this. You just have to have some faith in that.”
Lily laid her head on his chest. “You’re a good guy, Steve. Amber was stupid. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“She broke my heart but I think someday I’ll be glad it happened. I don’t picture my life with anyone anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever let anyone in like I did her. The only thing I tell myself every day is that I’m glad I found out when I did. I can’t imagine if I had married her and found out after.” Steve rubbed Lily’s back. “Nothing was ever easy with her. She was gone so much. If she was home, she couldn’t just sit with me and relax. I had so much anxiety and I didn’t even realize it.”
“Don’t say you’ll never let someone in again. That would be a shame.” Lily yawned.
“Sleep, Lil. I’ll stay. Just get some sleep.” Steve waited until she was asleep before he shut his eyes. He felt so at peace. It was a feeling he hadn’t had in a very long time.
Jena pulled the curtain back and smiled. Andi was sound asleep, body wrapped around Kevin, looking more at peace than she had seen her in while. She tip toed into the room and
checked his vitals. His oxygen level was up and his heart rate was stronger. She put the stethoscope to his chest and smiled. Dare she hope? She fastened the blood pressure cuff to his arm.
Andi stirred and opened her eyes. In a panic, she pulled back and watched the rise and fall of his chest.
“I can’t believe I fell asleep. What time is it?”
“You needed it.” Jena whispered, putting the stethoscope back around her neck. “It’s just after seven. I have a patient up here so I thought I’d check on you both.”
Andi put her head back on his chest. “I was so scared he’d go in the middle of the night and I’d be sleeping.”
“I’m not going to say anything to get your hopes up.” Jena handed her the stethoscope. “I’ll leave that with you in case you want to listen for yourself.”
Andi’s eyes widened when she heard his heart beat. She looked at the monitors and then back and Kevin. Grabbing the cuff, she refastened it to his arm and took his blood pressure. Her grin was contagious. “I was praying for his comfort. Now I’m praying for a miracle.”
Jena nodded and stepped from the room. She wanted to call Caleb, Ryan, everyone. But she knew she needed to be realistic.
Until he was awake, she wouldn’t believe he was better.