Tara (18 page)

She hated this. Hated
feeling
this. These useless fucking emotions. Where was all of her well-practiced detachment when she needed it so badly? Why was
he
able to get under her skin like this?

“Tara?”

“Just shut up! It doesn’t matter what they do, Alaric! I don’t care what they do!” She shouted and wiped at her eyes again, her voice muffled as she spoke against her hands. “I'm never even there when they… They don't
matter
, they don't mean anything to me.” She sat up, reaching over to grab his phone so she could throw it hard at his chest. It bounced off and he didn’t even reach for it, his expression full of shock and confusion. Memories of him watching her play the violin, of wanting to buy it for her, of dancing with her, smiling and kissing her – they all flashed inside her and it made her choke on a sob again. “
You
matter, you - you fucking idiot, you
asshole
, you –”

“Tara! I was only trying to get you to react, to show
some
kind of reaction, to be
honest
about what you’re feeling. I would never actually -”

She leaned forward and slapped him. Hard. His cheek turned bright red, but he didn’t even twitch as he swallowed slowly and looked back at her. Her rage picked up where the other, unnamed torrent of emotions left off. “So you do
this
?!”

“I
never
-”

“You pinned me down Alaric, you -”

“I would NEVER have hurt you!” His eyes were blazing, intently focused on hers, begging her to believe him.

And as much as she wanted to hit him again for dredging up those memories, for getting behind her defenses so easily – she did. She believed him. Tara growled, shoving her hair back from her face as she glared at him. “You’re a bastard. Why do
I
have to be honest and you can keep pretending?”

“Pretending what?” His anger flared again for a moment, his voice a little louder.

“Pretending that you’re okay with the lives you take for money! Pretending that you’re okay with all that blood on your hands just because Luca saved you!”

He huffed out a laugh and knocked his head back against the headboard, his jaw rigid. “You’ve killed people too, Tara.”

“I’ve killed men on a battlefield after they had the opportunity to surrender, and I’ve killed men who tried to hurt me. That’s different, and don’t change the subject.”

“This is my job.”

“THIS IS MY LIFE,” she screamed. “And I don’t get to just choose a different one, you can!”

“Would you choose a different one?” He asked, his voice quiet.

“Would
you
?” She turned his question around on him, and he sat still for a moment. His hazel eyes flicked towards the window and then bounced around the room as he thought, his forehead bunched together.

Then, suddenly, his eyes snapped back to hers with determination. “For you… yes. I would.”

Tara was stunned. Those words burrowed inside her in a way she wished they wouldn’t, because there was no room for what those words meant. No room to even think about what they meant, but he could still change. Leave this entire mess behind, leave Luca behind, and live. She nodded and then forced herself to meet his gaze steadily. “Then do it.”

“I will if you want me to.”

“I do.”

“Then I will.” He threw his hands up and then dragged them down his face, groaning into his hands before he dropped them into his lap. “I’ll choose. So, what about you?”

Tara shook her head, sighing. “I already told you, I don’t get to choose.”

“What if I
let
you choose? What if I didn’t take you to him tomorrow?” Alaric’s eyes grew bright as he spoke, and she could already see the wheels turning in his head.

“No. You can’t do that.” She leaned forward trying to stop the idea from forming, but he was already animated, thinking aloud.

“I’ll return the money. I don’t need it anyway. I can take you somewhere.
Anywhere
.” He smiled, and she felt an ache in her chest, because this was exactly what she had wanted to avoid. There were no heroes in her world, no rescues. She wasn’t a damsel in distress, and he wasn’t a white knight. Even if he were, knights that went up against gods ended up as piles of dust. Alaric caught her gaze, pleading, “We can do this. You can
choose
, Tara.”

“You’re already being hunted by one group, you want to add another to your enemy list?” She laughed bitterly. “How about a whole
lot
of enemies? Don’t be stupid.”

“You’re worth it.”

She shook her head, hiding her face in her palms.
Stupid mortal, stupid stupid mortal.
He had no idea just how many lives she’d ruined, how many people had died just because they’d been near her. She was toxic, dangerous. She wasn’t worth anything. “Trust me, Alaric. No. I'm not.”

He gently pulled her hands from her face, cradling her wrists in his hands as he brushed his thumbs over her skin. “Yes, Tara, you are.” His eyes came up to meet hers then, and she saw it. The same look Leonidas used to give her, that soul crushing, heart-rending look of pure dedication. He’d already made his choice – and it was her.

Damn the gods, and damn herself for what she was about to do.

She ignored all of her reasoning and logic and lunged forward and kissed him, holding his face so that he had to look into her eyes when she pulled back. “You don't know what you’re saying.”

“I do.
You
are worth anything they would throw at me.” He smiled slightly, leaning forward a little with her hands still on his cheeks.

“You’re being an idiot right now, you know that, right? This isn’t fixable.” She couldn’t resist kissing him again. Kissing someone who wanted her to be herself, who viewed her as a real person, who wanted her to be something she could never be –
free
. Opening her mouth she deepened the kiss. She felt their tongues meet, and this time she wrapped her arms around his neck. The moan vibrated against her lips from deep in his chest and she climbed onto his lap, landing her knees on either side of him.

Alaric broke the kiss, his hands landing lightly on her waist. “If you want to stay with me, if you’re willing to, I will kill anyone who comes for you, Tara. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“You don’t need to take any more lives. And I don’t want you risking yourself for me. Plus, I could kill them faster than you anyway.” She grinned when he lifted his eyebrows, a brash laugh escaping him.

“Cocky, aren’t you?” Leaning forward he trailed kisses up her neck before letting his lips brush the shell of her ear. “Trust me, if they had someone who could do what I do, they’d have used them. Instead they came to me. Because I’m the best.”

“You have so much
pride
.” Laughter bubbled up and out of her, and he laughed too.

“Like you don’t?” Those lips found hers again and she melted against him, feeling the electric hum from their make out session the night before return. He cared about her. Too much. But it was how much he cared that made it impossible for her
not
to. It made detaching a futile effort.

“Shh…” She smiled against his mouth. “Just kiss me, okay?”

The kiss continued for a moment, but then he stopped it. “Wait, so does this mean you want to stay with me? You don’t have to, I mean… you can do whatever you like.”
Vulnerable
. That’s what he sounded like, and it made her heart skip a beat.

Choices, choices, choices.

Death all around them, guns in a bag at the end of the bed, bloody linens piled in the living room, and an untold number of people coming for them – and he wanted to know if
she
wanted to stay.

He should be the one running in the opposite direction.

The selfish truth was that she wanted to stay with him, she wanted to have him look at her like this every day. She wanted to care about something,
someone
again. “I want you,” she whispered.

“Tara, we don’t have to -”

“Stop. I wanted you last night, and I still do. I want you like this, fully present, both of us.” Reaching down she entwined their hands, and she felt a smile tug at her lips again as he squeezed. Then he lifted her chin with his other hand so their eyes met again, and in his she saw something real. In his eyes she
felt
real.

“No detaching.” There was that vulnerability again in his voice, and she nodded.

“No detaching, I promise. I’m here. I
want
to be here.” She kissed him softly and then leaned back to pull her ruined shirt off, tossing it to the floor.

His breath caught, and his fingers lightly traced her waist as he looked her over. “Bloody hell, you're incredible, Tara.”

“You don’t need to compliment me, I’m already in bed with you.” Her grin couldn’t be stifled, and he looked up at her with a wicked smile.

“I thought we were telling the truth?”

She laughed. “You’re
so
smooth.”

“Now who’s complimenting who?” He winked, and she rolled her eyes, but then he turned serious. “I want you, too. I want
you
, Tara. You and everything that comes with you. Gods and goddesses and whatever army they want to send after you.”

“By all the gods, you are an idiot.” Soothing the insult with another kiss she grinned and leaned back to tug at his shirt, and he reached down to unbutton it, ripping it off as soon as he finished. His undershirt came next, and then there was only hard muscle under her hands, her fingertips tracing before she followed the path of her fingers with her mouth. Tasting his skin between nipping kisses that had him hissing breath between his teeth. She was hungry for him, and the firm grip on her hips as he pulled her hard towards him told her he felt the same way. The hard press of his cock only echoed it as his hands snuck behind her to unclasp her bra with a flick of his hand.

Too many clothes, too much fabric separating them. Reaching between their bodies she tugged at his belt until it came free, and as his zipper slid down she could already feel the hard flesh underneath straining against his boxers. “Naked,” she said before she kissed him again, her breath coming in pants as heat pooled between her thighs, “you should be naked.”

Alaric grinned and kissed her harder as he lifted her from his lap to leave her on the bed. Standing up he was unabashed as he dropped his pants and boxers to the floor, and Tara knew immediately where she wanted to taste him next. A pearl of precum was already at the head of his cock, but when she reached forward he grinned and stepped back stroking himself slowly. “You too, beautiful.”

With a groan Tara unzipped her skirt and then laid back to tug it down, but he quickly stepped forward and helped her slide it and her underwear free of her legs. Just as she moved to sit up he grabbed her behind the knees and yanked her to the edge of the bed. “Alaric!” She yelped, but he just smiled up at her as he dropped to his knees and nipped at the inside of her thigh.

Oh hell.

“Yes?” His voice was like the purr of a big cat, low and rumbling, and –
fuck
. A single swipe of his tongue up her slit had her arching off the bed, and then he tucked his arms under her thighs to hold her in place as he really got to work. Long, languid licks had her cursing as her hips strained for more, because the tip of his tongue would only just brush her clit before he started back at the beginning. It was a vicious tease, a cruel taunt, but he had her gasping and moaning as fire licked up her spine. Tara wound her hands in her hair, groaning as he dipped his tongue inside her and dragged her wetness up towards the bundle of nerves that sent tingles rushing through her.

“
Please
,” she begged, her hips bucking as he purposefully flicked his tongue directly over where he knew she wanted him.

“Please what?” He asked with a soft laugh, nibbling her lips and then shifting to place warm, wet kisses on the insides of her thighs – pointedly moving
away
from what she was obviously begging for.

“Alaric!” She groaned and leaned up on her elbows to look down at him. He was beyond handsome, his eyes flashing with a teasing playfulness she hadn’t seen from him before.

“Is this what you want?” He licked her again, slowly, holding her gaze as he let his tongue linger and she tried to lift her hips against him, but he held her still. “Where do you want me, beautiful?”

Tara reached for his hair, but stopped short, her hand freezing in the air. He smiled up at her and caught her wrist, pulling her the rest of the way to tangle her fingers in the silk of his hair.

“You can touch me, Tara. You can do whatever you want.” His words made her swallow hard, emotion surprising her as it rushed to the surface, but he saved her from having to reply by returning his devious tongue to her pussy. Alaric was skilled, even as he seemed to purposefully avoid her clit, the heat between her thighs was growing, and she wanted to pull him to the right spot so she could end the torment, but she’d never been allowed. Never been able to work for her own pleasure, only reaching it by happy accident, a surprise.