Tarnished Honor (9 page)

“Forgive me, love. Did I hurt ye?”

Her throat tightened as she gazed into the face she had grown to love. It pained her heart to realize that he had pu
r
chased her…like a prized steed. Tears sprung to her swo
l
len eyes.

“Nay, my lord. Twas nae your touch that has hurt me. Kenning that I am naught more than an item to be pu
r
chased…that is what pains my heart. That makes me nae better than a whore!”

“Do nae say such words! I will nae abide it…even from your lips!
” Connall bellowed. “Ye are my wife! I would have paid
any
bride price for ye.”

“Apparently ye did! Tell me,
my lord,
how long must I please ye in your bed afore ye have your coinage’s worth? A year? Two? I wish to ken when my debt is paid!” Her voice grew shrill as she became more agitated.

Connall stood there clenching his jaw. His eyes grew dark as she questioned him.
Was his honor not tarnished enough by doing the deed? Why must she make him feel even dirtier than he already did? If he could have courted her at the time then he would have. There had been no time for it. He had to choose honor or her. He had chosen the latter. If she could not understand his sacrifice then
there was nothing more to say.

“Return with Robbie to Halkirk. I have a despicable dog to kill.” He stalked off to his horse
and mounted, gi
v
ing instructions to his men. While they set the dog to Ross’s scent, he stared at Brighde with pain-filled eyes. Then he and the collie rode off.

She fought back her tears as Robbie set her before him. He had overheard their argument…all of the men had. They rode the three leagues in silence back to the castle.

* * *

* * *

Connall returned two days later empty-handed. He was tired, dirty and hungry.
Robbie took one look at him and knew that his search had been fruitless.

“How does
Fergus
fare?”

“Twas nae a serious wound. He will be well soon enough.”

“And my wife?”

“She is well enough, my lord…as far as I can tell. She has nae left her chambers since we arrived. Only mistress Amy has been permitted an audience. She was very upset about her injuries and has taken over her care. She is a lass to be proud of, Connall.”

He smiled wearily as he nodded agreement. The Earl ate his meal in silence then glanced at Robbie. “Did I make the wrong choice, Robbie? Was bedding her the only way? My thoughts hound me daily about
denting my honor but I can nae ken of a better way to have done it. How can I make this right betwixt us when I can nae even settle my own conscience?” He ran his hand through his tangled hair in frustration.

His captain peered thoughtfully at the laird. His rugged face appeared strained. Before him was a man who had never had his integrity questioned. Connall had been virt
u
ous to a fault, but now…by the one act, he questions his own intentions at every turn. It was not healthy.

“I do nae ken, my lord. What ye did for my lady was the most
worthy
choice. Ye just have to
accept it as true
.”

Connall rose to retire for his bath and some sleep. “Aye, I ken it. But saying it and believing it are two very different things.”

She was asleep when he entered their chambers.
He had no wish to disturb her so he undressed quietly and sank into the warm water. The heat released the tension in his muscles as he soaked for a few minutes before seeing to the task of cleaning the filth from his body. There was still blood on him from the battle of two days before.

His thoughts drifted to Stephen as he dried himself b
e
fore the fire. How did he elude me? And where did he go? I found the steed he had taken and run to death. It should have been easier for the dog to track him. After some sleep, I will search again.
His trail seemed to circle Halkirk. He peered at Brighde. Connall was certain that Ross had no intention of leaving without her. He would post more guards before he resumed his search. With that decided, he crawled under the covers pulling her into his arms. He was asleep within moments.

The next morn, when Brighde awoke in his
embrace
,
she basked in his warmth. It was not long before she r
e
membered why she was angry with him though. He had no integrity. The flames of her ire spread as she remembered the purchase. Dressing quickly, she had almost made it to the door.

“Do I so disgust ye, my lady that ye must run from me?”

Her hand froze on the latch. “Nay, tis nae that. I thought to leave your presence afore my ire got the better of my tongue.”

Connall growled in frustration. “What can I say to make this better, wife? Should I have left ye to your fate? Ye ken
what that would have been like...
do ye nae?”

Anger surged to the surface. Her aqua eyes flashed fire.
“Aye…I ken. It still does nae excuse your behavior! Ye did nae have to wed me in that manner. The healer would have told my uncle whatever I asked her to! Would ye appreciate it if someone purchased ye with the same i
n
tentions?”

A snarl rose to his lips. “How was I supposed to ken that the healer would lie for ye? Do ye think lying is more honorable than what I did? To me it is just as despicable!”

“Aha! So ye agree that what ye did was despicable
!
”

The Earl’s mouth dropped open in astonishment. “Ye twist my meaning, woman!” he roared in frustration.

“It is what ye said! There was nae word twisting i
n
volved!”

Enough was enough! He clamped his mouth tight as he glared at her while donning his clothes. Rising to leave, he decided to inform her of his intentions.

“I will be gone for a while as I still have nae found Ross. Ye would be wise to use the time to settle your mind on this matter. Hindsight will nae change a thing.
We are wed and we shall remain so.” With that said, Connall strode to the bailey to join his men and rode off.

Brighde paced in her room until she cooled her anger and then proceeded to the great hall to break her fast. Ro
b
bie joined her a short time later, grabbing a mug of ale b
e
fore he sat.

The silence between them was palpable. He bit his tongue to try to
prevent
himself from interfering.
It was no use as he kept glancing at his lady from the corner of his eye. He could see the anger in her face.

“My lady…your ire toward Connall is unwarranted, if I do say so myself. I was there when this all came about. He had n
ae
other choice.”

“Nae other choice
? I ken one choice he had…he could have talked to me. We could have found a solution toget
h
er.”

“Are ye saying that ye would nae have wed the Earl? Ye regret this
decision
?”

Brighde stared at him as his words sunk in. Of course she would still have wed him. She loved him. The circu
m
stances are what bothered her. “Nay Robbie, I would wish to be wed to nae other.”

He nodded in understanding. “Have ye seen my lord be dishonorable in any of his dealings since we returned home?”

She shook her head as she
contemplated
what he was saying.

“I tell ye true, my lady. Connall struggled mightily with his
resolution
. He
has never had reason for anyone to doubt his virtue, including himself. He is very principled on what is right and what is wrong. That is why he did it. He was certain that what your uncle planned was wrong but the only way for him to correct the problem was to take Ross’ place. Believe me…there
was
nae other
option
. He had to make a decision that day…to either save ye or save his peace of mind. Now he struggles daily with doubts of his
worthiness
. Tis close to pushing him past his endurance.
He wonders if he chose this path because he was smitten with ye or…because it was the right thing to do.”

Brighde’s eyes widened at the revelation. Connall was smitten with her from the start? Could he possibly love her? Private moments together flashed through her mind. A ce
r
tain look. A secret caress when he thought her asleep. The look of pain in his eyes when she discovered the truth.

Robbie shook his head sadly. “Ye ken the tragedy of it all is that regardless of which he chose to act on…his co
n
science would still haunt him. There simply was nae clear honorable choice
,
so he decided he would save your life. Twas the lesser of two evils. Do ye ken what I am saying my lady?”

Her fist covered her mouth to stifle a sob. “I have mi
s
judged him! How can I fix this? There must be a way to ease his suffering.”

Judging her sincerity, he nodded. “I believe
that if ye forgive him this one transgression, he will be able to fo
r
give himself, as well.”

“Aye Robbie, I ken ye are right. Has anyone ever told ye how wise ye are?”

He chuckled. “I have heard that a time or two.”

“I must go speak with him now! Do ye ken where he went?”

His eyes widened in alarm. “Nay my lady! Ye are fo
r
bidden to leave the castle walls! Do ye forget what he is doing this day?”

Forbidden? Her spine stiffened at the word. How dare Connall forbid her to do anything!
Well we will just see about that!
Smiling innocently at the captain she acqu
i
esced. “Very well…but please inform me as soon as my husband returns.”

* * *

Brighde glanced
anxiously
at the thickening grey clouds for the third time since she had left Halkirk. A storm was brewing and it promised to be a big one. She inhaled deeply, recognizing the smell of snow on the cold wind whipping about her.

Perhaps she should turn back. She was only two hours from the castle gates. No. She was determined to set things right between her and Connall.
With a nervous laugh
, she recalled how easily she had slipped past the guard…on a horse, no less! He barely, glanced her way. She would have to sp
eak with her husband about that
as well.

Peering at the lowering sky, she realized that she was on a fool’s errand. Brighde was not even certain that she was traveling in the right direction. He could be anywhere out here.

The hairs on the back of her neck prickled as she sensed eyes boring into her. Brighde urged her mount to a quicker pace as she darted several looks back. The mare quivered nervously, spooked by something. Wolves pe
r
haps? She had nae considered that.

The steed suddenly reared
when a large brown mass darted
before her, whinnying in terror. Brighde screamed as she lost her hold, falling to the frozen ground. She lay u
n
moving, the wind knocked out of her, as she heard a man swear an oath.

Connall leapt from his horse
as
he swore. His heart thundered in his chest
fearing
his wife had been harmed. He turned her over carefully with trembling hands, drea
d
ing the worst. Running his hands over her limbs he could feel no injuries. Brighde’s aqua eyes stared back at him when he glanced at her
battered
face
.

“Are ye enjoying yourself
,
husband?” A wide grin beamed up at him.

“That depends. Are ye hurt?”

Her hand shot to her stomach instinctively, then shook her head. “Nay. All is well.”

Grinning broadly, he replied, “Then ‘aye’, I am enjo
y
ing myself immensely.” His green eyes sparkled with mi
s
chief as he bent to kiss her soft lips. It had not passed his notice that she had reached for her stomach. It could only mean one thing. Connall frowned as he pulled away from her.
“What are ye doing out here…and alone?”

“Oh! I had to speak with ye.”

“Could it have nae waited until my return, wife? Tis nae safe out here alone…especially since I have nae dealt with Ross yet.”

“Nay husband. It could nae wait.”

Connall smiled
affectionately
at his beautiful wife. His eyes did not see the bruising when he gazed upon her. Thinking that she was going to inform him of a bairn
he waited for her to speak.

“I came to tell ye that I forgive ye. I had a long talk with Robbie
—”

“Robbie? Just what are ye forgiving me about?”

Confused at his questions, she tried again. “For the choice ye made when we wed. Robbie made me see that between the picks ye had…the one ye chose was best…and I forgive ye, Connall. I am truly glad that we wed.” Brighde’s eyes rounded. “
I do nae blame ye for that eve considering your other option and …I wish for ye to stop blaming yourself. Ye did the only honorable thing that ye could.”

Connall was stunned. This was not what he thought she was going to say. He glanced at her flat stomach, a bit disappointed. Realizing that she was waiting for a response he cleared his thickening throat. “Ye honor me, wife.” His eyes locked with hers. “I thank ye for your understanding. It was a difficult decision. If there had been any other way…”

“Why do ye look so disappointed, Connall? I do truly understand now.”

Feeling a bit foolish, he replied, “I thought ye came to tell me of a bairn.”

“Oh that! Aye, I am increasing.” She said it in passing like ‘it looks like rain’.

“Ye are certain?”

Smiling joyfully, she nodded. “It should arrive in late spring…Mayday perhaps.”

He felt like shouting to the world this wondrous news. His heart pounded as he hugged her tightly.
A large white flake struck her nose. Then another…and another. Blac
k
sword swore an oath as he helped her atop her steed. They would never make it back to Halkirk in time. He took her on a short jaunt to an abandoned crofter’s cottage nearby, to wait out the storm.

Connall eyed the empty hut critically. It was run down but the roof still held. It would do for now.
Guiding her i
n
side, he spotted some peat stacked near the small hearth. Releasing
Brighde
, he busied himself with starting a fire. They were both chilled from the building wind outside. Once it was burning well he spoke to her without looking.