Tears of the Broken (39 page)

My
shoulders lifted to my ears as my brow crumpled. I shook my head
and thrust them back as I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I mean
so much to you that you’re just going to leave?” Then, the fear
took over and turned this back into an anger-driven crusade. “Well,
let me tell you something, David Knight. You don’t know me.
I
can
walk away
from this. You don’t know what I’m capable of.” I don’t know what
I’m capable of. This is hurting more than it should.

“
So?
What? You have the strength to walk away, but not to stay and
fight?” His hands went back into his pockets and anger consumed his
face like a wood-carved mask.

“
Would it do any good? To Fight? And for what? For a guy who
loves me enough to leave me for my own good?”

“
You
have no idea how right you are,” his tone softened and he looked
down, shaking his head.

God,
could he make this any harder? “You beg me—” I said, calming my
tone, “—to stay until
you
have to go? But what can
I
do? What good would pleading do
me? Would you stay? Would it work on you?” I took a breath and
shook my head. “No. You’ve made up your mind—and I have made up
mine.”

Then, from somewhere deep inside me—a place I never knew
existed—I found a little brick, a solid object to hold on to—to
give me strength, to pull me away from him. I turned away, afraid
to look back in case my newfound resolve should slip.

“
What if I told you why?” David appeared beside me, faster
than humanly possible; his round, pained eyes
questioning.

“
How
did you—?”

“
I’m
not supposed to and it wouldn’t change anything—I still have to
leave. But, what if I just told you why?” His eyes searched mine
intently. “Would you stay with me—just a little longer?”

A
long moment passed while we stared into each other—David’s strong
grip on my arm the only thing keeping me from falling to pieces.
“Why?” I shook my head, trying to keep up with this new me, who was
slipping away as quickly as she came into being. “What does it
matter? You’re leaving and you already gave me the
it’s not you
speech, so
doesn’t that about cover it?” I shrugged, failing to hide my
hurt.

“
Ara, it isn’t like that.” He took a deep breath and released
my arm. “Look, I was up all night thinking about this
and…”

The
bell rang loudly from the building beside us, interrupting our
quarrel. He took my hand in his, and I could hardly remember why I
was mad at all.

“
I
realised that you’re more perceptive and a lot stronger than I
first gave you credit for. I—” He paused and looked down, but he
mustn’t have found his words on the grass, because he looked up at
me, confusion narrowing his eyes.

“
You
know what, David?” I shook my head. His fingers tried to grip mine
as I pulled them free and let out the breath I’d been holding. “You
don’t owe me any explanations. I do get it—really, I do. I’m too
tragic for you—too much trouble. Please, spare me the
lecture.”

“
Ara?” He reached for me again.

“
No.” I pulled away. “It’s okay. Whatever your reasons are,
they mean nothing to me, now. Do you get that? Nothing.” My words
were meant as an explanation, but they came across as a harsh
accusation in a weakened tone. I turned away again, determined not
to look back.

“
Ara?” he called.

I
shook my head.
Just leave me alone.
Please?

“
No.” His hand shot out, grabbed my arm and he spun me into
his chest. “I’m not going to let you go that easily.”

“
Well, you don’t have a choice.” Using the tops of my
forearms, I pushed his hands off me. “Just like I
don’t.”

“
Maybe you
do
have a choice—maybe you just
wouldn’t like the other option,” he said
spitefully.

“
Yeah, well, maybe you should just do us both a favour and
leave now.” I turned away again and bit down on my own lip. Why did
I say that?

“
I just can’t make sense of you, girl.” He
appeared in front of me, blocking my path. I stepped around him—he
moved to the side and grabbed my arms again—pinning me to the spot.
“You
begged
me to
stay. You said you loved me. Were you lying to
me?”

The
wind brushed my hair into my eyes; I swiped it away and squinted
against the sun. “No.”

“
Then—” He dropped my arms, and his eyes became liquid with
confusion. “Why would you want me to leave?”

My
lips twisted up to hide the truth. “Because I don’t love
you…
anymore
,” I
lied, shaking my head.

Like
a cloud of white just fell from the sky, David went pale and his
lips fell softly apart, releasing only a short breath as he
stumbled back two steps, clutching his hand to his
heart.

I
wish I could fall to the ground or run away from this conflict.
I’ve never been good at fighting, and this is hurting David—that
much is clear. I never wanted to hurt him. I just wanted to stop
myself from getting hurt.

I
wish I’d never left the house. I wish I could take it all back and
start again. But life doesn’t give second chances when you keep
messing things up like I do. I’ve pushed him away, and now it’s
going to hurt when he’s gone—even more than it would’ve
before—because this time, I have no one to blame but
myself.

“
Ara. I…I don’t want to leave yet. This hurts me as much as it
hurts you,” he whispered so faintly I almost didn’t hear him. “I
really hope you don’t mean what you just said—” He looked up from
the ground and studied my face. “Ara?”

How
am I supposed to answer him? Of course I didn’t mean what I said.
But somehow, I also did. “Why? David, just tell me why you took me
to the lake. The kiss? Why did you do that to me when you
knew
we had to break
up?” No matter how hard I try, I just can’t fit the pieces
together.

David’s shoulders dropped and he let his arms hang loosely by
his side. “Because, despite what you may think, I lo—” He stopped
abruptly and looked over my shoulder.

“
What is it?” I turned around to see Ryan running toward us at
full speed.

Another cool brush of air swept my hair off my face and I
looked back at David; he closed his eyes, sinking back on his heels
a little, almost as if he were getting smaller.

Ryan
closed the gap quickly, puffing and panting—his face bright red.
“Ara, David?” Ryan said. “Thank God.” He walked over and put a hand
on David’s shoulder. “David,” he puffed, “I’m sorry man.” He shook
his head, trying to catch his breath. “Nathan, he—” But before he
could finish, David shrugged him off and walked, without a word, in
the direction of the school car park.

“
What? What happened?” I asked.

Ryan’s mouth hung open in shock as David, with a brisk, but
graceful stride, very uncharacteristically hurried away. We both
stood for a moment with nothing but the sound of Ryan’s laboured
breathing around us.

I
must’ve really hurt David. He would never be rude to someone like
that.

Ryan
studied my face—forcing me to hold my self-pitying tears a little
longer. “Nathan Rossi.” He put his hands on his hips as he breathed
in and out, folding over a little. “He passed away early this
morning.”

“
Oh
no!” I covered my mouth and watched as David leaped quickly over
the car-park wall and disappeared.

All
the pieces suddenly fit together; the sadness in his eyes when I
saw him across the road; his reluctance to break up with me when I
gave him an easy out. Oh God, what have I done? Clearly, he needed
a friend this morning—not a fight—not to break up with his
girlfriend. “Did David know?”

Ryan
shrugged. “He was closer to Nathan than the rest of us. Guess he
mighta got a call this morning. Didn’t he say anything?” He looked
back at me, and his brow pulled together.

I
rubbed my forehead, shaking my head at myself. “I never gave him
the chance.” Maybe I should run after him? “Do you think he’ll be
okay?”

Ryan
laughed, a small, humourless laugh. “I was gonna ask you the same
thing.

Chapter
Fourteen

Emily sat with her hands wedged under her knees, her legs
swinging over the edge of the stage, and a forced smile on her
lips. I wandered down the aisle silently, hugging my sheet music to
my chest—trying not to disturb her quiet speech. “If he was here
right now, he’d probably slap us on the shoulder and tell us to get
up—that the show must go on.” She sniffed and wiped her face softly
with a tissue. “I know it’s been a hard day, and in fact—” she
motioned around the room, “—most of us have gone home. But…Nathans
gone, and…I know this whole thing started out as a way to help his
mum with the hospital bills, but now she’s got a funeral bill on
top…of…that.” Her voice broke. Ryan leaped onto the stage and sat
beside her, wrapping his arm over her shoulder. “So,” she composed
herself, blinking a few times, “having said that, rehearsals will
continue and so will the show—as a memorial concert.”

“
But
we’re not doing it this week, right?” someone in the front row
asked.

Emily shook her head. “We don’t have to. Any votes on when we
should hold it?”

“
Yeah,” a boy said. “Weekend after next. The funeral’s this
Thursday, so…” he let his voice trail off.

Emily looked around at the rest of the group. “Everyone agree
with that?”

People shrugged or nodded. Emily looked at me and I smiled,
bringing one shoulder up to my ear.

“
Okay, so, two weekends from now. And we’ll need to draw up
new ticket sale signs—if you guys can take care of that?” She
nodded toward the Art students; they nodded back. “Okay. So, thanks
for coming, everybody, and…” she stood up, “let’s get this show on
the road.”

The
small group clapped their hands softly, and quietly murmured
between themselves. A violin started up on stage, and the others
tuned their instruments noisily in the front row of
seats.

Ryan, keeping his arm around Emily, walked her off the stage
and spoke quietly to her on the last step. She nodded, wiped her
face, then hugged him tightly and walked away.

“
Hey, Em,” I said, deliberately
avoiding
how are you
or
I’m sorry.

“
Hey, Ara. Where’s David?”

“
Didn’t Ryan tell you?” We slid into the end seats on the
front row.

“
Mm.
No. What happened?” Her eyes narrowed.

I
just shattered him to pieces. “He uh—he left school for the
day.”

“
Really?” She slid down in her seat and covered her eyes with
her fingertips. “I feel like such an idiot for crying at school. I
wish I’d left, too.”

“
Oh,
Em—don’t. It’s not silly at all. Hell, even I’ve done
it.”

“
Really?” She sat up a little.

“
Mm-hm.” I hugged my music sheets tighter and looked at the
performers on stage.

“
Well, why? Was someone mean to you?”

I
shrugged.

“
Who?”

“
Remember the theatrical kiss thing—with David?” How he saved
my dignity when those girls were mean to me in the
bathroom.

“
Oh,
yeah—Summer and that short girl she hangs around?”

“
Yeah.” I laughed; that girl is so much shorter than the
blonde one.

“
Summer was telling us the whole story, you know, that
afternoon.” Emily leaned back in her chair. “No one believed her,
though—about David kissing you. I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t told
me about it in History class.”

“
Why? Is it so hard to believe David would
kiss
me
?”

A
breathy laugh blew from Emily’s lips. “It wasn’t
that
we didn’t
believe—it was how Summer said he was doing it to stand up for you.
That
is
hard to
believe. David doesn’t stand up for anybody,” she added with a hint
of spite.

“
He
stood up for the Apple King, at lunch that day.”

“
Yeah, it seems you’ve unearthed a new David.” She looked down
at her hands and clicked her thumbnails together. “So—he went home,
huh?”

I
shrugged. I don’t know. How would I know where he’s
actually
gone? I don’t
even know where he lives. I mean, he could live in a prison cell or
a refuge for boys for all I know. “Do you think he’ll come back?” I
asked.

“
He
does this, you know?” She smiled sympathetically. “If things get
too…emotional, he takes off for a few days. But, he’ll be at the
funeral on Thursday. I’m sure you can speak to him
then.”

“
But, what if it wasn’t because of Nathan that he left? What
if it was for some other reason? Would he still come
back?”