Tell Me a Truth (The Story Series Book 5) (4 page)

T
he therapist’s
office was in a medical office park, a low-slung, non-descript kind of building. It was similar to the outside of the BDSM club Caleb and I once went to.

“This looks like—” I stopped myself.

“Like what?” Caleb shut off the Mercedes.

“A place we once went together.” I realized with a start that he might be alarmed to know the kind of kinky sex we’d shared, so I held back from saying anything more. Caleb had once told me that I was his wildest, most uninhibited lover, and I didn’t think it was proper to reveal the depth of our sexual past so soon after him arriving home. Maybe I’d talk it over with the therapist first.

“Hmm.” Caleb frowned and climbed out of the car.

The therapist’s name was Dr. David Santamaria, and his office was small and cozy, packed with Cubist art prints and glossy magazines and stained-glass lamps. There were two chairs and a brown leather loveseat. In the corner, an Irish setter lay atop a green dog bed.

“That’s Conan.” Dr. Santamaria pointed at the dog, who lifted his head drowsily, then fell back asleep. “I find him to be a soothing presence for clients, mostly because he naps a lot.”

I giggled out of nervousness. Yet I somehow felt almost instantly at home with all the clutter and the rust-colored dog. Caleb liked cleaner, more sterile environments, and I wondered if he felt uncomfortable among the haphazard stacks of books in the floor-to-ceiling shelves. Caleb kept his books alphabetized at home, and come to think of it, I’d let our shelves get unruly in the past nine months. I made a mental note to organize the bedroom bookcase.

I noticed Caleb looking around curiously, as if he’d landed on a different planet. I guess he had, in a way. The doctor talked of confidentiality and his treatment philosophy. As it turned out, he specialized in couples therapy. I wondered if Sarah and Laura had come here and, if so, why Sarah hadn’t told me.

I sank into the loveseat, and to my surprise, Caleb sat next to me instead of in the chair.

“So, Caleb, your medical doctor and I had a chance to chat a little about what happened to you. I’m aware of the situation, but would you like to let me know any more about it? While Emma’s here? Just to get the story off your chest. As a starting point?” The doctor was in his mid-fifties, with gray hair and an encouraging, kind smile.

This wasn’t so bad. My shoulders relaxed away from my ears.

Caleb blew out a breath. “All I can say is that I came to in a hospital in Brazil, speaking Portuguese. I was very hazy, foggy. I didn’t feel like myself or like anyone. After what seemed like a long time, I began to have memories of my childhood and my family. It was frightening as hell, honestly. And I was physically weak for many months because I guess I’d been hit by a car, on top of the problems with the malaria medication. They put me in a mental hospital of sorts, but it was also more of a halfway home. There wasn’t anywhere else to put me—they didn’t think I had any skills for a job, and I needed some monitoring because I hadn’t quite remembered how to do basic tasks, like cook. Eventually I gained my strength back and relearned things. It was like being a child again.”

I plucked a tissue out of a holder on an end table as I listened.

“Then it was as if my entire life came flooding back. I remembered my parents and my brother and sister. I remembered my name and what I did for a living. I remembered my wife, Tara, had died about two years before, and I had an inkling of an idea that my company was planning a development in Brazil. Of course, when I told my doctors this, they didn’t initially believe me. They thought I was hallucinating.”

The doctor exhaled and shook his head. “And how did you convince them? Your doctor here didn’t tell me any of this. We focused mostly on the pharmaceutical causes of your amnesia, the malaria medicine.”

“Yeah, thankfully, one of the younger doctors in the hospital had seen a similar situation once before, with a European backpacker who had suffered severe memory loss after taking a certain malaria medicine. He was the one who also did a lot of Internet searches and discovered that, indeed, I was missing.”

“Oh God!” I exclaimed.

“What?” Caleb looked alarmed.

“The last time I spoke with you. The last couple of times, right before you vanished. You said you had headaches, you didn’t feel well, and you thought you might have food poisoning. That was probably the malaria medicine.”

Caleb intertwined his hands and glanced at me. I sniffled. He angled his body closer to me and I was hoping he’d take my hand, but he didn’t. I rested my palm on the cushion space between us. Maybe he’d take the hint. I so wanted to comfort him, and yet, I held back as he continued to speak. Or maybe I wanted to comfort myself and didn’t think I deserved it, since I hadn’t been able to help him. Since I’d kissed his brother.

Guilt flaring within me, I shoved that thought out of my mind and concentrated on Caleb’s words.

“So while I remember nearly everything from my childhood, from high school, college and my twenties and most of my thirties, it appears I don’t recall the last few years. Which would be difficult enough, but knowing that I’d gotten married to Emma—” Caleb kept his hands resting on his thighs. “—and had a baby. God. That’s a lot to get used to in a matter of a few days.”

“Of course it is,” the doctor said. The way he spoke was noncommittal, non-threatening. I liked it.

Caleb sighed. “I’ve been talking to my family and looking through the scrapbooks and photo albums Emma has made. From everything I’ve gathered, we were perfect for each other.”

Dr. Santamaria turned to me. “Emma, what would you like to say? Would you say that’s accurate? How would you characterize your relationship before he left?”

I babbled and waved my hands around as I spoke, something I always did when I was nervous. “Our relationship was pretty perfect. We had an immediate connection from the second we met. And that connection was unbroken until…well, until now. I mean, we’d have little squabbles, about him working too much or expecting me or the housekeeper to pick up his stuff. He likes the house a certain way, I hate to clean. Normal stuff. But everything else between us was incredible. We’re soul mates.”

I caught him staring at me, and my heart shrank. Why couldn’t I read his expressions any longer? I quickly added, “We
were
soul mates. I’m hoping we still are. I don’t know anything anymore. I’ve been pretty depressed for months. Really depressed, my best friend says.”

Caleb looked at me with something akin to concern, and in his eyes, I saw a flash of the man I used to know. Decisive. Caring. Worried about me.

Caleb held up his index finger. “In my job as CEO of the King Group, I rely on facts and results. If something’s going well, if something’s profitable, we don’t tinker with it. We stay the course. Apparently at one time, I loved a woman and was happier than I’d ever been. And that woman was Emma. So I’d like to see how I can get back to that place. That’s what makes sense to me now.”

“I want us to be what we were,” I cried.

Dr. Santamaria interjected gently. “It’s obvious that Emma still has those feelings for you and is willing to try to work things out. So you’re both motivated, which is excellent. Many of my clients who come in, one or both of the parties aren’t particularly motivated to make the relationship a success.”

“I’ll bet you probably get more court-ordered clients than ones who lost their memories from malaria medication,” Caleb said dryly. I giggled through my tears.

The doctor talked for a while about the mind and its elasticity. How memories can be false and slippery and often created and recreated by the stories we tell ourselves over the years.

“And when love comes into the picture, that’s where things get interesting.” The corners of Dr. Santamaria eyes crinkled. “Being in love activates the same parts of your brain that certain drugs do, like cocaine or Ecstasy.”

I felt my face get warm. So that’s what had happened to Caleb and me. He was like a hit of Ecstasy to my brain.

“Makes sense,” I said.

Dr. Santamaria smiled and made a circle in the air with his finger. “So the pleasurable feelings of love release dopamine in the brain, like drugs. And brains need dopamine to make memories. It’s like a big, fat pleasure loop: you fall in love, the brain is rewarded by making dopamine, the dopamine causes you to make a memory.”

Caleb stroked his chin. “So, what you’re saying is, we need to make memories together to trigger the dopamine in our brains so we can fall in love again?”

“Yes, and there might be more. Maybe. Caleb, if dopamine is triggered in your brain by Emma, it’s possible your memories of her might return. It’s not guaranteed, but it’s worth a try.”

I sat on the edge of the sofa, excited. “Could we speed this process up with drugs?”

Dr. Santamaria tilted his head. “We could, and we might at a certain point. But I’d like to see how it might work organically. We don’t have to rush it. Let’s see what happens when the two of you have new experiences together, alone. And of course with your daughter, too.”

“So do things together as a family?” Caleb asked.

“Yes. Definitely. But I also have some ideas for you and Emma.”

“Like?” I asked.

“Well, first, I need to ask a question. And please forgive me for being so forthright, but this is such an acute case, I feel like total honesty is needed before we proceed. Caleb, I understand that you don’t think you know Emma. But are you attracted to her when you look at her? Sexually, I mean.”

Caleb looked at me, and a conspiratorial smile unfurled on his face, which made me giggle. I could swear he was flirting with me. He then turned back to the doctor. “Of course I am. After I walked into my condo and hugged my brother and sister, I saw her. I thought she was my brother’s girl and was damned envious, actually. I even wondered for a second how I’d seduce her away from him.”

I cleared my throat. An interesting urge, given everything that had happened between me and Colin and Colin and Tara. Like a damned soap opera.

Dr. Santamaria laughed. “Okay. Good. It would be much more difficult if you returned and felt no sexual attraction to Emma.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of strange. I’ve been staring at her and I get lost in her beauty.” Caleb’s eyes flashed at me. I shot him a wry grin. “And then I remember we’re married and I panic.”

My smile turned to a grimace. “You…panic?”

Caleb shrugged. “It makes me anxious not to know how I ended up here, with you. It has nothing to do with you as a person or how attractive I think you are or how charming you are. It’s disturbing not to have memories of you. Of my wife.”

My jaw dropped, but Dr. Santamaria held a hand out to stop me. “Emma, this is common with people with memory problems. He needs to work through this. The good news is, there’s a spark there.”

“I’m glad to hear there’s at least a spark.”

We all paused awkwardly. Another thought came to me. If Caleb wasn’t the same man mentally, had he also changed in other, more concrete ways?

“I have a question.”

The two men looked to me.

“Caleb, did the malaria medication affect you physically?”

He scowled. “Not really, no. I don’t think so. The car crash and being in the hospital made me weak, but I feel a lot stronger now. A little fatigued sometimes.”

“Maybe this isn’t appropriate to ask.” I pressed my hand to my chest.

Dr. Santamaria interjected. “There are no inappropriate questions here if they’re asked with love.”

I nodded and turned to Caleb. “So you’re still able to, um, become aroused?”

Caleb blinked, then grinned. “I don’t think that part of me has been affected at all.”

I nodded. “Good to know.”

The doctor laughed softly. “Getting those kinds of questions out of the way early is healthy. Good job, Emma. So here’s my plan. We’ll see each other weekly, but you have homework. Caleb, you say you’re going back to work, but I’d advise against doing so right now. Your business is running without you and can do so for the next several weeks if possible. You need to concentrate on your personal life, your family, your mental health. Maybe stay out of work for the rest of the year. During the holidays.”

Caleb made a
hmmm
noise, like he was unsure of the recommendation.

“Your homework in the next week is to touch. And to kiss. Fool around, if you want, like teenagers. If you feel comfortable.”

I stifled a grin. Warmth flared through my body.

“I want you to start tonight or tomorrow, if you want, by holding hands. Practice holding hands and also hugging.”

It made me gleeful, the idea of
practicing
with my husband. I caught Caleb’s eye, and he seemed enchanted and cast his eyes downward, as if he was a bit bashful because he could detect I was so thrilled by the idea.

“Tomorrow, I want you to kiss, but make it a chaste kiss. Then escalate from there. But—and this is important—I don’t want you to have sex this week. You can do as much as you both feel like, but no penetration. You two need to create a yearning for each other.”

“Well, he needs to create a yearning for me,” I blurted. “I already have a huge yearning for him.”

The two men looked at me with amused smiles.

“What?” I asked. “I tend to talk pretty openly about sex because I’m an erotica writer. Well,
was
an erotica writer. I haven’t written anything lately. I’m being honest about my desire.”

“And I’m glad you are, Emma. It will make therapy a lot easier. So, during the day, spend time together as a family. Take Charlotte out. And then at night…” His tone dropped and my skin prickled with anticipation. I cleared my throat and saw the corners of Caleb’s mouth quirk upward.

Dr. Santamaria continued. “At night, or whenever is convenient, like when Charlotte is taking a nap, the two of you are allowed to be intimate. But remember: not too intimate. And only if you feel comfortable.”

I suspected that the doctor knew exactly how intimate I wanted to be with my husband. I shifted in my seat, impatient. But this sounded
fun
.