Tell Me Something (The "Something" Series Book 1) (22 page)

He smirked and then turned to go into his office, forcing me to follow if I wanted to continue the conversation. “Yeah, it’s not relevant in the least that you recommended the same guy from the Bahamas to do a lingerie and wedding scene today.”

“Will and I are just friends, and I’m at ease with him, Josh. I’m sorry if today was rough for you to watch. It didn’t make me comfortable, either, if I’m being honest.”

“You know what? This isn’t the type of conversation I want to have in the office,” he said, grabbing his jacket.

My temper flared. “Right. So you can fuck in me in your office, but we can’t have this discussion. Why don’t we take it back to your apartment, then?”

Well, that earned me a glare. “Where is this coming from, Haylee?”

“Where is what coming from?”

“The hostility over things that we’ve already established as boundaries.”

Well, that was laughable. “You mean you set them as boundaries, and you started with the hostility. I’m merely returning it.”

“I was going to suggest going back to your place, but since you seem opposed to the idea, let’s discuss it here. So how many times have you been out with your friend Will?”

I didn’t appreciate his tone, but I had nothing to hide either. “I met him in the Bahamas over Thanksgiving weekend and again today. That’s it. How many times have you been out with Catherine?”

“What the fuck does she have to do with anything?”

My hands clenched with frustration. “Because you don’t tell me what plans you have or who you have them with. Tell me something. Do you have New Year’s Eve plans? Are you going out with anyone?”

He stood quiet, and I knew the answer.

“Catherine?”

“Are you guys discussing me now? I told you early on I value my privacy: in my apartment, in my life. You said you trusted me.”

“Trust is a two-way street. You shouldn’t care that Will was the model today because, again, we value privacy, and we don’t have the type of relationship where we tell each other who we are seeing or when so long as we aren’t sleeping with them.”

“It was one kiss, Haylee, and I’d had too much to drink. I was caught off guard last night so it took a moment, all right?”

He must have realized I had no idea what he was talking about when my faced drained of color.

“I didn’t even know you were out with her last night, let alone about any kissing,” I said quietly, watching his look of frustration.

“Look, last night was to make sure Catherine understood that we were friends, we will always just be friends.”

“Fine, maybe I should kiss Will and figure out if that’s what I want, too.”

Well, that did it. His eyes darkened and his mouth thinned. “First of all, you did kiss him today, several times, and secondly, so much for never wanting to make me jealous and play games, right?”

“I’m trying to catch up, Josh. So far I’ve seen you kissing one woman in the office lobby, and now I hear that you kissed another one last night. I like Will, and wouldn’t mind working together again.”

“So you want to kiss Will, to go out with him?”

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

“Which one: kiss or go out with?” His temper was building.

Instead of warning me to retreat, it was only pissing me off further.

“I don’t want to be made the fool. You’re out with all of these beautiful women, and I’m not going to sit at home waiting on your phone call or for you to come by. You didn’t even text me once over the Thanksgiving holiday. You call the shots, and I wait pathetically for them. I won’t be that girl.”

“God dammit, Haylee, you aren’t that girl. I thought we agreed to this, then you become friends with Catherine, and all of a sudden we’re fighting.”

“I don’t want to argue anymore with you, Josh.” I told myself it didn’t matter. Why was I expending energy over something with an expiration date anyhow? It was silly and almost pissed me off as much as he did.

He paced and then sighed. “Fine, no more fighting, Haylee. You know what? I think you should go out with Will.”

He moved closer to me and then crushed his mouth down on mine.

All of my frustration and emotions came to the surface as I met his hungry kiss with one of my own.

He nipped my lower lip and then held me with a fist in my hair. Dominance and hunger were coursing through his body, and I wanted all of it.

“See if he turns you on the way that I do,” he mumbled, unfastening my jeans and taking them down to my boots before frantically cupping my sex.

I whimpered, wanting more.

He massaged me with unrelenting fingers. “See if he makes you as drenched as I do, if you want his fingers inside of your tight pussy like this.”

Clenching down around his fingers, I heard the hiss of his breath. He turned me around abruptly, set my hands on his desk, and entered me from the back in one stroke. I savored the burn of not quite being all the way ready for him.

“See if you don’t wish it was me fucking you instead.”

I couldn’t talk, couldn’t do anything but meet his thrusts and enjoy this sweet torture he was inflicting on me. My body was on sensory overload as I felt him building.

“I want you to remember the feeling of me inside of you, Haylee.” He reached around for my clit, giving me the push I needed to have me coming at the same time he did.

We both stood there for what seemed eternity. Wincing as he withdrew, I heard the sound of him zipping up. I didn’t bother to turn around while I reached down for my panties and jeans and tugged them up.

His strong hands helped me, and then he embraced me from behind. “I told you I would never use sex as a weapon or punishment again, and I broke that promise,” he whispered quietly.

I turned and brushed his face briefly before crossing over to my purse. “It wasn’t punishment as much as it was angry sex.” I had in fact wanted it as much as he had. But again it highlighted that I was missing something. Sweet and tender wasn’t the way that Josh Singer did things. I pulled his gift out handing it over. “This is for you. It’s your Christmas gift. Have a good trip to Virginia tonight, all right?”

He looked at the package and then back at me. “So this is how we leave it?”

I swallowed hard. “I think we both need some time, Josh. This feels too complicated for a short-term relationship. I’ll see you when you get back. Merry Christmas.” I kissed him on the cheek and headed downstairs before he could see my tears.

I was numb while walking back to my apartment, half hoping Josh would delay his flight and spend the night with me instead. Stupid girl, I thought, letting myself into my apartment. Josh had never promised more and here I was disappointed that I had never asked for it.

A gold envelope with a red bow was placed on my kitchen counter and I knew it had to be from Josh. Opening it, I smiled at the first class ticket to Perth to see my family there. It was incredibly generous and thoughtful. I was tempted to call or text him but thought it better to focus on getting through the holiday and get a rein on my emotions before dealing with
us
.

It was Christmas Eve. I had things to do before I could barricade myself in my room and shut the world off. I made myself get up and shower and put on some makeup even though I didn’t want to. Then I went to the grocery store and laundromat before settling in to spend an hour composing Merry Christmas emails and sending text messages. It would make it easier if I didn’t have to respond to holiday messages asking how I was doing but instead preempted them.

I called my aunt and uncle, making an excuse that I’d left my iPad at home as to why I couldn’t face time. I put music on in the background in order to complete the lie that I was at a friend’s house so that I could make it short. My Aunt J sounded relieved that I was spending it with people, and we ended with laughs and a promise I would call her in a few days.

Finally, I thought, almost done. I fixed a bowl of cereal and took out the bottle of pills I hadn’t used since my breakdown. They were prescribed, and I could take up to two, but one was enough to put me out for eight to ten hours. I’d start with that.

My way of controlling the oncoming depression was to fast forward through the holidays and avoid it. Maybe it was a cop-out, but it sure as hell beat crying my eyes out and feeling sorry for myself.

I had about twenty minutes before the medicine took effect which I designated towards opening my mom’s gift and card. The card was incredibly sad. My mom had known she was dying when she wrote it and that we wouldn’t spend this Christmas together. It took three attempts before I finally got through it. God, how I missed my parents. Christmas wasn’t the same without my father, but now that both of them were gone, the pain was overwhelming.

After opening the box from my mother, it took a moment for me to realize what it was. The note with it confirmed that my mom had had the stone from her diamond engagement ring put into a bezel setting. She had told me she’d had to sell it to pay bills, and I figured I’d never see it again. I put the necklace on with trembling hands and buried my face in my pillow. Then I let the pill work its magic and floated off into a dreamless sleep.

I didn’t wake up until nine o’clock the next morning. The problem with the sleeping pills was that you didn’t wake up rested. Instead you felt groggy and lethargic. I took a few minutes to check my email, to which I had replies from quite a few people.

I had a text from Josh that simply said,
“Merry Christmas.”

I texted him back,
“Merry Christmas, Josh.”

And that was it. He was with his family. What else could I expect?

After taking a quick shower, I ate some popcorn, downed a Diet Coke, and then settled back into bed. This time I’d take two pills. I’d never taken the max before, but I wanted to sleep for as long as possible and not wake up in the middle of the night. I lay back down, hearing the buzz of my phone a short while later but not able to coherently figure out if it was a text or a call. Drifting, my last thought was that it would have to wait.

***

Was that Josh’s voice? I must have been either dreaming or hallucinating. So this is what two pills did to someone? I wondered what time it was, but I couldn’t bring myself to lift my eyes open to check. So heavy. Jesus, now I was hearing Rafael the door man’s voice while being carried. I mumbled in my sleep to a dreamed-up Josh and was back out.

The next thing I knew I had a light shining into each of my eyes. What the hell? And then a strange man’s voice and back to dreaming of Josh. My sheets felt extraordinarily soft, I thought, snuggling deeper into them and breathing in his scent. Never would I take two pills again; I was now dreaming of smells. Was someone saying my name?

“What?” I inquired, happy that the voices finally stopped. Then I heard my name again and felt a cool hand on my forehead and soft lips touching mine. Hmm, maybe I would take two pills always. I was kissing Josh, and suddenly I was snuggled up next to his hard body. Yes, definitely two pills from now on.

The third time I awoke I managed to open my eyes and then promptly closed them again because I must still be dreaming. This wasn’t my room. Let’s try this again. Right eye open, left eye open, still not it. What the hell? I moved into a seated position and rubbed my eyes. Definitely not my room.

This room was large and I couldn’t tell what time of day it was as the large windows on one side had blackout shades drawn. I glanced over to the other side and saw a small, sleek alarm clock and focused: one-thirty. Was it am or pm?

My hands felt the sheets and I realized it was de ja vu from my dream for they were the most luxuriously soft sheets I had ever felt. The bed was massive, and from what I could see, everything was gray and blue hues. I needed a light and fumbled on the table for one before giving up. Feeling along the wall, I finally found a switch and shielded my eyes as a reading light shown down from above the headboard.

Okay, that was progress and so was the fact that I was still in my oversized T-shirt and workout shorts. I swung my legs over the side and looked down at the hardwood floors that gleamed. I tried to get on my feet but was still too unsteady.

“Hello?” I called out in a croaky voice. I was relieved when Josh opened the door.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked quietly, sitting next to me on the bed and searching my face.

“Groggy, but otherwise fine. Where am I?”

“My bedroom.”

I laughed, thinking of the irony of finally being in his place only when passed out. “How did I get here?”

“I called Maria to find out which flight you were on, and she said you didn’t book through her. Then I called your old roommate, Angela, and she said she got an email that you were staying in New York and having dinner with Gina. I called Gina— You get the picture.”

Oh, my God. Covering my face in my hands, I felt ashamed beyond belief.

“Don’t worry. I smoothed it over by calling them back and letting them know I had misunderstood and you were in Northern California with family friends.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

He rubbed my back and sighed. “Haylee, what happened? Were you ever going out to California?”

Shaking my head, I tried to get a handle on the fact that I was beyond humiliated. “I just needed to be by myself. I didn’t want to go anywhere, but I also didn’t want everyone to worry about me. I hated to lie, but I needed to be alone.” I finally glanced at his face and realized what a mess I must look. “What time is it, what day?”

“It’s the twenty-sixth, and it’s one-thirty pm.”

“Well that’s good, then. First Christmas down.” I was trying to play it light and saw his temper the moment it ignited.

“Don’t you dare make light of it. Jesus, Haylee, I thought maybe you were trying to kill yourself. That maybe our argument coupled with the holidays might have pushed you over. I wasn’t there for you, and I should have been. Even my doctor who came to check on you said that with your history you should be talking with someone and shouldn’t have been left alone. I can’t believe I said the things I did to you right before the holidays. Once I found out you weren’t where you said you’d be and you didn’t answer your phone, I couldn’t get up here fast enough. I should have been your rock.”

My tears started falling.

Josh took a deep breath, sitting beside me and taking my hands.

I bit my lip and tried to explain. “I would never do that, even when I was in the darkest place. Please don’t put that on yourself. You did not sign on for that burden when you met me. You can’t be my rock; no one can. I have to learn to be my own rock.”

“That’s crap, Haylee. I can be your rock when you need it.”

“Rocks are permanent, Josh. And even if you think that your parents or your spouse are your rock, they leave you and you find out that they can’t be that any longer. I guess what I’m saying is nothing is permanent. Relying on other people for your happiness or to lift you up ends up disappointing you in the end.”

“That’s depressing,” he sighed.

Yeah, it kind of was. “I’m sorry I lied, but I couldn’t stand the thought of you feeling guilty, and here you are feeling it anyhow. I’m sorry you had to come up here and ruin your holiday plans, plus this wasn’t the way I’d wanted to see your apartment.”

“You didn’t ruin anything. I was calling Maria so that I could go out to California to see you. I missed you, and then I started feeling terrible about the way we left things.”

I put a finger to his lips. “No more guilt or feeling sorry for me, please. I’m not that fragile. I can stand you being angry or pissed off at me, but I can’t stand the thought of you feeling sorry or guilty, okay?”

He smiled and his hand drifted across my cheek. “How do you feel?”

“A little bit sleepy. I could probably crash another couple hours.” I yawned as if on cue.

“Well, we have plans, but you can sleep soon. I need you to shower and dress comfortable. Just pack your passport and whatever toiletry stuff you will need over the next few days.”

“What do you mean? Are we going to California?”

“No, unless you want to. I have another surprise in mind.”

“All right, but for the record this is not a
feel sorry for me
trip?”

He laughed. “Uh, no, it’s an
I want some alone time with my girlfriend
type trip, okay?” He kissed my forehead, and it made me smile like a loon. “You can use my shower. It’s a steam shower, might feel good.”

“Thanks, but I’ll get back to my place where my stuff is. I don’t want this to be the circumstance in which I see your place.”

He seemed to understand and took my arm, helping me out of bed and to walk steady through his bedroom door.

“What are you doing?” he asked, looking at me as I covered my eyes.

“I don’t want to see it yet,” I giggled and was unceremoniously tossed over his shoulder.

“Well, if I’m leading the blind, it is easier to simply carry you.”

He took me out his front door and into the hallway while I sneaked a small peek. His place was spacious and very gray and chrome with the windows floor-to-ceiling on the far wall. Closing my eyes again, I hoped there would be another opportunity to see it.

***

“All right, what do I pack?” I questioned, fresh from the shower and in a sweatshirt and the yoga pants he loved.

“Just your bath stuff.”

I stood with my hands on my hips. “Am I going to be naked the whole time?”

“Most of the time,” he retorted.

I went and put my arms around him and breathed in his scent. “We could start with a little preview.” My hands made their way down to his glorious ass which was wonderfully set off in jeans.

But his hands came around, taking both of mine and holding them in front of me. “As much as it pains me to turn that offer down, we have a plane to catch. Now throw some shampoo and a toothbrush in a bag, and let’s go.”

“I need underwear,” I chided, crossing to the drawer.

He moved to block my way. “Nope, you won’t need it.”

Hmm, all right. “How about a swimsuit? Or a dress or something?”

“Nope.”

“What about workout clothes? I’d like to go running.”

This at least got some consideration. “Fine, a pair of workout shorts, shoes, and a T-shirt. That’s it.”

I threw in my sports bra as well as a couple of pairs of underwear since I wasn’t going to run commando. Some hair stuff, makeup, and my hygiene kit—and I had my small duffle bag set to go. “All right, I’m packed.”

***

“Wake up, beautiful, we’re landing soon.”

We had boarded Josh’s private jet a few hours ago, and I had fallen asleep within minutes of take-off. Stretching, I smiled apologetically. “Sorry I wasn’t much company.”

“You’re fine. I had some business stuff to do anyhow, and now we can hopefully enjoy some work-free days.”

That sounded wonderful, and then panic set in. “Wait. I took off, and Nigel is out starting tomorrow with David’s surgery. I’m scheduled to be in the office.”

He just smiled. “I gave everyone the week off. It costs more to heat the place and turn on the lights than it would be worth. Plus, the boss is taking a real vacation for the first time in years, and if I need something, I know how to find you. I’ve already let Nigel know that you are on call all week. He has nothing to worry about.”

Well, then, I guess it was good to be the boss. “Sounds like you’ve thought of everything. It makes me feel kind of good that the boss is taking his first real vacation in years with me. Thank you.”

His hand squeezed mine, and a few minutes later we were on the ground. The sun had set, but I could tell from the balmy temperature and the shadows of palm trees, we were some place tropical. We descended the steps of the plane onto the tarmac. There Josh shook the hand of an older gentleman who loaded our bags into the back of a Jeep Wrangler.

I still wasn’t sure where we were, but gauging from the palm trees and warm, balmy air, we were on an island. The two men spoke for a few minutes, and then Josh came back with keys in his hand. “Shall we?”

We drove in the Jeep for about twenty-five minutes. I could tell that on one side was water and looked towards the road signs for any sort of clue.