Tell Me Something (The "Something" Series Book 1) (36 page)

He sighed heavily. “My ex got pregnant in the third year of our marriage. She didn’t tell me. I thought she’d gone away with her sister for a spa weekend but found the discharge instructions from the abortion a month later. I had the vasectomy shortly afterward and never told her.”

“How did she not notice the side effects?” I was shocked.

“Our sex life was basically nonexistent after I found out what she’d done. The handful of times we did, I just took the pill. She never noticed that I didn’t finish. A month after I filed for divorce, she came to me and told me she was pregnant.”

“And you told her about the vasectomy, I take it.”

“Yeah, I threw it in her face. She told me that it was my fault for making her cheat because I’d emotionally cut her off. She was crying and went down the stairs. The rest you know.”

“Do you really believe she was pregnant?” I had to ask.

“I didn’t at first, but the medical records became part of the divorce proceedings. She miscarried and blamed me. Anyhow, I don’t want to talk about that anymore. What happened is old news, like you said, and now you know all of it.”

“I imagine it wasn’t easy to tell me that, but it helps me understand your reaction a little bit better.”

“It doesn’t excuse it, though. I’m so sorry Haylee.”

“I’m sorry for not reaching out sooner.”

“I’d like to set up an OB appointment for you tomorrow after class if you’d let me. I’m worried about you and the baby.”

Yeah, I was too. “Okay. I have appointments with Dr. Mac this week at two o’clock but should be done by three.”

“Dr. Mac, as in Mark’s doctor?”

“Mark called him, and we spoke yesterday. Turns out you can’t just flip a switch on depression.” I smiled, recalling Josh’s exact words last year in San Francisco when I’d first told him about my plan to turn it off. “I’m working on my fears when it comes to long-term relationships. And I need to ensure I’m doing things the way I need to, instead of what I perceive my parents would have wanted. I need to get my shit straight before I have someone else relying on me.”

“It takes a lot of strength to talk to someone.”

“There is nothing strong about me right now, Josh, but I’ll get there eventually.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. It takes more courage to ask for help than to pretend like you don’t need it. Trust me, I know.” He stroked my face and took a shaky breath. “What do you think about me going with you for counseling? I mean, not tomorrow, but eventually. Work on things together.”

I was stunned. “You’d agree to do couples counseling?”

“You’re not the only one this baby is going to be relying on. It’s time I get my shit together, too.”

We took the train Wednesday afternoon back into New York City to get the test done. Even though I was confident about the result, I was still anxious to get this done and over.

During the week I’d had two more sessions with Dr. Mac and also my OB appointment. The tests at the obstetrician’s office revealed that I was six weeks along. We left with a sonogram picture and a pregnancy book. Josh had stayed the week and had become quite the food police, ensuring I was constantly eating or drinking something.

“How long do you think before we get the results of your test?” I whispered. We held hands and were just about to arrive at the station.

“I’m not sure. Today is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving weekend, so it may not be until Monday that we’d get the result, but I’ll ask them to expedite it.” Josh lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it.

“The sooner the better.”

“We don’t have to do this, Haylee.”

“No, we absolutely have to. I don’t want one little speck of a doubt.”

“I trust you,” he whispered, cupping my face.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat, knowing how hard it was for him to say that. “I believe you, Josh.” I let out a breath. “But we’re still going to get the test. It’s too important not to.”

His fingers brushed my face, and he thankfully changed the subject. “Did you want to find out the sex with the blood test in a few weeks?”

“I’d rather let it be a surprise. But you want to know, don’t you?”

He gave me a small smile. “I am good with whatever you want.”

***

“I thought we were going straight to your doctor’s office,” I queried, turning towards Josh. After the two-hour train ride, the car had met us at the train station in New York City and now had pulled up in front of his building.

“I thought the condo might be more conducive for getting a sample. Then I can take it down to the doctor’s office. They only require getting it within an hour.”

That made sense and sounded better than a sterile room. Walking inside, I was filled with nostalgia. I had barely made it past the hall when I’d stopped by last weekend and missed the happier times here.

“Not much has changed,” he voiced, watching me look around.

“I guess we should probably get on with it.” I turned towards him, anxious to get this done.

“Yeah. God, I never thought we’d ever be awkward about sex,” he muttered.

I smiled, feeling the same way. “Where is the cup?”

“Uh, it’s on the nightstand. I guess you could help me. Fuck, this is horrible.” He took a seat on the sofa and dropped his head in his hands.

Kneeling in front of him, I took his hands in mine. “Come on, it doesn’t have to be. Despite everything that has happened, I did miss you. It’s been too long.” Josh hadn’t made a move to do more than kiss me all week, and I hadn’t pushed it, needing his presence more than anything else over the last few days.

“Maybe we are putting too much pressure on this,” Josh suggested. “We could do it on Monday or maybe over the Christmas break, when we’ll have more time.”

Yeah, right. There was no way I was waiting any longer. “I have an idea,” I proposed. Taking his hand, I led him into his bedroom.

“And what would that be?” he asked.

I grinned. “I’m going to tie you up.”

He raised a brow, and his eyes looked wary.

“Come on, we’ve never done that, and it’s not like I’m going to leave you here tied to the bed.”

I could tell he was reluctant, but finally he undressed, never letting his eyes leave mine.

“Climb up on the bed,” I suggested.

“You like the thought of tying me up?”

“It’s kind of hot and turning me on,” I admitted. I didn’t reveal that last night I’d been searching on the Internet for ways to help him with this.

“There is nothing hot about doing this into a cup,” he protested.

After quickly peeling off my clothes, I stood there in nothing but my bra and panties. “How do you know? You could get to the point where you insist on this.”

He rolled his eyes but gave me a smile just the same.

I waited with a raised a brow until he complied with lying on the bed. Then, taking his robe belt, I leaned over with my breasts in his face to tie his hands to the headboard.

“You smell really good,” he groaned.

Smiling seductively, I went back to his closet and grabbed a silk tie.

“You aren’t tying my feet,” he warned, watching me sashay back towards him.

“You are right. I’m not, but I am going to blindfold you.” I could tell he was about to protest, so I sweetened the pot. “Please?”

He swallowed hard and then relented. “Okay.”

It meant a lot that he trusted me this way. I placed his clothes neatly by the end of the bed, knowing he’d have to go right after. Then I grabbed the cup out of the nightstand drawer, along with a bottle of lube and took both their tops off to make them readily available. I set them down on the bed within my reach and hoped I would remember to use them in the heat of the moment.

“I wish I could see you right now,” he voiced.

After shedding my bra and panties, I crawled up on top of his body. “How about you feel me instead?” My chest hovered over his face and he leaned up to take one of my nipples fully in his mouth, teasing it mercilessly. Moving down, I stroked his chest with my fingertips, letting little kisses follow.

“I missed you so fucking much, Haylee.”

“I missed you, too.” I slowly moved my body down the length of his, ensuring my wet sex rubbed against his skin, making him all too aware of my need.

“Oh, God, you’re so wet. I wish I could touch you. Put yourself on my face, Haylee,” he pleaded.

“Mm, maybe next time.”

He growled in protest, and I couldn’t help but grin.

I lined my wet sex up with his hardened length and gripped his shaft with my fist. Rubbing his tip between my swollen lips, I rocked my hips, coating him with my liquid desire.

He swelled even further in response. “Jesus,” he hissed, thrusting his hips up, searching for penetration.

Straddling his powerful thigh so that he could feel my wet center, I lowered my head and licked his shaft from tip to base. My tongue curled around his crown, and I loved hearing him groan in pleasure. Enclosing my lips around him, I coated his cock with saliva, stroking him with my mouth, and finally put him in the back of my throat. Increasing the pressure, I sucked in a rhythm and felt his hips arch in response.

I reached for the lube with one hand, coating my pinky finger with it. I wasn’t sure if he was going to like this or not, but when in Rome, I thought. I sucked harder and then slid my finger into his backside.

“Jesus Christ. Fuck, I’m coming,” he groaned, his entire body taut with his orgasm.

Thankful the cup was within reach, I grabbed it quickly and released him from my mouth, capturing as much as I could. Putting the cap on the sample, I set it to the side and then gave his tip a little kiss, regretful I’d been denied the enjoyment of tasting him. Lastly, I reached up and untied the blindfold.

“Well, aren’t you full of surprises?” he smirked.

I smiled in response, untied his hands, and then squealed when he immediately put me on my back, arms pinned above my head.

“I wish we had more time,” he whispered regretfully. His fingertips caressed the length of me, while his lips fluttered kisses down my breasts and stomach.

“Don’t you have to go?” I questioned, sucking in my breath as he nibbled at my waist.

“Oh, this won’t take long. I can tell you’re already half way there, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” I rasped, arching off the bed.

His mouth suddenly crashed down on my throbbing sex while his fingers invaded me completely. When he brought his index finger out and sucked on it savoring the taste, I almost convulsed.

“Do you know how much I missed the taste of you?” he confessed.

I could only quiver in response, watching him bury his face back into my center. He brought me to a climax, and then, unrelenting, he went for another.

“Josh—” My whole body tensed again, and then the wave hit me from top to bottom.

Raining gentle kisses on the inside of my thighs and grazing his mouth up to my breasts, he laid his head gently on my stomach and rubbed it with his hand.

“I guess I’d better go. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Kissing me with reverent tenderness, he reluctantly got off the bed, grabbed the cup, and left.

***

“Hi, beautiful.” His voice felt like a soft caress in my ear. Opening my eyes, I saw Josh was kneeling in front of me. I looked at my watch and realized two hours had passed since he’d left. I had taken a shower and then fallen asleep on his couch.

Stretching, I moved over, allowing him to wedge between me and the back of the sofa. His arms came tightly around me and squeezed.

“I’m going to find a way to make it up to you,” he sighed into my hair.

I turned around to search his face. “You got the results today?”

“Yes. My doctor was able to see low sperm count in the sample. He’ll send it out for more specific results, but he said it was pretty obvious that there were some.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, thank God that’s over.”

Stroking my face, he commented, “We have a lot of things to talk about.”

“First I need to get out of the initial trimester. Until thirteen weeks, the miscarriage rate is like fifty percent with first-time pregnancies.”

“What?” He looked immediately concerned.

“It’s nothing that can be prevented in most cases. That’s why most people don’t tell others they’re expecting until after the first trimester.”

“Jesus, that’s depressing. I had thought we’d tell my mom this weekend over Thanksgiving. That is, if you still will come. Or we could stay here for the weekend or go to the islands. Whatever sounds best for you.”

The fact that he was anxious to share the baby news with his mom made me happy. But he sounded so nervous that I wouldn’t want to visit his family. “As long as you’re there, I don’t care where we go.”

Pleasure filled his eyes, and he gave me a sweet kiss. “Right back at you.”

“I’ll be thirteen weeks closer to Christmas. We could tell her then.”

“Okay, yeah. So you’ll be able to finish out the year at Yale, right?”

“Yeah. I suppose I’m lucky with the timing. I should be due in June, and classes should be over the last week of May. I’ll have the summer for maternity leave.”

“I’m assuming you want to stay at Yale next year?”

“I guess that’s up for discussion. I could transfer to Columbia as I don’t want to keep you from seeing the baby every day. That is, assuming you’d want to. We should talk how much you want to be involved or uninvolved.”

“Of course I do, Haylee. I’m fully invested. I mean, we’ll get married, and the more I think about it, maybe New Haven would be a better place to have a baby. We can walk to parks and drive places. I don’t like the idea of raising a baby here in a penthouse in Manhattan. I know people do it all the time, but New Haven feels more like family. At least until you’re out of school.”

I had stopped listening after the word
married
. “Josh, wait a second. Back up. We’re not getting married.”

Looking at me funny, he sounded incredulous, “Of course we are getting married. We’re expecting a baby.”

“A lot of people have babies without being married. Plus, you always said that you would never get married again.”

“I said a lot of things that I’d like to take back. I want us to be a family, Haylee.”

The thought of living happily ever after as a family paralyzed me with a fear that I’d never felt before. The stakes had never been higher as I’d never wanted something so much. But I was so nervous about the health of the baby. In an effort to share my fears, I decided to come clean with Josh.

I took a deep breath. “Josh, I have to be honest and tell you that I’m really worried about the baby. I lost twelve pounds and took some sleeping pills during the first six weeks because I didn’t know I was pregnant. I fainted and was dehydrated. I didn’t take care of myself, and I feel just sick about it,” I confided in a whisper.

He caressed my face and kissed me softly. “Haylee, you had no clue. And I share in that responsibility by thinking I couldn’t get you pregnant and not being there for you.”

“So you see, talking marriage is a moot point until we get past the first trimester. After that, we can talk about the future.”

He stared at me for what seemed an eternity. “All right,” he agreed.