Tell Me You Do (26 page)

He didn’t want to tell her the truth—that he didn’t think his father would ever forgive him—but it was a different situation with Kelly’s ex and his sons. ‘Maybe there is.’ He even managed to sound convincing, but something else was worrying him, something her gabbled admission had made him think about.

He curled his arm around her and pulled her closer. ‘You’re okay now, right? All clear?’ He kept his voice light, but a chilly whirlpool started up in his stomach.

She nodded. He could feel her cheek moving against his chest and hear her hair swishing faintly.

‘Is that how you got through it all? You just kept fighting no matter what?’

‘Simple, but it worked. My sister-in-law says the Bradford stubbornness served me well. She says the cancer won’t dare to come back.’

There was that word. Cancer. Not something a person could hide from easily. It sent a shudder right through Jason to know it had invaded the warm body curled up against his. It made him think how fragile life was. And how strong Kelly must have been to defeat it. However, despite all her fighting
talk, he’d heard the way her voice had wavered ever so slightly when she’d said it.

‘What would you do if it did?’

She didn’t hesitate. ‘Fight it some more. I don’t have a choice. I can’t leave my boys on their own.’

She yawned against his chest.

‘They’re lucky to have someone like you,’ he told her. ‘Someone who’s in their corner no matter what,’ he whispered, almost so quietly that she couldn’t hear it. ‘Anybody would be lucky to have you on their side.’

He
was lucky to have her on his side. Because she was. She might tell him when he was being an idiot, but she didn’t judge him. She accepted him for who he was, good and bad.

She mumbled something and shifted her weight a little. It wasn’t long before the rhythm of her breathing slowed and her limbs, where they were draped across his, grew heavy.

So much for a night of fun.

But Jason realised he didn’t mind. The fun could come later. Right now he was content to have her warm body tucked up against his. For the first time in years he didn’t feel lonely, and he hadn’t even known he’d felt that way until she’d come along and shown him how empty his life had been.

Without her.

Not just plain empty, but empty without her.

If a thought like that had rattled round Jason’s head a couple of months ago, he’d have drowned it out with a rowdy night out or a hundred laps of the pool. But tonight he didn’t feel the usual chill that came when he feared a woman was getting too close, too serious.

Serious. That was an interesting word.

Hadn’t Kelly once told him that life sometimes made you take it seriously? At the time he’d thought she’d just been on a rant, but after her revelations tonight he understood exactly
what she meant. It came back to that C word. Cancer was not a thing that could be played with.

He sighed. Despite his promises to his HR manager, to Kelly and even to himself, a part of him had still been making a play for her. As the attraction between them had intensified, he hadn’t been able to help trying to win her round.

But now that he had her, he didn’t know what he was going to do about it.

Usually, he’d have just had the fling, let it run its course, no harm done. But what they were starting to feel for one another definitely went deeper than that, and he knew she felt it too—this sense of connection, this feeling that they didn’t need to hide from each other.

He also knew that he didn’t want to hurt her. She’d had too much of that already.

The problem was, he didn’t know if he had it in him to
not
hurt her, even if he tried. He seemed to have a gift for destroying anyone who came close. Which meant this thing between him and Kelly—it wasn’t a game anymore. And he had no idea what his next move should be.

I
T HAD BEEN
a long time since Kelly had been wrapped up in a man. Years. She’d forgotten how wonderful it felt to have all that strength curled protectively around her, how safe it made her feel, how … not alone. She lifted her head and pressed a silent kiss to Jason’s shoulder, careful not to wake him.

She took a moment to study him in the soft morning light. His lashes were long and dark against his cheeks and his mouth was relaxed out of that habitual naughty smirk. Somehow, instead of looking younger and more boyish while he slept, he seemed more solemn, more serious.

She found a huge smile creeping across her face and her insides lifted high and began to soar.

This wasn’t going to be just a fling, whatever she and Jason were starting, and she probably should be worried about that. A fling meant short, hot and walking away unscathed. More …? Well, that was a whole different kettle of fish. They wouldn’t be able to go back to the office and pretend it was business as usual, that was for sure. Even so, she hesitated to put a proper label on her feelings.

She laid her head back down on his chest and wriggled nearer to him. He made a small sleepy noise and pulled her closer, held her tighter. Kelly closed her eyes and prayed.

What in the world was she going to do?

She knew Jason was far more than the playboy, bad-boy
face he showed to the world. He was stronger, more determined. He
cared.
But that didn’t mean he didn’t have a lot of baggage that was going to make it difficult for him to settle down and commit. Until he worked through all of that, he’d always be tempted to blow everything off and walk away when times got tough. Just as he’d almost done with the Mercury shoes. Just as he’d done with his family.

Just as her ex-husband had done.

And she had two small boys at home who desperately needed stability, who she wouldn’t put through the trauma of seeing another man walk out of their life.

She closed her eyes, as if by doing so she could shut the truth out, and then she stole a few more moments in the warmth of Jason’s arms. Then, although it felt as if she were peeling herself away from him both physically and emotionally, she slid out of bed and went back to her own room to get dressed.

Jason stretched his palm and reached out, but all he found were cool sheets and an empty space. Kelly had gone. He rolled over and opened his eyes, took a few minutes to stare at the ceiling.

Well, that was a first. Spending the whole night curled around a woman and no one had gotten naked.

But he seemed to be doing a lot of things for the first time with Kelly. Like talking about things he normally kept buried. Like looking at how much he’d accomplished in the last few years instead of how little. Like not caring that he hadn’t made love to her while he’d had the chance.

Not that he didn’t want to. Hell, he really wanted to. But there was something different going on there too.

For the first time this wasn’t about winning or losing, the ultimate prize being to get a woman into his bed and keep her there as long as he liked—and not much beyond. He wanted
that for Kelly instead. He wanted to be with her when she was ready.

He threw the sheet back and got out of bed, then wandered, still in just his pyjama bottoms, into the living room of the suite. Kelly was already there in the tiny but luxurious kitchenette, humming to herself, and the smell of freshly brewed coffee curled towards him and filled his nostrils. She was dressed in her smartest office attire, ready to kick some business butt, but he couldn’t help seeing her with her hair loose and slightly tangled and that darn T-shirt slipping off one shoulder.

‘Coffee?’ she said and smiled at him.

‘Please.’

She turned and poured some into a cup. He crossed the room and slid his arms round her middle just as she was replacing the carafe. She paused for a moment, made sure it was securely back in place then turned in the circle of his arms to face him.

She didn’t need to say anything. It was written all over her face—the same twisting feeling that was turning him inside out. Was this real or just a strange dream? Perfect or just plain crazy? The beginning of something amazing or just another horrible mistake?

Neither of them knew.

And he understood where the problem lay. With him.

He leant in and kissed her. Softly at first, but it was impossible to keep it that way. Soon all thoughts of coffee while it was still hot were completely forgotten. But he couldn’t quite ignore the horrible sense of sadness building inside.

Kelly believed in him—professionally, at least. But she didn’t trust him not to break her heart.

And he didn’t judge her for that, because neither did he. He wished he could be the man she needed, but he wasn’t sure if he had it in him. Maybe one day, but now? That was a tall
order. And it wouldn’t be fair to her to make her wait, or use her as a guinea pig to see if he was ready yet.

The beeping of her phone on the counter interrupted them. Kelly gave him an apologetic smile. ‘I set a reminder for nine o’clock so we wouldn’t forget to call McGrath’s office the moment it opened.’

That was the reason for the trip, of course. So why did he resent that little electronic intrusion?

Kelly stepped out of his embrace and picked up her phone. Jason decided that he’d probably better go and get some clothes on. It was only fair if they were both properly dressed or properly undressed and, with things in their current limbo and a possible business meeting on the horizon, he regretfully acknowledged that the former was the sensible option.

When he emerged from the bedroom, straightening his tie, Kelly was off the phone and wearing a concerned expression.

‘What’s up? Wasn’t McGrath good to his word?’

She shook her head. ‘No, it’s not that … He’s asked us to meet him for brunch tomorrow.’

Jason grinned. ‘Well, that’s good, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, of course,’ she replied.

He turned and headed back towards his room, loosening his tie. ‘Better get out of these clothes, then… .’

He could feel the static electricity bristling from her, even though his back was turned.

‘Look, I know things got a little … friendly … last night, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to strip and come running whenever you call! I have a little pride, you know.’ Jason smiled to himself and tugged his tie from round his neck. His grin widened when he heard her mutter, ‘I hope… .’

He spun round and continued walking backwards in the direction of his room. ‘I meant that those aren’t the most practical clothes for sightseeing,’ he said. ‘Your feet will be a mass of blisters if you try it in those shoes.’

‘Sightseeing,’ she said, frowning, as if she’d never heard of the concept before.

‘You said you wanted to see New York. You said you wanted to catch up on lost
fun.
Now’s your chance—and with the most charming and knowledgeable guide in the five boroughs.’

She smiled despite herself. ‘You’re really big-headed, you know.’

‘So I’ve been told,’ he replied. ‘But it’s not being big-headed if it’s true.’

She just shook her head and headed off in the direction of her room. ‘Be back in five … no, make that ten,’ she yelled over her shoulder.

Jason just smiled and watched her go. They had one day. One day to live in the moment. They could suspend the issues facing them for that long, couldn’t they? No promises needed to be made in the next twenty-four hours.

Because there wasn’t anything else he wanted to do with this day but be with Kelly and give her the New York adventure she craved.

Breakfast consisted of the fluffiest pancakes imaginable, along with crispy bacon and maple syrup, all washed down with a couple of cups of hot, strong coffee in an old-fashioned diner that was everything she’d imagined a New York diner would be, including the waitress in the apron with her gum and notepad. She must have wondered why Kelly kept smiling at her, as if she was someone famous she’d always wanted to meet. And, in a way, she was. She’d been part of Kelly’s unspoken New York dream, and she’d been very happy to know that part had come true.

But as soon as they’d finished eating, Jason had whisked her out of the diner and into a cab and they’d headed downtown. First stop wasn’t any of the flashy homes of the investments
banks or even Ground Zero but the sidewalk outside an old-fashioned jewellers. Jason grinned as he took in the carved wood and glass Victorian window.

‘When I was small my grandfather used to bring me here.’ He glanced across at her. ‘He was the sort of man who always carried a pocket watch, and every so often his watch—which had belonged to his grandfather—would need some TLC, and he’d bring it here. I always used to think it was the coolest place.’

Kelly raised her eyebrows.

‘Because of this… .’ he said, and pointed to her feet.

Kelly jumped back. She hadn’t realised it but she’d been standing on a proper clock, with a white face and ornate black hands, sunken into the sidewalk and protected by a layer of thick, scuffed glass.

‘That
is
cool!’ She shook her head, marvelling at the idea.

Jason shrugged. ‘That’s New York City for you … always full of surprises.’ He reached for her hand. ‘Come on, I’ve got more of its hidden treasures to show you.’

And, before she knew it, they were in another cab, heading towards the Lower East Side. When they got out, she frowned. The neighbourhood wasn’t the smartest. Jason led her into a thin community park that must have run blocks and blocks. What kind of treasure could be found here? She really couldn’t guess.

But Kelly heard it before she saw it. Birdsong.

And not just the guttural cooing of city pigeons but trills and whistles and arching notes that made her chest squeeze. This tiny fenced-off section of the park was full of ornate bamboo cages, each housing painted-china feeding dishes and a colourful songbird. Larger cages sat on the ground, some with their white-cotton covers still draped over them; some hung from hooks strung on wire between metal posts. About twenty Chinese men, mostly of retirement age, milled
around, not really talking to each other but tending to their pets and enjoying the community of like-minded enthusiasts.

The birds were of all different sizes and colours. Some yellow and black, some shades of grey, some earthy green. What should have been a cacophony of different bird calls wove itself into a surprising and ever-changing symphony. It was magical.

‘Hua
mei.
Best bird here,’ the man standing nearby said, pointing towards his cage. ‘Best song. You listen …’

She peered into a cage hung at eye level, and a little brown bird stared back at her. It would have been the plainest of the bunch if not for a shocking blue-and-white outline to its eyes, trailing back from the corners as if it were wearing heavy eyeliner.

The little bird cocked its head, opened its mouth and began to sing. The only thing Kelly could think of doing was to close her eyes and listen. It was the most beautiful thing she’d ever heard. The song was full of chirps and chirrups and changes in pitch and direction. It sang as if its life depended on it, as if it couldn’t
not
sing. And the melody almost brought tears to her eyes for that very reason.

This morning, standing here in Sara Delano Roosevelt Park with Jason, was the first time in a long time that she’d felt that same sense of joy at living and breathing. And if Kelly could sing—which she couldn’t—she’d have been tempted to throw back her head and trill away with the birds.

‘I could stay here all day listening to them,’ she said, sighing.

Jason just grinned back at her. ‘I had a feeling you’d like it here, but we’ve got plenty more places to visit before the day is out.’ And he slid his hand into hers and laced his fingers between her own.

Kelly looked down at their joined hands and something hiccupped in her chest. This shouldn’t feel so right, should
it? This shouldn’t feel meant to be, as if their hands had been crafted to fit together this way. But she didn’t pull her hand from his as they spent almost half an hour wandering round the small sunken garden, listening to each of the birds in turn.

Eventually they ended up back beside the first cage. Kelly felt she needed to say goodbye to this little bird. The owner hadn’t been lying—it had the prettiest song of all of them, and she told him so.

‘All have unique song,’ he told her, ‘but they learn from other bird too.’ Then he leaned in close and whispered, ‘But
hua mei
don’t sing if unhappy.’

Kelly smiled softly. ‘Then your little bird must be the happiest here.’

He beamed back at her and nodded, and Kelly felt a pang in her chest as they walked away. She’d probably never get to see these birds again or talk to the old man. For some reason that made her incredibly sad.

But she couldn’t be sad for too long. Too many amazing things to see—an almost hidden statue of Lenin, of all people, high on the roof of an otherwise-ordinary apartment block, a wander through Greenwich Village, alive with bustling shops and cafés, drinking a pint-sized latte in a little coffee shop, just like in one of her favourite TV shows.

They kept heading north until they reached Central Park. Lunch was a hot dog with mustard—squirted on in a decorative fashion because the vendor liked the look of her, Jason said—and eaten sitting on a rock that poked out of the grass. It was perfect. So was half dozing on the grass, her head in his lap, cloud watching. Who knew that an elephant, a steam locomotive and a baby seal could all be found floating above the Manhattan skyline, completely unnoticed?

He took her up the Empire State Building. Not really a hidden treasure, he said, but still one of his favourite places in the city, even with the crowds on the observation deck elbowing
them in the ribs to get a better view or sticking their cameras through the strong wire mesh and trying not to drop them.

They rode on the subway. Not because it was essential to get to their next destination. Just because.

And they finished the afternoon off at the Children’s Centre in the public library, staring at the teddy bear inside a glass case that had been the inspiration for Winnie-the-Pooh, along with his battered and only-just-surviving friends. Because her boys might like to hear about it, Jason had said, but he knew the way to the little half-glazed room that housed the display without asking for directions and he smiled at the contents of the case with affection.