Temper (20 page)

He sounds happy about the whole thing.

I tense internally, knowing the anger will come, and I’ll have to make an effort to control it. The red wave rises inside me but subsides just as fast. I don’t have time to ponder the relative ease with which I controlled my temper because he’s talking again.

“It’s like the ship but different.”

“Aside from the fact everyone’s wearing gray?”

He doesn’t bite at my dig. “They made improvements.”

He’s looking at me like I should be able to reel them off but I’m struggling to shake the aftereffects of the doctor’s little demonstration. I keep wondering how far away he needs to be to do that to me and if he could flick a switch and take me back to that place of pain at any moment. I press my hands hard against my face and try to think. “Like the doors and the floor.”

“The doors are simple scanning tech but the floor is interesting. Keeps noise to a minimum and doesn’t conduct heat or electricity.”

“Wow.”

Obviously I don’t sound impressed enough because he glares. “You never know what might be useful to know. Anyway, you met Penny?”

“Who?”

“The nurse. Older but blond hair and some serious curves.”

He noticed her body. I didn’t. Basic male-female differences I guess, but I thought he’d have other priorities, all things considering. I mumble agreement.

He smirks and I look down. Can he read everything on my face?

“The lovely Penny,” he continues, and now I swear he’s playing it up, “is someone Toby directed me to speak to. I think they were more than friends while he was here, if you know what I mean.”

The questions in her eyes make sense now. She wasn’t curious about me as the person from the spaceship. She wanted to ask about Toby.

“And I care because?”

His hand under my chin jerks my head up. “You care because I’m using the very small amount of time I have to speak to you in some semblance of privacy to tell you about it. When she comes for you. Go with her.”

“Is that an order?”

But he’s already palming the door open and pushing me toward room number thirteen. The door slides open, and Rael is where I left her, curled on the bed, but the thick band on her chest is gone. Her shoulders move a little as she breathes, but she doesn’t turn at the sound of us entering. The hopelessness of her non-reaction sends a shaft of pain through my chest. Pain no less real than the one Doctor applied with such delight. First her parents left her and then I left her.

“Rael?”

She spins at the sound of my voice. “I thought you were never coming back.”

“I’m here now.”

“What’s with the tubes up your nose?” And then she’s glaring at Davyd. “What did you do to her?”

“Settle down, Runt,” he says, holding his hands in front of him in mock self-defense. “Unless you want to be bound again. Asher will be fine after some rest.”

She looks to me to confirm.

“I’m okay,” I say. It’s a stretch of the truth, but she doesn’t need to know that it’s taking everything in me not to curl up on that bed and drown in self-pity. The pain Doctor induced has gone from my body, leaving little more than shakes and exhaustion. The problem is my head won’t let go so easily.

Davyd helps me onto the other bed. There’s more food, and I resolve to eat it despite the lingering ache in my belly.

Without warning Davyd leans over and tugs on the tubes in my nose. They slurp free and I can’t muster embarrassment at the green snot clinging to their sides. With a wink and a grin, he leaves us alone, taking the wheelchair and the snot covered tubes with him. I won’t miss either. Besides, if this mysterious Penny is going to come any time soon, I’ll need to be able to stay on my own two feet.

“What happened to you?” Rael asks, interrupting my thoughts.

I pat the edge of the bed next to me and although she hesitates, she eventually sits.

“They asked me some questions.”

Her eyes widened. “They tortured you.”

I put my hand over my mouth pretending to cough. “We can’t talk in here.”

Rael shrugs and her lower lip trembles. “Why not? None of it matters anyway. We’re never ever getting out of here.”

I think it’s the first time she’s truly sounded like a child and her crossed arms and sagging shoulders make me want to give her a hug. So I do, without thinking about it.

I don’t know who’s more stiff and surprised. “Don’t give up,” I say into her ear.

She pulls away. I can’t be sure whether she heard me but I think there’s hope in her eyes again. Being stuck in here alone must have brought back the feelings of abandonment after her parents left. I want to make promises but I’m struggling to see a way out myself.

We’re underground in a Company facility with Davyd the betrayer as our only potential ally. Now is not the time for promises, but I refuse to give into despair.

Her nose wrinkles. “You smell bad.”

“Thanks.”

“No, seriously bad.”

“I understood you the first time.”

There’s not much else to say after that. I try to think of something to say to reassure Rael, but can’t think of anything she might believe. Instead I eat and drink and try not to think about the interrogation. My eyelids are heavy. I let them close. I’ll rest them for a second and then I’ll think of something to tell Rael.

It doesn’t take long for me to give in to the sleep my body craves.

***

I wake at the swish of the door opening.

The movement of the air and the faint steps across the floor force me away from the dream where I’m back on the mountain overlooking the camp, happy and safe in Samuai’s embrace. Although his hold felt suspiciously like Davyd’s arms after the interrogation.

I open my eyes. It’s Penny. The nurse Davyd assures me I can trust.

His voice echoes in my head.
“When she comes for you, go with her.”

I find my gaze drawn to her curves and hate that he can control me so easily. He’s right though, she’s got the kind of body that makes men take notice. There’s nothing in her face this time to suggest she has any special interest in me.

“I’ve been ordered to take you to the showers,” she says. She holds some clothes similar to those they gave me earlier.

“And not a moment too soon,” interjects Rael from the other bed.

I force myself upright. The lights have been dimmed. I have lost all sense of how long I’ve been here, but I’m guessing this must be the way the Company signals night time. For all I know the interrogation was days ago.

Stretching, I test my muscles but even the dull ache of before has faded. My brain, however, keeps wanting to return to the interrogation room.

“Now,” says Penny from near the door.

It’s not as though I enjoy my own stench but I can’t forget what I’ve seen. “No thanks.”

Penny frowns. “You don’t have a choice in the matter.”

I know Davyd said to trust her but … “I’ve seen the screens down the hall. I might be a prisoner, but I’m not going to willingly put on a late night show for some Company pervert.”

“There are no cameras in the actual showers.”

I notice she doesn’t correct my guess at the time. “You would say that, though. Wouldn’t you?” I argue.

Rael pinches her nose closed. “Please go.”

I hesitate. I don’t know if it’s because of what Davyd said or the sheer ordinariness of Penny, but I believe her. Still, I need all the information I can get my hands on. “I’ll go, but I have a condition.”

Penny’s cheek pinches, giving away her chewing on the inside. For the first time she’s unsure. “It depends, my power here is limited, as is our time together.”

That she’s willing to consider my request suggests she could be different than everyone else here. “Show me.”

“What?”

“The screens.”

I can almost see her thinking in the pinch of her mouth and flutter of her eyelashes. And then she nods. “Come now.”

This time I take the time to hug Rael before I leave. She makes a fuss of holding her breath at my smell, but when her arms go around my neck I hear her whisper. “I won’t give up.”

Those four little words keep me going despite having to let Penny bind my wrists. She’s almost apologetic as the band tightens. Out in the hallway, I have to breathe deep and hope the dread churning inside doesn’t show on my face.

I won’t give up.

Repeating Rael’s words over and over helps keep my mind from where I ended up last time I walked along this hallway.

“This way,” says Penny. “Hurry.”

As soon as we step out into the central space I see the guards in control of the screens are different to those who were here earlier today. Penny’s steps slow as we pass, and I scan the screens. I don’t need to confirm the lack of showers on show but I’m looking for something else. On the screen showing room thirteen Rael is lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, but I’m not checking on her either.

I’m looking for the interrogation room. I return to the top and scan down and across again. It’s not there. I’m sure of it, yet Davyd implied he saw the whole thing.

Where from?

I add the question to the billion I’m already needing answers for.

It turns out the shower room isn’t far from room thirteen. I’m not sure what excuse Penny would have used to cover the reason for our detour, but I’m glad we’re back in what’s become ‘my’ hallway. I try to match what I remember of the screen arrangement with what I’ve guessed of the layout. If I’m right, not many of the rooms along here are occupied. Is it because the Company are all healthy or to keep their people away from us?

Penny halts next to the door to let me go first.

I press my palm to the center and snatch it back as it moves under my touch. There’s another door a few feet away. This time I open the door with more confidence. And stop dead. Close on my heels, Penny collides with my back but I can’t spare her a glance.

We’re not alone.

“I thought I said I wasn’t going to put on a show.”

Davyd smirks. “You should really get over yourself. I’m not here to catch an eyeful, I’m here to talk.”

“There were no other options?”

“None.” Every wall is mirrored, and my suspicious face is reflected alongside his confident one. “The actual clean room is through there.” He points and grimaces. “I suggest you take advantage of it before we speak.”

At his nod, Penny leaves the clothes on a bench and exits back through the door, giving us privacy. Her obedience, just when I was starting to think she might be different, sends a strange disappointment through me. Sometimes I think I’m the only person impervious to Davyd’s spell. Other times I’m afraid I’m not, either.

I gather the clothes but turn back to him at the door to the shower stall. “What makes you so sure Penny can be trusted?”

“Are you jealous, Princess?”

“Of an old woman,” I ignore that I’m exaggerating massively, “who’s apparently crushing on Toby? I don’t think so.”

“Because you think she’s no competition?”

Surrounded by my reflection, it’s hard to avoid my present state. Not only do I reek but my hair is stuck to my head in greasy ringlets, and I don’t know what bodily fluids caused the stains on my jeans and singlet. But I’ve never wanted to be the Princess he keeps calling me. I read about princesses when I was a child, they were nothing more than the stuff of history and fairytales.

“Because there is no competition.”

I stride into the stall, leaving Davyd and his pretty, smirking face behind.

Alone at last, I press the switch for water and begin to strip off. First the jeans, still damp and reeking from the interrogation. I have to peel them from my legs, and I don’t examine them too closely before dropping them into a corner. Next is the bandage still on my arm from when I first woke here at Company headquarters. Loop, by loop I unwind the stretchy used-to-be-white material until my skin is bare and I can add it to the pile with the jeans.

When it’s off, there remains a black band around my wrist. I look for a clasp. There is none. I hold it up to the strip of light overhead. The air is already steaming up, thanks to the hot water. It’s difficult to see clearly. I trace the band with my fingertip. It’s one continuous piece, some blend of metal and plastic. I try to shake it free. It doesn’t move.

What the hell?

I pull harder, sliding my fingernail along the edge but there’s no gap or lip, the kind I’d expect to find. It’s fused to my skin.

It’s fused to my skin!

Davyd. Davyd must have known this was on me, winding around my arm like a snake of the Company’s making.

I throw open the shower stall door, uncaring that I’m wearing only a singlet and underwear. I close the distance to where he’s sitting, leaning against the tiled wall, in a few angry strides.

I lift my arm, waving the wristband in front of his face. “What the hell is this? Tell me. Fast.”

[Samuai]

I turn the corner, trudging into the darkness, happy to leave the soft glow of the camp behind. The dirt bike I stole is heavy to push, but needs to be silent for now. Soon, I’ll be far enough away from the sleeping tents that I can risk starting the bike. From there I hope it has enough gas to get me to the lookout.

I considered saying goodbye to Mother before I left, but I couldn’t look at her knowing what I know about what the Company has done. How can I meet her eyes when I know there’s something growing in her head? My scrawled note left on her front step in the dark will have to do for a farewell.

The note implied I’m chasing Asher. It was easy enough to write when a part of me wants to do exactly that, instead of looking for another ship. Everything would be better with her, and not only because she’s my best hope for the thing growing in my head, the thing that means I can’t trust my brain to stay true. Now it’s making me angry, but what next? If this is left to grow, I might lose myself completely.

Again.

But going to Asher would be something for me. It might be crazy, but knowing I’m on borrowed time makes every minute more significant. It makes the debts I have to repay a bigger burden than ever. Another ship would bring allies who could help bring the Company down. Vengeance for Zed and all of us who were imprisoned and experimented on. Another ship might have stores of the serum if Asher fails. It might be a way to make up for all I have done.