Tempt Me When the Sun Goes Down (24 page)

“I’ll be fine for a while yet.”

“Bye then.”  I thought about kissing him goodbye, but settled on a sort of half wave as I exited the caravan.  There was a light still on in Jakob’s trailer, and I knocked softly before opening the door, not wanting to wake him if he still slept.  I found him propped up, reading a dog-eared copy of
Great Expectations
. 

“I love that book,” I smiled, shutting the door behind me.

“I have never read it before,” he admitted.  “I’m not a great reader, never have been.  There always seems to be something better to do.”

“Or some
one
, I’m guessing,” I teased, smiling when the guilty look on his face confirmed my speculation.  “How are you feeling?”

“Tired, which is odd, because I am never tired.  Even when I sleep, it is usually a fatigue of the mind, not the body.  I feel as though I’ve aged a thousand years in a single night.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s only temporary.  A few more days and some steady feeding and I’m sure you’ll be breaking hearts in no time.”

“Don’t even joke about breaking hearts,” he groaned, his hand resting over his chest, and I laughed at his cheesy attempt at a joke. 

“I’m glad to see your sense of humor has healed at least,” I smiled, sitting down beside him.  “Listen, I wanted to say thanks again for coming through like that.  I think if it’d been me in your place, I would’ve been a goner.”

“As I said before, it was the least I could do, seeing as how I’m responsible for your plight.  I would have your forgiveness at any cost.”

“I’m just glad the cost wasn’t any higher,” I said, patting his hand lightly.  “And maybe you could do me one more favor?”

He picked up my hand, laying a kiss to the back of it.  “Anything, petal.  You have only to name it and it shall be done.”

“So I was thinking, maybe you could compel me to forget something.  Or not forget exactly, but to make it not bother me as much as it does.”

“You wish me to compel you?” Jakob gave a slow blink, as if having trouble processing the request.  “I thought you abhorred the loss of your will above all else.”

“In general that’s true, but in this specific instance, I think it might be what I need to move forward.”  I explained what I wanted in plenty of detail, making it clear that I wasn’t giving him carte blanche to overwrite my memories – I only wanted to be able to get intimate with Rob without those pesky feelings bubbling to the surface.  If I could get past his betrayal with Bridget, I felt sure we could make things work again. 

The irony didn’t escape me that I’d compelled Bridget to forget the exact same kind of behavior from Felix in the past.  In my mind, there was a big difference though.  Felix had acted like a pig without a second thought and Rob’s actions had been completely out of character. 

“Are you certain this is what you want, petal?”

“I am.”

His golden head tilted to one side, his blue stare penetrating.  “And Ulrik?  What of your feelings for him?  He led me to believe there was a rekindling of your affections.”

“With the curse broken, he’s with Carys now, I can’t get in the middle of that.”  No matter what I felt.  “Not that Rob’s a second choice for me,” I added quickly.  “I love him, this whole curse thing was proof enough of that.  I just need to let some things go.  And I have it on good authority that I shouldn’t drag this on for too much longer.  It’s best to leave the past in the past and focus on the future.”

“Very well, if that’s what you wish,” he agreed, sitting higher on the bed.  I felt it the second his will reached out for mine, without him having to say a single word.  In that moment I was his, my every breath attuned to his, every muscle in my body awaiting his command.  It made the kind of compulsion I practiced seem like a parlor trick. 

“There is no pain when you think back on your time with Rob, his act of betrayal is nothing to you.  I will add this… the heart is a strange thing, Anja.  It often wants what it cannot have.  I would have you suffer no pain for this.  There is no shame in loving another, even if they do not return your love.”

“What was that last part?  I blinked, coming out of it as he released me. 

“I merely do not wish you to suffer for unrequited love as I have.”

“Unrequited love?” I frowned.  “Who said anything about that?  I didn’t give you permission to add anything extra.  Take it back.”

“I would spare you the heartache, petal.  I see how you must suffer for Ulrik’s rejection.”

I couldn’t explain it, but I didn’t want him messing with any of my emotions where Bishop was involved.  If I felt rotten about his being with Carys, then that was that.  I didn’t want to be okay with it as though we’d never had anything between us – that was somehow worse. 

“No, that’s not what I asked you to do.  Whatever I feel or don’t feel belongs to me.  I only wanted you to make me not care that I walked in on Bridget and Rob.” 

“And I’ve seen to that.  But I can plainly see it pains you that Ulrik has chosen Carys over you.”

“He didn’t choose her
over
me, he just chose her, that’s all,” I insisted, feeling an overwhelming sense of ickiness because in that moment, it didn’t bother me at all – and I knew that wasn’t right.  “Bishop and I are friends, we’re good.  Just fix the Rob parts and put the rest of me back the way I was.” 

“As you wish,” he sighed.  “Your feelings for Ulrik are your own, and if it pains you that he has chosen Carys, so be it,” he replied in a bored voice.  “Will that do?”

I took a deep breath, feeling weird sitting there on his bed trying to explore my feelings to see what felt false and what didn’t.  The sting of Bishop’s involvement with Carys was back, and I clung to it like a drowning man clings to a piece of jagged wreckage in a storm – it hurt to hold close, but at least I knew I was alive. 

More importantly, the core of sadness I’d lived with about Rob had dissipated.  On an intellectual level I understood what he’d done, but it didn’t make me sick to my stomach any more to think about it.  I was free to love him and move on.

“Thanks, Jakob, I think that’s exactly what the doctor ordered,” I beamed, leaning down to kiss his smooth cheek.  “Get some rest, I’ll check on you at dusk.”

“I hope this is what you want it to be,
älskling
.  You have only to say the word and I will remove the compulsion.”

“I’ll remember that, thanks.”

I kept the confident smile on my face until I stepped out of the trailer.  What the heck was I doing?  When in the history of ever was it a good idea to invite someone to compel you?  I spotted Bishop and Carys slipping into another trailer, their hands all over one another, and I considered turning around and getting Jakob to add on that bit about not caring one way or the other about Bishop’s choices.  Then again, was that how I wanted to drift through the afterlife – with a numb heart?  He’d made his choices and I’d made mine.  It was time to move on. 

* * *

I snuck into the tiny caravan as quietly as I could, not wanting to wake Rob if he’d already drifted off, but his eyes were open as I slipped inside.  “Hi,” I whispered, irrationally feeling for a moment that he’d take one look at me and instantly know what I’d had Jakob do.  But Rob gave no sign that he picked up on anything amiss.  Why would he?  I was still me, just more accepting, that’s all.

“Hullo,” he answered back, his voice low and raspy.  “How’s himself?”

“Jakob seems to be doing better.  Still weak, but awake and lucid.”  And strong enough to successfully compel me, though I wasn’t about to admit to that.  Now seemed like a good a time as any to test whether or not it’d worked.  “Are you feeling tired now?”

“A bit.  I’ll budge over some, you can have the space by the wall so’s you don’t fall out of bed.”

“Thanks.”  I climbed over him, well aware of the way my body slid over his.  The space in the narrow bed was tight, and I had to tilt part of my body against his once I got to the other side of him. 

“Here, let me shift a bit.”  He rolled to his side, and so did I, leaving us pressed up against each other, nose to nose.  “Hullo,” he rumbled, his face inches from mine.

“Hi.”  My tongue darted out to moisten my lips, and his gaze dipped to follow the motion.  His tongue mimicked the action, and I suppressed the urge to chase after it.  His hand curled against my hip where it rested, the pad of his thumb stroking across the strip of exposed skin sending a current of desire through me. 

Rob cocked a single brow.  “It’s a bit early for you to go to bed, ain’t it?”

“It’s been a long night.”

“That’s the truth.  You tired then?”

“No, not especially.”

He went completely still as he took my meaning.  “The things you say…” he rumbled, leaning closer until an almost pained expression came over his face, his body going rigid and his thumb went still.  Before I could ask him what was wrong, he said, “Maybe I should take the chair after all, yeah?”  That famous self control kicking in.

It was what we’d agreed to, taking it slowly.  The rational part of my brain knew that was probably for the best.  I was riding on a runaway locomotive of emotions that night and I had no business stopping over for the night in Tastytown.  But Rob loved me and I loved him.  How could it be a bad decision to express that love, especially since I’d paved the way for it with Jakob’s compulsion?

“I trust you,” I said softly, relaxing, because it was finally true.  He’d never hurt me again, I knew that as surely as I knew the sun would rise and set. 

“I’m not so sure I deserve that trust.  I think…”

“Shh…”  I placed a finger across his lips.  “It’s time we both stopped wallowing around in what we think and started to feel again.”  I could tell there was more he wanted to say to that, but I silenced him with a kiss.  I was going to give him my whole heart, like Luca said, and that came with surrender.  First to Jakob and now to him. 

Rob felt that submission in the kiss and quickly took charge of it, wooing me away from any doubts.  There it was, that old feeling again.  Not just desire, but the comfort of his familiar touch, his unique taste that brought back a hundred memories.  He knew exactly how to make me forget everything outside of that trailer, where I liked to be kissed, the perfect touch to make me see stars. 

But where was my music?   

Where was that blissful communion that transcended words and became something beautiful in its own right when we came together?  Had Jakob’s compulsion failed me?  He’d been gravely injured, after all.  But it wasn’t the thing with Bridget keeping me from connecting to Rob on the next level, that wasn’t it at all.  I didn’t see them together when he touched me, and I when I forced myself to think of them together, the burning rage was missing.  So what was the problem?

“Something wrong?”  Rob looked down at me, his brows bunched together, and I wondered when he’d stopped kissing me, because I hadn’t even noticed. 

“No, why, what do you mean?” 

“You’ve gone all still, it’s a bit like kissing a fish.”

Because who didn’t find
that
attractive in a girl?  “I’m sorry,” I groaned, absolutely mortified.  “I’m just a little…”

“I understand,” he cut me off. 

“You do?” 
Could you explain it to me?

He brushed back a strand of hair from my forehead.  “We said we’d take it slow, so that’s what we’ll do then, yeah?”  Laying a kiss to the spot he’d cleared, he rolled onto his back, pulling me close to snuggle atop him.  “Get some sleep, things will look brighter on the morrow.”

Who would’ve thought it, Rob was an optimist in sheep’s clothing.  So much for him being a proper villain, as he liked to say.  “I’m sorry,” I tried to say again, but he gave a tired sigh, squeezing me tight. 

“It’s alright, Anja.  We’ve time enough to sort things out.  Let’s get some sleep, yeah?”

Only I couldn’t sleep. 

Rob stilled and I climbed over him, slipping my shoes back on and fixing the clothes that’d been half off before I did my impression of a dead trout for him.  The sun would be up soon, and I got it into my head that I wanted to watch it rise.  It’d sting, but I knew I could take it if I covered up enough and didn’t stay out for too long.  Besides, I craved that light and warmth, feeling the chill that October morning, despite my vampire resistance to the cold. 

Catching up a long knitted shawl, I wrapped it over my hair and around my face, until I’m sure I looked like an Eskimo bundled up against the cold.  Only then did I open the trailer door to sit on the step and watch the sky grow lighter. 

The party had died down, no more music, nothing but smoke coming from the banked coals in the campfires.  If I focused, I could hear the odd hushed conversation and the snores of the gypsies who’d sought their beds, even the soft cries of couples coming together with love.  I pulled my focus when I fancied I recognized one of those cries, even though that was probably ridiculous, and none of my business.  I was on the right path, moving on. 

That little voice inside that popped up from time to time was front and center, clamoring for my attention, demanding to know –
what the hell are you doing?

Trying to move on, to be happy, I answered simply.

By fighting your way past your doubts?  Genius plan.  I’m glad you’re the one in charge, not me.

I looked in to where Rob lay on the narrow bed, the sunlight streaming through the door leaving him untouched in the shadows.  “I love him,” I whispered, trying to slay those doubts.  

Keep telling yourself that. 

“I do.  The curse…”

You love him so much you had to ask Jakob to compel you to be okay with making out with him?

But if Jakob’s compulsion had really worked, where the heck were all these doubts coming from?  Why had I stopped myself from getting too close to him again? 

Tears pricked at my eyes, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the sting of the rising sun or the path I’d placed myself on. 
I love him
, I told myself.  I must love him, or he wouldn’t have been so affected by the curse.  A love like that could be nursed back to health again.  If I had to fight my way past a few doubts… well, he was worth fighting for.  He would’ve done the same for me, I was sure of that.  I felt better about it once I made that realization. 

So why was I sitting out on the stoop of a dilapidated old trailer as the sky grew brighter instead of snuggled up next to Rob?