Tempted Tigress (32 page)

"That was you."

She nodded, self-loathing like a lead weight in her stomach. "The gamble paid off. I did good work for him for almost ten years."

"But now you want him dead."

She nodded.

"Killing is no cure. You'll still be an addict. You'll still crave—"

"I know what I am!" she snapped. She abruptly stomped up to him, challenging him eye to eye. "It seems to me that you're the one who has forgotten. Are you the Emperor's Enforcer or not?"

He didn't answer at first, merely held her angry gaze with his own. Then he sighed, the sound world-weary enough to cut deep into her heart. "I was there that day in the Forbidden City."

"What?" She was startled as much by his sober tone as his change in topic.

"That day when the Empress imprisoned Guangxu, the Emperor. I wanted to see him. Right after the morning ceremonies, I intended to demand more men, more weapons, more..." He lifted his hands. "More power. As you said, I am only one man. I can only fight the tips of this monster. I cannot reach the heart." His hands dropped down, useless in his lap. "But it was already too late. Jing-Li and I tried, but..."

"The Empress had already taken control." Anna stepped forward. "But she supports your task. She hates the whites more than anyone. Surely she would give you what you want."

He shook his head. "All her attention is in Peking right now—on the threats against her and the politics between nations. She has no men to spare for me."

Anna slowly lowered to the bed as she thought what must have happened. "So your friend—the Emperor—was imprisoned, his mother busy consolidating her power, and that leaves you doing what? What you have always done?"

He nodded, but his eyes betrayed how useless he felt. She saw a desperation there, a need to do something more or nothing at all. She recognized the look and the feeling. It was what had finally led her to try to escape China. What little good she did at the mission did not make up for the damage she had caused. Better to leave all for good than do so little for Zhi-Gang's beleaguered country.

"Jing-Li and I needed to leave Peking, at least until the politics settled down."

"So the Enforcer went on another mission, this one to find a girl lost decades ago."

He nodded. "My sister."

Her breath froze in her throat. His
sister?
"She was sold..."

"Years ago. To pay for my education."

No wonder he held such anger, such raging fury at those who bartered opium for girls.

"Jing-Li and I would find her then leave China for good. All three of us."

"So you do not want to continue as the Enforcer," she realized.

"I wish to be done with the killing."

She shook her head, the knowledge crystallizing within her as she spoke. "No, That's not it. You wish to be done with
useless
killing. With striking at the runners and the buyers rather than the real problem—men like Samuel who set up the supply lines in the first place." She straightened in her enthusiasm, grabbing his hands as she tried to make him understand. "Finish what you started. Kill the head of this one monster. Kill Samuel and then run away with me. We can climb onto a boat and leave forever, you and me, your sister and Jing-Li."

She could see it all so clearly in her mind. But she had to finish things with Samuel. She had to end her ties to him forever or she would always be running from him. And Zhi-Gang would always feel as if his life as the Enforcer had been completely useless. She dropped down on her knees before him and pressed a kiss into his palms. "You need to keep fighting or you will end up like me: lost and alone with nothing to hold but opium dreams."

He remained silent a long time, his only comment in the gentle stroke of his thumb across her cheek. Then he leaned down and whispered into her ear. "I will do this, Anna. I will walk with you to meet this evil white man who so used you. I will pretend to be his buyer and then cut his heart out with all the skill in my arms."

Relief filled her body, but he did not let her speak. Instead, he stood up from the mattress to tower over her, his eyes dark, his expression intense. "But I will do this, Anna, not because it is my job or my sworn duty."

He fell silent, and Anna found she was holding her breath waiting for him to finish. In the end, she had to ask. "Then, why?" she whispered. "Why risk your life?"

"I do it for you, Anna. Because you asked, and because you think it will end your torment."

She lifted her chin, visions of spitting on her adopted father's dead body. "It will. It
will
bring me peace."

"No, little Anna. It will just bring you and me more blood." He sighed.

Anna would not be moved. "There is already blood, Zhi-Gang. With every shipment of opium, more of your people die. We will be ending the blood."

She could tell he didn't believe. He'd lost faith in what he did. And she of all people knew how helpless one man could be in stemming the opium tide. For every drug route he ended, five more would crop up in its place.

"One more death," she whispered, not even knowing if she spoke to him or to herself. "One more and then we can both be done. We can both leave this land and its stench behind."

He bent down and his lips claimed hers for a long, tender moment.

She changed the tenor of the kiss. She reached up and wrapped her arm around his neck; she opened her mouth to him and pressed her tongue against his teeth. He surrendered. He met her passion with fire. Soon they were wrapped around each other in a conflagration of hunger and desire.

It ended. They pulled apart with slow reluctance.

"I changed my mind," he said, as he dropped his forehead against hers. "I will kill your adopted father because it is my duty. And then I will put you on a boat to England. I will even wave from the dock as you leave my country forever."

"You won't come with me?" she asked in a small voice.

"No. I have a sworn duty, remember?"

"But you don't really believe in it anymore." It was odd, to know this man's thoughts and feelings. But she did. She always had. "You're tired, just like I am. You want it done with, just like I do."

He nodded. "But you are white and can leave. You should leave. This is not your country."

She felt her hands clench on his shoulders. She wanted to shake him, to make him see. "Why stay? Why fight against a foe you know will win—is winning? You can't fight this drug, Zhi-Gang. Not when everyone you try to protect works so hard against you."

He knew that. She could see it in his eyes, but he didn't say anything.

"Why, Zhi-Gang? Why do you feel so responsible for China? For the corruption that eats your country?"

His face was taut with a pain she did not understand.

"You atone for your sins in your way, and I shall see to mine."

She pulled back. "I don't understand."

He abruptly stepped away from her. "At least Jing-Li has found his purpose. He remains here to govern the province. Without an opium route, it will be hard work, but he wants to try."

"But what about leaving China? What about running from the Empress—"

He dismissed his plans with a shrug. "An opium fantasy. The Empress is too busy to worry about this backwater province. With the right bribes, Jing-Li can establish himself simply because he is already here."

She nodded. It made sense, but... "What about you?"

He spun on his heel. "Jing-Li is remaining here," he said over his shoulder. "To run the province and protect the widows. You and I will leave with Halfy and his men as soon as you are ready." Then he disappeared down the hallway.

Anna stood a moment before her knees gave way, slowly sinking to the mattress. She was dressed to leave, had nothing to pack and no good-byes to say. And yet, she still sat. She felt as if she had always been ready to leave. From her earliest childhood memories, she had longed to escape her surroundings, to fly far, far away. And yet, just now, she couldn't do more than sit and look at this chamber.

What things she had done here with Zhi-Gang. Fully aware, fully willing, she had explored their bodies to the furthest sexual extent. Well, she thought with a soft smile, perhaps not the furthest, but quite far. Quite far indeed. If ever there were a place she would stay awhile, ever a home she might rest happily inside without once thinking of opium or England or murdering fathers, this would be it. This place, this home, this province.

Except, of course, it wasn't this place that held her, it was Zhi-Gang: his tenderness, his sudden passions, his equally surprising understanding. When he looked at her, he saw more than anyone ever had. And in turn, she told him more than anyone else. It was Zhi-Gang she wanted to stay with, not this place. And it was he that she would leave when the time came.

The thought created a physical ache in her chest. With that ache came an automatic response—the longing for opium and forgetfulness. She hardened her heart against it. Pushing to her feet, she walked steadily to the door.

"I won't do it," she said to no one in particular. "I won't give up just because he doesn't want me." She walked out into the hallway. "I have a family in England who loves me. They want to know me. I know they do. I know it."

So saying, she picked up speed and ended up running down the hall. She couldn't wait to get to Shanghai and finally aboard a boat headed far, far away.

From Anna Marie Thompson's journal

June 3, 1886

Susanna is a bitch. A liar and a bitch! I didn't steal her necklace. I can have a dozen of them from Samuel if I want. Why would I want her stupid old crucifix? Or the chapel wine? I didn't take any of it, but they found it in my clothes. That, and dirty linen that smelled of wine. It's a lie, lie, lie! Created by that bitch, but no one will believe me. No one!

And so I left. I wasn't going to join Samuel just yet. I wanted to wait until I was bigger because some of his men aren't as nice as him. The nuns said I could stay another year, but with this now... I couldn't.

So I just walked out. They were going to expel me anyway. I heard them talking, so I just packed my bags and left before they threw me out in front of everyone as an example. That's what Mother Francis said. Throw me out at dinner as an example to everyone else.

No, I left first. I just packed my bag and walked out, and now I am free, free, free! It was the easiest thing in the world! No fight, no tears. I said good-bye to no one, and no one said good-bye to me. Janie will cry, I think. And Sarah. But all the tears will dry when I come back with presents. With big, beautiful, wonderful presents for all of them. When I am rich.

I went straight to Father, and he
has something arranged for me already. I am going on my first trip with Halfy, a simple run of only a couple days. And the funny thing is, I'm supposed to dress as a nun! Only missionaries are allowed inside China, so I will be a nun. And Halfy will be my acolyte, plus some other man who will protect the money. And we will visit a mandarin who is a regular, and I will be paid in gold!

Could I revive within me