Ten Things We Did (And Probably Shouldn't Have) (21 page)

“Your symptoms weren’t indicative of PID, so I wouldn’t be too concerned with permanent damage. But it’s a good thing you got tested.”

“It burned when I peed,” I said.

“Most people don’t get any symptoms,” she said.

Was I supposed to feel lucky? I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach.

The doorbell rang. My father. My father was here and I had chlamydia. Hi, Daddy! How are you? Good? Great! I’m fine too. Except for the chlamydia.

Chlamydia, chlamydia, chlamydia. Hard to spell, yes, also hard to say. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck chlamydia?

“April?” the doctor asked. “Can I get your pharmacy information so I can call in the prescription? It’s a one-day dose of antibiotics.”

“Yes. Um . . . can you send it to the Walgreens on Saugatuck?”

I heard footsteps above me. My father’s footsteps. I needed to go upstairs. I also needed pants. I turned off the water, and ran into my room.

“April?” Vi yelled. “Your dad and Penny are here!”

“Hi! Coming! I’ll be two seconds!”

“So I’ll see you in two weeks?” the doctor was saying. “And we’d like to see your boyfriend as soon as possible.”

“Yes. Great. Can I call back to schedule?” I spotted my jeans, tangled in my covers, and pulled them on.

What kind of girl takes off her jeans when she’s sleeping next to a guy who is not her boyfriend? Oh! A girl who gets chlamydia!

“Hey,” Hudson said. He was aiming for eye contact, but I wasn’t going to let that happen. No sirree. “You okay?”

“April,” the doctor continued. “I’m sorry you have to deal with this, but I’m glad we caught it.”

Caught it. Like a rat. I imagined a rat running through my body, gnawing on my ovaries. I wanted those antibiotics. Now. Hey, Dad, before breakfast can we make a pit stop for some rat poison?

After the doc and I hung up, Hudson reached for my arm. “April?”

“No, I’m not okay,” I said, now avoiding his touch as well as his eyes. I buttoned my jeans. “Did you hear that whole conversation?”

He didn’t answer.

Awesome. My cheeks burned. Urine and cheeks. Even awesomer. “Bet you’re counting your lucky stars that we didn’t hook up last night, huh?”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” he said.

I looked into my full-length mirror. There I was. I looked the same. No different than I had looked pre-chlamydia. Or at least pre-knowing I had it.

I needed to tie my hair back. It was a mess.

“It is a big deal,” I said. I picked up an elastic and pulled my hair into a ponytail. I turned to him. “Do I look diseased?”

We locked eyes. “No,” he said.

“Keep Donut quiet, ’kay?”

He nodded.

I hurried up the stairs and closed the door, praying my dad wouldn’t ask to see my room.

Game face. I definitely needed a game face. Even though all I could think was chlamydia, chlamydia, chlamydia. I had to stop the word from flashing through my head. I had to. I had to stop it. I had to stop it and I had to go say hello to my father and I had to hope that the house was clean and that my father did not see the evidence of last night’s party and that he would not realize that Vi’s mom didn’t live here or that we had lied to him or that I had chlamydia.

Because if he realized that I had chlamydia I would have to go to Ohio.

Yup, that I was sure of. He would not let me stay here if he knew that. He would not want me living in a pool of disease and grossness. He would want to protect me and love me and keep me safe and clean.

I blinked away tears. I could not cry now. I could not think about this now. I could not, I could not. I opened the door handle and burst into the living room.

“Hi, Dad,” I said.

THE VISIT

My dad and Penny had made themselves comfortable on the couch that twenty minutes earlier had been Brett’s bed, but they sprang up as I walked through the basement door.

“Happy birthday,” my dad said, hugging me to him. “I missed you.” He smelled like Dad. Warm, and musky.

“You too,” I murmured, and let my head rest against his shoulder. And then I thought, don’t get too close. I might be contagious. I pulled back. “Should we go?”

“Actually, we thought we’d wait for Suzanne to get out of the shower. Say hello.”

“I’ve never even met her!” Penny exclaimed, looking around. “Can you believe it?”

The shower. They thought Suzanne’s mom was in the shower. Why did they think that? I listened closely and indeed, the shower was running. What the hell? I gave Vi a look. Whoever had turned on the shower was a dead man. Or woman.

“She’s dying to meet you,” Vi said smoothly. “I hope she gets out soon. She takes ridiculously long showers. Let me go tell her you guys are here.” Vi disappeared down the hallway, closing the door.

I sat down across from them and smiled. “So,” I said. “You have a wedding tonight.”

“Yup,” Penny said. “Tricia’s wedding. Did you ever meet her? An old friend from work.”

“I was going to take the train in tomorrow to see you,” I said.

“I know, but we wanted to surprise you today,” my dad said.

“Right.” I forced a smile. “Who doesn’t like a good surprise?”

Vi reappeared. “My mom locked the door. So sorry. Hopefully she’ll be out soon.” Then she mouthed at me, “Dean. In shower.” She made a throat-slashing motion with her hand.

Fifteen minutes later the water was still running.

“You know what, Dad?” I said. “Why don’t you say hi to Suzanne when you drop me off? I’m sure she’ll be done by then.”

“Yeah,” Vi said, standing up. “That’s a better idea. She uses the shower as a steam and it can take forever. She thinks it makes her lose weight. Ha, ha, ha.”

Weight-loss obsessions. Must run in the family. I squeezed my eyes shut. Couldn’t worry about Vi now. Too many other things to worry about.

TABLE FOR FOUR (DAD, PENNY, ME . . . AND MY STD!)

My father’s and Penny’s mouths were moving, but I was having difficulty processing their words.

Hello. Hello. Chlamydia. Chlamydia. Question number one: How did I get you, chlamydia? From Noah. Obviously. Since he was the only person I’ve slept with. Wrong! The only person I had ever
had sex
with. These days, I
slept
with guys all the time. Ha-ha. But I had only had sex with one. He was the only person I had done
anything
with.

The answer: Noah gave me the chlam. Yes, I was calling it the chlam for short. I was allowed to give my STD a nickname since we knew each other so intimately.

Question number two: How did Noah get it?

The more complicated question, clearly. He couldn’t have gotten it from me, if I got it from him. Which meant, he had to have gotten it from someone else. As far as I knew, I was his first. And he had never done
enough
with anyone else to give him the chlam. So. There it was. Noah cheated on me. No. I took a sip of coffee. Yes. He had to have. When we’d first started dating, he told me he’d never had sex. Unless he’d lied. He either cheated on me or he lied. As I debated the options, I dribbled coffee down my shirt.

Penny leapt into action, and pulled a wipe from her purse. I wondered if I could use one to wipe my body clean.

“So how’s my birthday girl?” my dad was saying, a big smile on his face.

“You look great,” Penny said. “Your skin is just glowing. Are you using a different soap?”

No, it’s the chlam! It does wonders for the ovaries
and
the complexion. “Thanks,” I said instead. “Maybe it’s the water at Vi’s?” It was probably the birth control pills, actually.

“How’s school going?” my dad asked.

“Fine.” I pretended my face was Silly Putty and stretched it into a smile. “Everything is fine.” Absolutely friggin’ fine.

“We wanted to talk to you about next year,” my dad said.

“Okay.” Next year? First I had to get through this year.

“We’re very proud of you,” my dad said, beaming.

“You’ve kept your grades up,” Penny said.

“And you’ve been very responsible,” my dad added.

In what world am I responsible? What is he talking about? I haven’t crashed the car? Or burned Vi’s house down? “Thanks,” I said.

“We know Vi is going away to school . . .”

They looked at each other, then my dad turned back to me and said. “We think you’re ready for your own apartment next year.”

“My own apartment?” I repeated in shock.

“Yes,” Penny said. “I was thinking a one-bedroom in town. Something with a doorman. So we know you’re safe. We’d rather you come to Cleveland, but since this is what you want . . . What do you think?”

“Wow,” was all I could say. My own place.

Just me.

That was what I’d wanted.

My own place. At seventeen. That’s what I’d asked for. My own dishes and laundry and bills and TV and oven. I could handle it too. I wouldn’t have been able to back in January, but now I could. But is that what I wanted? To live on my own? My own place so I could have Noah come over whenever? Noah, the lying bastard? What I wanted was to stick Noah’s head in the oven à la Zelda.

I forced a smile and said, “Sounds great.”

CAR TRIP

I called Vi from the backseat of my dad’s car. “Hi!” I chirped into the phone. “How’s it going?”

“They all left. Thank God. It’s just me and Donut. Safe to bring Papa Bear back.”

“What?” I said extra loudly. “Your mom had an appointment?”

Penny spun around to face me and frowned.

“Oh, she does,” Vi said. “An appointment with her pillow most likely. Or a bottle of Merlot. She loves those appointments.”

I made an exaggerated shrug. “That sucks! My parents are dying to say hello!” I looked up at Penny. “Sorry. She’s at . . . the hair salon.”

“Oh really? Which one? I have an appointment too!”

Hmm. “Vi,” I said. “Which salon is your mom at?”

“Um . . . Salon of
Mary Poppins
?”

“She’s not sure,” I told Penny.

“Wouldn’t it be funny if you ran into her?” my dad asked.

“If you do,” I said, “tell her I say hi.”

WE NEED TO TALK

When my dad dropped me off, I waved from the doorway. When he drove away I closed the front door and went to my car.

That was it. Dad’s visit over. Parental crisis averted. Must now focus on the crisis in my pants.

Vi opened the door and stuck her head out. “Where are you going?”

“Errands,” I told her. I would talk to her about everything. After. First I had to go to the pharmacy. And I had to talk to Noah.

Funny how life messed with you. This morning when my dad called I thought a disaster was about to run me over. And I’d been right—but it hadn’t been the disaster I’d seen coming. That disaster had fizzled. This disaster had blindsided me.

“I’ll be back soon,” I said. I closed the car door and backed out of the driveway. Vi stood in the doorway making a “What’s going on?” motion with her arms.

My prescription was waiting for me at Walgreens. Zithromax. One dose. I wondered if the pharmacist knew what it was for. I didn’t look her in the eye. I also bought a water. I sat in my car in the Walgreens parking lot and took it immediately. There. Do your work, Zithromax! Now what?

I knew what. I had to talk to Noah. I checked the text he’d sent this morning.

Noah: Are you up? I can’t sleep. But I don’t want to call in case you’re still sleeping . . . Sorry about last night. I love you. Happy birthday.

I should call him.

No. I didn’t want to call him. I didn’t want to speak to him.

Because once I spoke to him, he’d have to answer.

I did not want to hear the answer.

Shit. I had to go to his house and talk to him in person.

I put the car in
REVERSE
, and my phone rang.

“Hey,” Noah said.

“Hey.” I shifted back into
PARK
. I didn’t know where to start.

“Did you get my text?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“About last night . . . I’m sorry for being a jerk. I guess I just don’t like seeing you with that douche. And about the earring. Did you find it?”

“Huh?”

“The earring?”

The earring. He was talking about the earring. It felt like that had happened ten years ago. “Noah.”

“Yes.”

Where to start? A joke maybe? What do you get if you scramble a
Y
,
C
,
H
,
L
,
M
,
A
 . . . “Did you cheat on me?”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Did you sleep with someone else?” The words were coming out of my mouth but I felt like someone else was saying them.

“Why would you think that?”

Because I had proof. Unfortunate proof. But—

“Did you?” I asked.

“No,” he practically screeched.

He was lying. He had to be lying.

“I swear,” he said. “April, no.”

My head hurt. “I have chlamydia.”

“What?”

“A disease. I have a disease. A sex disease. That I had to have gotten from you.”

No comment.

“Hello? Can you explain?”

Still no comment.

I closed my eyes. It was sunny out. Too sunny. “Noah? Are you still there?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, did you hear what I said? I have it. Which means I got it from you.”

“How do you know that?”

I banged my fist against the steering wheel.

“Did you go to the doctor?” he asked.

“Of course I did! It’s not a home test!”

“When? You never told me you were going to the doctor.”

“I didn’t want—” Wait. “Who cares if I told you? I went.”

“Is it possible it was a mistake?” he asked. “Or maybe you got it from somewhere else.”

My chest felt tight. “Like where? Are you asking me if
I
cheated?” Now was not the time to mention the Hudson incident, although I’m sure he was thinking about Hudson.

“I don’t know,” he said. “Like a toilet seat or something?”

Now I banged my head against the steering wheel. “I didn’t
get it from a toilet seat.”

“What about your hot tub? I knew that thing was a bad idea. It’s gross.”

“It wasn’t from the hot tub. You have to go to the clinic. And get tested.”

“But nothing’s wrong with me. I feel fine.”

“Most people don’t get symptoms.”

“I don’t have an STD,” he said, his voice incredulous.

“Yes, you do!” I yelled, and before I knew it tears were rolling down my cheeks. “If I do, you do. Even if you didn’t give it to me, then I gave it to you so now you have it. We both do.” He was really pissing me off. Why did he have to make me feel like I was in this by myself? I didn’t just magically get it. No matter what, we were in it together. I was not alone in this. It was physically impossible.

“You’re right,” he said. “I’m sorry. Fuck. This whole thing just came out of nowhere.”

“No kidding,” I said, wiping my eyes.

“I’ll call my doctor, okay? And I’ll get checked. But I bet it’s all a mistake. It has to be.”

“So you didn’t cheat on me?” I asked, my voice filling with hope.

“I love you. I wouldn’t do that. I would never do that.”

“But what about Corinne? Did you sleep with her? Maybe she had it.”

“I never slept with Corinne.”

“What about before Corinne? Before me?”

“No! No one. And I never cheated on you with Corinne. You know that. You can’t keep bringing that up.”

“I know, I just . . .” My head was spinning. “I’m confused, okay? And upset.”

“Don’t be. Everything will be okay. I promise.”

Was it possible? If it really wasn’t from him and I was blaming him . . . I wanted to believe him. Maybe it was from Hula. Or a toilet seat. Or maybe the results were wrong.

“Okay,” I said.

Anything
was
possible.

BACK HOME

“So,” I said, tossing my purse on the floor. “Are we alone?”

Vi was sitting on the couch holding a jar of peanut butter and a spoon. “Yup. Where did you disappear to before?”

I stood in the middle of the room and put my hands on my hips. “Walgreens. I needed antibiotics. For my chlamydia.”

Her jaw dropped. “Holy shit.”

“No kidding. And FYI—burning pee? Not always a urinary tract infection.” As awful as all this was, it felt good to talk about it.

“Oh. My. God. April. I’m so sorry.”

“Me too. Antibiotics taken, though. So hopefully it is gone. Or almost gone.”

“Jesus. I can’t believe it. But how did you get it? Weren’t you using condoms?”

“I . . .” The words didn’t come out.

THE ELEVENTH TIME NOAH AND I HAD SEX

“Uh-oh,” he said. “I think we finished the condoms.”

“We did? All of them?”

He laughed. “Yeah. I forgot to get more.” He was lying on top of me.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Whoops.”

“Well . . . I am on the pill.”

“Yeah. You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“I love you,” he said.

“You too.”

GETTING YELLED AT BY VI

“April,” she asked again. “Weren’t you using condoms?”

I didn’t answer.

“Oh God, come on. You slept with him without a condom? Are you an idiot?”

My head hurt. “I don’t know.”

“What were you thinking?”

“That he’s my boyfriend.”

“That’s why I don’t want a boyfriend,” she said angrily. “You can’t trust them. You can’t trust anyone. You have to look out for yourself. You have to respect yourself.”

“I really don’t feel like a lecture right now,” I said. “We used condoms but then they ran out and we just felt so much closer. And I’m on the pill.”

“The pill does not protect against STDs! Or HIV!”

“Stop sounding like a public service announcement!”