Ten Things We Did (And Probably Shouldn't Have) (18 page)

THE OUTFIT

“You should keep it,” Vi said when we were getting ready. I was wearing her red dress to my party. The Valentine’s Day red dress.

“What? No.”

“Seriously. Consider it your birthday present. It looks better on you than it does on me and it’s already been worn for your oh-so-special-moment so . . . it’s yours.” Vi was wearing tight gray jeans, a plunging, green silk shirt, and big, gold hoop earrings. Her hair was slicked back in a tight ponytail. She looked vaguely gypsyish.

I threw my arms around her. “Omigod, you’re the best!”

“Yes. I know,” she said, and clucked her tongue.

OTHER PRESENTS

I got a tin of Mittleman Chocolate Company’s freshly baked fudge cookies, wrapped in a blue ribbon. It had been waiting by the door when we got home from school. I assumed they were from Noah, but the card said:

Love you. Miss you. Wish we were there. Have a sweet birthday. Love, Mom, Daniel, and Matthew

I kinda wished they were here too. My mom always used to make me her famous chocolate fudge cake, my favorite. Still, under the circumstances I wished she’d sent cash.

“There are, like, a hundred cookies in here,” Vi said, pulling one out and eating it. “We can sell them at two bucks a pop.”

My dad had sent a check for three hundred dollars. Officially, the most money he’d ever given me for my birthday. Clearly, he was still feeling guilty about making me kill my cat.

When Noah arrived at around five, he gave me a cute card and beautiful dangly silver earrings. I put them right in.

NOAH’S FIRST PRESENT

Noah gave me a digital frame as a fifteenth-birthday present.

He had somehow managed to load it with all the photos from my laptop when I hadn’t been paying attention. Images of my friends, my parents, me, him, all popped out at me in random order. Sixth-grade carnival! Mother’s Day last year! Father’s Day two years ago! Marissa and me in front of our lockers! My life remixed. My favorite was a photo of Noah and me that Marissa had taken at school the day before he gave it to me. Sitting together. A couple. I loved that he was mine. I had a boyfriend. My birthday wish had come true, albeit eight months later. I wondered if I had unknowingly made a trade. Parents for boyfriend.

And if I’d trade back if I could.

NO TIME FOR MOM

From: Mom

Date: Fri, 27 March, 6:07 p.m.

To: April Berman

Subject: Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear April . . . Happy birthday to you! I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday . . . I know it’s not your birthday yet there but it is here! I just called, but maybe you’re celebrating! I left a few messages this week but . . . I guess you’re busy. Did you get my present? I got you some other stuff too, but I want to give you them in person. Have you thought about dates for this summer? I’m going to get you a ticket, as soon as you figure out your schedule. I’ll call you again tomorrow! Love you lots. Mom

THE PARTY

The doorbell rang.

“Everyone ready?” Vi called.

We nodded. We were all at our posts. Donut was firmly locked away in my bedroom. Lucy and I were at the door waiting to charge people five bucks a head. I had a Ziploc bag ready to be stuffed with money. Noah was at the table/bar. He had taken the large glass bowl that used to sit on the coffee table, removed the fake fruit, filled it with ice, water, fruit punch Kool-Aid, and whatever booze we had found in the cupboards. (Cheap wine. Old vodka. Something brown that smelled like rubbing alcohol.) His plan was to stretch the aforementioned alcohol as much as possible. We had also bought cheap paper cups at the dollar store. We were charging five bucks a glass. Four if you reused your cup. We were banking on the assumption that this crowd would pay anything for booze, even disgusting, sugary, watered-down booze.

I placed Marissa beside Noah, in charge of food. She had stolen leftover desserts from her Friday night dinner and we had a bona fide bake sale on our hands. (There was also a white box in the back of the fridge that held a “Happy Birthday, April!” cake that I had accidentally spotted.)

Now that I had my dad’s three-hundred-dollar check, we were hoping to clear sixteen hundred dollars between the booze and the food and the door.

Probably impossible.

Vi was Party Coordinator. She was also in charge of making sure nothing got broken. All vases/televisions/exercise DVDs had been carefully stowed away.

We could not afford to have anything replaced.

IT BEGINS

Marissa opened the door.

It was Aaron and co. “Yay!” Marissa cheered, throwing her arms around her boyfriend. Co. was Brett and his single friend, Zachary. Zachary had short, buzzed hair and was wearing camouflage. Seriously. Army pants and a military jacket.

“Are you shipping out?” Vi asked, eyebrow raised.

He nodded. “When I graduate,” he mumbled.

She tilted her head to the side. I could tell she was debating if she found Zachary sexy or not.

Next came RJ and Corinne and Joanna. Then came Pinky and Dean.

I watched as every emotion crossed Vi’s face. Happiness that he was there, jealousy that he was with Pinky, lust, annoyance. And this was all in the split second she allowed herself to look at him.

Dean also had beer. Lots and lots of beer. “From me and Hudson,” he said as we unloaded it from Hudson’s car. “For you to sell.”

“We’re throwing the party to pay Hudson back,” I said. “Not so he can spend more money!”

By eight thirty, the rest of our school was over. By nine, the rest of Westport. By ten, the rest of Connecticut. Everyone was here. Even Liam Packinson was here. Plus girlfriend. Even Stan the Hula man was here.

Everyone except Hudson. Even his car was here. Where was he anyway?

By ten thirty, we had made a ton of money at the door and Noah was cleaning up at the bar. Half the guests had red-stained lips, including me. Although I drank for free.

I went over to tell Noah that he was doing a great job but he wasn’t there. People were helping themselves to the booze. Fantastic. I looked around the room. I could usually spot him anywhere, anytime. His stance, his neck, his chin. Any angle, I could find him. Maybe he was in the bathroom? There he was. Outside in the back.

About a quarter of the party had spilled out of the house and onto the deck. The door was open. I pushed through the crowd of people and found him standing with Corinne.

Really? He had to talk to her at my party? Was that necessary? I had already spotted her lurking by the punch bowl for the first half of the night.

“Hi,” I said, adding extra frost to my voice. “You left your post.”

“It’s a hundred degrees in there,” he said. “Decided to get some air.”

Air with Corinne. On my birthday.

“Blowout party,” she said to me then added a lip lick for effect.

“I know,” I said.

“Do you need me to get back there?” Noah asked.

I was about to tell him yes when the lights in the house flickered then turned off.

Birthday cake time! Aw! I waited to see the glow of the candles. Instead the lights turned back on.

Vi stepped up on the coffee table, as though it was a stage. She was waving the Ziploc of money. What was she doing?

“I’d like to make an announcement,” she yelled. She teetered on the table. I hoped it was because of her heels and not because she was
that
drunk. “We’ve raised sixteen hundred and seventy dollars to help Donut!”

Noah put his arm around me and squeezed my shoulder. That was insane. I wouldn’t have to use any of next month’s allowance.

“Since sixteen hundred was the goal, drinks are free the rest of the night. And we have seventy dollars to play with! Does anyone want to win seventy dollars?” Vi screamed.

Everyone cheered, and a bunch of people raised their hands.

“I thought so. So here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to have ourselves a little competition. Ladies, you are ineligible. But you won’t mind. Because we’re going to have ourselves a . . . Mr. Teen Westport contest! Winner gets the seventy dollars!”

Oh no. Vi. Don’t.

The crowd whooped and cheered.

“Wait a sec,” Brett, Aaron’s friend, called. “Why just Mr. Westport? I’m from Boston and you know I’m a serious contender.”

Vi considered. “When you’re right, you’re right. Hells yeah. I changed my mind. We’re going to have ourselves a Mr. Teen Universe Contest!” Vi raised her arms in a V.

The crowd cheered even louder.

THE CONTEST

We chose four contestants: Aaron. Brett. Zachary. Dean. Aaron, Brett, and Zachary because we felt it was their duty as our slaves. Dean because clearly this whole thing was about him and he knew it. And he wasn’t one to walk away from a challenge. Vi wanted to get Noah up there, but he said no way.

“Baby,” Vi muttered, her lips fiery red. “He’s such a party pooper. It’s for your birthday! Can’t he do it for you?”

I shook my head. “Don’t pretend you’re doing this for me. You’re doing it to piss off Dean.”

“Both,” she said. “Dean, unlike Noah, is a good sport.” She turned back to the contestants. “To the dock!”

“What?” I asked. “Why?”

“It’s the perfect catwalk,” she explained. “We even have lights. Everyone can watch from the house or the deck. And the judges can sit on the deck steps.”

“Who are the judges?”

“Pinky,
of course
,” she drawled. “She is the one with the most beauty pageant
experience.
”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes. Pinky.”

“And me.”

“Aren’t you the MC?”

“I can do both. I’m an excellent multitasker.”

“Okay then. And?”

“And Lucy,” Vi continued. “Because she can stare them down. And because she grew on me. And Marissa. Because I like her. And Joanna because I like her too, even though she’s been ridiculously absent lately. And you. Because it’s your present!”

“I already have my present,” I said, motioning to my dress.

“Your second present,” she cheered, and took a gulp of punch. “Because being a judge at a Mr. Teen Universe Contest is the most awesome present in world, and I am the most awesome housemate in the world!”

“Plus, you have cake,” I said.

She slapped her hand on her forehead. “Your cake! I forgot about your cake! If only it was bigger so the winner could jump out of it!”

“Next time,” I said.

LET THE SHOW BEGIN

As the crowd behind us cheered, Lucy, Pinky, Marissa, Joanna, and I sat on the steps watching while Vi orchestrated.

We had dived into Vi’s mom’s costume closet and came up with many, many looks for “Evening Wear.” Draping lavender dresses, feather boas, strands of pearls, platform heels . . . and right now, while someone dimmed the lights, all the contestants were tossing off their clothes and dressing up in Suzanne’s costumes.

And now here they came. One at a time. Dressed in drag.

The crowd went wild.

Aaron laughed through the entire walk. Brett kept a straight face. I wondered if Zachary was going to choose jumping into the Sound and swimming his way back to shore rather than do it—but chicken he was not. He skipped the heels, though, and went barefoot. Dean was surprisingly adept at heels. Plus, he blew kisses at the crowd.

“He’s really good,” I said to Pinky.

She nodded, eyes wide. “I know, huh? Better than me, I think.”

Vi couldn’t take her eyes off Dean either. “We’re going to skip the question and answers,” she yelled. “No one really cares about what these boys have to say, do they?”

The girls cheered.

“We’re going straight to the final round,” Vi said, rubbing her hands together. “The ‘Swimsuit Round!’”

The girls cheered again.

“Since no one has swimsuits, our boys will be walking the plank—I mean catwalk—in their skivvies!”

Crazy cheering.

Oh my. Were they really going to do this? It was warm for this time of year, but only about sixty degrees.

They turned the lights back off and the guys started undressing, throwing Suzanne’s outfits in a heap. Guess they were going through with this.

Marissa grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Omigod, Omigod.” Aaron was first.

He was wearing black Calvin Klein boxer briefs, and had a lot of hair on his chest. A lot.

“Woohoo!” Marissa cheered.

“Woohoo!” I echoed. Why
wasn’t
my boyfriend up there? I looked around for him and spotted him back in the house with RJ. At least he wasn’t with Corinne.

I turned back for Brett. He seemed to be wearing surfer shorts that hung down to his slightly knobby knees.

Next was . . . Wow.

Hello, Zachary.

A hush fell over the crowd. Zachary was hot. Six pack. Arm muscles. Black, fitted Calvins. He had it
all
going on.

Marissa whistled. “Vi should hit
that.”

“No kidding,” I agreed. “If only she’d stop staring at Dean.”

“What?” Pinky said, stretching her gazelle-like neck. “Vi has a thing for Dean?”

Uh-oh. “Um. No?”

“Why did you say that then?”

“I . . .”

“Speak of the devil,” Marissa said. We watched as Dean worked his way down the dock. In his . . . tighty whities.

“Omigod,” I whispered. I closed my eyes immediately.

The crowd was screaming. I opened one eye. Dean was doing a handstand.

“He’s very . . . flexible,” Marissa said.

Dean had reached the beginning of the dock and had turned around to walk back to the end. I glanced at Pinky to see what her reaction was, then realized she wasn’t watching Dean. She was looking at Vi. Who was looking at Dean. Who was looking at Vi.

Uh-oh.

MAY I HAVE THE ENVELOPE PLEASE?

Joanna and I chose Dean. “I’d have to agree,” Vi said with a sigh. “The boy has pizzazz. Did you see his pirouette?”

“Boooo,” said Marissa. “You’re all wrong. Aaron was the best.”

“Did you see Zachary’s abs?” Lucy asked. “Winner. Clearly.”

Instead of responding, Pinky just played with her fingers. “I think I’m going to take off,” she said.

“Why?” Vi cried. “You can’t leave. You have to congratulate the winner. Don’t you want to give him a big kiss?”

“No,” she said, giving Vi a hard look. “Don’t you?”

Vi stared back but didn’t respond. “I need four of us to announce the winner. Who’s in?”

AND THE WINNER IS . . .

The eight of us were all on the dock. Marissa stood behind Aaron. Lucy stood behind Zachary. And Vi stood behind Dean. I stood behind Brett. I wished I were standing behind Noah.

Aaron and Brett were perched on the west side of the dock, Zachary and Dean perched on the east. Both were facing the water. Each of us girls were standing behind them, our hands on their shoulders. The boys were all in their skivvies. Brett had goose bumps down his arms.

And Pinky? Pinky was watching from the deck, arms crossed.

“On the count of three,” Vi hollered, “The winner will be pushed into the water. Are you ready?”

Hollers from the deck.

A breeze blew through my dress. This was a crazy plan. But for some reason none of the guys had argued. Maybe because whoever got wet also received the cash. Or maybe because they were morons. Or had drunk too much Kool-Aid.

“Repeat after me, everyone!” Vi yelled. “One!”

“One!” everyone repeated.

“Two!” Vi yelled.

“Two!” everyone echoed.

“Three!” Vi screamed.

As everyone yelled back, “Three,” Vi pushed Dean over the edge of the dock. Unfortunately for Vi, Dean reached back and grabbed hold of Vi’s waist, so both of them went tumbling into and under the water.

Vi resurfaced, shrieking. “This top is silk! You will be paying for my dry cleaning!”

Dean just laughed. “Really? You didn’t see that coming?”

Vi swam up toward the dock. “Can someone help me out of here? It’s goddamn freezing!”

Dean did an underwater somersault. “I’ll share my winnings with anyone who jumps in! Five bucks a head!”

Brett dipped his toe in. “It’s not that bad.”

“Oh, it’s bad,” Vi said. She let go of the dock and floated on her back. “But it grows on you. Like Lucy! Come in, Lucy, come in!”

Lucy laughed and then dove in. “Holy shit!” she screamed, when her head came up.

“It’s good for the soul,” Dean added.

Brett did a shallow dive. “Arghhhh!” He hollered when he popped above the surface. “That’s cold.”

“Omigod,” Marissa said. “They’re going to get hypothermia.”

Zachary cannonballed in, screaming, “Geronimo!”

Vi howled with laughter.

Aaron, holding on to Marissa, was next.

“No, no, no!” Marissa screamed all the way over the edge.

I was the last one standing. The rest were splashing and frolicking in the freezing water.

“Birthday girl! Get your ass in here!” Vi ordered.

“Not in this dress,” I said.

She swallowed a mouthful of water and then coughed, laughing. “Then take it off.”

Oh God. Should I? No. Or maybe I should. I was wearing decent, matching black undies and bra. Oh, what the hell. I pulled the dress off my head and jumped in, before I could change my mind.

My friends cheered.

As the freezing water engulfed me the first feeling was shock and numbness. But then. Slowly. I felt good. Alive. Refreshed. Happy. Giggly. I swam over to Vi. Her mascara dripped down her face. I assumed I looked the same. “This is hilarious,” I said. “Thank you.”

She nodded. “My toes are going to fall off.”

“How long are we staying in here?”

“Until someone brings us towels,” she said.

“We can just make a run for Hula,” I suggested.

“Ooo. Good plan. Everyone ready?” she yelled. “To Hula on three. Repeat after me. One!”

“One!” I hollered. I was the only one. I swam toward the shore.

Vi swam toward Dean and climbed on his back. “I said repeat after me! One!”

“One!” most of us yelled.

“Two!”

“Two!”

“Three!” she squealed and everyone swam toward the shore, and ran up the stairs.

Dean’s arms were out in front of him. “Out of our way!”

Within a few seconds we were all in the tub. About twenty seconds later, more people had joined us.

Ahhhhh. Despite the fact that the tub was ridiculously packed, the water had never felt so good. I leaned my head back and let the heat soak through my body, melting my limbs.

“That was incredible,” Vi said. She had stripped off her jeans and top before getting into the tub.

“I think I’m in heaven,” Marissa said.

“Me too,” I said, closing my eyes.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. “April?”

I tilted my head back to see Noah kneeling down beside me. “Hey,” I said. “Get in here.”

“Um . . . not tonight. I brought you guys towels. You looked cold out there. In your . . . underwear.”

My cheeks flushed. He sounded so . . . disapproving.

“Noah, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you Hula,” Vi said. “Why is that?”

“Not my thing,” he snapped.

“How can a hot tub not be your thing?” she asked. “Aren’t they everyone’s thing? Like presents?”

“I’m going back inside,” he told me.

“And cake! Like presents and cake! Noah! We should do the cake!”

“I got you a cake,” he said. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”

Aw. “Thank you,” I said.

“April, act surprised, ’kay?” Vi hoisted herself out of the tub.

I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around myself. “I think I’d like to be wearing clothes for my cake.”

She winked. “Party pooper.”

“Gimme two secs.” I picked up my dress from the dock and then ran back inside. I did not feel like putting the dress back on, so instead I pulled on jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. I removed the makeup that had pooled under my eyes, and brushed my hair. It was exactly twelve oh one. My birthday. Happy birthday to me! When I returned upstairs. The lights were off, and Noah was holding a cake lit up by eighteen candles. Seventeen and one for good luck.

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you . . .”

I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. I was surrounded by over a hundred people, all singing me ‘Happy Birthday.’ Maybe I didn’t have a family to celebrate with. Big deal. I had a hundred friends to celebrate with. That was good enough.

After the song was done and the cake was cut, I still couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I squeezed Noah’s hand. He didn’t squeeze back.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

I pulled him toward me. “Thanks for the cake. And for the earrings. I love them.” I lifted my hands to touch them and felt . . . one. Not two. Crap.

I hoped he hadn’t noticed.

He noticed. “You lost one already?”

“I’m sure it’s somewhere,” I said quickly.

“Yeah. Somewhere in the Long Island Sound.”

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. “I’ll find it. It’s probably in my room.”

He looked down at the floor. “Whatever.”

“It’s time for birthday shots!” Vi said, grabbing a bottle of schnapps, a handful of shot glasses, and squeezing between us.

“I’ll pass,” Noah said, then turned and walked away.

“Noah, wait—” I said, but he had already gone outside to the deck.

“What’s his problem?” Vi grumbled. “Why does he always have such a poker up his ass?”

“Vi!”

“He does.”

“Where’s the aluminum foil?” Lucy asked popping up. Then saw our glasses. “Me too!”

“Top drawer to the left of the stove,” Vi said. “Why?”

“I think Zachary deserves a tiara. Did you see that stomach? Whoa.”

“First we do shots. Marissa! Birthday shots!”

Marissa joined us, and Vi passed out the glasses. “To the birthday girl!”

“To the birthday girl!” they cheered.

“Thanks, guys,” I said, feeling teary. I loved my friends. Loved loved loved.

We drank.

“Again!” Vi ordered.

THREE SHOTS LATER

“Do you hear that?” Marissa asked.

Everyone around us was loud so hearing wasn’t so easy. Also my ears were buzzing.

But then I heard a distinct:
WEEEooooWEEEoooo-WEEEoooo!

“My phone,” I said. It was in my back pocket. I took it out and looked at the display, expecting to see
DAD
, but then realized that it wasn’t actually ringing.

WEEEooooWEEEooooWEEEoooo!

“That’s not good,” Vi said.

The four of us rushed up to the window and peered through the blinds. Indeed, there was a police car driving down the block. It pulled up across the street from our house and stopped.