Tender Vow (12 page)

After the kids had been bathed and tucked in, nighttime prayers complete, Jason still made no move to leave. Instead, he plopped onto the cushy sofa in the living room and propped his stockinged feet on the coffee table, the surface of which was marred from Meagan’s banging toys on it as a toddler and, now, from Johnny’s fingerprints, as he liked to hold on to the table while maneuvering around it.

Rachel settled into the big chair next to the sofa. “You said Candace is working tonight?” she asked.

Jason didn’t respond but folded his arms across his chest and closed his eyes.
Don’t you dare go to sleep, Jason Evans
, her mind screamed. “Shouldn’t you be calling her or something?”

With eyes still shut, he replied dully, “She’ll call my cell if she wants to talk.”

“You make her call you?”

“It’s a two-way street. I call her; she calls me.”

“Oh. Well, I guess it would be that way, since you’re practically engaged.”

He opened one eye a slit and peered at her. Rather than replying, though, he closed it again and adjusted himself in the sofa as if settling in for a long nap.

“Don’t think you’re going to spend another night on my sofa, Jason Allen.”

He grinned. “Hadn’t thought about it, but it’s not a bad idea.”

“It’s a terrible idea. As a matter of fact, you should be going now. It’s….” She gave an exaggerated yawn. “It’s getting late.”

***

Jason knew she was right, but his totally spent body kept him temporarily glued to the comfy sofa. With his eyes shut, he thought about the satisfying events of the day, from raking Rachel’s yard to playing with the kids, from running errands to making some much-needed repairs around the house. And then, there was the lively supper they’d enjoyed and the fun of helping bathe the kids and tuck them in. What could be better? Despite Rachel’s anxious sighing in the chair nearby, he just couldn’t bring himself to go home quite yet. Something about this room, this house—this woman—made leaving the hardest chore of the day.

At last, he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. “Your kids are great, Rachel. You’re doing a terrific job with them.”

“Thanks. We’re getting by okay, I guess.”

“How ’bout I come back next weekend to do some more raking?”

“How ’bout not?” She sounded adamant. “I’m calling a yard service tomorrow to finish the job. You have enough on your mind without having to concern yourself with my housework.”

He noted her protruding chin and folded arms. Such a proud show of determination! His chest heaved with some deep emotion when it occurred to him how impressed his brother would be by her grit.

“You can call a yard service, if you like, but it won’t keep me from coming back. I still need to watch that blasted
Cinderella
with Meaggie. Let’s plan a movie night, complete with popcorn, one of these weekends.”

“Let’s not.”

He couldn’t help the chuckle that rolled out. “You are too much, Rachel Kay. You try with all your might to be all independent and stubborn, but I know it can’t be easy. Sheesh, just getting those two kids bathed and ready for bed tonight was a chore. I can’t imagine you doing it every night by yourself. I admire you for the way you’re holding yourself and your family together. All I’m offering is a little help now and then. Is that so hard to accept?”

She unfolded her arms and fiddled with the cuff of her plaid shirtsleeve. The urge to reach across and wipe at the smudge of dirt on the tip of her nose was strong, but he restrained himself. Chin down, she whispered in a hoarse voice, “Rachel Kay? When have you ever used my middle name?”

“Since you started calling me Jason Allen, I guess.”

“Let’s make a pact to quit it.”

He grinned. “Fine. I never liked my middle name, anyway.”

“Me, neither.” He could see she didn’t want to smile, but a tiny smirk spread across her lips.

“Now, about that movie night—”

“I don’t think you should keep coming around,” she stated, her gaze still slanted downward.

He shot her a stare, but she didn’t look up. “And why is that?”

“Because, it’s—it’s just not a good idea, that’s why.”

Jason sighed. “That’s exactly what my dad said today. What’s the problem? All I’m trying to do is keep this family united.”

A look of confusion washed over her face. “I don’t know why your dad would….” She left the sentence dangling in midair.

“Nor do I, Rachel. Unless….” He left his words hanging, as well.

Her brow crinkled, and she finally met his eyes with an expression of dread. “Unless what?”

“Unless you told him about….” He tilted his face to study her. “You know.”

The blood seemed to drain from her face as her spine went stick-straight. “What? No! Of course not. I would never….”

Funny how they’d never talked about that long-ago kiss, and yet, without as much as a mention of the word, the memory of the event stood out like a two-ton elephant in a twelve-foot-square room.

Silence fell on them, and Jason looked at the ceiling, Rachel at her hands, as if the awkwardness would pass if they waited long enough.

After a minute or two, Jason finally spoke. “That’s it, isn’t it, Rachel? You still think about it.”

“I don’t think about it at all.”

“Liar. You must think about it, or you wouldn’t have known what I was talking about.” More silence followed his observation. “Rachel, we didn’t do anything wrong.”

“What?” she exclaimed. “Of course, we did. I was engaged to your brother, for crying out loud.”

He chuckled at the recollection of the kiss. “Which is a long way from being married to him.”

Her face went from pale to beet-red. “No, it’s not. Being engaged is a serious matter. You shouldn’t have kissed me.”

“You kissed me back.”

“Stop it.”

In one fluid move, he slid his feet off the coffee table, sat up, and propped his elbows on his knees, studying her with his eyes. “Listen to me, Rach,” he said in a softer tone. “You’re hanging on to something you should have let go of a long time ago. That kiss was innocent.”

“Stop. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You can’t even say the word, can you?
Kiss
. Say it.”

Like a child, she poked her fingers in her ears and started to hum, which provoked a few amused chuckles from him. On impulse, he stood and walked over to her, pulling her up by her wrists.

“What are you doing?” she asked, trying to wriggle out of his hold.

He kept laughing. “Trying to make you look at me, silly.”

His persistence made the fight go out of her, and his laughter died down to nothing. His hands slowly moved up her arms and stopped midway to her shoulders. He studied her downcast face, wishing he could earn back her trust. Carefully, and with utmost respect, he put a hand to the back of her neck. “Come here,” he said, folding her gently, slowly, into his arms, her small frame tense and trembling, at first, but finally coming to relax in his embrace as a shaky little sob broke loose from her chest.

God, help me, she is so beautiful.

“It—it shouldn’t have happened,” she whimpered, the warmth of her breath tickling his neck.

He chuckled softly. “Stop torturing yourself, Rach. It was just a kiss, nothing more.”

Wet eyes looked up at him. “It meant something, Jason, and don’t say it didn’t.”

He pulled her close again and rested his chin on her head, smiling to himself. “Okay, it meant something—probably a lot more than either of us wanted to admit at the time.”

“I—I feel so ashamed!” she wailed.

“Shh.” Her soft, wispy hair tickled his nose, and he smoothed it down with one hand. “That was a long time ago, honey. Good grief, I can’t believe you’ve let it bother you all this time.”

She let loose a shuddering sob, as if she’d been mortally wounded. “It was only a week before my wedding, Jason Allen! What was I thinking?”

“I thought we made a pact not to use middle names.”

“Never mind that,” she said with a sniff, then rubbed her nose on his shirtfront. The innocence in that single act made his heart melt like lava. “What were we thinking, Jason?”

“Ha!” He squeezed her closer. “I know what I was thinking.” For the first time in a long while, he let his mind fully consider that memorable day. “I wanted you to reconsider marrying my brother. I got my comeuppance when you slapped my face, though, remember?” She gave a tiny, hopeless nod against his chin, and he gave a halfhearted chortle. “As if I was prepared to marry you, myself, even if you had changed your mind about marrying John. Sheesh. That was my brother, Rach. I wouldn’t have hurt him for the world.”

She gave another deep sniff. “We never would have done that. Besides, I loved John with all my heart. I truly did, Jay.”

“Of course, you did, honey. I never doubted it. You guys had a great marriage.”

A wave of silence swallowed them up for the next few moments, and he gently rocked her. Finally, he spoke. “That kiss…it was just something that happened unexpectedly. We were talking old times, you and me, swapping stories about how John and I used to fight over you in junior high. We joked, we laughed, we talked about how we’d always be friends, even after you and John got married. And then, I don’t know…I just…went for it, sort of a last-ditch effort on my part.” He smoothed her hair down again, becoming more aware of their close proximity, and cautioned himself. He wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. “Man, did you get mad at me. I saw fire in those pretty blue eyes after I kissed you.”

“Well, it was a shameful thing we did.”

“Terrible,” he agreed in a facetious tone. Another moment passed. “You can rest assured that I never mentioned it to anyone. I always treated it like it was our little secret.”

Lightning-like tension ripped through her body. He saw it start at her toes and felt it move upward. Hoping to ease it, he said with lightness, “Sure was a nice kiss, though—sitting in the loft of your grandpa’s barn. I never did forget it, you know.”

She pulled back and cast him a look of rebuke, then gave him a playful whack. He laughed and embraced her again. Her hands, which had been wrapped loosely around his middle, now tightened just a hair, awaking a need in him he hadn’t felt in some time. Her face moved slightly, almost invitingly, upward, and the temptation to drop another kiss on her mouth was almost beyond resisting.

But then, Candace’s face slipped into a dark corner of his mind, and he dutifully set Rachel back. “I should probably get going,” he said with a gravelly voice, his brow damp with sweat. He gave it a quick wipe with the back of his hand.

Rachel took a giant leap backwards, as if just coming awake from a long nap and feeling guilty for having allowed herself the indulgence. “Yes—yes, you should be going.” She brushed her hands on her form-fitting jeans.

Close one
, he thought. Strange how he hadn’t considered the consequences of kissing her those many years ago, but, now that she was free, kissing her again seemed implicitly wrong—not because she was his sister-in-law, but because matters with Candace remained unsettled, and it wouldn’t be fair to her.

God had captured his heart and given him a conscience!

“I’ll call you soon,” he said, turning to leave.

“You don’t need to, Jay. We’ll be fine.”

He took his coat out of the closet and slipped it on, hearing his keys rattle in the pocket. He smiled down at her and tweaked her nose. “I have no doubt you will, but I’m still going to call.”

“I wish you wouldn’t. In fact, it’s best you don’t. I think we need to put some distance between us.”

God, I want to kiss her.
“You’re a stubborn woman, you know that?”

She lifted one shoulder and tilted her head at him, making her dangly, silver earrings dance in a splash of light. “Bye, Jay.”

He opened the door, then turned in the bracing night air to give her one last probing look. “Not ‘Bye’; good night. And don’t forget to go to church in the morning.”

She sighed. “I won’t. Now, go. And tell Candace I said hello.”

Jason left several voice mails for Rachel, sent a few e-mails, and even texted her, but all he received in response was one e-mail that said:

We are doing fine, Jay. Don’t worry about us. Thanks for your concern and all your help around the house and yard. I really do appreciate it.

Rachel

It was all he could do to keep from jumping into his Jeep and driving the fifty miles to her house to see what gave. He knew she wasn’t sick, because he’d talked to his mom twice in the past week and she’d mentioned going to Rachel’s last Wednesday to watch the kids while Rachel ran errands and had lunch with a friend. He’d been happy to hear she was getting out, especially socializing with friends, and the fact that he was being blatantly ignored rankled him plenty.

“You’ve been awfully quiet today.” His office assistant, Diane Leverance, reeled in his wandering thoughts, plunking a stack of mail bound by a rubber band beside several blueprints spread out on his desk.

“Have I? Guess my mind’s in a million different places.” Interlacing his fingers, he extended his arms, inverted his hands to crack his knuckles, and looked up at her. In her mid-forties, Diane was married and had two grown children. Her efficient ways and outgoing personality had long made her an asset to his company. Unfortunately for him, God had wired her with a special radar to detect when things weren’t quite right, and she usually made a point to investigate when her intuition told her something was amiss.

Diane crossed her arms, shifted the weight of her big-boned frame to one side, and studied him hard, arching a penciled eyebrow. “Is it that Wilcox project? Harold can be a nag, I’ve found.”

“No kidding.”

“You have to know how to handle him.”

Jason chuckled. “You got his number right off, didn’t you, Di? First time he came in here, you treated him like he was the King of Siam, and ever since then, he’s been eating out of your pretty little palm. It’s downright nauseating.”

“I tell ya, you’ve got to find out what makes people tick, then see to it you keep their tickers well greased. With Harold, you just have to keep assuring him he’s the boss, then go about your business.”