Tequila & Tea Bags (17 page)

‘Want some?’

I stare at him open mouthed, my heart speeding up. Oh, I want some alright. I stare at his plump lips, remembering how they softly caressed mine. He shakes his popcorn bag at me again with a bemused expression on his face.

‘No thanks.’ I shake my head. I couldn’t eat. I feel too jittery around him. ‘Have you heard any more from the police?’

‘No,’ he says through a mouthful of popcorn. ‘I’m pretty sure that’s all over now.’

Thank God. I can start sleeping again. Well, I can if Mavis and Bernie were to give it a rest one night. They’ve got the stamina of people half their age. It’s weirdly impressive.

He leans in closely. ‘Do you girls actually like this film?’ he whispers into my ear, his lip brushing my ear lobe again.

‘Duh,’ I laugh. ‘I always wanted to go out with Danny Zuko.’ I smile at the memory of me and Elsie learning all the routines when we were seven. I always made her put her hair in a ponytail and be Danny.

‘Why?’ he laughs. ‘The guy is a tool who tries to grope Sandy at a drive-in.’

Such a clueless man. Danny’s hot.

‘He gives her a ring,’ I try to reason.

‘Yeah, off his hand,’ he snorts. ‘Hardly well thought out and romantic.’

It’s hard to take him seriously while he shovels popcorn into his mouth like that.

‘Well, what would be your idea of romance, oh font of all things romantic?’ I ask sarcastically.

He thinks for a minute. ‘I don’t know…exactly.’

God, he’s full of it. I roll my eyes.

‘I just know that Danny’s not in the kind of love that I want to be in when I fly off into the sky in a car.’ He smiles at me so sexily I feel Lulu wake up, beginning to throb in excitement.

I giggle despite myself. ‘Explain,’ I demand, discreetly trying to sit in closer to him. His body heat is so inviting.

‘I want the kind of love that takes over you. The type that my mum and dad had.’

I frown. His dad hardly seems happy.

‘Dad’s a broken man now,’ he says, yet again reading my mind. ‘But that’s what I want. I want her to be my everything. To have the potential to break me.’

God, he’s fit when he’s talking all this romantic shit.

‘That sounds horrible,’ I reason. I’ve never been one to be all lovey-dovey.

‘It’s really not,’ he shrugs. ‘What’s horrible is the thought of not finding that person, or worse, finding them, but missing out on your chance.’

I think of Betty and Will’s Grandfather. She knows better than anyone how that can be true.

‘Take my grandad, for example.’ I sit up straighter. He knows about Betty? Why didn’t he say anything when they had the fight? ‘He once told me that he met the love of his life, but it wasn’t my Nan.’

No way. His grandad still felt the same for Betty?

‘That must have shocked you,’ I say, trying to act natural.

‘To say the least,’ he grins. ‘He told me that he met her before my Nan. Apparently she lived in the village and they were madly in love. Only he proposed too quickly and she got scared off. She left and then he met my Nan. Don’t get me wrong, he was more than happy with Nan, but he never forgot about her. And he never stopped wondering ‘what if?’’

Oh my God, I cannot wait to tell Betty this. She’ll be so happy. But then, will she? Knowing he felt the same and yet they still were never together again. It might break her heart.

‘Love doesn’t last anyways,’ I muse, suddenly feeling depressed by the hopelessness of it all.

He stares back at me perplexed, his green eyes practically penetrating me. God, how I wish he’d penetrate me. He looks around before spotting Mavis and Bernie, my sex mad next door neighbours. They’re sat next to each other holding hands. It is rather sweet, only all I can think about is their loud grunting sex. Last night they sang
Where is the Love.

‘Look at Mavis and Bernie,’ he offers, pointing at them. ‘They’re a perfect example. Old couples make you realise that someone can love you forever.’

God, he’s basically a girl. It doesn’t stop my heart flapping pathetically though.

‘Who knew you were such a big softie,’ I joke, digging him in the ribs with my elbow. ‘But I know these two are a little too in love. One night off the sex would be nice for my eye bags.’

He rolls his eyes, obviously dismissing my comment.

‘You’re the softie,’ he grins. ‘Organising all this for the home.’ He gestures around. Now that it’s fully dark the fairy lights do look amazing. ‘It’s proper thoughtful.’

I love the praise from him. Too much. I’m basing too much approval on a man’s opinion of me. It’s pathetic.

‘It was nothing.’ I shrug indifferently.

He covers his warm hand with mine, sending tingles up my arm.

‘No, Rose. It was something. Thank you.’ He smiles and it’s so beautiful that I think I could look at it every day for the rest of my life and die happy.

Could I really be…no. Could I…be falling in love with Will? No. I laugh at the thought of it. I’m not the kind of girl that falls in love.

***

Saturday 25
th
October

I’ve decided to tell Will I’m definitely not going to retaliate with Gerry. I’ve spoken to Elsie about it and I know that no good will come from it. The truth is everyone’s seen my tits by now regardless. I’ve come through the stares and whispers. I just have to move on and try to be a better person from it.

I suppose I could have told Will today at the home, but then that wouldn’t have allowed me to turn up at his house unannounced wearing my black lacy thong. I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that he might not be able to refuse me if I catch him off guard. Okay, I’m hopeful at least. He always seems so controlled.

I take a deep breath and knock on the door. After a bit of shuffling inside the door opens, only it’s Riley. What the hell is she doing here? I can practically feel my cat claws being released.

‘Oh, hi Rose,’ she smiles. ‘I was just leaving.’ She passes me. ‘Give me a call and we’ll go for coffee,’ she shouts back with a wide grin.

I walk into the hallway, unsure whether to go into the living room. I mean, what, he’s too lazy to open the door now? I tentatively walk in, feeling far more insecure than I planned. I was supposed to feel empowered and sexy. But it seems Riley’s given him his fill of sexy for one night.

‘Hey,’ he smiles, looking up from the sofa.

Oh, don’t rush over or anything. What a gentleman. Not. The man’s a walking contradiction.

‘What was Riley doing here?’ I blurt out pathetically. God, for once I wish I could engage my mouth and brain at the same time.

He reaches out for my hand and pulls me down to sit in between his legs on the couch. At least he still wants me close.

‘We were just talking,’ he whispers in my ear. ‘Don’t be jealous.’ He kisses me behind my ear and I shiver from the contact. Damn him and his smooth moves.

Jay walks in and it suddenly feels strangely intimate to be sitting like this in front of him. I don’t even know if Will’s told him about us. Whatever we are. I go to move, but Will holds me in place. Maybe he
has
told him about us?

‘I’m gonna have a brew. You guys want one?’ he offers, smiling knowingly. Oh, he knows all right.

‘Yeah, ta,’ Will nods.

I shake my head politely. I don’t know what it is, but I’m a bundle of nerves. It's probably the proximity of Will’s dick to my arse. I swear I can almost feel it, he’s so huge. I wipe the drool discreetly from my face.

Will’s hands move to the side of my stomach the minute Jay leaves the room. I take a sharp intake of breath. He slowly uses his fingers to pry my top up slightly, slipping his hands under, the heat of his fingers making my skin burn. I close my eyes, trying to ingrain the feeling to my memory. He starts tracing patterns into my skin with his thumbs. It's beyond erotic, which I realise is ridiculous. He’s barely touched me and I’m a ball of hormones. Keep it together, Rose. Calm down, Lulu.

He moves his hands slowly down my sides to my hips and starts caressing them, his fingers so close to the place that is throbbing. He’s totally teasing me, the bastard. I wonder if I should say something, but the silence between us is almost adding to the electricity.

Instead I throw my head back onto his shoulder when I can't stay still any longer. I don’t meet his eyes, still feeling too shy. His tongue touches my throat, licking down it, the tip of it barely making contact with my skin. I shudder against him. God, this guy’s good.

His hands quickly move to my boobs making me gasp out loud. He palms them over my top, but my nipples are already as hard as ice. He pushes them together, clearly glad I haven’t got a bra on. I smile to myself. I knew that would drive him crazy.

I feel his laboured breath at my ear as he nibbles the lobe. I’ve never really been into the whole ear thing, but my God, with him I could just explode. I push myself back against him, desperate to encourage him. That’s when I feel his erection. Fuck yeah!

‘It's a bit dark,’ his roommate says, re-entering the room. Will’s hands drop from me as if I were on fire. ‘But we’ve run out of milk.’

What the fuck? How can he just drop me like that? Way to leave a bitch hanging.

‘Nah worries,’ Will smiles, taking his tea from him. ‘I’m actually shattered. I’m gonna bring it up to bed.’

My heart quivers as I realise this is it. We’re finally going to have sex! I’m still out of breath as I stand up. I watch as he gets up, re-arranging his jeans so it's not obvious he has a boner. It’s still pretty obvious. And soon that’s going to be inside me. I lick my lips in anticipation.

‘Bye, Jay,’ I smile, not even looking at him.

I follow him into the hallway, almost skipping with glee. Finally!

He opens the front door, letting the cold night air in. I stare back at him, my forehead creased in confusion. What?

‘Huh?’

‘Goodnight,’ he smiles, kissing me tenderly on the cheek.

‘Are you fucking joking?’ I shriek, far too dramatically. I’m actually shaking with fury. ‘You can't get me all hot back there and then send me home!’ Way to sound desperate, Rose.

‘Anticipation, Rose,’ he smirks, putting his arms around me, squeezing my bum cheeks. I press my breasts against his chest, desperate for him to change his mind. I could burst into tears with longing.

‘Are you going to the Halloween party at the pub next week?’ I ask desperately. I overheard Phil talking about it. He’s getting a DJ and everything. It’s probably the biggest social event this village has ever seen.

‘Probably,’ he shrugs. ‘Anyway, I’m proper tired. Dream of me?’ he smiles with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

‘You’ll be lucky,’ I smirk. I really want to get the upper hand back.

He leans in and kisses me, his lips hot and welcoming. He quickly and confidently parts my mouth, our eager tongues meeting and playing until we’re almost tangled. I wrap my hands around his neck, frantic for it to go further. I
need
it to.

I jump when he swats me on the bum. He pulls back, effectively dismissing me.

‘Goodnight, Rose.’

He turns and saunters up the stairs, his arse reminding me what I’m missing out on.

What an
absolute
bastard. And I didn’t even get to find out why Riley was here. Or mention what I came here about. Damn that beautiful dickhead.

Friday 31
st
October – HALLOWEEN

I always look forward to Halloween. They do the best club nights and there’s always such an air of mischief about. I even lost my virginity on Halloween night. People always assume I must have been young when I lost it and I just let them believe whatever they want. The truth is that I was nineteen and I didn’t even wait that long because I wanted to be in a serious, loving relationship. I couldn’t have lost it if I wanted to.

I had a completely flat as a pancake chest until I hit eighteen, then they appeared almost overnight. There were even rumours I’d had a boob job. Up until then, although never a shrinking violet, I kept myself away from boy situations. I was far too self-conscious to even entertain a boy trying to grope through my extremely padded chest, let alone get naked in front of them. So I busied myself by being a Goth and making myself as scary and unapproachable as possible. And like I said, I rock the black lipstick and eyeliner. That’s just another reason I love Halloween.

Anyway, I met Janey at some shitty temp job and she encouraged me to come out of myself. With my new boobs, and therefore confidence, it was easy. I lost it to Dave Benton in the back seat of his Fiat Punto while dressed like a slutty angel. How ironic.

I’ve decided that today I’m going to have a bit of fun and dress up. I’d already packed my costume, thinking I’d be in Mexico. I’m not sure how Elsie’s going to react to me being a slutty nun. The habit over my head only covers a small bit of my hair, so you can still see my curled hair underneath. My dress is low in the bust and short on the leg. I’ve teamed it with some black fishnets and my biker boots. I think the boots dress it down enough.

I skip downstairs, excited to see Elsie’s reaction, but she’s not there. I find a note.

Didn’t want to wake you. Gone into the home early. Beth wanted me to cover. Wants to celebrate the devil worshipping day that is Halloween. How stupid. Catch ya later x

Devil worshiping? Is she
serious?
God, she’s a spoil sport. I walk up to the home relatively unseen. The cashier from the shop gave me a filthy look, but she’s obviously going to hate me now. Hobbling about in those crutches feeling sorry for herself.

I rush into the hallway, eager to escape the bitter cold. I see that the few decorations I put in the hallway have been taken down. How weird.

I walk into the lounge to find Elsie ripping decorations down all over the place. Her face is flushed and angry. She looks down like she’s having a breakdown.

‘Elsie, what the fuck are you doing?’ I demand as I throw my coat off.

Everyone turns to look at me at once. The old men’s eyeballs nearly pop out. Some of the women look at me judging, although Betty’s not one of them. She’s clapping and wolf whistling. Bless her.

‘Rose,’ Elsie fumes, her face the colour of beetroot, ‘What the
hell
are you wearing?’

I decide to brash it out. I do a little twirl, to the men’s delight.

‘I thought you’d like it,’ I say innocently batting my eyelashes. ‘I hope you don’t mind me borrowing your new outfit,’ I grin. Betty pisses herself laughing.

She looks like she might have a coronary. Oops. She clearly hasn’t gotten the joke. She seriously needs to lighten up.

‘Rose, how could you do this?’ she asks, already welling up.

God, she’s dramatic. There’s no need to cry about it.

‘Jesus, calm down, Els,’ I snort.             

‘Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain!’ she berates, her eyes almost bursting out of their sockets with rage.

I roll my eyes.

‘And don’t roll your eyes! I knew you wanted to celebrate this ludicrous devil worshiping holiday, but to bring it into this home? To put decorations up and dress like a…’  She swallows, as if she can't even say the word.

‘A slut?’ I offer, enjoying the way she squirms at the word. ‘I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s just a bit of fun.’

‘A bit of fun?’ she spits. ‘Devil worshipping is not just a bit of fun. It’s the work of the devil!’

She’s seriously lost it. I ignore her and start tidying up. Ronnie pinches my arse, but instead of finding it funny and flattering like I normally would, I instead feel cheap. Damn Elsie for ruining my fun!

I’m just about to challenge her when the door opens and in walks the vicar. Dressed like a Dalmatian dog. He’s even painted his face. No fucking way!

‘Happy Halloween everyone!’ he smiles. ‘I’ve come to give you communion.’

Elsie’s face is a picture. Several emotions cross over it in a matter of seconds. Shock, confusion, hurt, horror.

‘Vicar! You can't tell me you condone this devil worshipping?’ she squawks.

He looks back at her oddly. ‘There’s no devil worshipping about it, Elsie. It’s to celebrate All Hallows Eve, where we pay respect t’ dead.’

She balks, clearly not knowing what to say.

‘And besides,’ he smiles, ‘it’s just a bit of fun, isn’t it.’

Elsie looks at me as if I’ve forced the vicar to dress up before storming out of the building.

***

  Elsie had calmed down slightly by the time I got home from my shift. I didn’t understand why until I tried to log onto Facebook to see if Janey had replied. The google page was already open and in the search box was
All Hallows Eve
. It seems she clicked on all the links. Bless her.

As I apply more black lipstick before my shift at the pub I feel her shifting around me.

‘So…I’m sorry about earlier,’ she says sheepishly.

Marbles shoots me an evil look. She’s not sorry about anything.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ I smile. ‘I did kind of rile you up with this outfit.’ And I can't pretend I didn’t enjoy it. She’s so easy to rile.

‘Yeah,’ she nods, deep in thought. ‘Do you really think so little of me that you don’t mind humiliating me like that?’ she asks, her voice barely a whisper.

‘Elsie…’

Well, now I feel shit. I hadn’t thought she’d take it so personally.

‘It’s okay, Rose,’ she interrupts, her hand up in defeat. ‘I know you’re sorry and I know you didn’t realise how much you’d hurt me. Which is why I forgive you.’

She forgives me? Just like that? So easily?

‘Seriously?’

‘I forgive you, Rose,’ she nods. ‘But you have to start thinking. Thinking about how your actions can hurt others. If you’d learned that six months ago maybe you wouldn’t even be living here.’

Her words smack me around the face. Does she not want me here anymore? And is she right? Of course she is. Only I’ve never really been bothered about pissing off my parents. With her it feels different. I have an ache in my chest that I know won't go away for a long time, regardless of whether she says she forgives me. She’s done so much selflessly for me and how have I thanked her? By taking the piss out of her.

‘I’m so sorry Elsie.’ I reach out to her, but she moves out of my grip.

‘You’ll be late for work,’ she says with a weak smile before walking into the kitchen.

Well, I feel shit. Happy fucking Halloween.

***

Megan greets me at the pub dressed as a sexy kitten. Well, she is until Phil makes her put on a more
appropriate
outfit. He doesn’t like the look of mine either, but I’m not his daughter.

The party’s a major success with most people in the village turning up. James is here, and although a little awkward, he explained that Will has got a stomach bug. I wondered why I didn’t see him earlier. It made me realise that I don’t even have his mobile number.

Megan goes off to the dance floor so she can dance to the Macarena with her friends.

Riley turns up dressed as a nurse. She’s sexy with her red lips and heels, but her dress hem is just above the knee, a respective length. She says hi briefly as I get her a glass of rose wine, but then she’s off to get lost on the dance floor.

I work flat out all night, it only starting to empty out in the last half hour. I’m just collecting empties at the quiet end of the bar when I feel the need to wee. Must be those peach schnapps shots I helped myself to earlier.

I walk through the double doors into the hallway, strolling towards the handicapped toilets. I have no idea why there is one. There’s no one in a wheelchair in the village and they don’t seem to have any passing trade, but I suppose it’s still a good thing.

I open the door, already hitching my dress up, but stop dead in my tracks when I let my eyes focus on what’s in front of me. My stomach drops and recoils.

The baby change unit is pulled down and sitting on it is Riley. Her legs are open and pressed up between them is James. He’s kissing her neck and groping her breasts, which are bursting out of her exposed bra.

I swallow down the vomit. What the actual fuck?

They both turn their heads and spot me at the same time. Riley looks horrified, quickly covering her breasts with her hands. James looks almost sorry. He opens his mouth, his forehead creased in regret.

‘Rose…’ he starts.

‘Wow! Sorry!’ I blurt out, my entire body flushing from embarrassment. ‘I didn’t realise someone was in here.’

Ever heard of locking the frigging door?

I turn and run out, frantic for some fresh air. I need it. Now. I feel like there’s someone’s hands around my throat, trying to break off my breathing.

I burst through the back door and try desperately to take some air into my lungs. It’s hard when I feel so shaky and hysterical.

Why do I even feel so weird? I’m sort of with Will now. I shouldn’t give a shit who James sticks it to. But Riley? I’ve never seen the two of them even talk before. And now they’re shagging? Since when? Not while we were, right? God, if he was shagging her at the same time I’ll just die. Thank God I always insist on a condom. Betty was right. He’s bad news.

And her? Doesn’t she have any shame? God, if Will ever found out about them he’d be devastated. His ex and his brother. Surely that’s too close for comfort. At least she doesn’t know me and James ever hooked up. I hope. I assume she doesn’t. But then, imagine if he ever found out about
me
and James. We haven’t even had sex yet. If he found this out he’d never want me.

Has James told Riley about us? What if she tells Will? But then, now I could tell on her. I may have just gotten myself some leverage. I need it. If I don’t have Will I’m going to combust.

I turn to head back inside, but jump when I see James walking out towards me.

‘Rose, please,’ he begs, ‘let me explain.’

‘There’s nothing to explain,’ I blush. ‘It’s none of my business.’ I walk past him, hoping this humiliation doesn’t last any longer than it needs to.

‘I haven’t told Riley about us,’ he blurts out.

I stop, silently thanking God that he can
sometimes
be discreet. I turn round to face him.

‘Thank you,’ I smile.

‘And I want you to know,’ he continues, ‘that I’m not some heartless bastard that is shagging the whole village.’

‘I believe you,’ I nod sarcastically.

‘No, I mean it.’ He looks earnest. ‘My last relationship was seriously fucked up. She really did a number on me, and I suppose since then I’ve been trying to forget about her.’

‘By sticking it in every vagina possible?’ I laugh. I don’t mean to sound cruel, but it sounds it.

‘Well…yes. Riley and I have a mutual understanding. Every now and then we use each other, but we know the score. You didn’t, and for that, I’m sorry.’

He looks genuinely sorry.

‘You’re forgiven,’ I smile, before walking away.

I’m not sure Will would be so forgiving,

Saturday 1
st
November

Are you around for that coffee?

It’s way too early to be receiving a text from an unknown number. I throw myself back down onto the bed and cover my eyes with my arm. Too bright. The birds are loud, as if their sole purpose is to make me hate them. Then it starts; the moaning. Oh dear God, not this early! The bed starts hitting against my wall and I know it’s happening again. What the hell is wrong with them?

Okay! I’m awake. I jump out of bed and run downstairs, now knowing that anything would be better than enduring that again.

I look at the text again. It must be Riley. Probably shitting herself that I’ll tell Will about her getting off with his brother. I should text her back really. It’s not like I’m doing anything this morning. I don’t have my shift at the home until this afternoon and I only planned on sleeping in, which now seems impossible.

We arrange to meet at the one café in the village, as if they’d be anywhere else. I walk in and spot her already at a table, two coffees sitting in front of her. Her hair is as glossy and smooth as ever and she’s wearing a sundress over black tights and a denim jacket. She waves over to me, as if I could miss her in between Mrs Whitmore and Mr Baker. She’s far too glamourous for this village.