Tequila & Tea Bags (23 page)

I’ve had such an easy life compared to her, yet she never allows herself to wallow.

She nods sadly, squeezing my hand back. ‘I remember the date. 12th September 2005. It’s like it’s engraved into my brain. The day I lost my mum.’

I frown. Why does that date ring a bell? How old was I then? My stomach drops as realisation comes jolting through my veins. That’s the night Noah was conceived. In Leeds. By a man well thought after in the village. Oh my fucking God.

Phil’s the daddy.

***

Wednesday 12
th
November

I don’t know why, but I can't face Lauren. I just can't. Knowing that Phil is the daddy has brought so many new dilemmas up. Noah is Megan’s half-brother. I’ve avoided her too, which is easy considering I don’t work at the pub anymore and half the village is talking about what a terrible example I am. I’ve heard that she’s back home and back at school. She’s even texted me a few times asking for me to visit, but I’ve said her Dad needs to cool down first.

Instead I’ve thrown myself into planning a village fête. Another way to raise money for the home. And hey, if it redeems my reputation with some of the locals, all the better. Luckily Elsie’s dived into it full pelt. I think she’s using it as a distraction. She still seems so confused about the whole nun thing. Plus she seems desperate to save my reputation, bless her.

I’m putting up posters advertising the fête in the village, when I spot her. She’s walking home from school with Noah. Lauren. Crap. I try to hide behind the lamppost, but with these boobs it’s hard not to be noticed.

‘Rose? Hey, stranger,’ she calls smiling widely. ‘It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.’

Has it been that obvious that I’ve been avoiding her?

I smile as naturally as I can. ‘Yeah…I’ve just been so busy,’ I explain hurriedly. I point at the poster as it to explain.

‘And I bet Will’s been keeping you busy,’ she winks, laughing cheekily.

I smile, but avoid eye contact. All I can think about is Phil naked. His big fat belly crushing Lauren. Sweating all over her. It’s so gross beyond belief.

‘Noah, why don’t you go play on the swings?’ she says with a mum smile, warning him to do as he’s told. She turns back to me, stern faced, her dark eyes inquisitive. ‘Okay, cut the shit. What’s up?’

Oh God, she’s got me now. How can she know? I thought I’d gotten better at these things. God knows I’ve done nothing but lie since I’ve got here. It’s that damn mum intuition. I might as well just come out and say it.

‘I
know
,’ I whisper, raising my eyebrows suggestively, hoping her imagination will fill in the blanks.

‘Know what?’ she asks, her face bemused.

I look at the ground, shifting awkwardly from one foot to another. God, please don’t make me say it. I wish I’d never forced information from her. This is all my own fault for being a nosy bitch.

‘I know who the daddy is,’ I blurt out. I take a strand of hair and start twiddling with it, trying to gauge her reaction.

Her face drops as realisation settles over her. She grabs me roughly by the arm and pulls me further away from Noah.

‘What the hell are you talking about?’ she whispers angrily. I’ve never seen her so pissed off. She’s normally so laid back.

‘I know it’s Phil,’ I hiss.

She scrutinises me, trying to work out if I’m trying to trick her into confessing. ‘How the hell did you find out?’ she asks, her jaw tight and her brown eyes intense.

‘I’m not dumb.’ I roll my eyes and place my hand on my hip. ‘I worked it out.’

‘Buggar.’ She shakes her head. ‘Please don’t tell anyone. It would ruin
everything.’
Her eyes plead helplessly with me.

She's so dramatic.

‘What exactly would it ruin, Lauren? Noah doesn’t know his father now. He might be living close and contributing financially, but how can he carry on as if nothing’s happened? He has a son.’

It makes me sick to think he’ll grow up never knowing his Dad lives round the corner.

‘Keep your voice down,’ she snaps, looking back at Noah. He’s oblivious luckily, too busy playing on the roundabout. ‘It’s…complicated.’

‘Well, lucky for you I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone even if I wanted to. Megan’s just back from hospital and it would kill her to know her dad did this. That she has a brother she never knew about. And that he was conceived the weekend that her mum left her. I mean, you could write an ITV drama around it.’

She looks at me sharply. ‘Look, don’t act like I don’t already feel terrible every time I talk to her. I’ve managed to avoid her until you came storming into my life, bringing her with you.’

I hadn’t thought about that. Had she been awkward? I never noticed, but then I never knew what I was looking for.

‘I won't say anything. I promise.’ I smile, to let her know this doesn’t change our friendship. ‘For now.’

But I suppose it does. How the hell can I choose a loyalty between two women that have become like best friends to me? I suppose it’s weird that one of them is a woman in her early forties and one is a sixteen year old girl. But that’s neither here nor there.    

***

As soon as Will opens the front door I crush myself against his chest. He obligingly wraps his warm arms around me. I need this right now. I need his comfort and his love. Plus his constant warmth is so nice after the chills of outside. I’m really starting to wish I packed more practical clothing.

‘Woah. What’s up?’ he asks, kicking the front door closed behind me.

I slump in his arms. How long has he got?

‘Can you keep a secret?’ I ask, pulling away and looking into his pale green eyes. God, he’s hot. How did I get this lucky again? I really have no idea.

He raises his eyebrows at me. Then I remember we ourselves are a secret. I keep forgetting. It’s annoying me too. Why can't we be together publicly? I don’t want to have to pretend outside of his house.

‘I want to talk about that anyway,’ he says, releasing me and shoving his hands in his jeans back pockets. He looks uncomfortable. What’s up with him?

‘Why? What?’ I ask, my voice shaky.

What the hell could he want to talk about? Is he dumping me? Is it this whole Megan thing? Am I an embarrassment to him? How the hell will I carry on without him? He’s become my rock, my total constant.

‘You first,’ he insists.

Oh God. I might as well off load before he chucks.

‘Well…Phil is Noah’s dad. And now I’m just supposed to forget about it and not tell Megan. And so I’m torn between my two friends and I don’t know what to do.’ I blurt it all, not even pausing for a breath.

‘Shit,’ he says stiffly, his eyes wide with shock.

‘Well, that was helpful,’ I deadpan.

‘Sorry,’ he smiles, running his hand through his hair. ‘It’s just a lot to take in.’

‘Tell me about it. I
hate
being this stressed.’ I start stroking his biceps. ‘I think I need some distracting.’ I wiggle my eyebrows suggestively.

He smiles, his eyes twinkling with mischief. He pushes my hair out of my eyes. I love how he makes me feel so looked after. ‘I’m sure I can think of something.’

***

An hour later I’m lying in his arms in his bed, my troubles are a distant memory. I rest the back of my head against his chest and look at the ceiling. His words ring through my head again.
I want to talk about that anyway.
Is he really dumping me? I can't bear the thought of not being with him. He’s made himself irreplaceable and it’s not even the orgasms. Although they do help.

‘So…you said you wanted to talk?’ I try to sound vague, but I know I sound how I feel. Desperate and scared.

What if it’s the fanny fart? Of course it’s the fanny fart. I just know it. Of course it freaked him out. It bloody freaked me out!

He adjusts himself beneath me, so that both his arms are wrapped around me. I try to memorise the feeling of being in his arms. Of being cherished. It’s probably the last time. God, just the thought of it leaves me feeling cold and bereft.

‘Aye, I did.’ He clears his throat. ‘I’ve been thinking…’

Oh God. This is it. It’s over. I brace myself, but at the last minute decide I can't look him in the eyes while he says the usual trite.
It’s not you, it’s me.

I roll over onto my side and sit up, facing away from him.

‘It’s okay, Will. You don’t have to say it out loud. It’s fine.’ I want to be mature about this. Not make it any harder on him.

I go to stand up, but he grabs my arm and pulls me back into his arms. I look at him, trying to remember his perfect features. His jawline. His crooked nose. Those beautiful clear eyes. I already miss him, an ache in my chest feeling as if my heart’s turning to stone.

‘What the hell do you think I’m saying?’ He studies me with curious eyes. ‘Do you think I’m breaking up with you?’ He looks appalled.

‘Aren’t you?’ I ask quietly, still not able to meet his eyes.

‘No, you dickhead,’ he laughs, pulling me closer. I rest my head on his chest, relishing the feel of his strong muscles. ‘I’m asking you what you think of going public. You and me.’

I pull away, completely flabbergasted. I look into his sincere face. Is he for real?

‘What? Like…telling everyone we’re together?’ I utter in disbelief.

He nods. My eyes skim over his features. I realise for the first time that he seems nervous. His usual cocky demeanour is nowhere in sight.  

‘But…I thought you didn’t want people to think you were giving me preferential treatment at the home?’ This is confusing.

‘That’s why I thought I’d ask you. I understand if you want to wait until after the programme’s finished. But…’ he looks down at the floor, ‘I just can't bear the thought of you going another night not in my arms. It kills me knowing you always have to get up and leave. I want you here. In my bed. In my arms when I wake up in the morning.’

I stare at him aghast, my heart singing. Is he serious? Can he seriously be this into me? Have I actually died and gone to heaven? This is all too surreal. Too good to be true. I don’t deserve him.

‘You…you really want to be with me?’ I stammer, looking into his eyes, searching for the truth

At his expression I feel the blood draining from my face. Oops. He’s mad.

‘Rose, why is that so hard for you to believe?’ He sighs as if I’m a massive inconvenience and runs his hand through his hair in exasperation. ‘I’ve fallen hard for you.’

My stomach drops as if I’m on a roller coaster. Oh my God. He’s fallen for me? He’s…in love with me? This is crazy. Beyond crazy. It doesn’t stop my chest beaming with pride. This boys fallen for me. He’s mine. He wants no one else but me.

‘I…I like you too.’ I sound completely underwhelmed, but it’s only because I’m still reeling from shock.

His mouth droops in disappointment, his forehead creased in sadness. ‘I was hoping for something a bit more poetic than that.’ He smiles bashfully.

Oh God, now I feel awful. My poor Will. I do love him, right? Only…I’ve never been in love before. How can I know, when I have nothing to compare it to? I don’t want to say it unless I’m one hundred percent sure. Will deserves that.

‘I’m sorry,’ I shake my head, as if it’ll help me to pull myself together. ‘You know I’m not good with this girl stuff. But…I mean, I accept. I want to be with you too. Can't you just imagine all of those slushy words you were expecting? The main thing is that I feel it, right?’

He looks at me seriously, his eyebrows narrowed, before relenting. ‘Right.’ He leans in and kisses me. ‘This weekend then. At the fête,’ he nods. ‘We’ll tell everyone.’

‘Okay,’ I nod, beaming back at him. I have a boyfriend! Wait, do I? ‘So…does this mean you’re my boyfriend?’ I know I sound like a teenage girl but I just want to clarify. I feel like I can ask him stupid questions like this and he won't think less of me.

He looks at me with amused eyes. ‘I was always your boyfriend, Rose. We just hadn’t told people.’

Wow. When did this happen? Am I seriously that dumb that I didn’t see how crazy about me he is?

‘Hey, as long as I’m getting Will sex on tap, I’m happy,’ I grin, trying to lighten the mood.

***

Saturday 15
th
November

‘Fuck it!’

It’s not the sound I’m expecting first thing in the morning, let alone from Elsie. I run down the stairs and into the kitchen, expecting to find something serious, like a fire. Instead Elsie is sat on the floor, her knees pulled up into her chest, crying into her hands. What the hell’s happened?

I look around to grab a tea towel for her tears, but it’s then I notice the state of the kitchen. There’s flour everywhere, including her hair. The oven has remnants of black smoke billowing out of it and there’s a tray of cupcakes on the counter, so burnt they’re actually black.

‘Els?’ I find a tea towel half covered in cupcake mix and crouch down next to her, attempting to dab at her eyes.

‘I can't do it,’ she states, grabbing the tea towel and blowing her nose into it. Gross.

Oh God, Elsie’s chosen today, of all days, to have a nervous breakdown. How inconsiderate. I’m already crapping my pants about the fête today. I mean, why on earth did I think it would be a good idea to try and meddle between villages? I’ll probably just get everyone from this village hating me too. Not that I’m miss popularity anyway.

‘So what?’ I laugh. ‘So you aren’t good at baking. It’s hardly the end of the world,’ I try to reason.