Testament (19 page)

I eased up in the bed. “You’re wrong. Kellan isn’t like his father—he’s even told me he doesn’t want to be like him. I think he’s fighting an inner battle with himself about who he should be.”

Maureen wiped her eyes. “I do hope you’re right…” She stopped abruptly. “Why, I don’t think I even know your name. That’s disgraceful for a mother-in-law not to know her future daughter-in-laws name.”

I smiled. “It’s Cadence—Cadence O’Bryant.”

“And I’m Maureen. You must be Irish like me.”

“Yes, my father was second generation here, and he met my mother on a summer exchange program when they were in college.”

Maureen smiled. “You’re much, much closer than I am. It was my great-grandparents who settled here. But I do love and appreciate my roots.”

I bobbed my head in agreement. “My mother used to sing
Fields of Athenry
to me when I was little. My dad would always say, ‘That’s a terrible song to sing a child asleep to’, but my mom and I didn’t care. It was her voice that was soothing rather than the words.”

Taking my hand in hers, Maureen said, “Did your parents die in the Great Fall?”

I glanced down at my hands. “No, they were executed for being leaders in the rebellion. My brother and I escaped a transport bound for the Believers Province.”

“I’m so, so sorry.”

“Aren’t you the least bit disgusted that I’m a Believer?”

“Of course not.”

“You aren’t?”

Her eyes locked with mine. “Truth be told, I’ve searched inside myself these past few years, and I can’t imagine what is so very wrong with wanting to believe in something bigger than yourself.”

A smile tugged at the corner of my lips. It had been so long since I had been able to speak about belief to anyone besides Griff or Micah. “That’s wonderful.”

We were interrupted by the door swinging open. A guard entered the room. “Lunchtime.”

At the mention of food, my stomach churned. “I don’t think I’ll be able to eat.”

Maureen nodded. “You just rest. We can have them bring you something later when you’re feeling better.”

“Thanks,” I eased back down on the bed.

I had almost nodded off when the door creaked open. “I don’t feel like eating. Please just let me rest,” I murmured from the cocoon of blankets.

“It’s me, Cadence,” a voice said.

Throwing off the blankets, I stared up at Kellan. “What are you doing here?”

“I had to talk to you.”

“You didn’t want to hear anything I had to say last night.”

He raked his hand through his hair, and I couldn’t help noticing his disheveled appearance. It didn’t look like he had slept, and he wore the same clothes from yesterday. He sighed painfully. “You know that was complicated for me.”

“It was complicated for you?” My voice raised an octave. “Were you the one sexually assaulted by Roarke, slapped by your father, and then hauled off to prison?”

“Cadence I—”

“But the worst of all came when I had to listen to the sounds of Micah being tortured.” Tears welled in my eyes, and I choked on my sobs. “I-I don’t even know if he’s alive or dead.”

Kellan appeared to be struggling with whether to tell me something or not. Finally, he sighed, and said, “He’s alive.”

I closed my eyes, saying a silent prayer of thanks and allowing the tears to stream down my face. My eyes snapped open at his next question.

“Roarke…did he—?” Kellan appeared flustered. “What I mean is how far did he get before we busted in?”

“Only a kiss.”

He exhaled in relief, and then shook his head. “When I saw what he had done to you, I wanted to kill him.”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I snapped, “Yet, you didn’t do anything.”

“Dammit Cadence, I’ve told you my hands were tied!”

“I think you like to believe that because it’s the safe and easy way out. You’re used to standing by and letting your father walk all over you and the ones you love.” At the mention of love, I couldn’t help but feel my cheeks flushing. “You always have a choice—speak up or be silent.”

“What would you have me to do? Go to my father and demand you be freed? You’re a Believer, and I can’t do anything about that.”

“So, you’ll just let me rot here in jail because my only crime is I believe in a higher power?”

Kellan gritted his teeth. “It’s more complicated than that, and you know it.”

“You’re right. I do know how complicated belief is. It took the lives of my parents when they were willing to lead a rebellion and die for their cause. Believing took everything I ever knew away from me. But no matter what has happened to me, I’ll never stop believing. I may have a tattoo burned into my skin, but my belief is burned into my soul.”

He stared at me with a swirling mixture of fascination, disgust, and sadness before shaking his head. “I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact you’re a Believer. I mean, I haven’t known any—haven’t even seen any—since before the Great Fall.” His voice grew wistful. “There was this guy I used to hang around with, Jesse. His family was very religious—they took me to church a few times with them. I never got what all the hoopla was about, but Jesse always seemed different after going. He kept asking me to come, but after awhile I stopped. I don’t know what happened to him after the Great Fall.”

“So, can’t you see there wasn’t anything truly different about Jesse? Just because he was a Believer doesn’t mean he had horns or something. After all, you kissed me and nothing bad happened, right?”

“Yes, I know all that,” he snapped.

“Then why do you still act like Believers have the plague or something?”

“Because that’s what I was taught.”

“Brainwashed is more like it,” I mumbled.

“My father didn’t brainwash me!” he argued.

“Yeah, well, my parents didn’t teach me to hate anyone. But hey, they were Believers, so that probably discredits them, right?”

Kellan’s face softened. “I’m truly sorry about your parents,” he murmured.

“No, you’re not.”

His eyebrows shot up into his hairline. “Excuse me?”

“As long as you stand by and uphold what your father does, you’re not sorry. He and his regime are the ones who outlawed believers, and they have blood on their hands.” My voice choked off as I said, “He’s the very reason we can’t be together.”

Kellan’s face hardened. “He’s not the reason we can’t be together.”

“Yes, he—”

“There’s someone else who will always keep us apart…Micah.”

I gasped and stepped back—I didn’t like the anger gleaming in Kellan’s eyes. “So you don’t deny you have feelings for him?” he demanded.

“No, I don’t deny it. In fact…I-I love him.”

Kellan’s jaw clenched, and then he turned away from me. Stepping forward, I said, “I’m so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

He snorted in exasperation. “What a cliché response, Cadence. I expected better from you.”

“Dammit, it’s the truth! I never asked to be brought here to the palace. I never asked you to choose me—in fact, I tried to make damn sure you didn’t. But you still did. All I wanted was to go back home and be with my family.”

He sneered at me. “And with Micah.”

“He’s like me, Kellan. Can’t you see that? We’re from similar worlds.”

“So it’s easier with him because he’s a Believer?”

“It’s not just that he’s a Believer. We’ve grown up the same, gone through similar tragedies.”

“And what am I? Some spoiled bastard who could never make you happy because we’re too different?” he demanded.

I shook my head. “I know you could make me happy, and I do have feelings for you. I-I tried to deny them, but I can’t.”

He leaned over me to where I almost felt suffocated. “Then why can’t you choose me?”

Pushing him back, I said, “Because maybe you don’t want me as much as you think you do.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Is it? Wasn’t there some truth in what you said to me after the pageant? You’re used to getting what you want, and you wanted me. And maybe, it’s the idea of me you like rather than the real me.”

He shook his head. “If I wasn’t absolutely sure, I wouldn’t be standing here fighting for you.”

I threw my hands up in exasperation. “You just don’t get it, do you? Your father slapped me, and Micah faced a beating to defend me. Your father imprisons me, yet you don’t act. You give me words, Kellan—words that become broken promises.”

Before he could argue any further, the door opened, and Maureen breezed in. The air in the room crackled with burning intensity the moment mother and son saw each other. Wedged between them, I felt inflamed with the emotion burning within them.

“I didn’t know you were here, Kellan,” Maureen said, breaking the silence.

He remained glued to the floor, staring at her like she was an apparition that might vanish at any moment. With a slight smile, Maureen took a tentative step forward. “I can’t believe how much you’ve grown. You were still such a boy when I last saw you, but now you’re a man—a very striking young man.” As her smile widened, I could feel the pride swelling within her. “You look so much like me and my father.”

“I’m
nothing
like you!” Kellan hissed.

Maureen and I both jolted back like we had been slapped by his words. “You do look like me, you can’t deny that,” Maureen said in a whisper.

“Your blood may run through my veins, but we are
not
of the same character.”

“Kellan, I’m your mother—”

His eyes narrowed. “You are
not
a mother. A mother doesn’t leave her only child because of her own selfish political aspirations.” He jabbed his finger at her. “You
abandoned
me!”

Maureen’s head shook wildly back and forth. “I would have never left you. I was taken from you. It’s all lies what you’ve been told—lies told to poison you against me.”

“I won’t listen to this!” he stormed towards the door.

To my utter shock, Maureen began singing a verse of an Irish lullaby. Kellan froze at the sound of her voice—his hand hovering over the doorknob. “Do you remember how I used to sing that to you?” she asked.

Kellan didn’t say anything.

“Until they separated us four years ago, we’d never been apart more than a day. Your father never stopped criticizing me for it, but I didn’t care. I’d always wanted a child, and I couldn’t bear to be away.”

Emotion choked off her voice, and she wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I need you to break through the past four years of lies and treachery to those fourteen years we had together, Kellan. I need you to remember how I was the one there when you were scared or had nightmares in the middle of the night. I took care of you when you were sick, and I kissed away the bruises. Whatever world you have with your father now can’t be like the one we had.”

My breath hitched in my chest as I waited for his response.

Without a word, he turned the doorknob and walked out the door.

Maureen stood frozen like a statue, staring at the closed door. She didn’t cry, she didn’t move—I don’t think she even breathed. Tentatively, I went to her. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

Her body began trembling all over. “All these years I clung to the hope that when Kellan turned eighteen, he could inherit the money from my father’s estate and be financially independent. Then he’d be free of Richard, and in turn, we would be together again.” Sobs overcame her then. “If I’ve lost him to Richard, I’ve got nothing else to live for.”

“Yes, you do. You have me and all the other Believers in the world. You’re our hope.” When Maureen appeared doubtful, I said, “You haven’t lost, Kellan. He’s just so overwhelmed and confused about me being a Believer, and then when you add reuniting with you—it’s just too much for him to process. He’ll come around, you’ll see.”

She bobbed her head and then went over and sunk down in a chair. She buried her head in her hands and didn’t say anything else. I knew she needed her space, so I went to my bed and curled into a ball until they came to get us for dinner.

There were three other prisoners that met us in the dining room. All males, I recognized some of their faces from being in Richard’s cabinet. I wondered what they did to piss him off. Once we were seated and the food set in front of us, I only picked at the bland chicken and broccoli on the tray. Each time I thought of Micah, my stomach churned. He was being kept in a different area from Maureen and me and the other high-ranking political prisoners.

Maureen didn’t eat either. She just kept staring at her plate. I didn’t know what else to say to make her believe things would change. When they took us back to the room, we both retreated to our beds, desperate for sleep to give to refuge from our troubles.

As soon as I feel asleep, I began to dream. I was struggling through a misty fog. I couldn’t make out the landmarks around me. Even though I was unsure where I was, peace enveloped me. The fog ended at a tunnel. When I went inside, two labs, a gold one and black one, raced towards me, barring their teeth. Instead of being afraid of the dogs, I knelt down and began to pet them. Kellan appeared and one of the dog’s went to him, nuzzling his legs and licking his face. And when I looked again, it wasn’t a dog—it was a beautiful girl, her hair covered with a Muslim khimar. I couldn’t see her face, but she wrapped her arms around Kellan and smiled. And then Micah was by my side. He glanced from me to Kellan and the girl and smiled. “Mazol Tov!” he called.