Tether (21 page)

It was late when I finally settled down into my little twin bed and shut off the light. Selene was awake, staring at the ceiling, and when it was dark, she asked, “Are you afraid, Sasha?”

“No,” I told her. It wasn’t exactly a lie—she could see right through lies—but I was nervous. We weren’t the only people on Juliana’s trail, and I knew how bad things were likely to get before we found her—or when we did. The future was in no way certain, and that freaked me out. But it wasn’t the same as being afraid. With Selene three feet away and Thomas pacing the floor above my head, I felt about as safe as I possibly could under the circumstances. “Are you?”

“No.” The tether was giving off this ambient hum that was hard to interpret. “I’m uneasy. My faith is being tested. That’s always an uncomfortable experience.”

“How is your faith being tested?”

She sighed. “I thought it would be easier, that’s all. The universe brought you straight to me. I knew we’d have to search harder for Juliana, but I didn’t expect to need so much help.”

“Neither of us is from this universe,” I reminded her. “We should be grateful for the help.”

“I know,” she said. “I just wish we could have done this alone. You and I and Juliana. It’s our destiny, not theirs. I worry all the time that we aren’t strong enough.”

I wanted to comfort her, but I had the same doubts she did. Selene promised that what we had to do to save her world would also break the tether, but all I had to go by was her word. What if she was wrong? But there was no point in saying that, so instead I said, “We are.”

“Yes,” she said, in this inscrutable tone that made my head hurt. The more time I spent with Selene, the more I liked her, but she was tough to figure out. One thing she, Juliana, and
I had in common was our stubbornness, but hers was more distant, more thoughtful, and much more difficult to interpret.
Sasha?

Yeah?

Are you in love with Thomas?

“Um …” I paused. It wasn’t the sort of question I would ever have expected her to ask, and I didn’t want to talk about it with her or with anyone. I was having a hard enough time trying to figure it out myself. “Why?”

“Just curious. I think you are, but you didn’t tell him earlier.”

Of course. I should’ve known she’d be eavesdropping, but it was a waste of breath to tell her to stop.
I don’t want to say something I can’t take back.

But if you really feel it, why would you want to take it back?

“I don’t know.” It was convenient to be able to talk to Selene in my head, but it made everything so slippery and hard to hold on to. The more we spoke through the tether, the less control I had over my thoughts and feelings.

Juliana’s in love with the prince,
Selene said.
It bothers her, because she’s not entirely being her authentic self with him right now, and she’s afraid he’ll find out and hate her.

I don’t think Callum’s very good at hating people,
I replied.
He’ll be hurt, though.
And that would be both our faults, not just Juliana’s.

That sort of love seems complicated,
Selene said, in a vague, evasive way that made me wonder why she’d brought it up in the first place.

“Selene—are
you
in love with somebody?”

The tether tightened, always a sign she was trying to hold something back.
Of course not,
she said, almost too quickly.
We don’t “fall in love” in my society, I told you that before. Romance
isn’t even a concept I’m very familiar with, except for what I can feel through the bond from you and Juliana. I was only curious.

And that guy I saw you with in your memories? You don’t feel anything for him?

Leonid and I are a team. We work together. That’s all.

I probably should’ve let it drop, but it was kind of great to see this vulnerable side of her. Selene put on a front with the KES agents, acted so powerful and untouchable, but she had her doubts and insecurities and soft spots like everyone else.
Then how come your light brightens every time you think about him?

Selene yawned and turned over in her bed. “Good night, Sasha.”

I smiled. “Good night.”

One of the most annoying things about not sleeping well at night is that even when you’re completely exhausted, you can climb into bed, turn off the light, close your eyes, and … nothing. I was still wide awake an hour after Selene’s end of the tether quieted.

I slipped out of bed and took the stairs up to the attic carefully, not wanting to make any noise. Thomas’s door was open a crack and the lights were on, but when I knocked, there was no answer, and the room was empty. I drifted around, picking things up off the dresser, examining the dusty artwork on the walls, fingering the ragged corners of the quilted counterpane. There was a window on the opposite side of the bed with a view through the surrounding treetops to a field beyond. In the sky, the aurora performed its usual nighttime acrobatics.

“The last battle of our revolution was fought on that field.” I turned to see Thomas in the doorway, shirtless and wet-haired, with a towel hanging around his neck. I felt as if I had a swarm of butterflies living inside of me; I could almost
hear the flutter of their wings as they hummed beneath my skin. He smiled, and my heart gave a sudden, hard jerk, as if it were trying to free itself from my body.

“Wow, do you look good without a shirt on,” I said, doing my best to keep my voice steady, surprised I could even speak.

He walked toward me until we were separated only by inches. “So what you’re saying is, you’re not interested in the glorious history of this very important landmark?”

“Yeah,” I said, grabbing both ends of his towel and using it to pull him forward. “Sorry, but I’m really not.” He grinned, and I kissed him, feeling bold and inspired. He melted against me, and we settled comfortably into each other’s arms. I unfolded as his lips skimmed up and down my throat, blooming like a night flower.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” he murmured. My skin was so hot I wouldn’t have been surprised to see flames licking at my body. I dug my nails into his arms to keep myself steady; it must’ve hurt, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“You are?”

He nuzzled my cheek. “I know I shouldn’t be—it’s so dangerous. But I am. I can’t help it.”

“It’s okay. I’m okay. I want to be here, despite the danger.”

“I wish you didn’t have to leave.”

“I know.”

“But I think it would be best—for you and Juliana—if you find a place to hide until all of this is over. And if Selene is telling the truth about her world meaning us no harm, then maybe it’s a good thing you’re going with her. At least over there you’ll be safe.”

“She’s telling the truth,” I assured him. “You can trust her.”

“I don’t have to trust her,” Thomas said with a shrug, as if it were obvious. “I trust you.”

I rested my head on his shoulder, savoring the smell of soap and skin and the water still clinging to the ends of his hair. I ran my hand over his chest, lingering on the pink, puckered scar the bullet had left behind. He tensed when I touched it. “Is it still really painful?”

“A little,” he said. “The exit wound hurts more than the entry wound, for some reason.”

I turned him to look at the other scar below his shoulder blade and then spotted something just above it. “Thomas, I didn’t know you had a tattoo!”

He glanced backward. “Oh yeah. I got it when I graduated from the KES Academy. It’s sort of a tradition.”

I circled him so I could see the design better: a gold heraldic falcon rising. I ran my hand over the ink, leaving a trail of goose bumps in the wake of my fingertips. There were three words scrawled beneath it:
In nocte consilium.

“Most people get the KES seal, or motto, or both,” Thomas explained.

I traced the edges of the falcon’s outstretched wings. “So why did you choose this?”

“It’s the charge and motto on Thomas Warren’s family crest.”

“In nocte consilium.”
I called upon all the high school Latin I remembered. “ ‘Advice comes overnight’?”

“Is that how it translates? I was told it means ‘Tomorrow is a new day.’ ”

“Thomas Warren? As in Warren’s Run?”

Thomas nodded. “He was John Rowan’s right-hand man in the Second Revolution. A brilliant military tactician and an inspirational commander,
the
national hero to the people of the UCC. Rowan probably wouldn’t have won the war and become king without him. He created the KES. I’m related to
him on my mother’s side. I was named after him,” he finished proudly. “Thomas Warren Lebec.”

“Lebec,” I repeated. It had never even occurred to me that Thomas had had an original last name. To me, he was so thoroughly a Mayhew, albeit a reluctant one. “It’s a nice name, Thomas.”

“Yeah, I like it,” he said, tossing the towel to the floor and coming in for a kiss. He ran his fingers through my hair, and it felt so good I let a deep sigh roll out of my throat. He kissed me in the soft, sensitive spot behind my ear, and I made the noise again. Thomas dropped his head and laughed against my shoulder. “You sound happy.”

“I am happy,” I said, hugging him tight. “So, so, so happy.”

The knock on the door ricocheted through us like a bolt of electricity. I froze for a second and searched for an answer in Thomas’s face, but he was just as bewildered as I was.

“Quick,” he whispered in my ear. “Hide.”

“Thomas!” I hissed. “I’m not
hiding.
”

“You want whoever’s behind that door to catch us together?”

“Fine,” I said. The last thing we needed was a bunch of KES agents with something to prove knowing the truth about our relationship. “Where?” The room was so small, there wasn’t anywhere to go.

“Behind the door.”

I didn’t like the idea of having to slink off into the shadows—it made me feel as if I were doing something I should be ashamed of—but it couldn’t be helped. Thomas picked up a T-shirt from the back of a chair and tugged it on. Then he opened the door, squishing me into the wall.

“Adele,” he said. I grimaced. Adele was all right, but she wasn’t easy to fool. “What are you doing here?”

Adele laughed hesitantly. “I’m not sure. I was hoping we could talk.”

“Okay.” Thomas blocked the doorway, but Adele dipped under his arm and strode into the room. “Come in, I guess.”

She sat down on the bed and looked up at Thomas with the sort of hunger in her eyes that I felt in my gut every time I saw him.

“What did you want to talk about?” he asked.

“I’m really glad you’ve come back to the KES,” Adele began. “I thought about you every single day since you graduated from the Academy. Where you were, what you were doing … and then when I saw you again, I—I don’t know. I was just so glad to see you.”

“Uh, thanks. Me too. I, uh …” This conversation was making Thomas uncomfortable. He wasn’t the only one. “Thank you. For helping me, I mean.”

“Don’t thank me,” Adele said. “I’d do anything for you.”

“Same here.” I could tell he really meant it. But I did
not
like where this conversation was headed, and I wished he’d ask her to get out. “You’re like family, Adele. You always were, even from the beginning. You’re like my sister.”

“A sister?” The bedsprings creaked as she rose to her feet. “Thomas, I don’t want to be your sister.” She ran her fingers up his arm. I couldn’t see the expression on his face, only the turn of his head as he watched her do it. A blaze of jealousy shot through me. Who did she think she was? I didn’t care if they were old friends. She had no right to hit on him.
She doesn’t even know you’re together,
the rational part of my brain whispered. The irrational part of my brain told it to shut up.

“I think you might have gotten the wrong idea,” he said, stepping back. “I’m flattered, really, but—”

“Calm down, Thomas,” Adele said. I’d never been a violent
person, but I wanted to punch her in her pretty little face. “I’m not proposing to you. I just think that, with all the stress, we could both use some company, you know?”

“I appreciate that,” he said. “But I can’t. Or … I don’t want to. It’s not personal. It’s just …” The awkwardness was palpable, and I felt kind of bad for him. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“Why?” Adele was so close to him now. She could kiss him if she wanted to, and she did seem to want to. “Don’t you think I’m attractive?”

“You’re … very good-looking, Adele.” Thomas sounded like he wanted to slam his head against a wall.

“Then is there someone else?”

“No?”

Adele made a fist and walloped him right in the arm. “I knew it! You are
such
a liar.”

“What are you talking about? What did you hit me for?”

Adele put her hands on her hips. “Where is she? What did you do, hide her in the closet? Sasha, get out here.”

“This room doesn’t have a closet,” Thomas pointed out, steering her toward the open door. “And I don’t know what you’re talking about. There’s nobody here but me and you.”

“You think I’m an idiot?” Adele flung the door closed. “Hi, Sasha.”

“Hi,” I said. This was so unbearably weird and embarrassing.

“I can’t believe you lied to my face about this,” Adele said, glaring at Thomas. “I was so sure there was something going on between the two of you, but I kept thinking, no, if Thomas was with somebody, he would have told me. We’re such good friends! Just goes to show how much I know.”

“I’m confused,” I said. “What just happened?”

“She was trying to trick me into telling her about us,” Thomas said. “Nice, Adele. Charming.” Adele shrugged.

“So you’re not interested in him?”

“No!” Adele rolled her eyes. “Ugh, it’d be like kissing my cousin. Just thinking about it makes me feel like I want another shower.”

“Hey,” Thomas snapped. “Some people think I’m a pretty great catch.”

“Oh, did I hurt your feelings? Look, I don’t care what you—either of you—do in your free time, but you’ve got to get your heads around the fact that you don’t have any free time right now. There’s a whole group of KES agents downstairs, and one of them straight-up hates you, Thomas. Rocko would drive over your cold, dead body in a tank for just about anything, and you better believe he’d sell you out in a second if he thought he had something concrete. We’ve all got a job to do, including me, and you two keeping secrets is getting in my way.” Adele shook her head at Thomas. “I expected better of you.”