Tetrarch (Well of Echoes) (56 page)

Nish went on with his story, from Tirthrax. She poured, he talked, she listened. It was a kind of confession. The drink had taken away his inhibitions and Nish poured out his entire life to her. He told her about his mother, Ranii, who took every care for his health and welfare but gave him not a second’s praise, no matter how hard he worked to please her. ‘She was a careful mother, but indifferent. Cold!’

‘I was not like that,’ she said, looking into the fire. ‘My boys were no duty at all. I loved everything about them.’

Nish talked at length about Jal-Nish. ‘We were just tools to him, a part of his plan to climb to the top. Dutiful, successful children were required, so he had them, but he never seemed to care about us. Now he is scrutator, I am told, but even that will not satisfy him.

‘And yet,’ Nish continued, ‘he is my father and I love him. When I saw him lying on the edge of the cliff, his face torn to shreds, his arm smashed, I wept. My father begged to be allowed to die, but I could not let him go. Poor man! How he suffers now.’

‘I loved my man and my boys too much.’ She stared at the flames. ‘They are gone but I cannot move beyond. I just don’t want to!’ she wailed, reaching out until her fingertips touched the fire.

‘The war
burns
me, now and forever,’ she said. ‘I can’t get past it either. How
can
there be war? How can we birth our babies, in love and pain, bringing them up as best we can, and then, when they are still children, send them to the slaughterhouse of battle? Where is the meaning in that? I cannot find any.’

‘You must despise me,’ he said.

‘I do not. You have suffered too, Nish, but you have overcome it. I cannot. Their deaths go round and round; I can’t break out of the circle. And do you know why? I don’t want to, because it would mean leaving behind everything I love.’

She leaned away from him. ‘My sister tells me to move on. I am still young and must live. Why? I say. What advice would you give me, Nish?’

‘How can I tell you anything? I don’t know what you need.’

‘What do
you
need?’

‘I would have swapped everything I’ve ever had for an embrace with my mother or father.’

‘I gave my boys that! It did not save them.’

She bent forward, and in the flickering candlelight the front of her dress hung down and he saw the valley between her breasts. Once he would have feasted on her but now Nish pulled his eyes away. It was not seemly.

She caught the direction of his glance but to Nish’s surprise she reached for him. ‘Hold me.’

He took her in his arms, but the distracting thoughts refused to go away. When had he last held a woman? Ullii, in the balloon, months ago. He imagined what Mira’s dress concealed. She was no girl; Mira was a mature woman, fourteen or fifteen years older than he, yet he desired her. As she drifted her hand across his back, he wondered if she felt the same for him.

Her man had been dead twelve years and she still mourned. But there is truth in wine and she’d had a lot of it. Too much. He desired her but not this way. Pulling back, he reached for his cup. She smoothed her dress at the front.

‘You’ve told me your past, Nish,’ she said. ‘What of the future? Are you going back to the army, to kill and kill again?’ She said it with a bitter twist of the mouth that turned his mood.

‘I am ambitious, Mira, as you know. Selfish, too. But I want to stop the war, and I know how it might be done.’

Taking his hand, she drew it to her, examining it in the firelight. Nish had a strong, square hand, not elegant but workmanlike. ‘I like you, Nish. Not because you are handsome, or tall, or clever with words. You are none of those things. But you don’t lie about yourself. Or to yourself!’

Her words made him think about Ullii. Kindness and gentleness was what she had liked most about him; and yet, when Nish thought about himself neither of those attributes came to mind. He had not thought himself to be particularly honest, either. Privately, Nish considered himself cold, calculating and out for what he could get.

‘Honest?’ he exclaimed.

‘You know all your faults, Nish, and are not afraid to admit them. I know many people who are honest in their business dealings yet lie to themselves all the time.’

He did not answer.

‘How can it be done?’ she asked.

‘What?’ He had lost track of the conversation.

‘End the war.’

‘Vithis wants Tiaan, and especially her marvellous flying construct. If I could find them I would offer them to him in exchange for an alliance against the lyrinx. The war would be over in weeks.’

‘So you would end the war by making it worse.’

‘Only for a little while.’

‘To do so you would sacrifice Tiaan to her enemy?’

‘It would not be like that –’ he began. He was deluding himself. Vithis would not bargain; he was not that kind of man. And he never forgot an injury. To give Tiaan to him must doom her.

‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘You see so much more clearly than I do, Mira.’

‘That’s because I neither hope nor believe.’ She was slurring her words a little. ‘So I am worse off than you.’

‘Just the construct then,’ he said. ‘I will just deliver that to him, if I can find it.’

‘And you truly believe that will end the war? Do you trust such a man, who has stated that he wants to conquer our world?’

‘Then what am I to do?’ he cried. ‘My every idea you demolish. If I listen to you I will never do anything at all, for fear of doing the wrong thing.’

‘Then do not listen to me. Trust your own judgment, Nish. Do what you think is right. And if you fail, at least you will know you tried. I cannot even try any more.’

He looked at her dispassionately. The distracting thoughts had gone away. The flickering firelight blushed her pale cheeks, put a sparkle in eyes that were dead in daylight. Then she leaned toward him and he saw her bosom again.

She caught his eye. Nish flushed. ‘Ah, I’m sorry, Mira,’ he said. ‘I am a man of base desires, and it has been a long time –’

‘Why base, Nish?’ She swayed in her chair. ‘It is a fine thing and you should not apologise for it. It has been a long time for me too. Come here.’

She drew him to her. Nish knew that it was the wrong thing to do, but he’d had nearly as much wine as she had, and lacked the willpower to resist. Mira put his hand to her breast, and while he was occupied there she was working on the fastenings to her gown, all the way down.

The dress fell open. She had the odd scar and stretch mark, but none of that mattered one iota. She pulled him to her breast. Her hand slipped inside his shirt. Nish nibbled at her ear, her throat, her bottom lip. He kissed her eyelids and they fluttered against him. She sighed; she gasped.

‘Ah,’ she said, easing her knickers out from under her hips and pulling them all the way down.

Nish worked on his belt buckle, which did not want to come undone. She helped him with it, and the trousers, easing them down. They touched, skin to skin, and he wanted to hug her, to touch, to cling, but Mira was impatient now. Sliding her arms around his back, she pulled him down on her.

‘Cham,’ she said, squeezing him tightly. ‘Ah, Cham. Now, now.’

Nish went still in her arms and his desire vanished. She was thinking of her dead partner, not him. His first urge was to tear himself away, but that might hurt her more. Should he pretend he had heard nothing?

He pressed himself against her. She spread her thighs, guiding him, but as soon as he touched her there she cried out ‘No! You’re dead, Cham!’

Nish reared back, not knowing whether to try to calm her or quietly disappear.

‘Dead!’ she screamed at the top of her voice. ‘You’re dead, Cham. Get off! No, no,
no
!’

Down the corridor people began shouting and yelling. Feet thumped along the hall. Nish shook his head, trying to clear the wine away. What would happen when they found him with his trousers around his ankles and Mira naked on the floor, screaming her lungs out? They’d put a rope around his neck and heave him up over the branch of the nearest tree, and nothing he could say would make any difference.

Nish jerked his pants up and hurled himself out the open window just as the servants burst in through the door. Three jumps and he was off the edge of the veranda and pelting for his life down the grassy slope toward the river.

W
hy did it always have to end with him running for his life? Nish darted along the river edge. It was not far to the rope bridge but he did not see how he was going to get across it. A guard stood at the foot, staring towards the house, and the end of the bridge was well lit. The fellow could summon more guards in an instant. Besides, Nish did not want to compound his crime by attacking anyone.

On the other hand, the island was not a prison. They had boats. He scurried along the shore, crouched low, for cropped grass ran all the way to the river and there was nowhere to hide.

Nish found no boat. Presumably they were in the boatshed. He dared not try to get one out, for lanterns were bobbing all around the house. He slid into the deep shadow between the boatshed and the river, making his way toward the piles of timber on the other side. The river was fast and cold; even a good swimmer might have trouble in the dark. Nish was not a good swimmer and could not possibly survive. Nor could he remain on the island. He would have to find a float.

Someone pounded down the path. No time to waste. Nish lifted the uppermost beam off the pile, staggered to the water with it and slid it in. It went down like a rock.

He cursed. The timber must still be green. He tried several other pieces but they were just as heavy. He felt around. Another stack seemed to be of older material but they were only small pieces.

At least a dozen people were running along the shore with lanterns and what looked like cudgels. Even if they did not kill him, the least he’d get away with would be a sound thrashing.

Well, he’d done what Troist had asked him to do. Nish hefted the largest piece of wood, only the length and width of his torso, clutched it in his arms and slid into the water. It was damned cold.

Kicking away from the bank, he was caught by the current and whirled out into midstream. The timber floated but it was too small for him to climb onto. Nish put his weight on it, it went under and bobbed up again, overturning him. He panicked and sucked water up his nose. Trying to turn over, he went face-down and a squirt rushed down his windpipe.

Nish managed to choke most of it out. He thrashed his legs, desperate to keep on top of the water. Panic was driving him now, but he was tiring rapidly.

‘There he is! Bloody fool’s in the water.’

‘Get the boats.’

Terrified of being caught, he slid under until just his nose and eyes showed. People were running along the shore, holding up lanterns on poles. The current whipped him downstream. Nish discovered that it was easier to keep his head above water when the rest of his body was below it. The piece of wood, held high on his chest, provided plenty of buoyancy. He drew his head down and allowed the water to take him.

The shouts died away, the lights fell behind. They would be lucky to find him now. The water was so cold that it hurt his fingers and toes, and there were rapids downstream. He had to get out, and quickly.

Turning on his back, he kicked toward the other side. This proved ineffective because of his boots, but as he swept around a bend the accelerating current pushed him against the bank. It was a wall of earth with nothing to catch hold of. As the river straightened he kicked hard, just managing to push himself out of the stream into slack water.

Roots stuck out of the bank here. His trailing hand touched one after another but he could not get a grip. Then his shirt caught on a thicker one. Nish let go of his float and grabbed the root.

It was hard to see, the moon being behind clouds. Nish pulled himself up on the root, a good, sturdy one, and felt around for another handhold. There was none. How far was it to the top of the bank? If further than he could reach he was sunk, literally, because his float was gone. In the dark he could not tell, and dared not stand up lest he overbalance.

Nish clung there, shivering. if he got out, what was he to do? It must be a league back to the horses from here and they would be waiting for him. He would have to keep going on foot and trust to his wits.

A pity he had not used them last night, but it was too late for regrets. Nish felt through his pockets. He had nothing but the papers Troist had given him, doubtless sodden and falling to pieces, and the bag of coin. Neither would be any use to him in the forest. He would have traded all the money for a knife or a piece of flint to start a fire with.

The moon came out and Nish discovered that the top of the bank was not far above his head. If he stood up on the root he should be able to reach it. As soon as he did, the root bent under his weight, but he managed to hook his fingers into the springy turf. He dug his toes into the bank and strained, afraid the earth would collapse on him. Dirt crumbled into his eyes but the bank held. He got one leg up and over, the other followed it and he lay gasping on the turf.