That Night (21 page)

“No.” She shook her head but didn’t say anything more.

“Okay, well, thanks for the apology.” I got up and started packing again.

She stood there for a moment, then slowly walked over and sat on my bed, her body tense, like she was waiting for me to kick her out. Annoyed about how she kept stonewalling me whenever I asked about what was happening in her life, I was tempted. But I also wanted to see if she revealed anything else on her own.

“Are you working tonight?” she said.

“No, I’m going to the lake with Ryan.” I wondered why she was asking, suspicious that she was going to tell Shauna or something.

“Can I come with you? It’s just if you’re leaving soon we might not be able to do stuff like this anymore.”

I turned around. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Now you want to be
friends
? I don’t think so.”

“Toni…” Her voice was raw and thick. “I know I messed up. Those girls, they’re so popular. They made me feel like I was cool too, like I was above everyone else, which is wrong. I know I hurt you, I hurt a lot of people.” She stood up and started walking to the door. “I understand if you hate me.”

I stared at her back, thinking. She’d talked about her friendship with the girls in the past tense, and maybe she was seeing things differently now that she hadn’t been hanging around with them so much, but I had my doubts. I remembered that expression:
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
Something was up with her, and I wanted to know what.

“I guess you can come out—if Ryan’s okay with it.”

She turned around, her face hopeful and almost relieved. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” But as the word left my mouth, I wondered if I’d just made a big mistake.

*   *   *

We drove down to the lake that night, Ryan’s hand on the wheel of his pickup truck, his other on my bare leg, my arm bumping up against his tanned one, and Nicole sitting on my right side. Her hair tickled my face as it blew back from the open window, the summer air still hot and smelling of pine. We were both wearing cutoffs and tank tops, the faint scent of coconut suntan lotion lingering on our sticky skin. Nicole stared at the dark road ahead, her face serious. I still couldn’t understand why she wanted to come out with us and didn’t trust her. Ryan and I would rather have been alone, but we figured there’d be some other people she knew at the lake and she could hang out with them for a while.

Ryan was smoking a cigarette, an open bottle of beer between his legs. We weren’t worried about the cops, not on the back road leading out to the lake in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes they’d block the main road, but once you were past a certain point, you were good to go. When we reached the lake, Ryan turned down the music and drove slow, checking who else was out there. It was after ten o’clock by then, and there were only a couple of trucks at the south end of the lake, a fire blazing and some kids from high school with their music blasting. We gave them the nod and they raised their beers in a greeting. I was disappointed that there weren’t any kids Nicole knew—we’d be stuck with her all night now. Ryan gunned the truck, making it go sideways on the rough road. I laughed, but Nicole was still quiet. I elbowed her in the ribs. “Jesus Christ, lighten up.” She attempted a smile, but it was fake. I wished I hadn’t let her come.

We found a spot at the north end of the lake and sat for a moment, listening to music, Ryan’s headlights shining out on the dark water. He rolled a joint, took a long inhale, and passed it to me. I took a drag, coughed a couple of times, then offered it to Nicole. She shook her head.

I narrowed my eyes. “Why did you even come out with us?”

“I told you. I wanted to spend some time with you before you moved, and I needed to get out of the house.” Nicole’s eyes flicked to mine, then around the dark woods, her body tense. I remembered how she was acting the night of the prom, like she knew Shauna was up to something.

“Is Shauna going to jump me tonight?” I said. “Did you set me up?”

She looked startled. “No—of course not! The woods are just freaky.” She’d always been creeped out by the woods at night. Hated camping when we were kids. I relaxed a bit, handed her one of the beers I had at my feet. She opened it, took a small sip, looked around at the woods again.

I glanced at Ryan and he motioned to the door with his head. I knew what he was thinking—we hadn’t been alone for days.

“Ryan and I are going for a walk,” I said.

“You’re leaving me here?” Her voice was shocked, her brown eyes big. “I thought we were hanging out together.”

“We will—in a little bit.”

Ryan turned off the headlights but left the radio playing, then jumped out. I followed. He grabbed the blanket from behind the seat and a mickey of Southern Comfort. I laughed, excited to be with him, giddy from the beer and pot.

We shut the door. Ryan leaned through the open window and said, “We won’t be long.”

“Okay.” Nicole nodded but she still looked scared.

I felt a twinge of guilt. “If you’re that freaked out—”

“No, I’ll be fine. Have fun.” She gave me a smile.

I grabbed Ryan’s hand. “Let’s go.”

We headed into the woods, Ryan leading. I turned back for a moment and saw my sister locking the doors and rolling up the windows.

I shook my head. What a chickenshit.

*   *   *

Ryan and I found a spot farther down a couple of trails and behind one of the rock bluffs. He spread out the blanket in a patch of moonlight and built a fire. I lay on my back, my hands behind my head, looking up at the stars, wishing my life always felt this free, just Ryan and me and no one else’s bullshit.

Ryan rolled another joint. He took a drag, blew it into my mouth. We laughed, then necked for a while, until my body felt loose and easy, my legs wrapping around him, feeling the zipper of his jeans scraping against me. He peeled off my shirt, unhooked my bra, my skin goose bumps in the cool air. We made out, took sips of the Southern Comfort until my lips were on fire, tasting the sweetness in his mouth, my head spinning, delightfully stoned. We stripped naked, had sex. I licked his neck, tasting the salt, his boy smell, clean hair, work-sweaty skin. Over the sound of his moans in my ear, I thought I heard a noise in the distance and paused, wondering if it was Nicole, then shook off the thought when I didn’t hear anything else. We were too far away.

Afterward we cuddled, using our clothes as blankets, finishing the last of the booze and a roach that Ryan handed me. Sleepy from the sex and the drugs and the warm fire, I closed my eyes, hearing Ryan already snoring beside me.

*   *   *

I woke suddenly, scared at the sudden blackness, my body freezing cold. The fire had died down but the moon gave off enough light for me to see one of Ryan’s arms up over his face, some scratches on his wrist. I tried to peer at my watch in the dark. Found Ryan’s lighter, flicked it on. One in the morning.

“Shit. Ryan, wake up.”

He opened his eyes and looked around, disoriented.

I was already standing, struggling to pull on my clothes. “Get
up
. My mom’s going to kill me.” I’d left a hastily scrawled note at home saying we’d gone to the lake and we’d be home by midnight, Nicole’s curfew.

We ran back through the trail, the branches slapping and scraping at our skin, searching for the main path. I fell, cutting my knee and my hand. Ryan helped me up. We finally stumbled into the clearing. The music was off. The truck quiet. I couldn’t see Nicole. Was she lying down?

Ryan opened the truck door, turned back to me, his face confused. “She’s not here.”

“Are you serious?” We didn’t have time for this crap.

He shone his lighter. The truck was empty.

I called out, “Nicole, hey, where are you?”

Silence.

Ryan raised his voice. “Nicole, we’re sorry, come on out.”

We heard a crack in the bush. Held our breath. Ryan turned the lighter off, letting our eyes adjust to the dark. We stared at that spot, the shadows. Was she playing a game now? Turning the tables? I felt myself starting to get mad.

“Maybe she’s looking for us,” Ryan said. “I’ll turn on the truck. If she hears the engine she might come back.”

“Okay.” I stood outside, looking into the dark trees while he flashed the engine. It started up with a roar. We waited a couple of moments. No sign of her. My anger had all turned to fear that something had happened to my sister. Had she gone hunting for us in the dark and gotten lost? We had to find her.

“Where could she have gone?” I said. “Should we just drive around? Look for her?”

“I don’t know.” He also looked worried. “She might have gone to hang out with those people partying at the end of the lake. Hop in and we’ll check down there.”

If she was with those other kids, I was going to kick her ass for freaking me out like this. I came around the front of the truck, blinded for a moment as Ryan turned on the headlights. Then he let out a yell.

I spun around, my heart jamming up into my chest at his fear. He’d jumped out of the truck, was running toward the lake. Then I saw what he’d seen.

My sister’s body, floating at the shore, lit up by the truck’s headlights.

We both rushed into the water. I was yelling, “Nicole, Nicole!” I could hear Ryan breathing hard.

She was naked, her skin freezing. We pulled her to shore and crouched over her. I lifted her hair back, to see the side of her face, and realized that part of her skull was smashed in, her hair coming loose in my hands. I looked down at the dark blood covering my hand, the clump of hair, then back at my sister’s face, barely recognizable. I screamed, a high-pitched wail that echoed over the lake.

Ryan was feeling her neck for a pulse. He reached over, grabbed my shoulder. “Stop, Toni. She’s dead. We’ve gotta get help.”

Dead. The word stole the breath from my lungs. I focused in on his face, my teeth chattering, gasping for air.

He said, “You have to calm down.” But his face was white and terrified, his voice also high and strangled.

“She can’t be dead.” I said it as a plea, begging.

He stood up. “Let’s go.” He grabbed my arm, tried to pull me up.

I leaned over my sister, pressed my face to her cold chest as I sobbed, “No, no. Oh, God, I’m so sorry.” I clutched one of her hands, noticed that a fingernail was torn off. “Nicole, wake up, please wake up.” I pulled at her hand uselessly, trying to tug her back into this world.

Ryan knelt beside me. He was also crying. His voice cracking as he said, “We’ve got to go, Toni.”

“I can’t leave her. I can’t.”

“We don’t know who hurt her—they could still be out here.”

I shook my head. “I’m not going.”

He lifted me up under my arms while I fought, biting and kicking. He dragged me to the truck, threw me inside. He backed out in a spray of gravel, shooting down the road. I barely registered that the other partiers were gone, the broad expanse of dark highway, the yellow line, the smell of stale pot and booze and lake water and fear rolling off of us. Ryan turned on the heat but I couldn’t stop shaking, couldn’t stop crying.

Then we were at the police station. The harsh neon lights blinding. An officer was walking to his patrol car. Ryan and I got out. I collapsed onto the pavement, screaming that my sister needed help. Ryan was trying to explain what happened, but the cop was staring at his truck. I looked back and saw the bloody hand print smeared down the side. Like someone had been trying to get back in.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

C
AMPBELL
R
IVER

M
AY
2013

I woke late, unsure of what to do with my day off. I’d told Mike I’d work an extra shift if he needed me—it was starting to get busy now that it was the middle of May and the tourists were coming—but he gave me hell, told me I needed a life. We both knew that since I left the halfway house, the restaurant was my life. I’d be forever grateful to him for giving me my job back. Sure, I had to work in the kitchen now, not up front where the diners could whisper and speculate about the woman who had killed her sister. But I preferred the noise of the kitchen anyway. Besides, a job was a job and when you have a record like mine, work was pretty hard to come by.

Captain, my gray-brindle pit bull, was still in my bed. The lazy-ass would sleep all morning if I let him, but I didn’t care. He was the best thing that had happened to me in a long time. Since I moved back I’d been helping at the shelter, walking the dogs. The shelter staff was glad for the assistance—they didn’t give a crap about my past. The manager, Stephanie, was a tough broad, somewhere in her late forties, lots of tattoos and piercings. We hit it off right away. She didn’t ask any questions; we just talked about the dogs. One day this sad-looking pit bull came in. He’d been beaten up and dragged behind a truck. They weren’t sure what to do with him, figured he’d have a hard time getting adopted because of his scars and mangled ears from a home cropping job—if I ever found out who did it, I’d return the favor. I took him home that day. He loves living on the boat. It’s just an old sailboat, not seaworthy anymore, but it was the first time I had a place of my own and I’d slowly been buying things for it, new curtains, covers for the cushions, a small microwave.

I took Captain off the boat and up the wharf for his morning constitutional. On the way we greeted a few people who were down on the docks, preparing for the day. They were used to me by now, but I was sure they had their suspicions and probably talked about me when I wasn’t around. After Captain was finished, I brewed some coffee and cleaned the boat, which didn’t take long. I sat on my upper deck for a bit, enjoying the sway of the boat, watching the gulls circle overhead, Captain sprawled out on the warm surface. I still couldn’t get used to how incredible the salt air smelled. It had been the first thing I noticed when the bus, which I’d taken up from Victoria, pulled into town. I wanted to run from window to window and suck it all in.

It had taken me a while to get used to this kind of outdoor space, to the freedom, and it still made me twitchy sometimes. I was glad for the hustle and bustle of the marina. In prison, you’re used to constant noise around you all the time, and even in the halfway house you heard people talking, eating, working, the staff doing counts, my roommate breathing or rolling over in her sleep. My first night on the boat I thought I might go insane from the quiet. At least the smallness of the boat helped me feel safe. I was used to living in tight quarters.