That Wedding (54 page)

Now we have a fully stocked bar, and numerous people who have invited themselves to come "break in" our new house. Phillip acted just like a bride usually does at her showers. He was oohing and aahing over every bottle of alcohol. He almost got tears in his eyes when Blake and Logan presented him with an "amazing" and expensive bottle of tequila.

I didn't really drink much at the party. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I used to be able to party and have fun.

I think it might have something to do with my quickly approaching wedding. I also think it might have something to do with the fact that one thought keeps going through my mind. Over and over.

No matter how right things feel with Phillip, God is never wrong.

I can't seem to shake the feeling of bursting into flames. Every time I close my eyes, I can feel the fire engulfing my body. I know God was burning me for saying Phillip and I are perfect for each other.

Why would he do that?

And even worse, Phillip and I have another counseling session tonight. Our schedule got mixed up because of the holidays, and we haven't been there for three weeks. Part of me wishes I could talk about it, but I don't dare. Pastor would probably have me committed, and Phillip would probably think I'm nuts and decide not to marry me.

I look down at the crap I've been drawing, wad the paper into a ball, and toss it into the trash.

Maybe I just need to get out of here. Maybe I need to be in a different environment to feel inspired.

I tell Phillip I'm gonna go the Sheldon Museum in Lincoln. He knows that's a place I often go when I need inspiration. I'm able to forget about my project and immerse myself in other people's creations. Usually when I do that, stop thinking so hard, the answers seem to come.

But as I'm driving, I'm thinking I'm maybe looking for inspiration that's more divine.

I think about who of my friends is the most religious.

No, that's not right.

Who of my friends is the most openminded religiously? And more importantly, who will not laugh in my face when I say God may have set me on fire?

That'd have to be Nick. So I text him.

I walk up to the museum and see Nick standing outside waiting for me. I adore Nick and even though I love to tease him, he's no loser. He's adorable. Actually, don't laugh, but when he kicks off the football, I don't know, but the way he sorta skips and then like, boom, kicks the ball, is extremely sexy.

He and I had a very short-lived romance, well, maybe more of a booze-filled romance. It lasted all of about two weeks. I never slept with him, really we didn't do much more than kiss. The one night I thought things might go further, he threw up on my shoes as we were staggering back to his apartment. I spent the night with him, cleaning up his puke, and constantly cursing myself for goading him into those last two shots.

He never asked me out again, but we became good friends. I guess when you clean up someone's puke, it sort of bonds you, but it also makes me wonder.

I greet Nick with a hug and blurt out, "Why didn't we work out romantically? Is it because I got you drunk?"

He laughs. "No, that woulda been a good reason to keep you." He moves his head back and forth, like he's thinking how to say what he's about to say. "There's a couple reasons, I guess."

"And they were?"

"I wasn't going to listen to Danny's warnings cuz you were fun, but then Danny told me I didn't stand a chance because you liked Phillip."

"Danny was dumb. I was into you," I say as I pay our admission into the museum.

We stroll through the gallery and look at the paintings.

"When it was just us, sure, but when Phillip was around, seriously, it was obvious who you were into."

"No way."

"You're delusional, still. And no offense, but I just don't see how a bunch of colors swirled around equals art."

"Give me an example of how I was into Phillip when we were all sitting at the bar, and I was running my hand up your leg. And it's contemporary. It's supposed to evoke a feeling not look like something."

"Yeah, that turned me on. Like you were this bad girl, who wanted me, and your boyfriend was sitting right there, clueless." He laughs. "And the art is making me feel like I need a drink."

"My boyfriend?? That's dumb. Phillip and I were JUST friends!!"

"Jay, you freaking light up like a Christmas tree when you're around Phillip. The way you two look at each other. The connection you have with your eyes, seriously, I felt like a peeping Tom watching someone having sex. It's intimate. Why do you think everyone thought you were having sex? Because you acted like you were. He'd lower his voice when he talked to you, and you hung on every word he said. At first, I thought he just crushed on you, but the more we all hung out, it was pretty obvious who had your heart. Danny was right. I couldn't win. Plus, I was messing around with this hot girl from my sports medicine class, so I was cool with it."

I stop and look at him. "You were two-timing me? I'm appalled!"

He laughs at me, shrugs his shoulders, like it's no big deal. "Jay, we didn't do anything. How could I have been two-timing you?" We stop to look at a bright modern painting, and he changes the subject. "So what are you freaking out about? And why the museum?"

"I always come to the museum for inspiration, and I do think contemporary art is the way to go in the new building. But honestly, I probably shoulda gone to a church."

"You need religious inspiration?"

"Nick, has God ever spoken to you?"

He looks at me kinda funny, so I give him my pathetic look.

"Um, uh, no. Well, I don't know. Maybe once, but I didn't know if it was Him or like my own brain."

"That's exactly what I've been wondering!! Tell me!"

"In high school, besides kicking, I played wide receiver. I got tackled when I was up in the air. Helmet to helmet, knocked me silly. I fell hard to the ground, had a concussion, and for a few scary minutes, I couldn't feel my body. I thought I was paralyzed. They wrapped me up on one of those back boards and carted me off the field. My mind flashed,
I can't move. I'm paralyzed
. Then quickly another voice, that wasn't my own, flashed in my head. It said,
You're going to be fine
. And then I like knew I was. At the time, I thought it was God's voice, but who knows. So did God talk to you?"

"I think he did in a dream. He turned me into a burning bush, set me on fire when I told my friend that Phillip was the one for me. And in my mind, it was like He felt that was blasphemy. And I've been having a lot of dreams that are like tragic. At first, I thought, you know, I'm freaking, but I don't freak over guys. I really never have."

"You never used to, but Phillip is different. You're different with him. Probably because for the first time in your life, you have skin in the game. You care about him. You're in love him. You want it to work. Plus, you're planning a wedding, and you're moving. Your stress is just coming out in your dreams."

"I can see that with the other dreams I've had, but not this one. I really don't know if I should marry Phillip now. I'm almost positive God was trying to tell me not to, or he was threatening me or something."

Nick bursts out laughing hysterically and extremely inappropriately for a museum. "You're funny. You know that, right?"

"Stop laughing. I'm telling you this because you're my most openminded friend, and I thought you wouldn't laugh at me."

He regains temporary control, wipes tears from his stupid eyes, looks at me, and then starts laughing again.

I walk away, pretending to be intrigued by a Pollock painting.

"I'm sorry," he chokes out while trying to control his giggling.

"Are you high!? What's with the giggling?"

He straightens out his face and says seriously, "Keggers, it is. I can't have this conversation here."

We leave the museum with very little architectural inspiration and zero divine intervention.

Maybe the bar is a good option.

We walk in Keggers, and there behind the bar is my favorite hot and former fairly regular hookup, Bradley. He's drying a glass with a white rag and has a phone cradled on his shoulder. He looks irritated when Nick and I walk up to order drinks.

But when he sees me, his green eyes sparkle. "Jadyn, baby, you looking for drinks or a little fun?"

Nick holds out my engagement ring and says with a tone that's
way
too serious for a bar, "
Definitely
just drinks."

Buzz kill.

Bradley says, "Phillip?"

And I was like, "How'd you know?"

"Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know who you've always had the hots for," he says as he pours three tequila shots.