That’s How I Roll: A Novel (21 page)

“You’re Esau Till, aren’t you?”

“Yes …”

“Well, yes what?”

“I was going to say ‘ma’am,’ but I didn’t realize you’d be so young. And I don’t know you to be calling you by your first name.”

“You’re Esau Till, all right,” she said. “Folks don’t have manners like yours anymore. But that is what folks say about you, that you’re a true gentleman. Well, you better come in quick, before those nasty old crows across the way start making up stories.”

I rolled myself into her parlor. It was real nice, a lot nicer than
any home I’d been in myself. She was walking ahead of me, twitching her hips like I’d seen mares do when they’re in season.

“You want a little—”

She turned around. Her face was blushing so bright I could see it even in the dim light. “Oh, I’m sorry. I was going to say … I mean, just out of habit …”

“I understand,” I told her. Even though I had no idea what had made her turn red like she had, I’ve found saying those two words pretty much always works to calm a person when they’re upset.

She told me she’d be a lot more comfortable if I’d call her Jayne, instead of Miss Dyson. I said I’d do that proudly, if she’d do the same for me.

Then she said she knew me without ever actually meeting me, so she kind of guessed I knew her, too. Knew what she was known for, she meant.

I allowed that I did, but I made sure I didn’t talk to her like she was … well, what folks said she was.

I explained why I needed Tory-boy to be educated. I wanted him to learn to treat a woman properly, and I hoped she would help me with that. I did warn her: a young man like him might not know his own strength, especially when he got himself … excited.

“Oh, I heard that. I know he’s not right in the—”

She saw me looking at her; stopped in her tracks. “Now I
truly
apologize,” she said. “I’m ashamed of myself. You didn’t come here judging me, and I’ve got no call judging you or yours.”

“Tory-boy’s not wise in some ways,” I told her, meaning I accepted her apology and it was already gone from my mind. “I hoped you’d help me make him wiser than most in some others.”

She smiled at that. That smile, it was so sweet I knew it for a true thing.

iss Jayne Dyson did a very fine job. I know she did; I know it for a fact. It took a number of visits, but after she was done, Tory-boy
not only always had girlfriends, but he never beat on any of them, not once, no matter how they acted.

He never talked nasty to them, either. He knew words could cut like whips. Worse, even. So he always treated his girls like ladies, even when they didn’t deserve it.

It turned out that Miss Jayne Dyson, she
was
a lady. Who else but a real lady would have put so much valuable knowledge inside my little brother?

I will never forget the day as long as I live. The day Tory-boy taught
me
something. Oh, what a proud, shining moment that had been for him.

“Esau, did you know that if you treat a girl like a lady, if she really believes you think of her that way—like a lady, I mean—well, you can actually turn her into one!? It’s like casting a spell. And you know what else, Esau? I can cast that spell. Me. I never thought I could ever do something like that.”

“You mean, you didn’t
believe
you could do something like that.”

“I … Oh, gee, Esau. I get it. I really get it. What Miss Jayne taught me, it wasn’t just about girls, right?”

“It’s about everything, Tory-boy. How many times have I told you that you’re a lot smarter than folks think you are?”

“You’re always saying that, Esau.”

“And I believe it, too. So that makes it … Tell me, Tory-boy, what does that make it?”

“It makes it … true! You cast a spell, but it didn’t take, because I didn’t believe you believed it yourself. I thought you were just being nice to me, like always.”

“But now you know, right?”

“I do. I do, for real.”

“I would never lie to you, Tory-boy. Never.”

He sat down on the floor right next to me and started crying. I patted him like I always did when he was upset, but that time, I knew he was crying for joy.

was really encouraged by such things. I guess, deep down, I was hoping Tory-boy would find himself a girl with real smarts. A girl he could marry, and then they’d take care of each other. He could bring in all the money they’d ever need—I’d already made sure of that—and she could help him with some of the stuff he couldn’t handle so well.

But any girl from around here smart enough to do that kind of thing was smart enough to get out. And never come back.

ory-boy’s mind was always at ease. I kept it that way by surrounding him with knowledge he could have and hold. He knew I’d always fix anything, always keep him safe. Always love him.

I got a lawyer to draw up the papers. A legal trust, so Tory-boy would be taken care of for the rest of his life. I even named the lawyer as the trustee, so he would be the man who paid any bills that might come up. He was also to make sure Tory-boy got whatever else he needed, from bribing a lawman to drawing up a deed.

The lawyer I used, he was a young man. His father and his father before him had been lawyers, too. Now all three of their names were on the shingle, but only him and his father were still alive.

I wasn’t worried about that lawyer trying to cheat Tory-boy. His father handled cases for the people I did all that work for, and I was confident he’d passed what that meant along to his son.

If that lawyer ever cheated Tory-boy, if he ever failed on his promises, he was never going to be able to start his car. Or pick up his telephone. Or stand near a window.

He’d never know how or when, but something would be coming for him; he could count on that.

If I was still around, I’d handle it myself. I had a hundred ways to do that. And if I wasn’t, then those people I had worked for, their part would be a man with black pantyhose over his face, black latex gloves on his hands, holding a double-barreled sawed-off, with a pistol in his pocket for finishing off his job. The people I had done all that work for, their part was to make that lawyer’s ending dead sure.

I didn’t care if that ever happened. All I needed was for that lawyer to believe it would.

I had plenty on his father, too. When I told him just a little bit of that, he got real anxious. But I calmed him right down. I made him understand I wasn’t selling; I was buying.

All those things I told him, they weren’t any kind of blackmail; I was just making a payment on Tory-boy’s life-insurance policy.

Tory-boy had more than one of those. Which was kind of the point of me talking to that lawyer at all.

As long as Tory-boy stayed protected, it would be as if I had never died. I’d still be with him, keeping him safe.

e had a car, too. A van, with a lift for my chair. Tory-boy could drive real well. His coordination was damn near perfect. He just couldn’t … make decisions, I guess is the best way to put it.

So I made the decisions for us both. Anytime I had to deliver one of the devices I made, Tory-boy would always be right there with me. I didn’t need him for protection—and I’d
never
let him carry a firearm—I just didn’t like leaving him alone.

The people I delivered things to were bad men, but I never felt even a little tremor of fear when I was around them. They were always going to need more of the things I made. And they knew I’d never say a word about them to anybody, ever.

They knew what my word was worth to them. And what their lives were worth to me if they didn’t keep theirs.

So I wanted to make sure they knew Tory-boy’s face. Had it memorized.

suppose it would be fair to say I was a criminal myself way before I started working for criminals. I was selling those drugs, wasn’t I? I knew what drugs did to folks. I’d seen people—kids, even—turn themselves into … things. They’d stop being human. Lie to their friends, steal from their own families. Sell their blood and their bodies. Take anything; give up everything.

Drugs. You die from them; you die for them. Either way, you’re dead. I knew all that, but it never caused me to hesitate a second.

So maybe it wasn’t only my lower half that didn’t feel much of anything. Maybe my conscience was like that, too. Not dead, but … frozen, I guess. Frozen beyond any heat they have on this planet.

I think that was it. From the first time I showed those people what I was capable of, I’d known what I was going to be doing with the rest of my life.

There wasn’t anything else. I used to fantasize about what it would be like if we could put my brain into Tory-boy’s body. One of us would have to die to make that happen … but neither one would ever know which one had.

If that fantasy could actually happen, it wouldn’t matter even if we did know. Tory-boy would die for me without thinking about it. The only difference between us is that I would think about it. But I’d still do it.

Fantasy. Wish. Dream. Whatever I called it, I knew it wasn’t ever going to happen.

couldn’t help noticing how women denied Miss Webb the respect properly due her. Not because she tried to come in here and change things. She never did that; all she ever wanted to do
was make things better. No, those women withheld their respect because Miss Webb never got married, that’s why. A lady in her position, she didn’t have the option of just taking up with a man. You expect that from trash, but not from someone who got themselves an education.