THE AFFAIR (24 page)

When I’m with you.
The words played in my head. He was making it sound as if he expected an ongoing relationship.

“Michelle, I’m sorry for the way I approached you at the seminar.” His eyes probed my face. “I know you’ve come here to me for answers to what happened, but I really don’t have any. I can only guess.”

I stared at him. This was not what I had expected. I thought in a matter of minutes he would be able to answer every question I’d ever had about my life, about my marriage, about Viola and about Chance.

“Yes, but unlike you I don’t have the gift. I don’t know what to make of all this. You seem to be adjusting to it much better than I am.”

“Ah, that’s just what I wanted you to think. I’ve talked to a ton of people since the day I saw you. I’ve read everything I could get my hands on and nowhere did anyone ever mention anything like what happened between us. I’m not altogether sure you’re not psychic though.”

“Believe me I’m not. What did happen, Blaine? Tell me what you saw.”

“So you want me to go first. You’re still a little skeptical, aren’t you?” He laughed off my objections. “Don’t…don’t worry about it. I’m glad that you’re cautious.

“Here goes. I was standing on my stage minding my own business, trying my best to get a bead on all the voices that filled my head. I was trying to focus the energy on just one person in the audience. It didn’t matter who. But I had to still the voices to allow just one to come through.”

“Did I interfere with that?”

“I believe you did.” He smiled. “But it wasn’t your fault. For the first hour of the lecture nothing unusual happened. I was about to give a reading when I felt an electrical current begin in my toes and work its way toward my groin. I tried to ignore it, but then it reached my belly and kept moving until it reached my chest.

“It took me so by surprise that I remember dropping to my knees. I didn’t know what was happening. The voices in my head were no longer clear. I couldn’t focus. I looked up and saw a thin stream. It was silver in the beginning but it turned to a blinding white light. I saw it leave my body and rise up in the air and shoot out into the audience.

He stopped talking for a moment, breathing hard. “The whole thing was so damn freaky it scared the hell out of me.” He paused, looking embarrassed. “I’m sorry for the language.”

“Don’t worry about it, continue.”

“I didn’t have time to think about what was happening before this stream of energy came back and hit me in the chest. It seemed to go inside my body. I could do nothing for a few moments.

“When I went off the stage I could barely stand. I thought it was perhaps just someone from the other side that was pissed at being ignored. I didn’t know.

“When I came back out I kept hearing your thoughts. They were louder than any of the voices of the spirits I was trying to reach. That’s another thing that had never happened to me.

“At first I thought you were another psychic trying to ruin my lecture. That’s why I was so rude to you. That’s why I came to where you were. I never would have done that otherwise. It wasn’t until I touched you that I knew you were the source of the phenomenon. You were the voice in my head, the voice I’ve heard my entire life saying, “I’m sorry. I love you. Forgive me. Your voice was the voice of the mother I’d known only in my heart.”

He stood, clearly agitated, and began moving around the room. “I touched you, Michelle, and I was in another place. You were there and the man that was with you, the high profile attorney, I presume.”

“No,” I answered, feeling my face flame with my shameful knowledge. “He’s a friend. He’s not my husband.” I looked down, biting my lips.

“I saw myself as a baby wrapped up and off to the side in a heavy towel. I was cold, very tiny, covered in blood and having a difficult time breathing. I saw you and the man beside you.

“I heard you call him Jeremy and he called you Dimitra. I saw you bleeding. You were crying and asking him to take care of the baby. He didn’t want to. He blamed me for your dying, but you made him promise to love me. Then you made him promise to find you in the next life.”

He looked at me hopefully. “Is that what you saw?” he asked finally.

“Yes. That’s it exactly. Am I crazy?”

“If you are, then so am I. I’ve talked to a lot of people about it, other psychics,” he answered my questioning look. “I also talked to other people I trust, people who are experts in regression. I’ve helped others with regression thousands of times. In fact I’m quite good at it,” he stated proudly. “But this, it had me stumped.

“I tried to find you. I put an ad in the paper; I talked about it on the radio. I hoped you would call. It was beginning to feel as if you weren’t, but I knew you would eventually.”

Suddenly I wished Chance was by my side. He’d gotten me into this. If I’d never met him I would not be sitting here now trying to make sense of a vision, trying to find out if it was real.

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you…the man you were with?”

“Yes.” I had decided lying would be impossible with a person who could so easily read my thought.

Blaine laughed at me. “Your thoughts come through loud and clear. Also, you wear your feelings on your face. Even if I weren’t a psychic, I think I would know what you’re thinking.” He smiled. “You love him, don’t you?”

“So that’s his name?” His eyes became veiled, shutting off the hint of something. I was aware he was trying to hide something from me. Something to do with Chance. “Are you ashamed of loving Chance, Michelle? He’s not ashamed of loving you.”

I could only solve one mystery at a time. The one concerning information Blaine was hiding from me would have to wait for another time.

“Chance has nothing to lose, Blaine. He doesn’t have a family. I have a husband. I have five children.”

I looked at him seeing a tiny twitch around his lips. “I have five children this time around. I also have grandchildren. I have responsibilities. I can’t just run off and forget all of that.”

“You’re making a great defense. But I’m not a lawyer. You don’t need to defend yourself with me. Seems like you may have picked up some of your husband’s skills.”

“I’m sorry I’m ranting. It’s just that I got into this fight with my husband this morning. This thing with Chance really hurt him. I’d never cheated on him before, never thought I would.”

I laughed then. “You could have bet me a million dollars and I would have taken the bet. That’s how sure I was. I knew I would never cheat on my husband.”

“Nothing that will justify it. I wanted to die that day. I was crying in the rain. He came over to me to help. He held me in his arms and the next thing I knew I’d destroyed my marriage and hurt my husband beyond belief.”

“You were destined to meet, Michelle. You made him promise. If you had not met this time you would have met in the next life.”

“Do you really believe in reincarnation? I mean, the whole thing sounds so far out.” I attempted a lighthearted shrug. “My husband threatened to have me committed if I don’t stop talking about this stuff.”

“And you came anyway.” He opened a small compact refrigerator he had tucked away and offered me a bottle of juice. I took it, careful not to touch him. He laughed at me and took a long swig from his own bottle.

“Larry would never do anything intentionally to hurt me. He loves me.”

“Do you love him?”

Now I was offended. “Of course I love my husband.” I bristled, stopping at the look on his face. “Just because of what happened with Chance doesn’t mean I don’t love my husband.”

I took a long drink. “I feel like you’re a shrink. I don’t know, I guess I feel unnecessary to his life. He’s accomplished his goal and now I’m dispensable.”

I thought about it for a moment. For some reason things were spilling from my lips that I had never uttered aloud. I don’t think I’d even thought them.

“I feel lost,” I said in a small voice. “Swallowed up, as if I’ve been playing a part for so long to make everyone happy that I no longer know who I am. It feels that I’ve awakened from some long nightmare. I’m frightening my husband and myself because usually I keep the peace. How does the peacemaker repair the damage she’s caused?”

“Sometimes there are things that shouldn’t be repaired. Sometimes you have to let things go and start over again.”

“If you believe everything you say, that I’m your mother in a previous life and Chance is your father from that same lifetime, couldn’t you perhaps be just a little biased?”

We both laughed then. “Yeah, I suppose you could be right,” Blaine admitted. “It seems like such a romantic story to have the two of you find each other again, that maybe I did get a little carried away.”

I looked at my watch. “I have to go. I have clients I have to see.” Blaine stood.

“Will I see you again?” he asked.

“You can count on it. I want to hear all about your life. But I do have to run now.” I glanced quickly at him. There was something so familiar in his eyes. “I want to give you a hug.”

“Then why don’t you?” he teased, knowing I was still afraid of touching him.

“Maybe next time. I’ll remember to wear rubber, that should insulate me.” I stood, smiling at the tall man who’d given me so much just by listening to me and not judging. “Thanks, Blaine. It was nice talking to you. If you’d like to bill me for this…”

He stopped me. “Thanks for coming, Michelle. Please come back soon.”

As I drove away from Blaine’s office I couldn’t help smiling. Only death would prevent me from seeing him again and again and…

Chapter Eleven

My soul had taken wings. With each step I took I could feel the cleansing release. I sailed through my appointments, not minding for once the nurses that kept me waiting, welding the power they possessed, cajoling more supplies from me than I should have given.

It didn’t matter. I gave it all joyfully, for joy was the only emotion left within me. That and a great need to share that joy with the one person that would understand. I wanted to share this with Chance.

My last call finished, I sat in my car talking myself out of just driving to his office. I wondered if I was still bound by my words to Larry. I’d told him and Chance that it was over. Now the need to connect with Chance gnawed away at me like a deep hunger. There was only one thing that would abate the intense craving.

Retrieving my cell phone from my purse, I rapidly punched in Chance’s office number and asked for him before my courage failed me. I heard his muffled voice before he spoke into the receiver.

“It’s not Dimi, Chance. It’s plain old me, Michelle.” I clutched the phone to my cheek, my heart feeling as if it would burst from my chest at any moment. I missed him. The sound of his voice, the touch of his caress, his love. I remembered and I missed his love the most.