The Alien Invasion Survival Handbook: A Defense Manual for the Coming Extraterrestrial Apocalypse (10 page)

THE ALIEN INVASION SURVIVAL HANDBOOK

4. TAKE EVASIVE ACTION.
If an alien spacecraft is sighted, head immediately toward an area of higher population density. Remember, the chances of being abducted reduce when you surround yourself with more people. If in an isolated area, drive to a roadhouse or farmhouse. Hide under bridges or in tunnels for immediate shelter. It is impossible to outrun an alien spacecraft, and it is dangerous to try.

5. UPGRADE YOUR CAR AUDIO SYSTEM.
Install the best car audio system your money can buy. Make sure that it is encased with a Faraday cage to protect it from electromagnetic radiation surges. Remember, volume is of critical importance when creating an Audio Phonic shield.

6. EQUIP YOUR RIDE WITH THE AR TOP TEN.
The importance of the counter-abduction AR Top Ten cannot be overstated. It is imperative that you have a personal copy on hand at all times, both in your CD player and in an MP3 player, and that you also have the songs committed to memory as a backup strategy in case your sound system goes down.

7. PAY ATTENTION TO SPONTANEOUS MECHANICAL PROBLEMS.
If your car unexpectedly stalls and your lights go out while driving through a remote area at night, you know that you're in for trouble. Lock and load, and prepare for an imminent abduction attempt. Don't panic. You know what to expect, and you're ready for it. You are now in automatic mode. If your car's audio system fails, get out of your car and head for the nearest shelter. Leave your headlights switched to the on position so that when the danger has passed, they will come back on, alerting you that it's now safe to return to your vehicle.

Aliens are some of the most difficult creatures to successfully defend against in the wilderness. With limited resources at your disposal, you are completely reliant on your own personal adaptability and ingenuity to protect yourself and your loved ones from their malevolent intentions. Although they have the technological advantage, it is possible for people using primitive tools and materials to trap, capture, or kill unsuspecting hostile aliens. Alien traps have been used with great effect under the most challenging of circumstances and can provide a formidable defensive barrier between you and your adversaries. Traps may also have the effect of demoralizing your foe to the extent that they may decide you are not worth the trouble and go and find easier prey.

Before looking at a variety of alien traps, it is important that we examine some general rules.

1. THE TRAP YOU CHOOSE MUST BE A PERFECT MATCH.
A trap must suit the location in which it is constructed. Pay attention to detail. Ensure that the materials from which the trap is constructed are from the immediate vicinity so that it will blend in to the local environment.

2. KEEP YOUR TRAP SITE PRISTINE.
Make sure the trap site is altered as little as possible. Nothing must be out of place. Dead grass, withered branches, and freshly dug or trampled soil all indicate something is amuck. Leave nothing to indicate recent activity. Construct your trap devices away from the area in which you intend to set them. This will minimize the visual disturbance to the trap area.

3. ALWAYS CAMOUFLAGE.
As traps usually utilize wire, rope, or a trip stick as part of their trigger mechanisms, these must be carefully concealed to prevent detection. Use leaves, grass, soil, mud, or water to cover these telltale signs of human activity.

4. BE MINDFUL OF YOUR TRIGGER.
The trigger device must be simple, weather-resistant, easily hidden, and made from local materials. Of the diverse range of trigger devices that can be used, the “figure four” trigger (illustrated at right) is probably the simplest and one of the most reliable.

Alien trapping involves the construction of a mechanisms that, when triggered, will either kill or maim your prey. They must be simply designed, easy to construct, and foolproof. There are two basic forms of traps:

 


• BOOBY TRAPS:
  Booby traps utilize a range of technologies that require expert training and handling, including explosives and chemical and incendiary devices. Although these devices are all part of the modern tools of war and are very efficient, they are not for the novice alien fighter.
  

 


• PRIMITIVE TRAPS:
  Primitive traps are constructed from resources readily available in any wilderness location from tools that you may have at hand in a survival situation, including a knife, ax, shovel, wire, or rope.
  

For the purposes of this book, we shall assume that you do not have complex military items at your disposal and must rely solely on available resources. Primitive traps come in a variety of forms. The type of trap you choose will depend on a number of factors, including the nature of the terrain you find yourself in, the time and resources you have available, the manpower you have at your disposal, and the desired outcome. Choosing the correct trap for the situation you find yourself in will, to a large degree, determine how effective it will be. In this section, we will look at a number of classic primitive alien traps that have been successfully used in real-life situations.

A note of caution: All the traps described in this book do work and are extremely dangerous. The construction of traps should be attempted only under the direst of circumstances and never in populated areas.

Preparation time: 6–8 hours

Level of difficulty: medium

Location: woodland or forest

A pit trap is a large hole dug into the ground and concealed in such a way that an unsuspecting alien will fall in and impale itself on a series of sharpened stakes at the bottom. Together with traditional snare traps (a simple trap constructed from a coil of rope or wire concealed along a path that, when triggered, hoists the unsuspecting victim by the ankle skyward, to be left dangling upside down from a tree limb), the pit trap is often the first that people think of when traps come to mind. Building an effective pit trap takes a considerable amount of time and effort. It is not the type of trap that can be set in haste and, as such, is generally more suited to defending well-established positions where you have dug in for the long haul. It should not be attempted by those in a hurry or those with insufficient manpower. Here are the steps for effective pit-trap construction:

1. POSITION:
As with all alien traps, positioning is of critical importance. Optimally, traps should be constructed along seldom-used trails or paths. A detour around an obstacle such as a fallen tree or a large puddle on the main path is an ideal location. These obstacles will funnel your prey to where you want them. The immediate presence of thick, trampled undergrowth is a distinct advantage when it comes to camouflage.

2. CHECK BEFORE YOU DIG:
You can save yourself a lot of time and effort by ensuring that the soil type is satisfactory before you start. Reject water-logged or sandy locations, as these will require substantial reinforcing to the internal walls to prevent collapse. Make sure there are not too many large rocks or roots that will impede your progress.

3. PIT CONSTRUCTION:
The pit should be about nine feet deep. Remove all soil at least 50 yards from the pit site, being careful to avoid trampling surrounding vegetation. It is vitally important that you do not leave any evidence of freshly dug soil around the site. Plastic or canvas sheets may be used to protect the immediate vicinity from undue soiling during construction. If necessary, brace the sides of the pit with local timbers.

FIGURE 2.6 A:
Typical pit trap construction.

4. STAKE YOUR CLAIM:
Although your interstellar adversary may be injured by merely falling into your pit, other measures must be taken to effectively detain it. Cut fifty or sixty spikes (2–3 feet in length) from local timbers, trimming one end to a sharp point. Embed the spikes vertically into the bottom of the pit, pointy side up. Ouch! That's got to hurt.

FIGURE 2.6 B:
Proper spike carving technique.

5. CONCEALMENT:
The entrance to the pit must be covered in such a way that it will remain securely in place until your enemy steps on it. It must then readily give way, allowing your victim to fall onto the spikes. Construct a light timber frame to cover the top of the pit. Cover this frame with vegetation or soil from the immediate area. When complete, it should be indistinguishable from its surroundings. Use light internal bracing, if necessary, to support the roof of the trap.