The Alien Invasion Survival Handbook: A Defense Manual for the Coming Extraterrestrial Apocalypse (12 page)

FIGURE 2.9 A:
Select a heavy, yet manageable log.

2. POSITION:
Hoist the log into the canopy, being careful to avoid entangling the spikes in the surrounding foliage. Thin guy wires may be used to reduce movement from the wind or rope twists. These should easily pull free as the log drops. The log should run parallel to the trail beneath. Avoid walking under the log when in position.

FIGURE 2.9 B & C:
Correct porcupine trap positioning.

3. CAMOUFLAGE:
Camouflage your trap and its trigger using local materials. Ensure these materials will not snag or catch on the log as it drops, or create a noise that will warn your prey of their impending demise.

Traps are not deterrents built in haste. They take time, effort, and resources to construct.

They are most suited for siege situations or when you're on the run and want enough security to ensure a good night's sleep. They are, by their very nature, defensive.

However, there comes a time when defense is just not enough. You may reach a point where all the precautions you have taken are insufficient to get you out of a sticky situation, and you'll need to employ other tactics.

ESCAPE

CHAPTER SUMMARY

No matter how thorough your anti-abduction training is, there may come a time when, in an unguarded moment, you succumb to the malicious intentions of our alien foes. If you are captured, like countless others around the globe, do not despair. Escape is possible.

If all the preventive measures outlined in this book have been strictly followed, you can be 97 percent sure you are safe from alien abduction. That only leaves 3 percent to worry about.

What if things don't go according to plan? In the confusion of your first close encounter, you forget the lyrics to “Voodoo Child.” The battery in your iPod goes flat. You are abducted while asleep, or you are unexpectedly overpowered by a seething mass of our interstellar adversaries. Any one of a hundred unforeseen events can thwart even the most thorough counter-abduction training. Must you abandon hope? Definitely not. Escape is not only possible, it has been achieved by a surprisingly large number of ordinary people under a wide range of extraordinary circumstances.

Escape, however, is a venture that should never be taken lightly. Fleeing from your alien abductors is a serious undertaking fraught with a unique set of challenges and unforeseen dangers. Yet, when weighed against the perils of remaining captive, escape, no matter how dangerous, is the only real alternative left to those who do not wish to subject themselves to the indignities of a lifetime of harassment and experimentation.

In addition to physical stamina, a successful escape will require courage and cunning, but also a considerable amount of good luck. Yet, the key ingredient in any escape situation is always the mental attitude of the person involved. Being proficient in the necessary skills is important, but having the will to survive is essential.

Although the circumstances of abductions may be unique, there are some general rules that can be followed.

1. REMAIN CALM AND FOCUSED.
It is vital that you don't panic. You have a job to do, and it will take all of your concentration and determination to succeed. Like any strange and new environment, alien spacecrafts hold much to distract you from your primary objective. The novelty of your extraterrestrial surrounding, peculiar sounds and smells, and the unnerving sensation of gangly fingers probing every inch of your body can all divert your attention from your task. Take a deep breath, relax, think — then act.

2. PLAN AN EARLY ESCAPE.
Seventy-three percent of all successful escapes occur within the first thirty minutes of captivity. It is during this period that you are still capable of functioning at your peak; the longer you remain under alien control, the more your physical ability and mental resolve to escape will be impaired. So, start planning your escape and watching for opportunities the moment you are captured.

3. BE OBSERVANT.
Pay attention to your surroundings. Take note of the route you take within the spacecraft, watching carefully for reference points that will help you retrace your path back out of the ship. Also look for any side corridors, ventilation shafts, or other alternative exit points. Are there any items that could be used to aid your escape or to use as a weapon? Note the location and number of aliens along your route. Even small things, which may initially seem insignificant, could be of vital importance later on.

4. ACT IMMEDIATELY.
The saying “he who hesitates is lost” is never truer than when attempting to escape from your alien abductors. When an opportunity to escape presents itself, it is imperative that you act immediately, as you may not get a second chance. Be prepared to adapt your strategy to suit the situation, which may change from moment to moment. Watch and wait. If you notice the aliens are distracted or momentarily let down their guard, you must be prepared to act instantly. Chances to escape have been lost by those waiting for just the right circumstances. There is no time like the present. Do it now.

5. ROCK ON.
The very fact that you have been captured and are onboard an alien spacecraft indicates that you were probably without a functional or adequately shielded MP3 player (refer to chapter 2). Any successful escape attempt will hinge on your ability to employ the Audio-Morphic Recall techniques discussed in the previous chapter. Some have likened the difficulty of this level of concentration to reciting Shakespeare's “Cry ‘God for Harry, England, and Saint George!’” speech from
Henry V
(“Once more unto the breach, dear friends …”) while running in front of a herd of stampeding wildebeests. While it is true to say that this may seem like an impossible task, it is one that must be mastered if you wish to thwart your adversary's intentions. You can gain comfort from the knowledge that other ordinary people from many different cultures and walks of life have successfully used this technique under a diverse range of circumstances to aid their escape.

6. REMEMBER THAT THE MEEK WILL NOT INHERIT THE EARTH.
Aliens rely on our total submission. Their whole strategy is based on their ability to subdue us, then — and only then — to exploit us. Compliance with your captors may get you home again, but not undamaged, or unscarred, and with the certain knowledge that you will be abducted again. If you are to oppose your captors, you must do so forcefully and in such a way that they will decide that you are not worth the trouble and will go elsewhere to find more cooperative victims.

History has demonstrated that bravado can be effectively employed to provide a tactical advantage. Berserkers were ancient Norse warriors legendary for working themselves into frenzy before a battle and then fighting with reckless savagery. The mere thought of them was sufficient to send some enemies running for the hills. In the same way, you must demonstrate to your abductors that you will not go quietly, like a lamb to the slaughter.

When faced with a bull in a china shop, the most prudent course of action is to open a door to let it out. In the same sense, when your alien abductors are confronted with a human specimen that cannot be subdued by mind control and is on the rampage within the confines of their spacecraft, they will do whatever it takes to get you out of their ship as quickly as possible.

Having gone to all that trouble to abduct you in the first place, aliens are not likely to want you dead if they can at all avoid it. Your corpse is of little use to their experiments, which all seem to target life processes. In addition, letting you go, if things start to get rough, provides them with the option of recapturing you later when they are better prepared. But be warned, accidents can and do happen. Death through misadventure during escape attempts is not uncommon. Due caution must always be demonstrated.

THREE STRATEGIES FOR UNLEASHING HELL ONBOARD AN ALIEN SPACECRAFT

The best course of action is physical aggression. To put it bluntly, take out as many aliens as possible. Having turned the tables on your captors, now turn their heads, literally, until they snap off. Leave them with no doubt that you mean them harm and you do not, in any sense of the word, come in peace.

Feel free to engage in wanton destruction; vandalize anything you can get your hands on. Aliens are a long way from home, and the last thing they want is to have their life-support systems damaged. Demonstrate that the risk of keeping you onboard far outweighs any benefits.

And finally, feign insanity. Scream like a banshee, wail and roar, whatever it takes. Don't hold back. Remember, aliens can only hear high-pitched sounds. There is nothing more fearful than being locked in a confined space with a creature that is out of control and apparently has no concern for its own safety. Anything can happen, and usually does.

To date, aliens have revealed to those who've been abducted only one real weapon in their armory: mind control. They have used this formidable power to their advantage, unchallenged, throughout their entire association with mankind. When this power is overcome, they are rendered effectively defenseless.

A combative and maliciously destructive human is a threat to not only their own personal safety, but to the security of their ship. Professor A.C. Bishop, working with case studies during a clandestine military research project near Havelock, North Carolina, in the late 1980s, identified three behaviors, which, if applied with appropriate vigor and enthusiasm, will almost guarantee prompt eviction from any alien spacecraft.

7. ABANDON CAUTION.
Trying to avoid detection while onboard an alien spacecraft is futile. Elaborate biomonitoring systems are able to instantly pinpoint your location and track every move you make. There is little point trying to sneak down corridors or hide in dark recesses. Abandon all pretenses of stealth and head toward your goal without hesitation or restraint. Success will not be achieved by the cautious.

8. TAKE NOTHING BUT MEMORIES (LEAVE NOTHING BUT CORPSES).
Resist the temptation to take any mementos from the spacecraft upon your exit. Although you may think they would look good on your mantle or prove themselves useful for verifying your story to the media, most escapees who have souvenired any unsecured items have soon been recaptured.