The Arabian Nights (New Deluxe Edition) (58 page)

But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “Sister, what a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you if the king spares me and lets me live!”

T
HE
O
NE
H
UNDRED AND
F
IFTIETH
N
IGHT

The following night Shahrazad said:

It is related, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the young man said to the guests:

My relatives kept crying out, “Alas for our murdered one, alas for our murdered one,” while a crowd gathered around them, until the judge, hearing the uproar and the screaming at his door, said to one of his servants, “Go and see what is the matter.” The servant went out and came back, saying, “O my lord, there are more than ten thousand men and women at the door, crying out, ‘Alas for our murdered one,' and pointing to our house.” When the judge heard this, he became apprehensive and worried and, opening the door, went out and saw a great crowd of people. He was amazed and said, “O people, what is the matter?” They replied, “O cursed man, O pig, you have killed our master.” He said, “What has your master done to me that I should kill him? My house is open to you.” The barber said, “You beat him with a rod and I heard him just now screaming inside the house.” The judge repeated, “What has your master done to me that I should beat him, and what brings him into my house?” The barber replied, “Don't be perverse, vile old man. I know everything. Your daughter is in love with him and he with her, and when you found them out, you bade your servants beat him. By God, none shall judge between us and you but the caliph, unless you bring out our master to his relatives, before I go in and bring him out myself and put you to shame.” The judge stood blushing and tongue-tied before the crowd and could only mumble, “If you are speaking the truth, come in and fetch him.” The barber pushed forward and entered the house.

When I saw the barber enter the house, I looked for an exit or a means of escape or a place to hide but saw none, save a large chest that stood in the room. I got into the chest, pulled the lid down on me, and held my breath. When the barber came into the room, he searched, looking right and left and, seeing nothing but the chest in which I was hiding, placed it on his head and left with it in a hurry. At this I lost my mind and, feeling certain that he would not let me alone, took courage and, opening the chest, threw myself to the ground and broke my leg. I opened the door and saw a great crowd of people. Now I happened to have a good sum of money hidden in my sleeve for such a day; so I took the money out and began to scatter it among the crowd, and while they were busy scrambling for it, I fled, running right and left through the alleys of Baghdad, while the cursed barber, whom nothing could divert, kept running after me from place to place.

But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “What a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if I stay alive!”

T
HE
O
NE
H
UNDRED AND
F
IFTY
-F
IRST
N
IGHT

The following night Shahrazad said:

I heard, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the young man said to the guests:

I kept running, while the barber ran and shouted after me, “They would have killed and bereft me of my benefactor and the benefactor of my family, my children, and my friends, but praise be to God who made me triumph over them and helped me deliver my lord from their hands.” Then he asked me, “My lord, where do you want to go now? If God had not sent me to you, you would not have escaped destruction at their hands, for no one else could have saved you. How long can I live to protect you? By God, you have nearly undone me by your desire and foolish decision to go alone. But I will not reproach you for your foolishness, for you are a rash and ignorant bumbler.”

The young man continued:

As if the barber was not satisfied with what he had inflicted on me, he kept pursuing me and shouting after me through the streets of Baghdad until I lost all patience and in my rage and fury against him took refuge in a caravansary inside the market and sought the protection of the owner, who finally drove the barber away. Then I sat in one of the shops and thought to myself, “If I return home, I will never be able to get rid of this cursed fellow, and he will be with me day and night, while I can't stand even the look of him.” So I sent out at once for witnesses and made a will, dividing the greater part of my money among my family, and appointed a guardian over them, bidding him sell the house and be in charge of the old and the young. Then, in order to get rid of this pander, I took some money with me and set out on that very day from the caravansary until I reached this country and settled in your city, where I have been living for some time. When you favored me with your invitation and I came here, whom should I see but this cursed barber, seated in the place of honor? How can I then enjoy myself in the company of this fellow who brought all this upon me, causing me to break my leg, leave my family and my home and country, and go into exile? Now I have run into him again, here at your place.

The young man refused to sit down and join us. When we heard what happened to the young man at the hands of the barber, we were very much amazed and entertained by the story, and we asked the barber, “Is what the young man says about you true? And why did you do it?” He raised his head and replied, “Fellows, I did it out of my wisdom, good sense, and humanity. Were it not for me, he would have perished, for none but I was responsible for his escape. It was good that he suffered in his leg and not in his life. I endured so much just to do a favor to one who does not deserve it. By God, of all my six brothers—I am the seventh—there is none less talkative, less meddlesome, or wiser than I. I will tell you now about an incident that happened to me, in order to prove to you that, unlike all my brothers, I am neither meddlesome nor talkative.”

 

6.
To this day, in certain parts of the Middle East, barbers function as surgeons and dentists.

7.
Instrument used formerly by astrologers for ascertaining the positions of the heavenly bodies.

8.
Two of the compilers of the sayings of the prophet Muhammad.

[The Barber's Tale]

I WAS LIVING
in Baghdad, in the days of al-Mustansir Billah
⁹
son of al-Mustazi Billah. Baghdad at that time was where the caliph resided. He loved the humble and the poor and associated with the learned and the pious. One day it happened that he was angry with a group of ten men and commanded the chief of the police of Baghdad to bring them before him on a feast day.

But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “Sister, what a strange and amazing story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if the king spares me and lets me live!”

T
HE
O
NE
H
UNDRED AND
F
IFTY
-S
ECOND
N
IGHT

The following night Shahrazad said:

I heard, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the barber said to the guests:

The caliph ordered the chief of the police of Baghdad to bring before him at a feast ten men who had formed a band of robbers and made the road unsafe. The chief went out and, capturing them, embarked with them in a boat. When I saw them, I said to myself, “By God, these people have met for a party, and I think that they are going to spend the day on this boat, eating and drinking, and none shall be their companion but I.” So, fellows, out of a sense of fellowship, as well as good sense, I slipped into the boat with them. They crossed the river, and as soon as they reached the opposite bank in Baghdad, there came police officers and guards with chains, which they put around the necks of the robbers, as well as mine, but because of my courtesy and reticence, fellows, I did not choose to speak and remained silent. Then they dragged us in chains and brought us before the Commander of the Faithful, who bade the heads of the ten robbers be struck off. The executioner came forward and, making us kneel before him on the leather mat of execution, drew his sword and struck off one head after another, until all ten were beheaded and none was left but myself. The caliph looked at me and said to the executioner, “You, you have struck off only nine heads.” The executioner replied, “O Commander of the Faithful, God forbid that I should behead only nine, when you bade me behead ten.” The caliph said, “This is the tenth, sitting before you.” The executioner replied, “How can that be, how can that be! By your bounty, my lord, I have killed ten.” So they counted the heads and found ten. Then the caliph looked at me and said, “You, what made you remain silent at such a time, and how did you come to be in the company of these murderers? You are advanced in years but retarded in understanding.” When I heard the words of the Commander of the Faithful, I said, “O Commander of the Faithful, I am the Silent One, and I have attained of science and philosophy, wisdom and refinement, eloquent speech and repartee what no one has ever attained. The gravity of my apprehension, the keenness of my comprehension, the precision of my method, the greatness of my humanity and commitment, and the extent of my taciturnity are boundless and hard to attain. Yesterday I saw these ten men heading for a boat and, thinking that they were going to have a party, joined them and embarked with them. As soon as we crossed the river and disembarked, they met their fate. All my life, I have dealt kindly with people, but they repay me in the worst way.”

When the caliph heard my words, he laughed until he fell on his back, realizing that I was no meddler, but a man of great generosity and few words, contrary to what I have been accused of by this young man, who has repaid me so badly, after I saved him from horrors. Then the caliph asked me, “Silent One, are your six brothers like you?” I replied, “May they perish and disappear if they are like me, act like me, or look like me. Each of my six brothers, O Commander of the Faithful, is afflicted with a bodily defect. One is one-eyed, another paraplegic, a third hunchbacked, a fourth blind, a fifth cropped of the ears, and a sixth cropped of the lips. You must not think that I am a man of many words, but I would like to show you that I am a man of greater worth and fewer words than my brothers, each of whom has a tale of how he came by his defect.

“The eldest was a tailor . . .”

But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “What a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if I stay alive!”