The Aristocrat's Lady (Love Inspired Historical) (19 page)

“I am afraid I do not understand you, ma’am,” Nicole said.

There was no mistaking the fact that Lady Augusta’s voice was eminently serious as she asked, “Can you be telling me that you and your mother thought I brought you here to chastise you?” Without allowing a response from Nicole she hurried on. “More importantly, you
came ready to accept it?” Shock finally registered in her voice. “You believed I planned to make you as uncomfortable as possible and that I would be pleased in your discomfort?”

More to herself than to Nicole she groaned, “Jared may have told me all about you, but I can only pray that you did not get this picture of me from him.”

Nicole was immediately penitent. This fiasco was due to her folly, and she had no right to so address this woman, no matter her motives. “Ma’am, please let me assure you that Lord Devlin has spoken of you in only the highest regard. It has been quite evident that he loves you above anyone else.”

“Yet you still believed I intended you malice in inviting you here!” It was a statement, not a question.

“My lady, I assumed you wished to ring a peal over me because I had hurt someone you love. And yes, I meant to accept it out of respect for that love. At the very least, you have every right to call me to account. I believe I, too, would demand that satisfaction to protect a member of my family.”

Lady Augusta moved her Bath chair in front of the sofa where Nicole was sitting. Lifting one of Nicole’s hands, she explained, “I asked you here for several reasons, but none of them were to berate you
or
your mother. I admit to inviting Amelia so your mother would be occupied, but it was so I would be able to have you to myself, to get to know you, my dear. Alone we could do so with no need to follow Society’s dictates of mere politeness. I told your mother I intended to talk
to you about Jared, but accusing you was never part of the plan.”

“Perhaps you would care to explain it to
me,
ma’am?” Nicole asked softly.

“I did hear about what happened in London, but I requested your visit so I could meet the woman my grandson let slip away because of such a trifling matter. It was certainly not to cause you any further humiliation than I fear he already has.” As she finished, she deflated a little. “I cannot imagine what you must have been thinking of me last night and this morning.”

Nicole sensed that Lady Augusta could use a little comforting, but at the moment she was too astonished to give it. “Trifling?” she said, taken aback. “I… You do not know… Ma’am, Lord Devlin was perfectly justified in his anger. If you know the whole of it, then you know it was I who was deceitful and I who was at fault.”

“My dear child, I did not hear the story from gossips. Indeed, I can honestly say that I do not know how this escaped Society’s notice. I heard your story from my grandson. I am well aware he enacted you a performance to rival Drury Lane, but I could not get him to see past the harsh words he said, so I sent for you. Jared knows nothing of your visit. I wished to make your acquaintance and hoped we could discover a way to mend matters.”

Nicole was confused. “I vow I do not understand, my lady. If Lord Devlin told you the truth, why should you wish to reconcile us? You must know I behaved very badly.”

“My dear girl, Jared did tell me the truth. He is too honest, however, to exempt himself from blame. You see, child, it was not his description of events that roused my curiosity.” Her voice subtly changed. “My grandson has a reputation among the general populace as a proud, independent man—not vicious, but somewhat hardened. He is also quite able to accomplish whatever he sets out to achieve. Without boring you with his history, I can vouchsafe for his being somewhat severe, though in truth he feels things quite deeply.

“You see, I have never seen him so greatly disturbed. His inner turmoil made me wish to know the woman he was so tortured about hurting. Unfortunately, he was too willing to believe you would never forgive him. It made it easier for him to walk away from the situation…but not to forget it.”

They talked easily after that, and Nicole was astonished by the luncheon bell, not realizing how long they had been closeted together. When Higgins and Toby knocked at the door, they found Nicole seated on the floor at the dowager’s feet with tears in her eyes.

“I believe your mother and Mrs. Davenport planned to luncheon in the village. Would you care to join me in here, my dear, so we may be comfortable?” Lady Augusta asked. “You ate nothing at breakfast, so if you would rather eat in your room and come back to me, please feel free to tell me.”

Later that afternoon, when the ladies had satisfactorily shared their luncheon
and
their heartfelt concerns, Lady Augusta turned quite serious. “You do love him, do you not, Nicole?”

If Nicole thought this dear woman would have believed her, she might have told one more lie to save her the pain to come. But remembering her new vow of complete honesty, she pushed down the desire that said if she told her no, Nicole might believe it herself.

The strength of her emotions could not be hidden, however, in her simple answer. “Yes, ma’am, I do. I love him with all my heart. But that has no bearing now. Even if he
could
forgive me, you must try and understand that we did not have a romantic attachment. He believed we were friends, as did I.”

Nicole rested her head upon the dowager’s knees and sighed. “Even were there to be no more animosity between us, there would only remain the original friendship. You yourself told me he was not very comfortable with that kind of relationship.” She thought she could stay at the feet of this woman for a long while. This day had brought her as close to Lady Augusta as she had become that day with Beth Hampton, and she believed she had found another friend for life.
Lord, I am not worthy!

She lifted her head, looking toward the light that had been so bright this morning but had lessened in the late afternoon. She felt Lady Augusta’s intent to interrupt her so she continued, “But that is only part of the story. I know you and the Hamptons think he is in love with me. Should that be true, and should he forgive me, I would turn down his love. He is an important, intelligent and active man who needs a woman who can be an asset to him.” A helpmeet, she thought. “He does not
need someone he cannot take out in public without a…tether.” Her voice cracked on the last.

The inner pain she thought to share openly with Beth was just as easily shared with Devlin’s grandmother, and one lone tear trickled down her cheek. “I have seen many doctors, my lady, even Dr. Morrison in London. There is not much hope this is a temporary handicap. I shall have to deal with it for the rest of my life.”

Lady Augusta seemed regal in defense of her grandson. “You say you love him, but you do not know him as well as you think you do if you believe it is your blindness that overpowers his thoughts.” She went into great detail describing the care her grandson had shown her when she was confined to her wheelchair. “He loves me as a person, not my abilities.”

“Ma’am…”

“Nicole, you were not the only one to hide an aspect of your life. Jared did not tell you, but he has been married before. She died five years ago.”

Nicole sat bolt upright, a look of enlightenment crossing her face. “I see. He has not yet gotten over her death. That is why he avoids marriage.” She spoke in subdued resignation. “He could have told me that.”

“That is my point, Nicole. He berated you for not trusting him with the entire truth, yet he withheld important details of his life as well. You see, he had a wife who
was
an asset to him yet she did him much more harm than good. His marriage was a dismal failure arranged by an abusive father. Vivian lied to him and deceived him from the day he met her, so he lumped all women into that class…until you.”

Nicole was no longer subdued. She became agitated, wringing her hands in dismay. “Pray say it is not so! Then
I
deceived him and convinced him he was right!” She buried her face in her hands. “I have so much more to answer for than I ever dreamed.”

Lady Augusta took Nicole’s face in her hands, treating her as if she could see her. “No, Nicole, you do not understand. You have changed everything for him. You have turned his world upside down and he wants it to be right side up. I always hoped he would meet someone like you—someone who could take away the pain of his lonely childhood, his unnatural parents and his unfaithful wife. Now that he has, he is using your misunderstanding as an excuse to walk away. But I saw his true feelings when he spoke of you. His emotions were so near the surface, and he usually keeps his feelings very safely hidden.”

She tried to evoke the intensity of
his
words. “Even though he did not acknowledge it as love, he knew it was special. He was amazed at your intelligence, your wit and your bravery above all. He said he had found a new friend, but his understanding of such a relationship confused him. Truth to tell, when he found out about your blindness he was taken aback. But only at first, and I can see how it would do that. But you should have heard him speak of your courage in facing London without seeing, just to make your mother happy. Again, that is a type of giving he does not understand in someone else, though
he
has that quality in abundance.

“After he lost control and displayed his hurt in a fit of temper,
you
came to
him
to apologize. You see, my
dear, that was extraordinary to him, and he did not know how to handle it. Finally, when Toby took him down a peg or two…”

“When Toby did
what?
” Nicole asked.

“Did you not know about that? I think your Toby a very special sort of man. He planted Jared a facer as well.” She chuckled a little. “It seems Jared did not wish to be chastised by a servant when he had already reproached himself quite thoroughly. Toby took him to account anyway!”

She turned serious again. “Nicole, imagine his further confusion. Jared had certainly never seen a servant fight for his employer. It made him wonder even more what kind of person you were to incite such loyalty.”

Nicole’s eyes filled with tears.

“Why are you crying, darling girl?”

“Toby should never have risked his life for such a reason! Doing that could change nothing, and he could have been hanged. What a dreadful coil. How I will give him a piece of my mind…and another piece of my heart.” The last was said almost in a whisper. “What havoc I have wrought,” she continued as she pulled her handkerchief out of her sleeve, wiped her eyes and finished in resignation. “I suppose I should be very thankful that the consequences of my actions have been much less than they could have been, and that it is over before any more damage can be done.”

“No!” Lady Augusta cried. “You must
not
declare it over. We must come up with a way to reconcile the two of you. Jared thinks it is easier to send you a note of apology! Can you imagine? A note of apology? He
will leave things the way they are rather than risk his heart again.”

At that, Nicole was reminded of Beth Hampton’s prophetic letter. She told Nicole that when Devlin realized how deeply his heart was involved, he might take an easy way out to protect that scarred organ. But she must not dwell on that any longer.

“It is only because of his past,” the dowager continued. “You do not fit his definition of a typical woman, but he is afraid to invest so much of himself, not because he does not want to but because there is a risk.”

Nicole was quiet for a long time, then placed her hands on Lady Augusta’s knees and rested her chin on them. “I am sorry, dear lady, but it
is
over. I meant what I said at the time about not being a burden and never marrying him. I know he is not in the plans God has for me.”

Lady Augusta sounded startled at Nicole’s mention of God, but she could not stop to think about it now. “But you love Jared.” The words came out in forlorn desperation and tugged at Nicole’s already damaged heart.

“Yes. I know what true love is because of Lord Devlin. And because I love him so much, I would not marry him. I know that true love is placing the best interest of others before your own happiness. I am sorry, dear lady. I hope you and I can be friends, but Lord Devlin is right—it is over, and that is for the best.”

Nicole’s mother and her friend returned, and private conversation was no longer to be had between her and Lady Augusta.

As they said good-night for the evening, Nicole heard the rising wind of an impending storm. Before she went upstairs, she asked Toby to take her to Lady Augusta’s suite of rooms. She felt the need to be sure of her comfort.

“I am fine, dear. Indeed, I quite enjoy storms. God replenishes His creation in many different ways.”

“Lady Augusta…?”

“Yes, my dear, I think you and I have much more in common than my headstrong grandson. Perhaps our bond in the Lord will keep us close until He calls me home.”

Tears welled in Nicole’s eyes, and she needed this woman to know how special she had become to her in so short a time. “We will be leaving in the morning, and I did not know if I would get a chance to tell you how much your belief and trust in me has meant. I know I have let people down because of my selfishness, but I have learned an important lesson about honesty that I will strive for each day. That you have treated me kindly will stay in my heart forever. Thank you.” She kissed Lady Augusta’s hand.

“Child, from Jared’s description, I thought I would like you. I now know you are the woman who could make him happy, and it makes me melancholy to think of what you both may be throwing away. Do not worry, I am not going to give you another dressing-down but I, too, will think of you often and maybe you will come to see me again soon.”

Nicole reached out to touch Lady Augusta’s face. She wanted to feel the beauty of those lined and wiz
ened features to remember for all time. “Good night, my lady, and God bless you.”

The morning brought a continuing light drizzle and all four women were in rather low spirits at breakfast. They had each, for their own reasons, put off leaving as long as they could and were just pushing back their chairs when a man shaking a soaking greatcoat walked into the room. At his first words, Nicole froze in shock.