The Arrangement Anthology (18 page)

I look up at him from under my lashes. “No one has noticed that before. I’m not even sure that I knew what I was doing. I understand feeling cold. I understand what it means and what I should do. But, my God—Sean I don’t understand this.” I gesture at the grave yard. “I don’t know what to do. Days pass and turn into months, but nothing changes. It’s not better. I feel myself getting chipped away. Soon there will be nothing left to hold on to.”

My throat tightens as I speak and I drop my gaze. It feels like someone is strangling me. Admitting that I don’t know how to cope with all this makes me feel weak, like I’ll falter and fade away. This entire time, I’ve carried this massive burden on my own two shoulders. I’ve never said it to anyone, and here I am confessing my deepest secret to the guy who bought me.

Sean pulls me against his chest and holds on tight. I can barely feel his touch, I’m so numb. He squeezes me tighter and tighter until all the air is forced out of my lungs. That’s when he loosens his grip. “There is more to hold onto than you think.” He kisses my forehead and releases me.

I’m aware of the warmth of his moist lips on my cold skin, but I can’t feel the kiss. It has no comfort, no joy. It’s just a touch, like pressing my finger to the tip of a needle. I’ve done that, just to see if I could feel the sharp pain of the needle when it pricked my skin. Instead, the only indication that I should stop was a bead of blood that dripped down my palm. 

Sean’s voice pulls me from the memory. “Avery, let’s not waste the day just trying to muddle through it. Let’s do something.” Sean smiles softly at me. “We’ll start with coffee and go from there.” I nod.

Sean holds the door to his shiny black sports car open and I slip into the seat. When Sean gets in and turns on the car, I ask, “No motorcycle?”

“I only ride when your car is in danger of being stolen and right now,” he lifts his chin toward my car, “it looks like it’s in its element.” His voice is lighter, his tone teasing.

“Hey!” I smile at him and add, “Don’t dis my car. She’s been with me through thick and thin.”

“I’ll have her returned to your dorm while we’re out so she can continue to attract scallywags and thieves.” Sean starts the car and glances over at me with a playful look on his face.

I snort laugh, not expecting his lightness. “Scallywags?”

“Yes, and that would be me. The day we met, your little car attracted both types of very virtuous men.” The corner of his mouth twitches, like he wants to smile.

“Yeah, normally I’d shove everyone in the backseat and cruise up and down Deer Park Avenue blasting the radio.”

That makes him smile. He pulls away from the cemetery and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I might be okay.

CHAPTER 5

With a cup of hot coffee in hand, Sean drives without telling me where he’s going. “Seriously,” I ask. “You aren’t even going to give me a hint?”

Sean glances at me out of the corner of his eye. “Nope.”

“Well, you suck.” He chuckles, but I talk over him. “Come on, just one little hint.” The hot little cup warms my hands.

“You’ll have to do better than that, Miss Smith.” There’s a faint smile on his lips. Sean drives for a while and after a few turns, we’re at a toy store.

“Reliving your childhood, are we?” I say, arching an eyebrow at him.

“Perhaps,” he says, noncommittally, and walks around to open my door. I’m not used to it. I already have my hand on the door, and push it open at the same time he steps in front of the door. The result is instant. The door smacks into his waist and forces out a gush of air the same way as if a fat guy slugged his chest.

I jump out of the car. “Oh my God! I’m sorry. Are you all right?” Sean holds his hand to his stomach and bends over. He straightens but I can tell that it hurts from the way his face is pinched.

“I’m fine,” he says through his teeth and tries to smile. The way he looks, something about the way he says it, makes me laugh. Placing my hand on his shoulder, I mean to offer my apologies but I can’t stop laughing. My emotions are so screwed up. They turn on in short uncontrollable bursts. Suddenly, something seems very funny and I have to laugh. Maybe it’s because I’ve cried too much over the past few months. Either way, Sean looks incredulous, which just makes me giggle more.

“Nice, very nice, Avery. I like the suave way you avoided making me feel silly.” Sean laughs with me after he says it. We both lean up against the car, giggling and gasping for air.

“Thanks,” I finally say, looking over my shoulder at him. “I needed that.”

“I’d take a door to the gut for you any time, Miss Smith.” His eyes sweep over my face. They dart between my lips and my eyes. I think he’s going to kiss me, but Sean takes a deep breath and pushes off the car. The moment is gone. “Come on. Let’s get what we came here for.”

Sean takes me by the hand and leads me into the toy store. We have to look on the clearance aisle because the thing he wants is out of season. He’s bent over, digging around in a bin when he stands and grins at me.

“Found one.” Sean plucks a kite from the bin, still wrapped in plastic. It has an extra-long thing of string.

“Are you serious? We came here for a kite?” I can’t imagine what he’s thinking.

“Yeah. My life could use a dash of levity right now.” The way he says it, the way his voice catches in his throat, makes my heart ache. I feel the same way. He can see it in my eyes. “I suspect that you are in need of the same sort of, ah…screw it.” Sean runs his fingers through his hair and looks at the floor before looking back up at me. “I’m trying to sound classy, Avery, but your eyes just make me melt. I can’t think around you. You bring out a side of me that, well, let’s just say that it hasn’t seen sunlight in years. Let’s go fly a kite at the beach. I’ll buy you lunch. We can see how high the thing goes before the string snaps and it flies away. What do you say?”

Stepping toward him, I touch the plastic packaging on the little kite. It’s the ninety-nine cent kind that kids fly. The corner of my lips pull up. “Well, I have plans this evening, but I think I can sneak in a trip to the beach to fly this…” Turning the package over, I look to see what cartoon character is on the kite. But when I flip it over, I laugh so hard that I slap my hands over my mouth. Giggling, I point to the kite. “Holy shit. That’s a pig in a tutu! On a kite!”

Sean grins, “When pigs fly. Apparently, a very pretty pig will be flying today.” He holds out his elbow. “My lady.”

Laughing, I take his arm and embark on one of the best days of my life.

CHAPTER 6

I kick off my shoes as Sean pulls the little kite out of the package and assembles it. The beach is empty today, probably because it’s freezing. The sun is a bright golden ball and the sky is that awesome shade of blue. I sit down and bury my toes in the sand, not caring about the chilly air.

Sean drops his coat on the sand next to me and ties the string onto the kite. “Here you go. Ladies first.” Sean hands me the kite and I take it. I can’t help but smile when I look at the thing. It has a pink cartoon pig doing a pirouette in a purple tutu. It’s perfect.

“Just so you know, I suck at kite flying. Kites hate me. You’ve been warned.” I nod at him, but Sean gives me a quizzical look.

“How could you possibly suck at kite flying?”

“Wait and see. It’s the kind of suckage that’s spectacular.”

“Oh,” he grins, saying, “the best kind of suckage, then.” Sean takes the kite from my hands and walks a few steps back, after kicking off his shoes. The wind blows his dark hair out of his eyes. For the first time I get to see his face without that brooding look he always wears. Sean has a boyish grin on his face as he moves away from me holding the silliest kite that I’ve ever seen. “Ready?” he asks, and holds the kite over his head.

I nod. “Yup.”

Sean releases the kite and I turn and run forward. The wind catches the kite quickly, pulling it higher and higher. I yank the line and let out more string and stop running. Then, I yank it again as the piggy kite swerves in the air. The wind pulls it hard and the kite changes direction. Sean is still standing in the same spot, looking up at the kite when it happens. I have no idea why it happens to me, but it does. The kite seems to get caught in a little vortex, swirls, and plummets—and I mean drops like a speeding vulture—from the sky. Sean’s eyes grow wide. He runs at the last second and the kite crashes into his hip. He yelps and rubs his thigh.

I try not to laugh, but I can’t hide the smile on my face. “I told you that I’m cursed. I can’t fly a kite worth a damn. It doesn’t matter where you stand. It
will
hit you.” The wind catches my hair and tosses it behind me.

“I don’t believe it,” Sean says shaking his head as he walks toward me. “There is no way in hell you could hit me like that twice.” Sean is standing next to me, winding up the string. He hands me the roll back and takes the kite. “Ready?”

“Hell, yeah. I’m fine. The kite isn’t going to hit me. Maybe you should put on your helmet?” I tease him, grinning. I know how this is going to go. Sean’s blue eyes lock with mine. A shiver runs through me and it has nothing to do with the crisp air.

“If you hit me again, I’ll wear my helmet.”

“Is that a challenge, Mr. Jones?”

“Are you doing it on purpose, Miss Smith? Were you a professional kite flyer or something?”

I laugh and shake my head. “No, it’s just my natural awesomeness manifesting itself.” I smile at him for a moment. “You know it’s going to crash into you, right? I mean, this seems like we’re tempting fate way too much.”

“Fly the kite, Smitty.” Sean steps away from me, spooling the string out as he walks. When he’s a few feet away, Sean asks me if I’m ready.

I nod and he releases the kite. I tug the string hard and run a few steps. Sean moves this time and walks toward me. He watches the kite climb higher and higher.

I yank the string and the give it more slack. The piggy kite flies higher. Sean has that arrogant grin on his face, like he thinks he’s won. He stands in the sand next to me and folds his arms over his chest. He’s wearing jeans with a charcoal colored sweater. That color makes his eyes look like topaz.

Sean makes a pleased noise in the back of his throat. “The kite’s still in the air.”

“I didn’t say that I couldn’t keep it up,” I grin at him. “That would be a totally different problem. I said that it will crash into you. To crash, the kite needs to come down. And it will hit you.”

“That was a fluke. You can’t honestly tell me that you’ve flown a kite in the past few years and it crashed into someone every time?”

“I could say no, but it’d be a big fat lie. Have a seat Mr. Jones and wait for it to happen.” I tug the kite string and watch the piggy in the tutu dance against the sky.

Sean settles onto the sand next to me. He pulls up his knees and wraps his arms around them. “I used to come here a lot. It didn’t matter what the weather was like.”

I nod and glance at him out of the corner of my eye. “The best time to be here is—”

“Right before a storm,” we say in unison.

Sean gives me a strange look, which I return. Smirking I tug on my piggy kite. A prickly feeling covers my skin and is gone in a flash. I tuck my hair behind my ear, but the wind keeps whipping it in my face. “Well, that was creepy. Most people say in the sunshine.”

“You aren’t most people.”

“Neither are you,” I say. My heart is pounding. I don’t turn to look at him. I can feel his gaze resting on the side of my face. I tug the kite. “I like how the air feels thick and the waves crash onto the sand. I like to put my toes in the sand when it has that damp chill. I’ve come out in the rain, and just sat on the shore. There’s something about the ocean, about the waves and watching a spring storm roll in that’s soothing.”

Sean stares at me. When he doesn’t respond, I look over at him. His blue eyes are wide. When our gazes meet, they lock. I can’t look away. Something inside me responds to him, to the way he looks at me. I feel the tug at the core of my body telling me that he’s more than he seems. I try to force the sensation back, but I can’t.

For a moment, Sean just breathes. When his lips part to say something, I feel the kite string go slack. Before the words are out of his mouth, the kite collides with his head. It falls to the sand in a pile of plastic and string. Sean jumps a mile, and holds his hand to his ear.

I step toward him, my feet getting tangled in string. “Are you all right?” I kneel in front of him and turn his face to the side.

Sean’s hands fall away from the spot where he was hit. There’s a little scrape on his cheek that’s beading with blood. I reach into my pocket and take out a tissue. I press it to his skin and hold it there. I feel stupid for hurting him. Sean takes my hand in his. When I feel his gaze, I turn and look into his eyes. The wind ruffles his hair, tossing it every which way. He looks at me like he’s never seen me before. The expression worries me. My stomach flips in response.

I manage, “I’m sorry.”

Sean doesn’t answer. He just watches me, intently focused on my face. Sean’s eyes drift to my mouth. After a moment, he leans in and kisses me lightly. My lashes lower as he does it and my heart pounds harder. Sean pulls back slightly, and looks into my eyes. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, but nothing comes out.

My voice is so sweet, so soft. I cup his face between my hands and say, “Oh, no. Did that blow to the head break your brain?”

Sean seems to come back from wherever his mind drifted off to. The panic in his eyes vanishes. I have back the flirt with the bike, the man with the kite. “If I’m bludgeoned by a piggy kite and lose my mind, you have to promise to tell people that I was done in by something much more manly.”

I nod slowly, smiling. “Mmm. Bear attack. There are bears all over the beach. Totally believable.” I wink at him.

“That mouth is going to get you in trouble,” Sean says, smiling. The look in his eye is playful and carefree.

The kite is behind him. I lean forward, like I’m going to hug him. Sean tenses slightly. I have no idea why. We’ve had sex, how is he still tense when I touch him? The hug was a diversion anyway. I reach behind him and grab the kite.