The Art of Lainey (19 page)

Not real,
I tell myself, but the dream starts again. And again. It’s on infinite repeat and no matter what I do, I can’t find my way out of the loop.

Until my phone chimes with a message.

I sit up, relieved to be in my room, relieved not to be covered in teal paint. The previous night plays in my head like a song. The concert. The swirly blue lights. The almost irresistible urge to throw myself at Micah.

And then the dream.

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I check my phone to see who saved me. Bianca—of course.

I pause, then type out:

My thumb hovers over the
CANCEL
button. I reread the text a few times and finally press
SEND
. I need Bee’s help. Even if she’s never felt attracted to someone completely crazy, she’ll be able to help me make sense of it all.

I start texting her back and then cancel the message and call her instead. “It’s Micah,” I blurt out, as soon as she picks up. “I can’t stop thinking about him. I even dreamed about him. It’s freaking me out.”

“Oh,” she says. “That’s . . . surprising. You want to go for a run and talk about it?”

“Yes.” Perfect. Between Bianca’s cool head and the calming influence of a good, long run, I can get a handle on these runaway feelings before they mess up the whole plan.

We do our usual loop through town and collapse under the oak tree at the park across from my house. “So you actually wanted to kiss him?” Bee’s pupils dilate as she waits for my reply.

“Ohmygod.” My heart is racing and my face feels hot. I don’t know if it’s from our run or from thinking about last night. “It was more than wanting. I was, like, possessed. I had to get out of there or I would have attacked him right there in the club.” I roll over on my side to look at her. “Honestly, I sort of kissed him on the cheek.”

“What?” Bee gasps.

“I don’t know. He looked sad. It felt like the thing to do. And before you ask: no, I wasn’t drunk. I had one beer.” I cover my face with my hands for a moment. “What is wrong with me?”

“Well, do you like him?” Bee blots her forehead on her sleeve. She reaches up to catch a leaf that’s fluttering in the air above her.

“You mean
like him,
like him?” My bangs are drenched with sweat. I push them back out of my face, feeling the sting of sunscreen as it makes its way into the corner of my eyes. “I guess he’s cool and all but I don’t really know him.” I’m kind of dodging the question.
Do I like him?
When I asked him to be my fake boyfriend that didn’t even seem like a possibility.

“So you’re just physically attracted to him?”

“I guess so,” I say. “Dude, that sounds so bizarro. I’m into athletes, you know? Like Jason and Caleb Waters. Micah is the total opposite of what I always thought I wanted.”

“But,” Bee prompts after a few seconds of silence.

“Okay, sure, he’s funny,” I continue. “And he’s got great eyes and a nice smile when he busts it out.” I exhale deeply. “And he might have said I was cute.”

Bee makes a squeaking sound.

I keep talking. “But still. Micah and I have nothing in common. The whole universe would probably spin out of alignment if we started dating for real. I mean, what would we even do together?”

“I can think of one or two things,” she teases.

“Stop it, Bianca. I mean what would we do
besides
that?” I see Micah’s barely parted lips in my head. The ridge of muscle. The gleam of sweat. “And now I’m thinking about it. Please fix me.”

“Maybe it’s just a bad-boy thing,” she offers. “Didn’t he get arrested last year?”

“Yeah. But since when do I have a bad-boy fetish?”

“You’re kidding, right? Jason is a bad-boy poster child. Cheats on tests. Skips class whenever he wants as long as it’s not soccer season.” She pauses. “Gets caught with weed in his locker?”

Okay, so maybe Jason is a little rough around the edges, but it makes him more interesting than someone who follows all the rules. “You think that’s all it is?” I ask hopefully. “I’m just attracted to parts of Micah that remind me of Jay?” It’s a struggle to wrap my head around the idea of them having
anything
in common.

“Or maybe you’re still feeling bad about the breakup and this is a way to feel better about things,” Bee says. “Maybe you’re lonely and you just want to be with
someone
.”

“What? Like that old song? If you can’t be with the one you love?”

“Then love the one you’re with,” she finishes. “They wouldn’t write songs about stuff if it wasn’t a universal experience.” She looks over at me. “Or maybe this is just about winning. What does Micah’s ex-girlfriend look like?”

“She gorgeous,” I admit. “Stylish. Cool. Some kind of musical virtuoso. She even seemed nice.”

“So maybe you don’t want Micah, but you don’t want her to have him either?”

I cover my face with my hands again. “I am the worst battle partner ever.”

Bianca pats me on the shoulder. “Here’s the only thing that matters. Let’s say you act on this impulse with Micah and it works out—”

“There’s no way.” I peek through my fingers as I cut her off. “Can you imagine what everyone at school would say? What Kendall would say?” It sounds lame, like I care what everyone else thinks. But the reality is that
everyone
cares about what
some
people think.

Bee snaps her fingers in my face. “Forget them all for a second. Let’s say it would work out. If Jason decided he wanted you back once you were with Micah, would you go back to him?”

It only takes me a few seconds to respond. “Yeah.”

Bianca nods to herself. I don’t know why I was expecting her disappointed look. Maybe because it seems like I gave the wrong answer. But that’s crazy. Why am I lying here feeling bad about potentially blowing off a guy I’m not even dating who doesn’t even like me?

“That’s what I thought,” Bee says. “So don’t mess with him just because you’re lonely. He deserves better than that.”

First Leo. Now Bianca. Everyone is so sure I’m going to steal Micah’s heart and then trample it. “You’re right.” I think of Kendall and her “fan club members,” her so-called “slumming phase.” “I don’t want to use a guy I’m not interested in just to feel better about myself.”

“Are you
sure
you still want Jason?” Bianca asks. “Maybe this is your brain’s way of telling you there are other guys out there.”

“I think this is my brain’s way of panicking because our plan isn’t working,” I say. “I want Jason. No one else fits
with me like him.”

“Why are you so sure of that?”

“I don’t know. Being with him always made me happy. We could talk about anything. Laugh about anything. He always made me feel like I could be me.” I look up at the giant tree’s leafy branches. A few leaves are starting to morph from bright green to yellowish even though it’s only the end of June.

“Really? Isn’t he the one who told you to get a tan? That doesn’t sound like letting you be you.”

I frown. “It’s not like he forced me or anything. He just said I looked better with more color.”

Bee snorts. “And also with stick-straight hair?”

“Bianca,” I say, shocked. “Be fair. Jason never cared about my hair. Kendall was the one who got me started flat-ironing.” I pet my sleek ponytail. “And she was right. It looks way better straight.”

“It looks fine either way. If anyone needs flat-ironing, it’s me.”

I shake my head. “No way, I love your monster waves.”

Bee looks serious. “All I’m saying is, those things you think you can only get from Jason. Maybe you can get all of them and more from other guys.”

I reach out and give her hand a squeeze. “I know you’re trying to help,” I say. “But my heart wants what it wants, even if it doesn’t make sense. Don’t give up on me, Bee. I can’t do this without you.”

“I would never quit on you,” she says. “But there’s
nothing wrong with you deciding to quit, all right?”

I nod. My phone buzzes in the pocket of my running shorts. I slip it out and shield the screen with one hand so I can see who’s calling. It’s Leo. Sitting up, I dislodge a few blades of grass from my hair before answering. “Hey. What’s going on?”

“I’ve got some information about your pal, Alex,” he says. “We should meet up so I can fill you in.”

“What? How did you get info about Alex?”

“Didn’t Bianca tell you?” he asks.

“Uh. . .no.” I turn toward Bee. “Why does Leo have info on Alex?”

She covers her mouth with one hand. “I completely forgot,” she says. “He and I were talking Sun Tzu at work and I mentioned how I’ve been trying to engage in a little espionage for you but Dad’s been out of town a lot and my mom keeps asking me to watch Elias and Miguelito all the time. Leo volunteered to do a little spying.”

“Oh.” I still think it’s odd how Leo wants to be part of my “army,” but hey, seize all opportunities, right? “What kind of info?” I ask Leo. “Don’t keep me in suspense.”

He clears his throat and pauses for emphasis. “Let’s just say Jason isn’t the only guy Alex is hanging out with.”

Pay dirt. Thank you, Dead Chinese Warlord. “Where do you want to meet?”

His voice breaks up for a second and I hear the bleat of a car horn. “I’m actually heading toward Denali right now. I could meet you there.”

“Sure. I can be there in fifteen minutes.” I fill Bianca in about what Leo found out.

Her eyes widen. “Jason doesn’t strike me as the type who would share,” she says. “Let’s go. I want to hear the whole story.”

W
hen we arrive at Denali, Leo is sitting at our usual table. Instead of his standard baseball cap, he’s got his haired spiked up like he did the night of the play. He’s drinking a chocolate shake and skimming through a biography of some old football coach.

“Did you find that book here?” Most of Denali’s bookshelf consists of paperback romances with long-haired guys dressed like pirates on the cover. I have a sneaking suspicion they once belonged to my mother.

“Yeah.” Looking up, Leo marks his place and closes the cover. “Oh, hey, Bee,” he says.

“Hi, Leo.” She slides into the chair across from him.

Dropping my purse on an empty seat, I sit next to Bee and look expectantly at Leo. “So let’s see what you found out about Alex!”

“Not so loud,” he says in a hushed voice. “People might overhear.”

Bianca giggles. I’m thinking Leo is taking his warlord role a little too seriously. I make a big show of glancing to my left and my right. On one side, a group of four guys is embroiled in some kind of role-playing card game. Shiny cards featuring elves and dragons are splayed out across their table. On one other side, Monochrome Girl—today in a rainbow of pinks and reds—is bent over her laptop, one hand curled around a skinny chai, one crimson ballet flat tapping to the beat of whatever she’s listening to on her headphones. “No one is paying any attention to us,” I say. “We’re high school kids, remember? No one thinks we’re doing anything worthwhile.”

“Little do they know,” Bee says, leaning in toward Leo.

He pulls out his phone and swipes his finger across the screen. “Okay. I followed Alex from the fire station to some guy’s house.”

I nod slowly. “Nice. And you got pictures? Did you go all superstalker and peek in her windows or something?”

“I didn’t have to.” He sips his shake. “I waited around and they both came back out of the house and got in his car. I could tell by the way they were dressed they were heading someplace fancy.” He winks. “That’s when I went all superstalker. I followed them to the restaurant.”

“You sure she wasn’t just eating out with her brother?”

“At Tony’s?”

Bee whistles. “
The
Tony’s? Downtown? Wow.” Tony’s is the kind of place where the bill runs triple digits and you have an entire team of trained servers taking care of you.

Leo slides his phone across the table. There’s Alex, in all of her flame-haired glory, sitting across from a guy who looks to be in his mid-twenties. Next pic: they’re holding hands across a white-linen tablecloth. Next pic: they’re kissing.

“I’m hoping that’s not her brother,” Leo says.

“These are amazing,” I say. “I’m sending them to my phone.” The hummingbirds start fluttering around in my stomach again as I transfer the pictures one at a time. So the girl who stole my boyfriend has her own boyfriend, eh? Serves Jason right. Maybe once he feels the sweet burn of rejection he’ll figure out he walked away from a good thing. But how can I get the information to him without admitting I had her followed? “What do you think I should do with them?”

“Nothing right this second,” Leo says. “Don’t try to force the issue. Do like Sun Tzu. Wait for the right moment.”

“Right,” Bianca chimes in, arranging her braid over her left shoulder.

“But what if the right moment never comes?” I check my own phone to make sure the files all transferred and then slip it back into my purse.

Leo runs one finger around the rim of his glass. “Then maybe it’s not meant to be.” He glances from me to Bianca before continuing. “I think that’s what I decided about Riley. I’m done trying to win her back.”

“What? Why?” I’ve been looking forward to hanging out with him again. It’s not only about the money. Helping him
makes me feel good, like I’m doing something important for once. Not to mention, I’d never know how much I liked plays if it weren’t for him. My first order of business when school starts will be to switch into Karlsson’s Intro to Acting class.

“I don’t know. I went to another cast party and we had a good talk. She’s not dating anyone right now but she seems really happy on her own.” Leo leans back in his chair. “And she’s right. We are going to be living in radically different worlds next year.”