The Art of Life (37 page)

               
“Get out of my room!” I shout,
now terrified.
 
My hands are sweating and
my body wants to freeze in place.
 
I keep
inching toward my bed.
 
Probably not the
best idea, but my door is too close to him.
 
If I can just call out, I can get help.
 
“Where is my mom?” I finally ask.

               
“She went to the liquor
store…..so we are all alone in here.”

               
This can’t be happening.
 
This can’t be happening.
 
Please God.
 
“GET…..OUT…..OF….MY ROOM!”
I scream.
 

               
And in a second a devilish look
passes over Howard’s eyes and I know I am in trouble.
 
I jump to my bed and grab my phone.
 
I barely have it in my hands, before it’s
knocked away.
 
I scream at the top of my
lungs.
 
I feel Howard turn me around
press me down on the bed.
 
“Hold still,”
he hisses.

               
You never quite understand what
that moment is going to be like, the moment where it is all going to end.
 
I can barely breathe.
 
All that can comes to mind is Kent telling me
I need to learn to defend myself.
 
That memory of me laughing it off screams in my head.
 

               
Howard puts his hand on my
throat and holds me down on the bed.
 
I
try my best to claw at him, but the more I struggle, the tighter his grip gets.
 
“Hold still you little bitch,” he
growls.
 
With his other hand, he starts
to yank on my pants.
 
I don’t even know
what to do.
 
I can’t scream, I can’t
fight and I don’t want to die.
 
Please
God, help me.

               
He gets my pants undone and
starts to pull them down.
 
I can’t
breathe.
 
I try and just can’t.
 
The world starts to darken around the edges.
 
I can feel my pants coming down some.
 
I only pray that I pass out before anything
happens.

               
Suddenly, I hear, “What in the
hell is going on here!?”

               
Spinning off of me, Howard says,
“Nothing.”

               
I pull at the non-existent hands
at my throat and gasp.
 
My mom comes into
my room.
 
“I want to know what you were
doing!?”

               
“Your daughter threw herself at
me.
 
She is a little tease.”

               
“Get out!” My mom yells.

               
That bastard gives me one last
evil look and huffs, “Whatever, I don’t need either of you.”
 
He walks forward and brushes against my mother.

               
“Mom,” I finally breathe after a
few seconds, “Mom.”

               
With a venomous look, she goes,
“Don’t mom me.
 
Why did you have to go
and do that?”

               
My heart shatters.
 
“What?” I barely whisper.

               
“You think you are so hot now,”
she spits out.
 
“Look at me.
 
Look how young I am.
 
I got new hair and new clothes.
 
I am so perfect.
 
You couldn’t let me have one thing for
myself!
 
Just had to go and flaunt all
your stuff.”
 
My mom looks down at my
bags.
 
“And what is this?
 
You wonder why he thought you were easy.
 
Leaving lingerie bags lying
around.”

               
“I didn’t do anything,” I
cry.
 
The tears finally start falling
down my face.
 
“Mom, I didn’t do
anything.
 
He just came in here.”

               
“Yeah right,” She snarls.
 
“I bet you are sorry that I came in
here.
 
What would your boyfriend say, knowing
you were throwing yourself at an older guy?
 
Who would want you now?
 
Who would
want to touch you after you threw yourself at a guy like that?
No one!”

               
Sitting up, I just shake from
crying.
 
“I didn’t do anything.”

               
“Shut up Isabelle.
 
I am going to the bar.
 
Go to bed.
 
I don’t want to see your face.”
 
She turns and slams the door behind her.

               
I fall off the bed and crumple
onto the ground.
 
My head falls into my
hands and I want to disappear.
 
My world
is gone.
 
Everything is gone.
 
She is right.
 
I have been so stupid.
 
I did my
hair,
I dressed differently and look where it got me.
 
Everyone will see me differently now.
 
They will know.
 
I need to leave.
 
I need to get away from everything.

               
Scrambling across the floor, I
grab my cell phone.
 
Barely getting up,
my legs feel wobbly.
 
I pull up my pants
and cry.
  
I throw my phone, sketchbook and
wallet into my backpack.
 
My body is
shaking from sobbing so hard.
 
I almost
fall over while I try to put my shoes on.
 
Grabbing my hoodie, I head out the door.
 
I leave my house, my life and my world.

               
The sun has already set and it
is cold outside.
 
I bring my arms up and
hold them against my body.

               
I walk and walk and walk.
 
I have no idea where I am going.
 
I actually have no idea where I am.
 
I don’t care either.
 
My heart is broken and I feel hollow inside,
so utterly hollow.
 
My mom’s words echo
through my head.
 
I constantly feel my
throat, thinking his hands are still there.
 

               
Sometime later, the sky opens up
and it starts raining, pouring to be exact.
 
I don’t stop.
 
I just keep
going.
 
Time passes.
 
I don’t know how long.
 
Sometime later, it stops raining.
 
I don’t really notice.
 
Finally, I come up to an intersection and a
car is coming, so I stop.
 
A gust of wind
passes and I shiver again.

               
For some reason my eyes drift up
the street.
 
A lump instantly forms in my
throat.
 
Jeremy’s apartment is four
houses down.
 
I just stand at the corner
and stare at it.
 
Slowly I find myself
walking up to the house.
 
As I gaze up at
his windows, I see a soft light coming from the kitchen.
 
I stand there for a while, just looking
up.
 
Part of me wants to go knock on the
door, but I know I can’t.
 
He is just a
friend, a new friend at that.
 
This is
too much to deal with.
 
This is too much
for me to deal with let alone anyone else.

               
Anyway, it will just scare him
away.
 
Jeremy would never see me the same
way again.
 
It’s too scary to deal
with.
 
I should know, I
am living it.
 
So, with a heavy
sigh, I turn and walk down the street.
 
I
get half way down, when I see someone jog around the corner.
 
I quickly dart down the alley.
 
It is dark.
 
I draw up my hood to hide my face.
 

               
A little while passes, and then
I hear a distant, “Isabelle?”

               
My heart drops.
 
I hunch my shoulders and hold my arms tighter
to my body.
 
Maybe, he will go away.
 
Maybe, he won’t know it’s me.
 
Seconds go by and I feel a wave of
relief.
 
Jeremy kept going.

               
Suddenly, I am spun around and I
hear, “Isabelle!”
 
I turn my head, so I
don’t have to look at him.
 
“Isabelle…what in the world
are
you
doing?”
 
I just turn my face farther
away, because the tears are on the brink of pouring out.
 
I actually have pain in my
chest,
I am holding everything in so tightly.
 
“Izzy, what in the hell are you doing!?
 
You are soaked.”

               
Then, it happens, a single tear
rolls down my face.
 
“Leave me alone,” I
whisper.
 
“Please.”

               
“Isabelle,” Jeremy sternly says,
“What’s wrong?”
 
I just shake my head,
but more tears come.
 
“Isabelle, what
happened!?
 
What’s wrong!?”

               
“I….I can’t,” I gasp, the pain
in my chest building.

               
He shakes me a little bit.
 
“Isabelle, damn it, talk to me!
 
What’s wrong!?”

               
“I didn’t do anything,” I
finally gasp, the tears now pouring out.
 
“I didn’t do it.
 
I didn’t do
anything.”

               
“What didn’t you do?
 
Please, talk to me, you are scaring me.
 
What happened?”

               
I finally look at him, and just
start to cry.
 
“I was in my room, and I
was doing my homework.”
 
As I say it, my
body starts to shake.
 
“I didn’t
know.
 
I didn’t know.
 
He came in, and I didn’t know.”

               
Suddenly, Jeremy’s arms tighten
on mine.
 
“Who came in?”

               
“My mom’s
boyfriend Howard.
 
He came in, but
I didn’t do anything.
 
I
swear, I didn’t do anything.”

               
“What
happened!?”
Jeremy finally yells in anger.

               
“He came in and I tried, I tried
to get to my phone.
 
I wanted to call for
help, but he hit my hand.
 
He hit it and
my phone was just gone.
 
Then, then….”
 
I can’t even get anything else out.
 
I just crumble to the ground.
 

               
Jeremy kneels down next to me,
holding me up.
 
“Isabelle, did he hurt
you?
 
Are you okay!?”

               
“He pushed
me,
he pushed me down on the bed.”
 
I put my
hand up to my throat.
 
“He held me down
and tried to get my pants off.”

               
“Dear lord, what happened!?
 
Did he hurt you!?”

               
I shake my head.
 
“My mom came in.
 
He stopped.”

               
Wrapping his arms around me,
Jeremy gasps, “Thank God.
 
Did you call
the police?
 
What happened?”

               
My shoulders just shake with my
crying.
 
I put my face into his
neck.
 
“She blamed me.”

               
“What?” Jeremy snaps, almost in
disbelief.

               
“She said it was my fault.
 
Maybe it was.”

               
Pulling me hard against him, “It
was NOT your fault.
 
Don’t ever think
that!”

               
I can’t help it, but my body
starts shivering uncontrollably.
 
“I am
so cold,” I finally whisper.

               
He puts his hand on me
cheek.
 
Jeremy gasps, “Isabelle, you are like
ice!
 
How long have you been
outside?
 
You are soaked.”

               
“I don’t know,” I stutter, as my
teeth start to chatter.

               
In one motion, Jeremy picks me
up off the ground.
 
I just lay my head on
his chest.
 
He carries me back to his
house.
 
I barely even notice.
 
I am so cold and drained.
 
Empty, that is all that I am, empty.
 
When we get to his apartment, he opens the
door and carries me into the house.
 
“Can
you stand?” He asks.

               
My body just shudders.
 
“I don’t know.”

               
With ease, he carries me into
the bathroom.
 
Carefully, he sets me on
my feet.
 
I stand there, but I can’t
move.
 
“You need to get warm.
 
I am going to turn the shower on, okay?”
 
I nod my head and he does as he says.
 
When it gets hot, Jeremy starts the shower.
 
“You need to get undressed,” he finally
says.
 
“Can you do that?”
 
I can’t do anything but stare at the
wall.
 
“Isabelle,” he finally whispers,
running his thumb down my face.
 
“You
need to get in the shower.”

               
“I know,” I whisper, ever so
softly.

               
Sighing, Jeremy turns my head to
him.
 
“I am going to help you get your
clothes off, okay?”
 
I jerk and nod my
head.
 
He slides my backpack of my back
and puts it on the floor.
 
“We are going
to start with your hoodie.”
 
Slowly, he
undoes the zipper and takes it off.
 
“
You doing
alright?” He asks.

               
I just start to cry, “I didn’t
do anything.”

               
“I know baby, I know.
 
We need to get you warmed up though, okay?”
 
He starts to pull my sweater up and I lift my
arms to help him take it off.
 
For some
reason, this is comforting.
 
You would
think I would care, but I don’t.
 
I am
just so hollow.
 
Ever so carefully,
Jeremy helps me get undressed.
 
Finally,
he whispers, “We are going to leave your bra and stuff on.
 
You can get in the shower with that, okay?”

               
“Yeah,” I whisper.
 
He helps me over to the shower and I climb
in.
 
The hot water feels good.
 
It helps with the shivering.
 
I just stand there and let the water fall.

               
“Can I call Cassandra,
Isabelle?
 
Is that okay?
 
You need a girl to help you.”
 
I nod.
 
Jeremy says, “Okay, just stay in the water.”
 
He draws the curtain and I hear him walk out
of the room.

               
Slowly, I lower myself down and
sit on the shower floor.
 
I put my head
between my knees and cry.
 
A while goes
by.
 
I don’t know how long.
 
I hear Jeremy talking in the hallway.
 
I hear a lot of yelling, and then what sounds
to be his fist hitting the wall.
 
It
makes me jump a little.

               
A while later,
I hear the door open.
 
“Isabelle,”
I hear a soft voice say.
 
“Honey, its
Cassandra.”
 
As the curtain is drawn
open, I look up.
 
She is standing there,
with Jeremy next to her.
 
“Hey honey,”
she says quietly.
 
“Are you warm now?”

               
I whisper, “Yeah.”

               
“Okay, then we
need
to get you out of the shower.
 
Come on.”
 
She grabs my arm and starts to pull up.
 
I stand with her help.
 
“Jeremy, we
need towels and something dry to put on her.”

               
“Yeah,” he mumbles softly.
 
I watch him turn and leave the room.

               
Cassandra holds my hand and
helps me out of the tub.
 
I look at her
and say, “Did he tell you?”

               
“Yeah,” she replies back
slowly.
 
“We need to get you into
bed.
 
Then we can deal with
everything.
 
It’s late and I think you
are in shock.
 
Do you need to go to the
hospital?
 
Are you hurt?”

               
My hand goes up to my
throat.
 
“It hurts.
 
He grabbed me and it hurts.”

               
She tilts my head up and instantly
bursts into silent tears.
 
“Jeremy!”

               
He comes rushing back in with
clothes and towels.
 
“What?”

               
“Oh my God, look at her
throat!”
 
She tilts my head to show him.

               
“I will kill him.
 
I swear to God, I will kill him.”

               
Brushing my hair out of my face,
Cassandra says, “Maybe we should take her to the hospital.”