The Art of Life (38 page)

               
“No,” I gasp.
 
“No, please, I won’t go!
 
I don’t want to go!
 
Nothing happened.
 
Please!
 
I don’t want to go!”

               
“Okay, okay, okay, calm down,”
Cassandra says.
 
“So, he didn’t….”

               
I shake my head vigorously,
“No.
 
My mom came in.”

               
“Yeah, I heard,” Cassandra
sighs.

               
Looking up at her, I ask, “You
aren’t going to tell anyone, right?
 
Not
even Kent.”

               
She chokes back tears and says,
“No, I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

               
“No, please, I don’t want anyone…..I
don’t want anyone to see me differently.
 
I didn’t mean for anything to happen.
 
Maybe if I done something differently, it wouldn’t
have happened.”

               
Wrapping a towel around me,
Jeremy murmurs, “You can’t think that way.
 
You did nothing wrong.”

               
I look up at him and we are
breathlessly close.
 
“Thank you.”

               
“I don’t understand why you
didn’t call me!” He cries.
 
“I would have
come and gotten you!”

               
“You don’t really know me,” I
whimper.
 
“I couldn’t have you deal with
this.”

               
Pulling me hard against him in a
hug, Jeremy breathes into my hair, “You are my friend.
 
I will always be there for you, always, no
matter what.”

               
That makes
my
sad heart feel little better.
 
“I am all
wet,” I finally mutter into his shoulder.
 
“I am getting you wet.”

               
“I don’t care,” he laughs in
reply.
 
“We need to get you dry and into
some warm clothes.
 
I brought you the
smallest pair of pajama pants that I have and a long sleeve thermo shirt.
 
That will keep you warm.
 
I also made up the bed for you.
 
Though I really think we should have your
throat looked at.”

               
“No,” I whimper.
 
“I don’t want anyone to know.”

               
Pulling the towel tighter around
me, Jeremy says, “Okay, I will drop the subject for now.
 
Cassandra is going to get you dressed,
because I think it would be a little awkward for me to do it.
 
I would, in a total non-sexual way, but I
don’t think that would make you feel very comfortable.”

               
“No, I know you wouldn’t mean
anything, but I want Cassandra to help,” I whisper, looking down.

               
“Okay baby, I will meet you in
the hallway.”
 
He traces his fingers down
my face.
 
I flinch a little.
 
I am not scared of him, but I still feel
Howard’s hands on me.
 
“Oh, Isabelle, I
am so sorry.
 
I won’t touch you.”

               
Jeremy turns to walk away, and I
grab his hand.
 
“It’s not you touching me.”
 
I start to cry again.
 
“I just…..I feel him all over me.
 
The weight of him, his hands on my throat, I
feel it all.”

               
“I will protect you,” Jeremy
states.
 
“I promise you that.
 
He won’t get to you again.”

               
I jerkily nod my head.
 
Cassandra takes the other towel and starts to
dry my hair.
 
“Let’s get you into warm
clothes.”
 
Jeremy leaves the bathroom,
with a heavy sigh.
 
Cassandra is gentle
and helps me very carefully.
 
When we
finally pull the shirt on, she asks, “Are you doing okay?”

               
Those words just make me cry
again and I shake my head.
 
Cassandra
pulls me into a hug.
 
“His hands, I still
feel his hands, all over me,” I whimper.

               
“Come on, let’s get you into
bed,” she says softly.

               
With her arm around me, we leave
the bathroom.
 
Jeremy is standing in the
hallway.
 
His arms are crossed and his
head hanging.
 
When he looks up, there is
a very pained expression on his face.
 
“How are you doing?”

               
“She needs to lie down,”
Cassandra says.

               
Waving his hand, Jeremy leads us
into the bedroom.
 
I crawl into the bed
and lay my head on the pillow.
 
The tears
start to pour out again.
 
“I didn’t mean
for it to happen.
 
My mom said it was my
fault.
 
She said it was because of how I
changed myself.”

               
“You can’t listen to her,”
Jeremy says softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
 
“You know all she is, is a drunk.
 
She probably won’t even remember saying that
to you.”

               
“I will,” I sniffle.
 
“I won’t ever be able to forget.”

               
Cassandra shuffles her foot on
the ground.
 
“Maybe you shouldn’t, maybe
this will finally distance yourself from her.
 
Josh may be a good person to talk to.
 
His dad was an alcoholic.”

               
“No,” I say
,
shaking
my head.
 
“I don’t want
anyone to know.”

               
“Okay sweetie,” Jeremy
says.
 
He carefully puts his hand on my
leg.
 
It makes me want to shy away, but I
don’t.
 
I know he won’t hurt me.
 
“You should try and sleep.”

               
Shaking my head, I retort, “I
don’t think I could if I tried.”

               
“Oh, well, I brought something
for that,” Cassandra says.

               
“She shouldn’t take your
medication,” Jeremy snaps, a little too harshly.

               
With a raised eyebrow, Cassandra
replies, “I wouldn’t give her anything like that.
 
It’s melatonin.
 
It’s a natural sleep aid.
 
You can buy it over the counter.”

               
“Yes please,” I whisper.
 
“I just want to go to sleep.”

               
Nodding, Cassandra turns and leaves
the room.
 
Jeremy looks down at me.
 
“I wish you would have called me.”
 
A single tear runs down my face.
 
He reaches over and wipes it away.
 
“I would have come and gotten you.”

               
“My first impulse was to call
you when it happened, but I would never have wanted you to get hurt.”

               
Jeremy snorts.
 
“I can handle my own.
 
I wouldn’t have gotten hurt, but the other
guy, well he would probably be dead.”

               
“Thank you,” I murmur, reaching
for his hand. He takes it and squeezes.
 
“Why does she hate me so much?”

               
“I don’t think she hates you,”
he replies.
 
“I just don’t think she can
see past herself.
 
She is just selfish.”

               
I take deep breath.
 
“I wish I knew what it was like to have a
family.
 
I have no one, but her.”

               
“No grandparents, an uncle or
aunt?”

               
“Nope, just me and my mom,” I
mumble.
 
“Pretty sad.”

               
Jeremy opens and closes his
mouth.
 
Finally, he starts, “I actually
know how you feel….” But he can’t finish because Cassandra walks into the room.

               
“Here sweetie,” she says,
holding her hand open.
 
“Take this.”

               
Sitting up, I take the pill and
then the glass of water.
 
After
swallowing it, I whisper, “Thanks.”

               
“Lie down now, and go to sleep,”
Cassandra instructs me.

               
I do as she says, and pull the
blanket up to my chin.
 
Jeremy stands
up.
 
Reaching out I grab his hand.
 
“Please.”

               
“You want me to stay until you
fall asleep?” He asks.
 
I nod.
 
Looking at me, he smiles.
 
“I am going to see Cassandra out and then I
will be back, okay?”

               
“Yeah,” I whisper.
 

               
Cassandra bends down and kisses
me on the head.
 
“I am going to come and
check on you tomorrow, alright?”
 
I give
a very, very weak smile.
 
“Night sweetie.”
 
She
frowns and walks out.
 
Jeremy follows
her.

               
My eyes close and I instantly
start seeing Howard’s face.
 
I shake my
head, and open my eyes back up.
 
I can
hear the apartment door shut.
 
Pulling
the blanket closer around me, I wait for Jeremy.

               
He comes walking back in and
turns off the main lamp.
 
The only light
is coming from the hallway.
 
It makes my
heart beat a little faster.
 
Jeremy kneels
down next to me, and leans against the bed.
 
“How are you doing?”

               
“I see his face.
 
I can’t concentrate on anything, but seeing
his face, feeling his hands on me.
 
It’s
too much.
 
He almost did it Jeremy.
 
I started to black out and I was happy about
it.
  
I didn’t want to feel him
anymore.
 
I didn’t want to experience
it.
 
It hurt.
 
It hurt so
bad
.”
 
I bury my face in the pillow and cry.

               
He runs his fingers through my
hair and gets caught in a snarl.
 
“Hold
on,” he says, getting up.
 
I watch him go
with curiosity.
 
Jeremy comes back a few
seconds later with a brush.
 
“Sit up for
a second.”

               
I do and he gets behind me.
 
Carefully and gently he starts to undo the
snarls in my hair.
 
“Why are you doing
this?” I ask quietly.

               
“Because it would be torture trying
to do this in the morning,” Jeremy whispers.
 
“Anyway, I have been told it’s calming.”

               
“You are so nice to me.
 
I don’t understand why.
 
I mean, I have done nothing for you.
 
Why?
 
Why would you help me?”
 
I ask,
turning around.

               
Giving me a sad smile, he
replies, “Hasn’t anyone ever just done something nice for you.”
 
I shake my head and look away.
 
“That is so sad.”
 
Jeremy wraps his arms around me and hugs
me.
 
“I do it because I care about
you.
 
I don’t expect anything in return.”

               
Silent tears run down my
face.
 
I choke out, “Someday I will repay
you.”

               
“One day you will have to take
care of me and I am warning you, I am a big baby.”

               
That makes me laugh a
little.
 
Jeremy goes back to brushing my
hair.
 
It is actually very relaxing and
lulling.
 
Maybe it’s the pill or his soft
touch, but I start to fall asleep.
 
Before I know it, I am leaning against Jeremy and he is just holding
me.
 
For the first time tonight, I feel
safe.
 
He makes me feel safe, and with
that being my last thought, I fall asleep.