The Art of Seduction (40 page)

memories of the evening had faded. Remember: that first impression, that
Send Mixed Signals
•
193

entrance, is critical. To show too much desire for attention is to signal insecurity, and will often drive people away; play it too cold and disinterested, on the other hand, and no one will bother coming near. The trick is to combine the two attitudes at the same moment. It is the essence of coquetry.

Perhaps you have a reputation for a particular quality, which immediately comes to mind when people see you. You will better hold their attention by suggesting that behind this reputation some other quality lies lurking. No one had a darker, more sinful reputation than Lord Byron. What drove women wild was that behind his somewhat cold and disdainful exterior, they could sense that he was actually quite romantic, even spiritual. Byron played this up with his melancholic airs and occasional kind deed. Transfixed and confused, many women thought that they could be the one to lead him back to goodness, to make him a faithful lover. Once a woman entertained such a thought, she was completely under his spell. It is not difficult to create such a seductive effect. Should you be known as eminently rational, say, hint at something irrational. Johannes, the narrator in Kierkegaard's
The Seducer's Diary,
first treats the young Cordelia with businesslike politeness, as his reputation would lead her to expect. Yet she very soon overhears him making remarks that hint at a wild, poetic streak in his character; and she is excited and intrigued.

These principles have applications far beyond sexual seduction. To hold the attention of a broad public, to seduce them into thinking about you, you need to mix your signals. Display too much of one quality—even if it is a noble one, like knowledge or efficiency—and people will feel that you lack humanity. We are all complex and ambiguous, full of contradictory impulses; if you show only one side, even if it is your good side, you will wear on people's nerves. They will suspect you are a hypocrite. Mahatma Gandhi, a saintly figure, openly confessed to feelings of anger and vengefulness. John F. Kennedy, the most seductive American public figure of modern times, was a walking paradox: an East Coast aristocrat with a love of the common man, an obviously masculine man—a war hero—with a

vulnerability you could sense underneath, an intellectual who loved popular culture. People were drawn to Kennedy like the steel filings in Wilde's fable. A bright surface may have a decorative charm, but what draws your eye into a painting is a depth of field, an inexpressible ambiguity, a surreal complexity.

194
•
The Art of Seduction

Symbol:
The Theater Curtain. Onstage, the curtain's heavy deep-red
folds attract your eye with their hypnotic surface. But what really
fascinates and draws you in is what you think might be happen-

ing behind the curtain
—
the light peeking through, the

suggestion of a secret, something about to happen.

You feel the thrill of a voyeur about to

watch a performance.

Reversal

The complexity you signal to other people will only affect them properly if they have the capacity to enjoy a mystery. Some people like things simple, and lack the patience to pursue a person who confuses them. They prefer to be dazzled and overwhelmed. The great Belle Epoque courtesan known as La Belle Otero would work a complex magic on artists and political figures who fell for her, but in dealing with the more uncomplicated, sensual male she would astound them with spectacle and beauty. When meeting a woman for the first time, Casanova might dress in the most fantastic outfit, with jewels and brilliant colors to dazzle the eye; he would use the target's reaction to gauge whether or not she would demand a more complicated seduction. Some of his victims, particularly young girls, needed no more than the glittering and spellbinding appearance, which was really what they wanted, and the seduction would stay on that level.

Everything depends on your target: do not bother creating depth for people who are insensitive to it, or who may even be put off or disturbed by it. You can recognize such types by their preference for the simpler pleasures in life, their lack of patience for a more nuanced story. With them, keep it simple.

Appear to Be an Object of Desire

—Create Triangles

Few are drawn to the person whom others avoid or ne-

glect; people gather around those who have already at-

tracted interest. We want what other people want. To draw

your victims closer and make them hungry to possess you, you

must create an aura of desirability
—
of being wanted and
courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for them to

be the preferred object of your attention, to win you away from
a crowd of admirers. Manufacture the illusion of popularity

by surrounding yourself with members of the opposite

sex
—
friends, former lovers, present suitors. Create tri-
angles that stimulate rivalry and raise your value.

Build a reputation that precedes you: if many

have succumbed to your charms,

there must be a reason.

Creating Triangles

One evening in 1882, the thirty-two-year-old Prussian philosopher

Paul Rée, living in Rome at the time, visited the house of an older woman who ran a salon for writers and artists. Rée noticed a newcomer there, a twenty-one-year-old Russian girl named Lou von Salomé, who had come to Rome on holiday with her mother. Rée introduced himself and they began a conversation that lasted well into the night. Her ideas
Let me tell you about a
about God and morality were like his own; she talked with such intensity,
gentleman I once knew
yet at the same time her eyes seemed to flirt with him. Over the next few
who, although he was of
pleasing appearance and

days Rée and Salomé took long walks through the city. Intrigued by her
modest behavior, and also a
mind yet confused by the emotions she aroused, he wanted to spend more
very capable warrior, was
time with her. Then, one day, she startled him with a proposition: she
not so outstanding as
regards any of these

knew he was a close friend of the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, then
qualities that there were
also visiting Italy. The three of them, she said, should travel together—no,
not to be found many who
actually live together, in a kind of philosophers' menage a trois. A fierce
were his equal and even
better. However, as luck

critic of Christian morals, Rée found this idea delightful. He wrote to his
would have it, a certain
friend about Salomé, describing how desperate she was to meet him. After
lady fell very deeply in love
a few such letters, Nietzsche hurried to Rome.

with him. She saw that he

felt the same way, and as

Rée had made this invitation to please Salomé, and to impress her; he
her love grew day by day,
also wanted to see if Nietzsche shared his enthusiasm for the young girl's
there not being any way for
ideas. But as soon as Nietzsche arrived, something unpleasant happened:
them to speak to each
the great philosopher, who had always been a loner, was obviously smitten
other, she revealed her
sentiments to another lady,

with Salomé. Instead of the three of them sharing intellectual conversa-
who she hoped would be of
tions together, Nietzsche seemed to be conspiring to get the girl alone.
service to her in this affair.
When Rée caught glimpses of Nietzsche and Salomé talking without in-
Now this lady neither in
rank nor beauty was a whit

cluding him, he felt shivers of jealousy. Forget about some philosophers'
inferior to the first; and it
menage a trois: Salomé was his, he had discovered her, and he would not
came about that when she
share her, even with his good friend. Somehow he had to get her alone.
heard the young man
(whom she had never seen)

Only then could he woo and win her.

spoken of so affectionately,

Madame Salomé had planned to escort her daughter back to Russia,
and came to realize that
but Salomé wanted to stay in Europe. Rée intervened, offering to travel
the other woman, whom
with the Salomés to Germany and introduce them to his own mother,
she knew was extremely
discreet and intelligent,

who, he promised, would look after the girl and act as a chaperone. (Rée
loved him beyond words,
knew that his mother would be a lax guardian at best.) Madame Salomé
she straight away began to
agreed to this proposal, but Nietzsche was harder to shake: he decided to
imagine that he must be
the most handsome, the

join them on their northward journey to Rée's home in Prussia. At one
wisest, the most discreet of
point in the trip, Nietzsche and Salomé took a walk by themselves, and
men, and, in short, the
197

198
•
The Art of Seduction

man most worthy of her
when they came back, Rée had the feeling that something physical had
love in all the world. So,

happened between them. His blood boiled; Salomé was slipping from his
never having set eyes on

grasp.

him, she fell in love with

him so passionately that

Finally the group split up, the mother returning to Russia, Nietzsche to
she set out to win him not

his summer place in Tautenburg, Rée and Salomé staying behind at Rée's
for her friend but for

home. But Salomé did not stay long: she accepted an invitation of Nietz
herself And in this she
succeeded with little effort,

sche's to visit him, unchaperoned, in Tautenburg. In her absence Rée was
for indeed she was a

consumed with doubts and anger. He wanted her more than ever, and was
woman more to be wooed

prepared to redouble his efforts. When she finally came back, Rée vented
than to do the wooing.

his bitterness, railing against Nietzsche, criticizing his philosophy, and ques
And now listen to the
splendid sequel: not long

tioning his motives toward the girl. But Salomé took Nietzsche's side. Rée
afterward it happened that

was in despair; he felt he had lost her for good. Yet a few days later she sur
a letter which she had
prised him again: she had decided she wanted to live with him, and with
written to her lover fell into

the hands of another

him alone.

woman of comparable

At last Rée had what he had wanted, or so he thought. The couple set
rank, charm, and beauty;
tled in Berlin, where they rented an apartment together. But now, to Rée's
and since she, like most

women, was curious and

dismay, the old pattern repeated. They lived together but Salomé was
eager to learn secrets, she

courted on all sides by young men. The darling of Berlin's intellectuals,
opened the letter and read

who admired her independent spirit, her refusal to compromise, she was
it. Realizing that it was

written from the depths of

constantly surrounded by a harem of men, who referred to her as "Her Ex
passion, in the most loving
cellency." Once again Rée found himself competing for her attention.
and ardent terms, she was

Driven to despair, he left her a few years later, and eventually committed
at first moved with

suicide.

compassion, for she knew

very well from whom the

In 1911, Sigmund Freud met Salomé (now known as Lou Andreas
letter came and to whom it
Salomé) at a conference in Germany. She wanted to devote herself to the
was addressed; then,

psychoanalytical movement, she said, and Freud found her enchanting, al
however, such was the
power of the words she

though, like everyone else, he knew the story of her infamous affair with
read, turning them over in

Nietzsche (see page 46, "The Dandy"). Salomé had no background in psy
her mind and considering
choanalysis or in therapy of any kind, but Freud admitted her into the in
what kind of man it must
be who had been able to

ner circle of followers who attended his private lectures. Soon after she
arouse such great love, she
joined the circle, one of Freud's most promising and brilliant students, Dr.
at once began to fall in love

Victor Tausk, sixteen years younger than Salomé, fell in love with her. Sa
with him herself; and the
lomé's relationship with Freud had been platonic, but he had grown ex
letter was without doubt far
more effective than if the