Authors: Julia Cameron
The Artist's Way (7 page)
1. Every morning, set your clock one-half hour early; get up and write three pages of longhand, stream-of-consciousness morning writing. Do not reread these
pages or allow anyone else to read them. Ideally, stick these pages in a large manila envelope, or hide them somewhere. Welcome to the morning pages. They will change you.
   This week, please be sure to work with your affirmations of choice and your blurts at the end of each day's morning pages. Convert all blurts into positive affirmations.
Go
confidently
in
the
direction
of
your
dreams!
Live
the
life
you've
imagined.
As
you
simplify
your
life,
the
laws
of
the
universe
will
be
simpler.
H
ENRY
D
AVID
T
HOREAU
Make
your
own
recovery
the
first
priority
in
your
life.
R
OBIN
Norwood
2. Take yourself on an artist date. You will do this every week for the duration of the course. A sample artist date: take five dollars and go to your local five-and-dime. Buy silly things like gold stick-'em stars, tiny dinosaurs, some postcards, sparkly sequins, glue, a kid's scissors, crayons. You might give yourself a gold star on your envelope each day you write. Just for fun.
3. Time Travel: List three old enemies of your creative self-worth. Please be as specific as possible in doing this exercise. Your historic monsters are the building blocks of your core negative beliefs. (Yes, rotten Sister Ann Rita from fifth grade does count, and the rotten thing she said to you does matter. Put her in.) This is your monster hall of fame. More monsters will come to you as you work through your recovery. It is always necessary to acknowledge creative injuries and grieve them. Otherwise, they become creative scar tissue and block your growth.
4. Time Travel: Select and write out one horror story from your monster hall of fame. You do not need to write long or much, but do jot down whatever details come back to youâthe room you were in, the way people looked at you, the way you felt, what your parent said or didn't say when you told about it. Include whatever rankles you about the incident: “And then I remember she gave me this real fakey smile and patted my headâ¦.”
   You may find it cathartic to draw a sketch of your old monster or to clip out an image that evokes the
incident for you. Cartoon trashing your monster, or at least draw a nice red X through it.
5. Write a letter to the editor in your defense. Mail it to yourself. It is great fun to write this letter in the voice of your wounded artist child: “To whom it may concern: Sister Ann Rita is a jerk and has pig eyes and I can too spell!”
6. Time Travel: List three old champions of your creative self-worth. This is your hall of champions, those who wish you and your creativity well. Be specific. Every encouraging word counts. Even if you disbelieve a compliment, record it. It may well be true.
   If you are stuck for compliments, go back through your time-travel log and look for positive memories. When, where, and why did you feel good about yourself? Who gave you affirmation?
   Additionally, you may wish to write the compliment out and decorate it. Post it near where you do your morning pages or on the dashboard of your car. I put mine on the chassis of my computer to cheer me as I write.
7. Time Travel: Select and write out one happy piece of encouragement. Write a thank-you letter. Mail it to yourself or to the long-lost mentor.
Every
time
we
say
Let
there
be!
in
any
form,
something
happens.
S
TELLA
T
ERRILL
M
ANN
8. Imaginary Lives: If you had five other lives to lead, what would you do in each of them? I would be a pilot, a cowhand, a physicist, a psychic, a monk. You might be a scuba diver, a cop, a writer of children's books, a football player, a belly dancer, a painter, a performance artist, a history teacher, a healer, a coach, a scientist, a doctor, a Peace Corps worker, a psychologist, a fisherman, a minister, an auto mechanic, a carpenter, a sculptor, a lawyer, a painter, a computer hacker, a soap-opera star, a country singer, a rock-and-roll drummer. Whatever occurs to you, jot it down. Do not overthink this exercise.
   The point of these lives is to have fun in themâ
more fun than you might be having in this one. Look over your list and select one. Then do it this week. For instance, if you put down
country
singer,
can you pick a guitar? If you dream of being a cowhand, what about some horseback riding?
9. In working with affirmations and blurts, very often injuries and monsters swim back to us. Add these to your list as they occur to you. Work with each blurt individually. Turn each negative into an affirmative positive.
10. Take your artist for a walk, the two of you. A brisk twenty-minute walk can dramatically alter consciousness.
Undoubtedly,
we
become
what
we
envisage.
C
LAUDE
M. B
RISTOL
You will do check-ins every week. If you are running your creative week Sunday to Sunday, do your check-ins each Saturday. Remember that this recovery is
yours.
What you think is important, and it will become increasingly interesting to you as you progress. You may want to do check-ins in your morning-pages notebook. It's best to answer by hand and allow about twenty minutes to respond. The purpose of check-ins is to give you a journal of your creative journey. It is my hope that you will later share the tools with others and in doing so find your own notes invaluable: “Yes, I was mad in week four. I loved week fiveâ¦.”
- How many days this week did you do your morning pages? Seven out of seven, we always hope. How was the experience for you?
- Did you do your artist date this week? Yes, of course, we always hope. And yet artist dates can be remarkably difficult to allow yourself. What did you do? How did it feel?
- Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery? Describe them.
T
his week addresses self-definition as a major component of creative recovery. You may find yourself drawing new boundaries and staking out new territories as your personal needs, desires, and interests announce themselves. The essays and tools are aimed at moving you into your personal identity, a self-defined you.
T
RUSTING OUR CREATIVITY
is new behavior for many of us. It may feel quite threatening initially, not only to us but also to our intimates. We may feelâand lookâerratic. This erraticism is a normal part of getting unstuck, pulling free from the muck that has blocked us. It is important to remember that at first flush, going
sane
feels just like going crazy.
There is a recognizable ebb and flow to the process of recovering our creative selves. As we gain strength, so will some of the attacks of self-doubt. This is normal, and we can deal with these stronger attacks when we see them as symptoms of recovery.
Common self-attacks are: “Okay, so I did okay this week but it's just a temporary thingâ¦. Okay, so I got the morning pages done. I probably did them wrongâ¦. Okay, so now I need to plan something big and do it
right
away!
⦠Who am I kidding? I'll never recover, not right away ⦠not everâ¦.”
These attacks are groundless, but very convincing to ourselves. Buying into them enables us to remain stuck and
victimized. Just as a recovering alcoholic must avoid the first drink, the recovering artist must avoid taking the first
think.
For us, that think is really self-doubt: “I don't
think
this is any goodâ¦.”
These attacks can come from either internal or external sources. We can neutralize them once we recognize them as a sort of creative virus. Affirmations are a powerful antidote for self-hate, which commonly appears under the mask of self-doubt.
Early in our creative recovery, self-doubt can lure us into self-sabotage. A common form for this sabotage is showing someone our morning pages. Remember, the morning pages are private and are not intended for the scrutiny of well-meaning friends. One newly unblocked writer showed his morning pages to a writer friend who was still blocked. When she critiqued them, he blocked again.
Do not let your self-doubt turn into self-sabotage.
All
sanity
depends
on
this:
that
it
should
be
a
delight
to
feel
heat
strike
the
skin,
a
delight
to
stand
upright,
knowing
the
bones
are
moving
easily
under
the
flesh.
D
ORIS
L
ESSING
Snipers
are
people
who
under
mine
your
efforts
to
break
unhealthy
relationship
patterns.
J
ODY
H
AYES
Creativity flourishes when we have a sense of safety and self-acceptance. Your artist, like a small child, is happiest when feeling a sense of security. As our artist's protective parent, we must learn to place our artist with safe companions. Toxic playmates can capsize our artist's growth.
Not surprisingly, the most poisonous playmates for us as recovering creatives are people whose creativity is still blocked. Our recovery threatens them.
As long as we were blocked, we often felt that it was arrogance and self-will to speak of ourselves as creative artists. The truth is that it was self-will to refuse to acknowledge our creativity. Of course, this refusal had its payoffs.
We could wonder and worry abut our arrogance instead of being humble enough to ask help to move through our fear. We could fantasize about art instead of doing the work. By not asking the Great Creator's help with our creativity, and by not seeing the Great Creator's hand in our creativity, we could proceed to righteously ignore our creativity and never have to take
the risks of fulfilling it. Your blocked friends may still be indulging in all these comforting self-delusions.
If they are having trouble with your recovery, they are still getting a payoff from remaining blocked. Perhaps they still get an anorectic high from the martyrdom of being blocked or they still collect sympathy and wallow in self-pity. Perhaps they still feel smug thinking about how much more creative they
could
be than those who are out there doing it. These are toxic behaviors for you now.
Do not expect your blocked friends to applaud your recovery. That's like expecting your best friends from the bar to celebrate your sobriety. How can they when their own drinking is something they want to hold on to?
Blocked
friends
may
find
your
recovery
disturbing.
Your getting unblocked raises the unsettling possibility that they, too, could become unblocked and move into authentic creative risks rather than bench-sitting cynicism. Be alert to subtle sabotage from friends. You cannot afford their well-meaning doubts right now. Their doubts will reactivate your own. Be particularly alert to any suggestion that you have become selfish or different. (These are red-alert words for us. They are attempts to leverage us back into our old ways for the sake of someone else's comfort, not our own.)
Blocked creatives are easily manipulated by guilt. Our friends, feeling abandoned by our departure from the ranks of the blocked, may unconsciously try to guilt-trip us into giving up our newly healthy habits. It is very important to understand that the time given to morning pages is time between you and God. You best know your answers. You will be led to new sources of support as you begin to support yourself.
To
know
what
you
prefer
instead
of
humbly
saying
Amen
to
what
the
world
tells
you
you
ought
to
prefer,
is
to
have
kept
your
soul
alive.
R
OBERT
L
OUIS
S
TEVENSON
Every
time
you
don't
follow
your
inner
guidance,
you
feel
a
loss
of
energy,
loss
of
power,
a
sense
of
spiritual
deadness.
S
HAKTI
G
AWAIN
Be
very
careful
to
safeguard
your
newly
recovering
artist.
Often, creativity is blocked by our falling in with other people's plans for us. We want to set aside time for our creative work, but we feel we
should
do something else instead. As blocked creatives, we focus not on our responsibilities to ourselves, but on our responsibilities to others. We tend to think such behavior makes us good people. It doesn't. It makes us frustrated people.
The essential element in nurturing our creativity lies in nurturing ourselves. Through self-nurturance we nurture our
inner connection to the Great Creator. Through this connection our creativity will unfold. Paths will appear for us. We need to trust the Great Creator and move out in faith.
Repeat: the Great Creator has gifted us with creativity. Our gift back is our use of it. Do not let friends squander your time.
Be gentle but firm, and hang tough. The best thing you can do for your friends is to be an example through your own recovery. Do not let their fears and second thoughts derail you.
Soon enough, the techniques you learn will enable you to teach others. Soon enough, you will be a bridge that will allow others to cross over from self-doubt into self-expression. For right now, protect your artist by refusing to show your morning pages to interested bystanders or to share your artist date with friends. Draw a sacred circle around your recovery. Give yourself the gift of faith. Trust that you are on the right track. You are.
As your recovery progresses, you will come to experience a more comfortable faith in your creator and your creator within. You will learn that it is actually easier to write than not write, paint than not paint, and so forth. You will learn to enjoy the process of being a creative channel and to surrender your need to control the result. You will discover the joy of
practicing
your creativity. The process, not the product, will become your focus.
You own healing is the greatest message of hope for others.
A related thing creatives do to avoid being creative is to involve themselves with
crazymakers.
Crazymakers are those personalities that create storm centers. They are often charismatic, frequently charming, highly inventive, and powerfully persuasive. And, for the creative person in their vicinity, they are enormously destructive. You know the type: charismatic but out of control, long on problems and short on solutions.
Crazymakers are the kind of people who can take over your whole life. To fixer-uppers, they are irresistible: so much to change, so many distractionsâ¦.
If you are involved with a crazymaker, you probably know
it already, and you certainly recognize the thumbnail description in the paragraph above. Crazymakers like drama. If they can swing it, they are the star. Everyone around them functions as supporting cast, picking up their cues, their entrances and exits, from the crazymaker's (crazy) whims.
Some of the most profoundly destructive crazymakers I have ever encountered are themselves famous artists. They are the kind of artists that give the rest of us bad names. Often larger than life, they acquire that status by feeding on the life energies of those around them. For this reason, many of the most crazy artists in America are found surrounded by a cadre of supporters as talented as they are but determined to subvert their own talent in the service of the Crazymaking King.
I am thinking of a movie set I visited several years ago. The filmmaker was one of the giants of American cinema. His stature was unmistakable, and so was his identity as a crazymaker. Given that all filmmaking is demanding, his sets are far more so: longer hours; long bouts of paranoia; intrigue and internecine politics. Amid rumors that the set was bugged, this Crazymaker King addressed his actors over a loudspeaker system while he, like the Wizard of Oz, secreted himself away in a large and luxuriously equipped trailer cave.
Learn
to
get
in
touch
with
the
silence
within
yourself
and
know
that
everything
in
this
life
has
a
purpose.
E
LISABETH
K
ÃBLER
-R
OSS
Over the past two decades, I have watched many directors at work. I was married to a profoundly gifted director, and I have directed a feature myself. I have often remarked how closely a film crew resembles an extended family. In the case of this Crazymaker King, the crew resembled nothing so much as an alcoholic family: the alcoholic drinker (thinker) surrounded by his tiptoeing enablers, all pretending that his outsized ego and its concomitant demands were normal.
On that crazymaker's set, the production lurched off schedule and over budget from king baby's unreasonable demands. A film crew is essentially a crew of experts, and to watch these estimable experts become disheartened was a strong lesson for me in the poisonous power of crazymaking. Brilliant set designers, costume designers, sound engineersânot to mention actorsâbecame increasingly injured as the production ran its devastating course. It was against the crazymaking director's personal dramas that they struggled to
create the drama that was meant to go onscreen. Like all good movie people, this crew was willing to work long hours for good work. What discouraged them was working those hours in the service of ego instead of art.
The crazymaking dynamic is grounded in power, and so any group of people can function as an energy system to be exploited and drained. Crazymakers can be found in almost any setting, in almost any art form. Fame may help to create them, but since they feed on power, any power source will do. Although quite frequently crazymakers are found among the rich and famous, they are common even among commoners. Right in the nuclear family (there's a reason we use that word), a resident crazymaker may often be found pitting family member against family member, undercutting anyone's agenda but his or her own.
I am thinking now of a destructive matriarch of my acquaintance. The titular head of a large and talented clan, she has devoted her extensive energies to destroying the creativity of her children. Always choosing critical moments for her sabotage, she plants her bombs to explode just as her children approach success.
The daughter struggling to finish a belated college degree finds herself saddled with a suddent drama the night before her final exam. The son with a critical job interview is gifted with a visitation just when he needs to focus the most.
“Do you know what the neighbors are saying about you?” the crazymaker will often ask. (And the beleaguered student mother will hear a horrific round of gossip that leaves her battered, facing her exam week beset by feelings of “What's the use?”)
“Do you realize you're ruining your own marriage with this possible new job?” (And the son's hopeful career move is ashes before it begins.)
