The Atonement (38 page)

Soon the elevator came and
Allyson rushed inside along with some others that had joined her in
her wait. She had pressed the button for the lobby but someone else
had pressed the button for the 7
^th
floor. She knew Tim lived on
the 7
^th
floor. All of a sudden, she began to wonder what he was doing
now: if he was having dinner or entertaining Allen or one the
others he had as friends. At least he seemed to have real friends.
She had to admit the Sharpes and the Bynums weren’t like the people
she was used to. So what was Tim doing with them? Could she have
been wrong about him all these years? He was the only other person
on this earth beside, her Poppa that had ever shown her any kind of
love. Happy memories from their past flooded her remembrance, which
led her to wonder if it were possible to reclaim that
joy.

When the elevator door
opened on the 7
^th
floor, Allyson found herself getting off. She
walked down the hallway and stood in front of his door. She didn’t
hear anyone stirring inside. “He may not be home, anyway,” she
thought. She wanted to knock, but she wasn’t sure what she would
say if he answered. How could she explain what she wanted, when she
wasn’t sure of it herself? How would he react given the way she’d
treated him for the past twelve years? “Allyson, what are you
doing? This is stupid. You’re just setting yourself up for another
disappointment. It’s not like he remembered, either. He could have
left a message on your cell even if you didn’t answer it.” In the
past, he used to send her cards on her birthday, even though they
weren’t speaking. This year, she hadn’t gotten anything. Allyson
turned away and walked back to the elevator.

This time when it arrived, she pushed the
button for the lobby, and thought about where she could go. It was
only 8:00 and she didn’t want to go back to her apartment, because
she knew that if she came back this early, everyone would know what
a disaster her date was. She could go to another restaurant and
have dinner, but she didn’t feel like eating. The bar was an
option, but there were too many people that she knew who hung out
there, and she didn’t want to risk running into any of them in the
mood she was in. Not to mention she would have to drive herself
home, afterward. Allyson’s train of thought was broken by the
chiming of the elevator as the doors opened on the ground floor.
She left the building and hurried over to the parking lot to pick
up her car, though she still didn’t know where she was headed.

As she pulled out of the parking lot, Allyson
noticed a very novel looking blouse in the window of a boutique at
the end of the block that seemed as if it might be still open. She
stopped her car outside and walked up to the door. According to
their sign, she was just in time for a last minute shopping spree
before the 9:00 closing time.

“
Good evening,” said the
proprietor as she walked in. “If you’d like any help, let me
know.”

“
Actually, I’d like to
inquire about that blouse in the window. Do you have any
more?”

“
Yes. What size would you
need? It comes in XS to XL.”

“
A small if you have
it.”

“
I’ll find it for you,” she
said heading over to a rack of blouses in a corner.

“
Do you mind if I look
around in the meantime?”

“
Not at all. Go
ahead.”

Allyson rarely shopped boutiques because the
stuff found there would often be cheaply made, but if she saw
something that was really unique or one of a kind, she’d take a
look. That blouse was absolutely gorgeous and it would be a great
match with a lot of the other items in her wardrobe. As she glanced
over the racks, there were more finds: a cute pink houndstooth
pleated mini skirt, a cool brown plaid wool blazer, and a royal
blue knit mini dress with a peter pan collar.

“
Here you are, miss,” said
the woman returning with the blouse, “I see you’ve found some other
items you like. Do you need to try them on?”

“
Not necessary. I have a
pretty good eye to tell if they’ll fit. You can ring me
up.”

“
Of course,” said the woman
smiling widely as she took the clothes from Allyson and went to the
checkout desk. While there, Allyson saw some jewelry that she liked
and added those to the pile of things she had. Allyson paid with
the new credit card her mother had gotten for her and the woman
packed the merchandise in wrapping paper before putting it in a
beautifully designed bag and handing it to Allyson. By the time she
opened the door to leave, the euphoria from the shopping had
already worn off, and Allyson felt as miserable as when she walked
in.

Allyson got back in her car and drove around
aimlessly for several hours having to stop at a gas station to fill
her car at one point. She didn’t want to go home until she was sure
everyone was asleep. As she drove, she was filled with a mix of
restlessness and frustration. This had to be one of the worst
birthday’s she’d ever had, and she’d had a lot of crappy birthdays.
She just wanted to scream. Then she could hear her brother saying,
“Can you say you’re satisfied with your life right now?” like he
did weeks ago. Truthfully, she wasn’t. She had thought that if she
could just fight hard enough, she could make her life what she
wanted through the sheer force of her will. Allyson learned that
from her mother. ‘Mrs. Sharpe was right; fighting just leaves you
feeling miserable,’ thought Allyson, however, it was all she knew
how to do.

It was well past midnight when Allyson
decided to drive back to her apartment. When she got home, she was
careful not to make too much noise so no one would notice her
coming in. When she opened the door, it was totally dark, so she
knew the other girls had retired to their rooms. Allyson took off
her shoes and put them in the bag she had gotten from the boutique.
Then she hurried over to her own room. On her way, she nearly
tripped over a box that was in front of her door. At first, she
thought it might have been put there as some kind of a joke, but
then she noticed the UPS labels on the box and realized it was a
delivery. She pushed it in with her foot, turned on the light in
her room and closed the door behind her as quietly as she
could.

Once inside, Allyson threw
the bag of clothes in the closet and went back to inspect the
package, thinking the clothes her mother ordered for her had
arrived early. Upon opening it there was a layer of packing peanuts
and she realized that this was not from the house of Sealden. She
dug through the packing to find a doll. Allyson recognized her
immediately: she was olive-skinned with curly, sandy-blonde hair
and was wearing a light blue dress with a jelly stained white
apron, white knee-high socks and blue shoes. It was Lanie – her
Lanie – the one Tim had bought for her 6
^th
birthday. This was the doll
that she took with her everywhere until the day Tim came home from
California. That day Allyson was so angry, she took Lanie and all
the other things Tim had given her, put them in a box and set it on
the curb for the garbage collectors. But in her haste to hurt Tim,
she had deeply wounded herself for she had come to love Lanie, who
was almost like a friend to her. The next day, regretting her
decision, she tried to rescue her, but it was too late. She would
never see Lanie again until now. Allyson was awestruck. But how?
And who could have sent her?

Allyson looked back at the
box to see a pink envelope sticking up out of the peanuts. She kept
Lanie in one hand as she grabbed the card with the other. Attached
to the card was a bakery box. First she separated the envelope from
the box and opened it to find a cupcake from her favorite bakery
wrapped in cellophane. It was vanilla with strawberry icing. Then
she opened the envelope. It was a birthday card from Tim. Inside
was a picture from her 6
^th
birthday when he had
originally given her Lanie. Under the printed poem he had written
in his nearly illegible handwriting:

“Happy Birthday, Cupcake!

As you can see there’s an old friend who
wanted to see you. She wants to know if you wanted to patch things
up.

Love you always,

Your brother, Tim

Allyson eyes filled with tears that began to
fall down her cheeks. She held up Lanie again and inspected her,
this time noticing a note attached to her shirt. It read: ‘I call
dibs on half the cupcake’. Allyson chuckled, in spite of herself as
the tears continued to flow. “I guess my birthday didn’t turn out
so badly after all,” she thought.

Thirty-Five

Tamiko sang praises to God as she picked the
bones out of the can of salmon that she’d dumped into her mixing
bowl. It was her night to cook, and she was in the midst of
preparing salmon cakes. It was her habit to fill her mind with the
wonderful ways she knew the Lord had blessed her during the day,
and sing a song to express her feelings. She was in the midst of
the final chorus of Lisa Page Brook’s, “Thank You” as she finished
mincing the meat with a fork and began to add the onions, egg, and
flour. Tamiko always had a reason to praise, but this day more than
others because of a special blessing she had received. When she had
finished that song, she started in on another as she began to form
the mixture into patties that she was going to fry in the oil that
had been heating in a pan on the stove. This time it was an old
time song, “Lord I Just Want to Thank You.” As she was working,
Riley sauntered in, and hearing Tamiko’s singing, started to join
in and help her finish her tune.

“Amen,” said Riley once they’d finished the
song, “You know I believe that one. You want any help?”

“
You could check on the
sweet potatoes that I’m baking over there.”

“
Sure” said Riley. She got a
fork from the silverware drawer and walked to the oven.

“
These are done,” she said
after poking them with the fork. “I’ll turn down the oven so
they’ll stay warm while the cakes are cookin.’”

“Thanks.”

“You ain’t singin any sad songs today.
Something good happen at school?”

“Better than good. Do you remember the
spreadsheet that Tim helped me to make for my assessment
meeting?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, everyone loved it. In fact, they want
all the teachers in the school to use it.”

“Aww, you go!”

“And not only that, but they want to see if
they can find a way to adapt it to track our student’s progress in
math.”

“Ye-ah! Now you gon’ go git that raise,
right?”

“Riley, I’m in a union under contract. I
can’t get a raise unless it’s scheduled, and that’s not for another
two years.”

“Well what about a promotion?”

“I don’t think it’s going to happen any time
soon. My boss doesn’t like me very much.”

“Aww, man. You mean you hook them up and you
don’t get nothing outta that!”

“I may get a better rating and get to keep my
job.”

“Whoo-hoo. Teaching stinks,” said Riley
slumping down in a chair to watch Tamiko finish cooking.

“I’ll admit that there are parts of the job I
like less than others, but I wouldn’t choose anything else. But you
have to get through the paperwork if you want to get to the fun
parts.”

“Now do you realize that I was right to call
Snowy?”

“Riley, do I have to keep reminding you…”

“What? I didn’t call him Mr. Snow Job. I
changed it to Snowy. It’s a cute name now. Whaddya want me to call
him? Hot chocolate? He might be a little hot, but he’s definitely
not chocolate.”

“Will you stop. And no, I don’t think you
were right to do what you did. The end does not justify the means.
However, I won’t say I wasn’t glad things turned out the way they
did.”

“Just say thank you, Miko. It’s only two
words.”

“Thank you, Riley.”

“
Your welcome. But if you’d
really like to show your appreciation, you could make me an extra
cake, and make it a big one, too.”

“
I was thinking of something
a little more special – and I want to do something for Tim, too.
But he’s got a lot of nice things already. I have no idea what to
get him. What do you think?” said Tamiko as she pressed out some of
her mix into a large patty and put it into the pan.

“You could get him a tanning bed, but that’d
be a little pricey.”

“Be serious.”

“How would I know? He’s your friend. I don’t
know what he’d like. Well I can think of one thing, but we won’t go
there.”

Tamiko went to the sink to wash the excess
cake mixture off of her hands. She knew what Riley was insinuating,
but she let it slide. As the water ran over her hands, she
continued to consider her options. Before she knew it she had what
she thought was a great idea.

“I got it! I’ll take him out to dinner,” said
Tamiko as she spun around.

“Sorry, try again,” said Riley shaking her
head.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“It’s too romantic – He’s gonna get the wrong
idea about your intentions. He’s nuts for you as it is.”

“No, he’s not. He just respects me, that’s
all. Besides, we’ve been out to eat by ourselves before and he’s
never gotten any ideas.”

“No, no, no. You gotta get him a grandpa
gift.”

“A grandpa gift?”

“
Yeah, somethin’ you’d get
your grandpa - like socks with ducks on them, or an ugly light-up
tie, or handkerchiefs – something that says ‘you’re okay, but stay
away.’”