The Awakening (25 page)

Carmen remembered that she’d been pleased to have been swept up by Will that day and taken away from Elizabeth whose hand was warm to shake but whose eyes were decidedly cool. It was clear to Carmen that Elizabeth was less than happy with her son’s choice. Carmen had been reminded of her father as she’d walked with Will that day. But then, she’d been looking for him ever since he’d died. Really Will was just another old man who shared some traits. Now she knew he was nothing like her dad.

“I’ve been waiting for Andrew to find you and here you are at last.” Will had taken her arm and patted her hand. “You have no idea how pleased I am to have you as part of our family.”

She’d laughed. “You’re too kind, Will.” When he had said that as they walked by the water she’d thought nothing of it. Now she guessed he had actually meant what he’d said. Andrew had targeted her deliberately. They must have known who she was a long time ago. Now, she realised, they had been tracking her for years, watching her career in the water, waiting for the moment to strike. It explained Andrew’s urgency about everything, his desire to control her, have her as close to him as possible, to get married after such a short time together.

But surely he hadn’t faked everything, had he? AA must have felt something for her. She had loved him, still felt something for him. Just because Victor was right and she knew that Victor was the man she was meant for didn’t mean that she’d been faking it with AA. He had swept her off her feet. He’d been warm and funny: passionate and loving. He was generous and she had fallen in love so easily. How could he have faked their love making? Well, people did, didn’t they? Arranged marriages happened all the time. Marrying for love was a modern western romantic idea. Given the divorce rate, who was to say that such an arrangement wouldn’t work? She’d always known AA was ambitious, she simply hadn’t realised how much. To be truthful she’d had moments of doubt about him. That night he’d danced with his ex: that was more than friendly. And that dream. No, Carmen shook her head. That wasn’t a dream. She had seen him with that woman. She couldn’t deny her growing powers or the truth of that vision. He had been unfaithful and once she was married and her powers destroyed forever Andrew would betray her again and again. She knew that now as an irrefutable truth.

Will had planned it all. He had known from the start who Carmen was. Andrew, the loyal and ambitious son, simply did as instructed. But his prize would be considerable. With Carmen neutralized, Andrew could take up his family’s rightful place on the political stage, avenge his father’s loss and change the world. With Carmen as the devoted wife, who never knew her destiny, Andrew could continue the destruction of the planet, obliterate the ice, the animals, exploit the natural resources and Carmen would be complicit in this destruction. The Adams’ family victory would be doubly sweet.

Carmen took the pink diamond ring from her finger and examined it one last time. She sighed. She had been happy that weekend. She was in love and believed that Andrew had been too. She had expected a normal life that day: a wedding, probably grander than she wanted, a house of their own and sooner or later a family. She wanted a family of her own: a couple of kids to love and knock about with, to teach things, to take into the forests, out onto the oceans. But that wasn’t possible any more. Victor had taken that from her. For a moment she thought about staying. About accepting the compromise that being an Adams would bring.

Zanzibar nudged her, knocking such foolish thoughts from her mind.

“You’re right,” she said. “I can’t stay here. They will destroy us.”

Zanzibar and Alaska nodded. Clearly they were much more than pure bred German Shepherds.

“I have to accept my destiny, don’t I? There is no choice.” She placed the ring next to the photograph. Somewhere inside she’d always known. She’d been wary of the push, the urgency from Andrew, his overwhelming need to control her every movement, even her thoughts at times. And Will smelt too much of money and industry. As did Andrew, as she thought about it, underneath that plethora of cologne and deodorant. Victor smelt of pine and blue skies, oceans and freedom. She felt a sense of release as the ring chinked against the tabletop.

Carmen threw her set of keys onto the sofa and shut the door behind her without looking back. She smiled and felt herself standing taller as she and the dogs left Andrew’s building and life for the last time.

Even though Carmen knew Madeleine would not be pleased about the broken engagement Carmen needed somewhere to stay while she sorted out a few things and her own place was still a blackened mess. Besides it was time to get some answers from her mother.

“You always were hot headed,” Madeleine complained.

“No, I wasn’t, Mom. I was always compliant and well behaved. Now, I’m staying for a while and it would be easier if you just accepted that Andrew is out of my life and there is nothing you can say that will change that.” Carmen plonked herself down on her mother’s sofa with the dogs settling on the floor at her feet.

“Are they staying too?” Madeleine asked.

“Well, of course. They are my family.” Carmen looked at her mother contemptuously. Did Madeleine understand anything about her at all?

“Yes, of course, dear.” Madeleine stepped away from the dogs. “Would you like a drink?”

“A coffee would be nice, Mom.”

Carmen surveyed her mother’s apartment. It wasn’t as fashionable as AA’s but it was in a nice part of Greenwich Village. She was within easy walk of everything she needed, delis, cafes, doctors, drug stores, book-shops, plus the option of the galleries and music clubs. Carmen often thought she’d like to live in this part of the city with its bohemian feel. Madeleine’s apartment had a homey pleasant feel to it. She had decorated it tastefully with some art work from the local artists, and some lovely second hand, almost antique, pieces of furniture. Carmen was pleased with her mother’s latest passion for plants and flowers. One end of the balcony resembled a gardener’s shed, with pots, soil and seedlings. It was good to see that the books in this home were actually being read. Still being here might be as difficult as being at AA’s. But Carmen had no intention of this visit being for more than a few days.

“I like the flowers,” Carmen said in a spirit of reconciliation. She needed to talk to her mother about serious matters and it would help if there wasn’t an atmosphere between them.

Madeleine smiled. “Do you? Come and see what I’m doing. I’m sure your dogs would like some fresh air too.”

Carmen nodded. Good, Madeleine was happy to make an effort too, although Carmen knew it would be impossible for Madeleine to just accept that Carmen had left Andrew for good. They looked at the range of plants, Madeleine’s collection of terracotta and glazed pots: talked about her plans for a small greenhouse. The evening was balmy and the light fading when the phone rang.

Madeleine went to answer it. Carmen held her arm. “No, it’s Andrew. I don’t want you talking to him.”

Madeleine looked at her daughter. “How can you know?”

“Never mind. I’ll get it.”

“Good evening, Madeleine Whyte,” Carmen said in an exact imitation of her mother’s voice.

“Ah, hello, Madeleine, it’s Andrew. How are you?”

Carmen nodded at the other end of the line. “I’m very well, thank you. I’m so looking forward to the wedding,” she said in Madeleine’s voice. “Did you call for any particular reason?”

Andrew hummed and ha’ed on the line, not certain what to say. “I’m trying to track down that daughter of yours. She’s not here and she left work early without leaving me a message, so I was wondering if she was with you?”

“Goodness, Andrew. Is anything wrong?”

“I don’t think so, Madeleine.”

“You two haven’t had a fight, have you?”

“No, no. Nothing of the sort.” She could sense his confusion, his discomfort there in his empty loft, staring at the abandoned engagement ring. “Probably a misunderstanding. Look if she calls by or rings you can you ask her to call me?”

“Of course, Andrew. I can’t imagine that anything could be wrong between the two of you. You’re such a well matched couple.”

“Thank you, Madeleine. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye now.”

“Bye Andrew, take care.”

Madeleine was staring at Carmen. “How do you do that?”

Carmen replaced the handset and faced her mother. “I guess it’s time for us to have a serious talk, Madeleine.”

Madeleine backed away. “What do you mean, Carmen?”

“Well, I guess you really know. In fact, I know that you know. So let’s forget the bullshit, “Mom”. It’s time for the truth.”

Madeleine sighed and sat on the sofa. “First you tell me what’s happened with Andrew.”

“It’s over. I’ve left him.”

“He didn’t seem to know that from your phone conversation.”

“Oh, he does and don’t you let him tell you he doesn’t know what’s going on. He knows exactly why.”

“But he was perfect, Carmen. Such a good family with a proud tradition. Andrew has such a bright future and you could have gone all the way with him. Do you realise what you’ve thrown away?”

“Do you?” Carmen was not in the mood for Madeleine’s defence of Andrew, although she had expected it. “Do you have any idea what Andrew and his family are like? Have you had anything to do with them? How do you know they’re good people? Do you just believe what you read? What about the allegations against Will all those years ago? He didn’t lose pre-selection for nothing.”

Madeleine held up her hands. “You’re making my head hurt with all this. Of course I think you’re stupid to leave Andrew. But when did you care what I thought? You never have, Carmen. So don’t pretend that you do now. There’s nothing I can say that will change your mind and I know that as well as you do. You listened to your father, you took notice of him. But not of me. Why would I expect that to change now?”

“There’s no point playing the martyr with me, Madeleine. You were never the ideal mother, were you? No, you found me difficult, found it hard to be affectionate. It was easier to leave me to Dad. But then he died and it was just you and me. Not so easy then. And now, just when you thought we could make it, actually have a mother-daughter relationship I do something completely unbelievable. But you’re not surprised, are you?” Carmen looked into her mother’s eyes. She was upset about Andrew but she wasn’t shocked.

Madeleine sighed. “No. I’d hoped he’d hang onto you, but Victor’s got to you. Now you have no hope of a normal life. Believe me, Carmen, that’s all I wanted for you. That’s why we came to the city. Why I thought swimming would save you: let you meet real people and be a part of the city. But you were so good. I couldn’t believe how good you were. You think I didn’t care, that I wasn’t proud of you. Oh, Carmen I have been so proud of you. But being so good meant they knew you. You haven’t been safe since your father died and we came here. I got it all wrong. Every bit of it.”

“I’ll get us both a proper drink.” Carmen found a couple of glasses and a bottle of chardonnay in the fridge. She poured the wine slowly, thinking she didn’t know this woman at all. Madeleine closed her eyes as she took a sip of wine. Carmen looked at Alaska who nodded, willing her on.

“Okay, Mom. Tell me everything. Who is Ursula? What about Victor? Do you know Will Adams too?”

Madeleine laughed. “It all sounds completely fantastical, Carmen. But I’m sure you know that now, yourself. Although obviously Victor hasn’t told you everything.”

Carmen shook her head. “No, it’s been more like drip-feeding. Just enough to keep me going, not enough to help me recover. I need you to tell me who I am.”

“All right. Some bits you know, or can guess at, but I’ll do my best. I’m not your birth mother. Ursula, the great Warrior Goddess, protector of the Ice and the Polar animals is your mother. She was weakened by your birth and an incident that I know nothing about. She was not strong enough to care for you so a safe place had to be found. Victor brought you to us. Our daughter, our real daughter lived for a day. Amanda Grace was beautiful: small perfect features, a head of dark curls and dark eyes but her heart was faulty and we were too far from help so she died. Your father knew Victor, owed him a favour somehow. I don’t know all the details, Carmen. As we buried Amanda, Victor came to us with you. He said you were special and needed to be safe and he knew we were sad and that you would help us feel better. As you can guess now, it didn’t work for me. You were nothing like my little girl. You were long, with these huge hands and feet. You were covered in white down, almost like fur. You slept forever and your eyes were so blue, they frightened me. It was as if you looked at me and knew I wasn’t your mother. And there was this stillness about you. You were so quiet, unnaturally so but as soon as I came close to your crib you woke and watched me. You didn’t cry and never complained. You didn’t smile either and you hated being inside. You only seemed happy with David or outside. I couldn’t reach you and you didn’t want me to. It was as if you held Ursula inside you and that was enough for you as a baby.”

“Who was my father? Is it Victor?”

Madeleine laughed. “Goodness me, no. Victor is only a Halfling. They cannot breed with the Goddess. I know this sounds absurd but there is much more in the world than any of us know. You have a growing understanding and Victor has told you things. Your father and I knew but had to keep it to ourselves. You had to be kept safe. There were, there still are, forces working against you. If Ursula had fallen prey to them then you, as a baby without any idea of your powers, were completely vulnerable. Victor knows your real father. I’m not sure if he still lives.”