The Awakening: Aidan (13 page)

She blinked back tears.

Why did it hurt so bad that it felt like she’d completely lost him? Why did she want more than anything to say to hell with the consequences and beg for Aidan to come back to her? Why did she feel all of this, while knowing they had no future?

…

An hour later, Aidan walked out of the bedroom, buttoning a crisp white shirt. Not wearing one had been a mistake. The feel of Jaylin pressed against his skin had been pure torture—just being around her was pure torture. Damn she was right, as much as he wanted her to be wrong.

He hadn’t seen a glimpse of her since their encounter in the living room, which had been fine with him. He’d needed the time to regroup. Not that it’d helped. They hadn’t been on this island five hours and his plan to keep his distance until she willingly came to him was all but imploding around him. And not the way she’d just thrown herself at him—out to prove him wrong, show that he was helpless to his instinct. That she was right.

It wouldn’t happen.

He hoped.

He didn’t know how much longer he could keep the charade up. He felt beat down, by his beast, by the
Drall
, by Jaylin. His head pounded, his muscles ached, and he was exhausted, all from fighting the instinct.

This trip wasn’t turning out as he’d planned. So far, he’d only succeeded in pushing her further away. He regretted lashing out, wanting to take back his words as soon as they came out of his mouth, regretting even more the flash of hurt he’d seen in her eyes. He had to admit that his actions were driven by a fear that if he let his guard down, he would grow frustrated of
her
pushing
him
away.

Man, how had they gotten here?

She kept her barriers in place, and he couldn’t afford to lower his.

He rubbed his tired eyes.

Now she was hiding again, not that he could blame her after the way he’d acted. As he stepped into the kitchen, he found Rafael standing in front of the stove. “Have you seen Jaylin?”

Rafael looked up from stirring a creamy sauce. “She took a walk on the beach.”

What he wouldn’t give to be with her, walking beside her, holding her hand as they listened to the crash of the waves. He didn’t have that luxury. Maybe he never would. He shook away his thoughts. “How much longer before dinner is served?”

“Few minutes. I’ve set up a table outside where you can dine.” He pointed to the left with a wooden spoon.

Sure enough, a small round table had been covered with a white cloth. Two tapered candles stood between an elegant display of china plates and silverware. More candles—votives this time—lined the edge of the deck that overlooked the beach, casting a golden glow to diminishing sunlight.

“Impressive.” Now if only he could salvage the rest of the night.

“I’ll make myself scarce once I have the food served. I’m staying at the servant’s cottage up on the cliff, so you and the missus will have complete privacy. If you need me for anything, there is an intercom system between the two houses, just call and I’ll come.”

“You don’t need to wait on us hand and foot. I just didn’t want to have to worry about things like cooking and laundry, so if you could help out with that, I’ll handle the rest.”

Rafael nodded. “In that case, I’ll collect the dirty laundry early each morning, and make a breakfast and lunch spread, then leave. I’ll return to make dinner. Does that work?”

“Yes. Thank you, Rafael.”

“I’m an old shifter. Don’t think I don’t know a pup trying to woo his mate.”

“That obvious, huh?”

“She’s giving you a run for your money?”

He snorted. “And driving me mad in the process.”

“My Willa made me wait, too. Thought I’d go crazy before our wedding night.”

He saw no reason to tell Rafael that waiting wasn’t the issue.
Jaylin
was the issue. “You didn’t
Fewse
to her before you married?”

“It was a different time, my friend. Many women refused to sleep with a man before they married, and my Willa was no different.”

“How did you keep the
Drall
back?”

“Lots of runs to wear out the beast and many, many cold showers.”

Yeah, he’d done both. Not that it’d helped any. As soon as Jaylin popped back in to his mind, he was a tangled mess of need, frustration, and anger.

“How long have you been together?” Aidan asked.

“We had thirty glorious years together. Five kids and four grandbabies.” A special smile tilted his lips and his face took on a faraway look. “I lost her to cancer three years ago. She was human.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Death is the only guarantee life gives us. It’s how you live the time you have that matters.”

Death was the issue between him and Jaylin right now. Opposing sides to the one guarantee in life. It was going to be very difficult changing her mind with everything she’d witnessed.

The click of the back door and Jaylin’s scent hit him at once, alerting him to her presence. Aidan straightened. Immediately, he wanted her in his arms, his mouth on hers, her body pressed against his. Why was he so weak? Why did he go through this every time she entered a room? Shouldn’t he build some freaking immunity?

“Did you enjoy your walk, miss?” Rafael asked.

“Yes. I did. Thank you.” Aidan could feel her gaze on him, but he refused to make eye contact. Instead he turned his back on her and busied himself with getting out two wineglasses.

“Can I get you something?” he asked over his shoulder.

“Wine would be nice, thank you.”

The tension in the room increased. Rafael cleared his throat and said, “Why don’t you two make yourselves comfortable out on the deck. Dinner will be finished momentarily and I’ll serve you when it’s done.”

Alone with Jaylin? That was exactly what he’d wanted when he’d planned this trip, but now the idea soured his stomach. Another bout of fighting his instinct, of being distant, of being the ass she was starting to hate. How could he change that and still be around her when she refused to allow him to touch her to relieve some of the pressure of the
Drall
?

He poured them both a glass of white wine and handed one to her. Without a word, he went outside, cursing himself for his actions, but walking away was so much easier than fighting his need while she was near him.

A few seconds passed before the pad of her bare feet on the wood followed. A part of him was relieved, the other part tensed, ready to do what he had to do to get through this.

He sat down on one of the lounge chairs and crossed his ankles, staring at the orange spreading across the sky as the sun set on the horizon, trying to pretend she wasn’t even there, even as her presence beat on him with unrelenting persistence.

When she sat down across the deck from him and remained silent, he took the moment to admire the way the fading sun brought out the auburn highlights in her dark hair. She was absolutely breathtaking to just watch, and he wanted desperately to have her sit beside him, twine her fingers with his, and watch the lowering sun together as a couple. All he got was deafening silence and a tension so thick he could choke on it.

Rafael walked out of the house with a round tray. He quickly set both plates on the table. “Dinner is served. If that will be all, Mr. O’Connell, I’d like to retire for the night.”

“Yes. Thank you, Rafael.”

He bowed slightly, then left. And then it was just the two of them. Aidan, the ass, and Jaylin, the defensive. Another
wonderful
moment together.

They might as well eat, though the thought of food really wasn’t appealing right now. “Hungry?”

She sighed. “Since Rafael scared me earlier and I threw the roast beef I’d planned to make into a sandwich at him, I’m starved.”

The fact that she tried to make a joke surprised him. Maybe the night could be salvaged after all. He pulled out her chair, then rounded the table to sit on the other side. Instead of digging in as he expected her to do, she picked at her pasta with her fork, her eyes completely focused on the plate before her. He swore he heard a muffled sob come from her.

“Jaylin?”

When she lifted her head, he was stunned to see a single tear slide down her cheek. Without thought, he shot to his feet and rushed around the table to squat before her. “Baby, what’s the matter?”

Another tear followed the first one as she cupped his cheek, her hand trembling against his skin. “This is the Aidan I want here.”

His breath caught tight in his chest. “What are you saying?”

“I
hated
our kiss from earlier.”

He grabbed one of her hands and kissed the inside of her palm. “Me too,” he whispered against her skin, lulled by simply having the permission to touch her without her pulling away.

“I don’t like the man who brought me to this island.” She gave a sarcastic laugh. “God knows I should, because that man would be so easy to deny. His kisses would be easy to ignore. The way he looks through me would ensure nothing would happen between us. But for the life of me, Aidan, I don’t want that.”

“Me neither.”

“I don’t want that Aidan anywhere near me. If that’s the only way you can get through this, then please let’s just go home now.”

“We’re not going home, Jaylin, but I don’t want that Aidan here either. However, his presence depends on you. Are you going to willingly participate in our time here or are you constantly going to push me away?”

She drew back. “W-what are you asking?”

“I want you to completely surrender to me. No hesitation. If I want to kiss you, touch you, I want to know I can. I want to hold you…make love to you. I need to know you will no longer fight me. When you push me away, it makes the instinct worse. If you surrender to me, the
Drall
will calm.”

“Aidan…” She shook her head. “It doesn’t work like that. You have no idea how dangerous that is. I want you. I’m not going to deny that any longer, but nothing has changed. I won’t bond to you. If we…if we make love we’re tempting disaster. Your control could snap.”

He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear before trailing the back of his fingers down her cheek. She didn’t stiffen, just let him caress her, and his beast purred. He
needed
this. “At this point, I don’t want to take it. I want to bond to you because you want me to, not because my instinct tells me I have to.”

She pulled his hand away from her face and clutched it in her lap with both of hers. “I
believe
that you believe you can fight it, but your instinct isn’t going to give you that choice. I don’t want eternity. I never have. If you bond to me, I won’t return the bonding.”

“I know,” he whispered around the tightness in his throat. “You’ve never made that a secret.”

“Can’t you see how that possible outcome terrifies me for you, makes me push you away? I couldn’t live with myself if I did that to you.”

“Jaylin, you have to trust that I can take care of myself. Have some faith in the human side of me.” He gripped her hands. “I swear to you I am stronger than my instinct. Give me the chance to prove it. Give me these few days.”

She bit her lip, and he saw the residual doubt lingering on her face. The hesitation he didn’t want. “When we get home, I promise to deal with the
Drall
—and let you go,” he added.

He’d never told a bigger lie.

“Aidan—”

He felt the sting of rejection coming, and blurted, “I brought condoms, Jaylin.”

That snapped her mouth shut as the admission hung in the air between them, as the meaning sank in.

“You’re serious,” she whispered.

“As much as you don’t want to
Dsert
me, I don’t want to be
Dserted,
but I want you, Jaylin, I need you.”

The condom was protection from both. With one on, it was impossible to
Fewse
to her.

“I’m already awakened, Jaylin. I know you don’t want an eternity with me. I’m willing to ensure that it won’t happen. So what’s the worst thing that could occur? You have time in paradise with a man who wants you in every position he can imagine.”

Her lust scented the air, and she swallowed. Finally she breathed out. “I’m giving you my trust, Aidan.”

“With no hesitation?”

“No hesitation. For the time we are here, I am yours. Please don’t make me regret it.”

Air burst from his lungs. He’d done it. Jaylin was his for the next few days. He’d spend that time convincing her that she was going to be his for eternity, because he couldn’t accept the alternative: losing her forever.

Chapter Seven

Groaning, Jaylin dropped her fork on the empty plate with a clatter. “Rafael must add a secret ingredient to his food to make a person want to eat every single bite. I can’t remember the last time I had something so delicious.”

“I can think of one thing that tastes even better,” Aidan said as he stood and started clearing away the dishes.

Even though he hadn’t added any suggestive eyebrow waggling or even made eye contact with her as he spoke, she knew he meant her, and her stomach quivered. She’d expected Aidan to pounce on her the moment she’d given in to him. But he hadn’t. Instead he kissed her sweetly, promised she wouldn’t regret her decision, then returned to his chair and proceeded to spend the next hour sexually frustrating her.

Like when he’d wiped away a dollop of Alfredo sauce from the corner of her mouth with his thumb then slid it into his own, or when he’d held up a strawberry for her and she’d closed her lips over the tips of his fingers, or how afterward she’d sucked the juice from them. Yes, his eyes had dilated, but he’d continued as if sex wasn’t standing in the corner cheering them on.

She’d spent so long fighting her attraction to this man, that now she had given him the trust he craved, she was ready to touch him without fear.

And she wanted to make up for the horrible kisses from earlier, wanted his lips devouring hers the way she knew they could. Why was he
now
being so gentlemanly? Shouldn’t her permission to take her whenever he wanted have some sort of Neanderthal effect on him? The whole
ugga-ugga
sex-now thing?