The Baby Bond (16 page)

Cassidy carried an assortment of plastic shopping bags from the car to the apartment complex. Today was Saturday and she’d found great bargains in the baby section at Penny’s. Alex was outgrowing clothes so fast she could barely keep up. Thanks to Mia and Anna Marie she had a few things but, in truth, she enjoyed shopping for Alex more than for herself.

“’Cause you’re so cute,” she said, kissing his chin. He responded by grabbing a hunk of her hair.

As she passed the walkway to Nic’s apartment her attention was drawn to the dark window. He wasn’t home. A frisson of disappointment shimmied through her. He’d been on duty last night. She’d expected him to sleep most of the day. Instead, he was gone. Probably out with friends.

The disappointment deepened, frustrating her. She hadn’t seen Nic since he’d kissed her. She should have known their
relationship was moving into the personal zone, but somehow she’d managed to ignore her feelings. She’d been bowled over by the avalanche of emotion one tender, achingly sweet kiss could generate.

She’d known from the beginning that a charmer like Nic had been her weakness in college. But she was sure she’d learned her lesson well. Now she worried about falling for another guy who could sweet-talk her into things she shouldn’t do.

The idea frightened her. At the same time she wondered if she was being fair. He’d kissed her, not asked her to move in with him. Maybe she was overreacting.

But to Cassidy kissing was a big deal. As hard as it was to admit, she wouldn’t mind kissing him again. And again.

At the top of the stairs she set her shopping bags on the landing to unlock the door and hoist Alex higher onto one hip. As she maneuvered the key into the lock with one hand, a car door slammed in the parking lot below. She glanced down to see Nic exit his truck. Her heart lurched.

Resolved not to behave like one of her Bible study teens, she pushed the door open and took Alex inside.

On the return trip for the bags her traitorous eyes searched for her neighbor, finding him. Something in the way he moved drew her attention. Plastic bags dangling from both arms, she leaned over the railing to observe.

Nic didn’t walk with his usual jaunty step. He wasn’t whistling or singing some silly song. Instead, he moved slowly as though his feet weighed a ton. He looked forlorn, depressed even.

The notion stunned her. Nic was a lot of things, but she’d never seen him depressed. Something was wrong.

All self-consciousness fled. She took the bags inside, changed Alex’s diaper, washed his face and hands and then hurried downstairs.

Nic had been there for her, not once, but many times since the fire. If something was wrong, friendship demanded she return the favor.

The apartment was dark, but she knew he was in there. She banged on his door. “Nic. It’s Cassidy.”

A minute passed before he opened the door.

“You look awful,” she blurted.

Some of his old humor gleamed for a few seconds. “Sweet talker.”

She pushed past him, going into his living room where she turned to face him. His apartment smelled like reheated pizza.

“What’s wrong? Can I help?”

Nic slowly closed the door, leaned there for a moment as if gathering strength before coming toward her. “Sit. I could use a friend right now.”

Never taking her eyes off him, Cassidy lowered her body onto the couch. The firm cushion squeaked a tiny bit. She settled Alex onto her lap facing Nic, hoping the baby would cheer him.

As much as she hated knowing, she had to ask about his job. He had been on duty last night. Cassidy shuddered to think about it. “Did something happen at work? A bad fire?”

“No, no fire. It’s my mom.”

“Rosalie?” His answer shocked her. “Nic, what’s wrong? Is she sick?”

“Yeah. Bad sick.” He raked a hand down his face, rasping out a ragged breath. “Cass, she has breast cancer.”

Blood drained out of Cassidy’s head. She felt weak with the implications. Weak and frightened. What did one say in the face of such a terrifying diagnosis?

“Nic, I’m so sorry. What can I do? What do you need?” She grabbed one of his hands. “Anything. You name it.”

His expression distraught, he shook his head. “I don’t know. The family has a prayer chain.”

“I’ll pray. Every day, I promise. We will expect God to do something amazing. He will. I just know it.” She knew prayer worked. It had sustained her more times than she could count, the most recent still ongoing. “Can we go see her?”

Absently, he jiggled Alex’s outstretched hand, but Cassidy could see his mind was elsewhere.

“I just came from the hospital. The doctors came in and talked options. Scary stuff.”

“How advanced is the cancer?”

“They’re still testing to be sure, but the news is not good. Mom, I discovered, has known something was wrong for a while but didn’t say anything to anyone but Dad. She’s been to the doctor a lot this month.” He stared down at his hands and then back up at her. “I didn’t even know.”

“She didn’t want you to worry.”

“But I should have noticed. I should have paid more attention. This is my mother!”

At the sharpness in Nic’s tone, Alex started babbling like crazy and reached for him. This time Nic noticed. Almost desperately, Nic pulled the baby against his chest and clung to him in a way that pierced Cassidy’s heart.

“I don’t know what to do,” he said to her over Alex’s shoulder. “Mom’s our anchor.”

Hurting for him, Cassidy stroked his arm over and over again, trying to convey some sense of comfort. “Maybe it’s your turn to be strong for her.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess that’s true.” He rested his cheek against Alex’s fuzzy blond head. “You know about being strong. You’re a good example.”

“Sometimes you don’t have a choice.”

“We always have a choice. You could have caved to the pressure from your grandmother.”

“Yes, but look what I would have missed.” She rubbed a
hand down Alex’s back, the striped T-shirt rumpled beneath her fingers, the tiny jean shorts and soft denim shoes adorable. “The reward far outweighs the sacrifice.”

“I’m afraid that won’t be true this time.” He moved the baby from his shoulder to his lap. Alex leaned forward to press his open mouth against Nic’s knees, bobbing up and down. Nic’s strong grasp held him safely even though the baby’s bottom rose in the air. “I’m scared, Cass. What if she dies?”

“Medical science is doing amazing things today with breast cancer. I know several survivors.” She took the straining baby from him and propped him between them on the couch. “And you know what else I know?”

He shook his head, looking at her through bloodshot eyes.

“I know a big, big God and so does your mother.” She touched his cheek. “So do you, Nic. You should talk to Him about this.”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that, too.”

“I can tell you from experience that He’s there and He cares about your pain. For a while after the fire, I struggled to make sense of the senseless. I wondered why God had done such a thing, but finally my pastor helped me understand that God didn’t kill my family. The Bible says Jesus came to give life, not to take it. He loves me. I’m His child. He wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. Bad stuff just happens. There’s no doubt about that, but Jesus is right here, longing to comfort and strengthen and carry you through this.”

Nic bit his bottom lip and looked away, but not before she saw the yearning in his eyes.

She squeezed his hand, tears forming on her lids. “Will you let me pray with you?”

She’d prayed with her teen girls as a group but she’d never done this before. As self-conscious as she felt, Cassidy knew this was the right thing to do.

“It’s been a while,” he said softly. “Do you think He’ll listen to a prodigal son?”

She laced her fingers with his. “I have no doubt at all.”

Later that evening, Nic returned to the hospital. This time Cassidy went along. He was still scared out of his mind and disappointed that Cassidy’s prayer hadn’t automatically fixed the problem. But he’d watched Cassidy come from shattered despair to strong resolve and finally to peace. Tragic circumstances hadn’t broken her. They had made her stronger.

God, she claimed, had been there for her in those awful hours when neither she nor Alex could sleep, when she feared that she didn’t have the ability to mother a child, when the weight of dealing with funerals and autopsy reports and grief had threatened to drown her.

All his life, he’d been surrounded by believers and a Christian family with rock-solid faith, but Nic hadn’t given God much thought in a long time. For as long as he could remember he’d been taught that God was the answer to every need. Somewhere along the line, he’d drifted away, too busy with enjoying life to think about God. It seemed like a sorry deal to run to Him now, asking for help and maybe even a miracle. Cassidy assured him the Lord didn’t care about the circumstances. He simply wanted to help His children as a loving parent would.

And boy, did Nic need help now.

He pushed open the door to his mother’s hospital room and waited until Cassidy, carrying Alex on her hip, passed through, her orange blossom scent tickling his nose. Much more pleasant than hospital smells.

The whole Carano gang was here again, jammed into the small space like Italian sausages.

Mama was propped up in a hospital bed, looking far too
healthy to be stuck between white sheets with an IV dripping into one arm. The sight knotted his gut. He wanted to throw up.

“Don’t come in here with that long face, Nicholas Alexander,” his mother said.

Cassidy shot him a funny look. He’d never told her his middle name was the same as Alex’s first one.

“How ya doing, Mom?” he asked.

“Better than you. Come here.” Rosalie raised her free arm.

Nic bent to receive her embrace, his heart hammering into his throat. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her for several seconds, absorbing the moment, the fleshy softness and ever-present bakery smell of his mother. He thought of all the hugs he’d taken for granted over the years, forgotten even. Never again. Every moment with her was precious now that he had to face the fact that even she was not immortal.

“I love you, Mom,” he whispered.

She patted his cheek. “I know you do. I love you, too. Have you had supper? You look tired. Dad brought sandwiches and pastry from the bakery.”

Nic laughed. Leave it to his mother to make sure everyone was fed even from her hospital bed. “We’ll eat later.”

Rosalie motioned to Cassidy who hung back at the foot of the bed, a gentle smile curving her lips. If she felt out of place with his family, she didn’t show it. And he’d never been so glad to have her company as he was tonight.

“Cassidy, make him eat. He’s too thin.” Mom shifted in the bed, her body whispering against the linens. “Mia, hand that platter around. Gabe, we need drinks.”

“This isn’t a picnic, Mom,” Nic reminded her.

“Why not? We’re all here. Food’s here.” She gestured around the room, a smile dancing in her dark eyes. “In Carano language that means, let’s party.”

He knew what she was doing and he loved her for the
effort. Mom never wanted anyone to worry about her. Family was her everything.

With a jolt, he realized he’d been trying to run away from the very thing that mattered most in life—his family’s love and care and interest.

“She’s right, gang.” He clapped his hands once, rubbing them together for good measure. Though his heart wasn’t in it, if Mama wanted a family party, he’d give her one. “Gabe, you buy the drinks.”

“I figured as much,” Gabe grumbled in jest. “I pay. You eat. Right?”

“That’s the way the system works, bro,” he said, determined to liven things up for his mother’s sake. “Adam will go with you to the machines in case you run out of money.”

Adam shot his father a grin. “Dad comes, too. He’s the one with the fat wallet.”

Leo, whose stricken expression had begun to abate with the banter between his boys, patted his back pocket. “I knew I should have left this at home. My sons become rich lawyers and they still pick my pockets.”

Nic squelched a flare of envy. Dad never missed a chance to brag about his successful lawyer sons. Someday maybe he’d have reason to be proud of Nic, as well.

“Go, go, you silly men.” Rosalie shooed them with both hands. “A person could starve to death while you argue.”

The grim reminder of death, even in jest, dampened Nic’s spirits. He forced a grin as his brothers and father disappeared into the hallway.

“Come on, ladies.” He grabbed a wad of latex gloves from the box next to his mother’s bed and handed one to Cassidy and his sisters. “Blow these up. We need balloons.”

Rosalie wiggled her fingers toward the baby in Cassidy’s arms. “Let me have that little one for a while.”

Cassidy handed over the baby, who stared around in interest at the unfamiliar surroundings while Rosalie clucked and cooed at him.

Holding the floppy glove to her lips, Cassidy blew until the fingers filled and stuck straight up. All the while, her heart ached for Nic. Playing to the opinion that he was the clown, the never serious son, Nic broke into full party mode, joking, teasing, filling the room with an energy she knew he didn’t feel.

She was the only one present that knew he was taking the MCAT again tomorrow morning, bright and early. He’d intended to study tonight. Now she wondered how he would concentrate on the exam when his mind and heart were here in this room with his mother.

“Woody Woodpecker.” Nic grabbed her glove balloon and scrubbed a red marking pen over the protruding fingers. He added two huge eyes and a wide, smiling mouth. “See?”

His mother laughed and his sisters groaned.

He was shattered, devastated by his mother’s illness, but if they wanted a party Notorious Nic came on the scene and gave them one.

The beauty of that kind of love made Cassidy want to cry.

It also made her feel something deep in her heart that she had never intended to feel. Something strong and sweet, lovely and fearsome.

And she had no idea what to do about it.