The Baby Who Stole the Doctor's Heart (12 page)

Sighing heavily, she took the failure on herself. “I've got to do better.”

“You?”

“Me. It's my responsibility. I brought the kids here, I promised to teach them, to look after them, and if something like this can happen…” She thought for a moment. “What if one of the other kids had gotten into his stash?”

“You can't predict these things, Angela. And you can't make them your fault. Bad things happen and they don't have to fall on your shoulders, even though you seem to think that's the way it has to turn out. Scotty got into some food he shouldn't have had, and you weren't the one standing there, handing it to him.”

“Maybe I didn't give it to him, but I should have stopped it. Or found a way to keep this from happening.”

He walked over to Angela, pulled her into his arms. “It's not about Brad telling you you're not good enough. It's about one little boy who found a way to cheat.”

Resisting him, pulling completely away then stepping back to a respectable distance between them, she stiffened up. “This doesn't have anything to do with Brad.”

“Doesn't it? Isn't he always in the back of your mind, telling you you're not good enough? No matter what the situation, doesn't he still control the way you act inside it?
Like now, when you're convincing yourself you're not good enough to run this program?”

“That's not fair!”

“It's not about what's fair, Angela. It's about what's happening to you. About your reality. About how you're still reacting to Brad, the b—” Mark looked down at Scotty, and even though the boy was sleeping, he mouthed the rest of the word.

This wasn't the time to argue about it. Mark was wrong. Or maybe he wasn't. She was confused. Angry at herself for not realizing what Scotty might do. Frightened for the boy. And…hurt. At times, Mark seemed to care about her and she felt so much better when he did. But at other times… “It's about Scotty,” she said, trying to sound decisive, even though she really felt wobbly. “What do we do about Scotty? Send him home so he can't accidentally cause problems with another child? Keep him here, spend more time with him, try harder to teach him? I mean, right now I'm leaning toward sending him home. He matters so much to me, Mark, and I'll continue working with him, one on one, at the hospital clinic. But I'm scared to death that if we can't keep a close enough eye on him…”

“We can't turn him away, Angela. I think that would be the easiest thing to do, but good medicine isn't always about the easiest thing.”

That offended her. Of course she knew that. The problem was, she had eleven other children here who could easily give in to Scotty's temptations if he offered them the very same thing that had made him sick. So what Mark had said about good medicine… “It's not turning him away,” she argued. “It's coming up with an alternative that will work for him.”

He held firm. “By turning him away. That's your alternative.”

She was offended even more this time. “Don't you get
it? I want to help him, but I'm not sure this is the place. Not around the other children.”

“It's the
only
place, Angela. It has to be because if it's not, Scotty could get lost. Think he's not worth the effort. He could feel the rejection in ways we can't even anticipate. Which means you have to make this camp the place, not just for him but for other kids just like him. Or kids who'll be here in the future who'll be even more inclined to be a problem. It's something we'll have to factor into the program and plan for because not all the kids are going to be easy and cooperative. And the worst of them are the ones who'll need this the most. Rejecting them…” He shook his head, closed his eyes, sighed heavily. “Telling them they're too bad to be here could only force them to do the things they need to be here to correct. It's a shaky emotional balance.”

What she saw on his face, heard in his voice…it wasn't a side of Mark she'd seen before. He cared. Cared deeply. And he still wanted to walk away from it? She didn't understand that, didn't understand it at all. But he was right about everything, and the perspective he'd just put in front of her scared her because she knew what it was like to live with shaky emotional balance. She'd spent what had seemed like a lifetime there. So she had to trust Mark in this. Trust his deep insight into kids, like Scotty, who would take more effort. It was a shame, and a terrible waste that medicine was soon going to lose Mark, though, because he had so much to give. Maybe he just didn't know how much. Maybe, in time, he'd find himself again. “OK, I'll admit it. You've made your point. I've got to get myself prepared to deal with kids like Scotty. And
not
send them away. That was me in panic mode, I think. I'm nervous about the program, Mark, and I don't feel especially suitable to run it. I mean, what in my life has prepared me for this?”

“Everything you've done, everything you are. Neil and
Eric wouldn't have approved you if they hadn't believed you were the one. As much as they like you personally, they wouldn't have offered you this opportunity if they hadn't trusted you with these kids. The thing is, you've got to quit letting your ex-husband get to you. He's a loser. An idiot for walking away from you and Sarah. And that's got to become your mantra.
He's an idiot…he's an idiot
.”

Angela laughed. “Do you know how nice it is to hear someone say out loud what I've been thinking all this time?”

“Doctor's prescription—say it loud once every hour and soon you'll start believing it.”

She watched him walk over and take Scotty's pulse, then check his blood pressure. She was the one who did a finger stick on the boy for his blood-sugar reading. “Two-eighty,” she said, in obvious relief. “It's amazing how fast he's responding.”

“We work well together,” he said, almost offhandedly. Then he squeezed her shoulder, let his hand linger a moment longer than it should have, then slid it down her arm when he removed it.

They did work well together. Which made her feel sad for the opportunity she wouldn't have learning from him, because Mark Anderson was a good teacher. More than that, he was a good doctor and a good person. And temporary. She had to remember that. At moments like these, when her pulse was galloping thanks to one little touch, she had to remind herself that he was leaving and she was staying.

“And about that kiss…”

Her breath caught in her throat. “I think you said everything you wanted to say about it.”

“I need to apologize. Afterwards, what I said…”

“That it was a mistake?”

“It was, but not in the way I think you took it. What I meant to say was that it was nice, but that we shouldn't be
getting involved on that level. You have your plans, I have mine, and neither of us should put ourselves in a position that what we want could be jeopardized.”

“You think that one kiss would jeopardize our future plans?” Now, rather than being offended, she was almost flattered.

“I said the wrong thing again, didn't I?”

“The kiss wasn't a mistake, Mark. Maybe to you it was, but it wasn't to me. It was nice, we let ourselves get carried away… I'll admit that when you said it was nothing I felt a little hurt. But I didn't dwell on it.” Such a lie. She'd dwelt on it to the point of emotional weariness.

“You didn't? I did. More than I should have, or wanted to. Dwelt on the kiss, my reaction to it… You tempt me, Angela, and if I were in a place right now where I could give in to temptation…” He stepped closer to her. Ran a gentle thumb over her swelling eye. “You need some ice,” he said. “And you need to quit being so hard on yourself. The people here in White Elk, the children in your program…they need you. Need all of you, including those pieces your ex-husband is still taking away.” He nodded toward Scotty. “He needs you, too, in ways you probably can't even understand yet.”

Everybody needed her but Mark. She knew he didn't, but it was nice fantasizing, for a moment, that he'd told her he was the one who needed her most. Those would have been wonderful words to hear. But she'd never hear them. She knew that. Had to face facts and move on. “I understand that,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper as she looked over at the child lying in bed, his face angelic, like he hadn't a care in the world. The truth was, he had so many cares…dire ones, like she did. “OK, we start a new program just for Scotty. It's called being on watch, twenty-four-seven.”

“I'll start by checking his room, look for his hiding places, several times a day.” He grinned. “And every time he turns
around, I'll be standing there with a lancet, ready to do a test if I think he's been cheating. He's a smart kid. He'll catch on pretty fast. And something we do here will save his life, Angela. That's what it's about. Saving his life.”

Those were the words she couldn't ignore.
Save his life
. That's all she wanted to do for any of the children. Save their lives by teaching them how to take responsibility for themselves, for their condition. “I'll go and talk to Scotty's mother. I'll be the one to tell her what he's done and how we're going to deal with it. You can have her when I'm finished, and tell her the dire medical consequences if we don't get her son under control. Paint a grim picture, Mark. She needs to hear it. And in the meantime, I'm going to start putting together a plan for more parental participation in the camp. Maybe even some classes at the hospital for significant others only.”

“You did a good job here, Angela. Your responses are quick, your instincts perfect.”

“But it's not enough,” she said wistfully.

“Not right now. But soon…” He kissed her gently on the forehead. “Now, I'm going to sit here with Scotty for a while. He'll sleep, but I want to wake him up shortly and make sure he's good. I'd suggest you go ice your eye, maybe take Fred for a quick walk for me, then see if you've got any foundation to cover Scotty's handiwork, because this time tomorrow it's going to be purple.”

She laughed. “A badge of honor. I lost that battle, but I'm not about to lose the war.” She bent over Scotty, pulled the blanket to his shoulders, brushed back a tuft of brown hair from his forehead. “You hear that, Scotty? I'm not going to lose this war.”

Outside Scotty's room, standing in the hall, Angela watched Mark settle into a chair next to the boy. Mark, himself, was a war. The only thing was, she wasn't sure how she felt about him. They were certainly getting closer and
under other circumstances she would define that closeness as something more than a growing friendship. But under
these
circumstances? He was leaving after all. It was inevitable. So, if things between them were to somehow develop even more in the next months, would she consider going with him, if he asked? The answer was simple, and it hit her fast.
Not with a man who didn't want her as much as she wanted him
. However, the real question was, did she truly want Mark? And if so, how much?

 

“Eventually, I'd like to be set up for ski lessons, but for this week sledding is the easiest way to go.” Twelve children, twice as many adults, all with sleds, all over the place. The program was growing. Just a few days into it and people were dropping by, looking for ways to help.

“I never expected the magnitude of this,” Mark commented. He was holding a round purple sled under his arm, ready to have his own go at the hill.

“That's the way it is, here in White Elk. People just want to help. It's why I stayed. When I came here it was to take a job. I like the alpine atmosphere, didn't want to spend the rest of my life running all over the world chasing the ski circuit, so when I saw that Pine Lodge had an opening for executive chef, I applied. Then fell in love with everything about White Elk, almost at first sight.”

“And you'd never leave?”

She shook her head. “Sarah needs to be raised in a place like this. It's tough enough out there in the world. I've been there, done most of it, and I know how hard it is to get along. But when you're lucky enough to find a place that's…that's like family, why would you want to leave?” She looked up at him. “And I mean that literally, Mark. Why do you want to leave? You've been here since just before Christmas, and you're probably more a part of the community here than
you've ever been anywhere else. You fit in, and people like you. They respond to you.”

“But I'm still the same old person I always was. A doctor. Someone other people count on. And my whole point of leaving California was to not be me.”

“There's nothing wrong with being you, Mark.”

“There's everything wrong with being me.” He visored his eyes with his hand, looked out over the hill. Drew in a deep breath. “Did you have that talk with Scotty's mother?”

Changing the subject didn't change the issues. But she wasn't going to get into that with him right now. The snow was good, she was in the mood to sled. “She's the one who gave him the food. Said she told him only to eat a little at a time, as a treat. That he knew he shouldn't eat as much as he did.”

“She doesn't get it, does she?”

“A little bit of you rubbed off on me, Mark.”

“Meaning?”

“I put on one of your scowls, told her that one of these days, when Scotty overindulges, someone might not be there to find him the way we did. That he could die if that happens. I also told her that I can't have him putting my other children at risk, and I think that was something she'd never considered.”

“Do you think she'll do what she needs to?”

“I hope so. There was a lot of denial. But that's so often the case with those closest to the children. They want them to live a normal life like the other kids do, and somehow food gets all mixed up in that. Walt's going to give them an eye-opener tomorrow—the dire consequences of diabetes out of control. It's brutal, but they've got to know what they're dealing with, and I've invited all the parents to that lecture, too. They need it as much as their children do.”