The Bad Karma Diaries (12 page)

Ignored Anna all day in school today. And she ignored me. I wonder if everyone noticed and if they thought it was suspicious? A very intelligent person watching us all week might deduce that we are responsible for the stickers because our behaviour has changed completely this week, but probably no-one is a) very intelligent, or b) watching us closely. The only people who watch you closely are people who fancy you.

It was weird and not-nice not having Anna to hang round with. Instead at lunch and break I hung round with the rest of the class and I noticed, which I haven’t noticed before, that quite a few of them don’t have people to hang round with, well they don’t have Real Friends, they just have Default Friends. A Real Friend is your best friend or at least someone you really like and
want
to hang round with. A Default Friend is the opposite – it’s just someone you are hanging round with for want of someone else. Definition of Default: ‘an option that is selected automatically unless an alternative is specified’, like on the computer it says: ‘your default browser is …’ and McMahon says: ‘an army’s default position …’ So there are all
these people in the class with only Default Friends, which is sad for them. My main Default Friend today was Heeun – the new girl I told you about from Korea. I guess she is still too new to have made a Real Friend, and like I said, Caroline Hunter abandoned her when it seemed the boys weren’t fancying her. But she is actually nice. I talked to her for ten minutes at break and she is quite cool. I think she is quite lonely.

While I was leaving school I saw Anna talking to Gita! I am serious. They left the school gates talking together. That’s playing with fire! Someone will notice. I should warn Anna. But I can’t.

At dinner I checked in with Justine about what was going on in her class. This week I’ve talked to her more than I have all year! She said the teachers got Jayne to apologise for bullying, and Gita to admit she might have been paranoid or too quick to point the finger. So Jayne has been cleared of racism, but found guilty of bullying, and Gita has been cleared of libel, but found guilty of stirring things up and told that she should have informed a teacher of any bullying or racism instead of spreading rumours. Both are a little bit wrong and a little bit right. This is a typical teacher way to settle a dispute. Their parents are semi-satisfied. But the hunt for the racist stickers is still on!

It is Hallowe’en today, but I did nothing. Well, in the evening I walked round outside listening to the bangers pop and later on I leaned out the attic window to see fireworks. They were being let off in the distance. Orange and green and red lights exploding. I felt extremely lonely. It is no fun looking at exploding joy by yourself.

I think Mum knows something is up. I caught her looking at me funny. I guess because it’s Hallowe’en, she expected me to ask to go round to Anna’s.

There was no children’s party scheduled, which is odd – you’d think someone would have a Hallowe’en party – but it’s also lucky. I don’t know what we would have done if there was. I don’t know what we’ll do for future children’s parties. I suppose Anna might get another partner. The Party People is hers, I concede. Just like the blog is mine.

And the Instruments of Karma is … whose?

Whoever wants it!

I looked at the blog and I wasn’t sure what to do. I felt sad seeing Bomb and Demise up there. Now our friendship is demised. Does this mean the blog is over? Over before it’s begun? Or do I announce the demise and keep going solo?

Maybe me and Anna can just make up?

That would be best.

But she needs to apologise. Because she started it.

Went out for a long walk. Had to get out of the house. It is just so boring there. Justine was moping around as usual.

Walked up to the shopping centre. Only half the shops were open cause it’s Sunday. I spent a long time in the DVD library. It is impossible to know which film to rent. There is too much choice. It gets confusing. In the end I took out an old film called
Cruel Intentions.
The back says it is ‘a game of seduction and betrayal in a New York High School’. I know all about betrayal anyway! And I need to know about seduction for David Leydon. (But perhaps I am just
naturally
seductive? Because
if
I did seduce Declan, it was without trying!)

Later

Kathryn Merteuil (I just checked this spelling at the back of the DVD, I don’t know why she has a French name when she is American. It is pronounced ‘Myrrh-toy’, like what the wise kings brought baby Jesus) – anyway she would make an excellent Instrument of Karma. We should recruit her! She is extremely devious and cunning and good at manipulating people to get her own way. Although at the end she is found out. Everyone turns against her. I felt extremely uncomfortable watching the end because a) Anna has already turned against me so I know a
bit
how Kathryn felt, and b) if it’s discovered we’re the racist stickers, the whole school will turn against us, and
then I’ll know
exactly
how Kathryn felt!

And Kathryn was found out because of her diary! That is a little too close to the bone! I am going to hide this diary a lot better because it Tells All. If Justine found it, she might snitch! Or my mother … well I think it is fair to say my mother would not read my diary. It is lucky Anna has given up keeping a diary because – for sure – Renata would read it, and then she’d tease so badly our lives wouldn’t be worth living …

I did not learn too much about seduction. I think seduction in New York High Schools is a lot different to seduction in Dublin secondary schools! Will text to ask Anna what she makes of the different seduction techniques.

Oh…! That last sentence is extremely sad, I think. It is an Elegy to a Demised Friendship.

School without Anna is an entirely different place. It is like going to the beach on a cold day. You have to get in the water because that’s why you’re there. You’re not there to sunbathe or relax because there’s no sun. You’re there to swim. So you get into your togs and shiver and grit your teeth and wade in. And you scream because it’s so cold, and you don’t stay in long, and then you run out and your teeth chatter for hours.

But it is better to force yourself to speak to people just like it is better to force yourself into the sea. So I spoke to Heeun
again. She smiled like she was my friend when I went up to her. She even made a good joke. But she is shy.

Oh, and Declan came up to me. He is the only person who seems to notice that me and Anna are fighting.

He said, ‘Where’s your other half?’

I was a bit confused, then I got it, and I said, quite defensively, ‘She had to finish something …’ It is embarrassing to admit we’re fighting, I don’t know why.

He said, ‘Oh, thought you’d had a fight. Not used to seeing one without the other.’

I said, ‘Ha, Ha.’ There was a kind of an awkward silence.

Then he said, ‘So I’m following your blog. Nefarious goings on in the lower school!’ I looked at him suspiciously. That sounded like something Renata would say. I mean what the hell is ‘nefarious’? I can’t believe that even Declan, who is a computer genius, is getting infected by the way Renata speaks!

I don’t know what ‘nefarious’ means, but I knew what he was getting at. Obviously. He sounded a bit patronising though.

But I was curious so I said, ‘Isn’t anybody talking about the racist stickers in your class?’

‘I’m afraid not. Afraid it hasn’t penetrated.’

This is basically a Good Thing. It’s definitely good that the whole school isn’t talking about who stickered Jayne. But it made me feel embarrassed about making such a deal of it on the blog.

I just looked up ‘nefarious’ in the dictionary. It means ‘atrociously sinful or villainous’. That is a little more extreme than I thought! I thought it meant ‘dodgy’ or ‘unsettling’. I did not realise that me and Anna were atrociously sinful. It’s hardly surprising we’re not speaking.

Back friends with Anna!

YES!

Oh, and we might get expelled …

What happened was after English (second class) as we were leaving O’Toole said, ‘You two, stay!’

He was pointing at me so I stood still and looked around. The other person staying still was Anna! We half glanced at each other. When everyone else had filed out O’Toole closed the door, then he walked behind his desk and drummed his fingers on it,
then
he walked in front of his desk and leaned on it. He gazed out the window, then he looked at us and said, ‘Would you say the person who hid Pierce’s homework also stuck the stickers on Jayne O’Keeffe?’

Silence! We gaped at him. This was not what I was expecting at all. Then we both spoke at the same time.

Anna said, ‘Hid Pierce’s homework?’

I said, ‘Don’t see the connection.’

O’Toole raised his eyebrows at us and looked from one to
the other. We’d said completely different things and Anna was implying she didn’t know anything about Pierce’s homework, while I was implying I did. It was impossible that one of us could know and not the other seeing as we discussed everything, and seeing as he knew we discussed everything. So he paused in a very
deliberate
way, and said to Anna, ‘Yes, somebody took Pierce’s homework to get him into trouble …’ Then (super ironically), ‘Denise will tell you about it.’ (We’ve been studying irony in class. It is quite a difficult concept and I can never remember the definition, but for sure I recognised it now: irony is when you let the other person know that you know they know what you’re getting at (whew!).)

Then he said to me, ‘The connection is that whoever hid Pierce’s homework was trying to punish him for being a bully, and whoever stickered Jayne O’Keeffe was trying to punish her for being a racist. The connection is … street justice.’

There was a silence. It was awful not knowing which way Anna was gonna play this. I couldn’t believe how dumb we were not to have prepared for getting questioned.
Criminally dumb
, Renata would say, meaning criminals are dumb otherwise they wouldn’t get caught and you wouldn’t be labelling them criminals.

Anna said, ‘Yeah, I see the connection,’ in a very cheerful voice. She didn’t sound remotely guilty. I was impressed. She was smiling quite cheekily at O’Toole so I copied her smile, and somehow I understood as if by telepathy from her to me that I
shouldn’t say anything. Let O’Toole do the talking.

He said, ‘Good! So, you’d agree probably the same …
people
did both.’ He emphasised
people
.

I said, ‘Yeah, I guess, it could have been the same
person
.’ I turned full to Anna and looked at her questioningly. She nodded happily at me. We looked back at him.

Then Anna said, ‘Though, not necessarily… I mean they’re in different years, Pierce and Jayne. It’s unlikely someone would have a vendetta against someone in a different year.’ She sounded like she was turning this over in a detached way, like it was a subject for debate.

O’Toole said, ‘Yes, that’s occurred to me. But still, the similarity is striking… If it were someone with … an
over
-pronounced sense of justice, they might transcend year groups, wouldn’t you say?’

I shrugged. ‘Maybe.’ (My shrug was magnificent!)

‘Right. So … if I had to pick who did it, I’d say you two.’

Anna said, ‘
Us?’

I said, ‘
Us?’

He said, ‘Acting from good intentions, but not thinking it through. Yes, that would be you two.’ (Also in a detached voice, like he was summarising us for a report). He was looking hard at us.

Anna said, ‘We’re not
that
dumb.’ She sounded thoroughly disgusted, like she couldn’t believe how dumb the sticker person was.

I said, ‘Yeah, and we’re not that
good
either.’ I giggled and Anna giggled too! We were back on the same wavelength! A feeling warm as toast came over me, even in the middle of my cold worry about being found out.

O’Toole went on, ‘And when I see you’re not sitting next to each other in class … Such an abrupt change of behaviour … Guilt causes fights, doesn’t it?’

We said nothing. I was pretty impressed he’d noticed!

He walked back behind his desk and picked up some papers, ‘You’d better get on to your next class,’ he said dismissively.

We turned to go. He said, from behind us, ‘When something goes wrong, but when you meant well, it’s better just to admit it. You’ll find people take into account your intentions … And pleading guilty always gets you a lighter sentence.’

We paused, Anna said, ‘I
know
… but that doesn’t apply to us now.’

I turned the handle. As we were walking out, I said, ‘Bye, Mr O’Toole.’

He said, ‘And of course Jayne deserves an apology … Not Pierce perhaps. But Jayne, yes. That was libel, you know.’

Anna said, ‘Bye, Mr O’Toole,’ and we escaped through the door!

In the corridor, Anna muttered, ‘Don’t say anything. He might come out …’

So we walked, not too fast, down the corridor, and turned the corner … Then we turned to each other and both of us
went: ‘Aaaagghh!’ – we opened our mouths very wide and popped our eyes so we looked like cartoon characters. Then we began to run. I don’t know why but I had the impulse – and Anna had too I guess – just to run. Because of being so tense the last few minutes maybe, I dunno, but we legged it down the corridors.

So we’re back friends! And it’s worth it, even if we do get expelled (which we won’t, probably, I just put that in for Dramatic Tension).

Mr O’Toole is right: guilt causes fights. But being accused cements you back together again.