The Bare Necessities (Non-Profane Edition) (38 page)

“I know, you
wouldn't wear one,” Jack teased and looked around the colourful
hall. “It's a good use of space,” he complimented her. “I think it
will be busy.”

“Of course,” the
fearsome young lady replied. “We will be playing here as a free gig
to the local youth. “It's out first stop on our new tour.”

“You never told
me.”

“I did!” Paige
answered back. “Just now.” Jack laughed, and Paige kissed him on
the cheek. “You know. We took the childcare group off Christian
Outrage. We should have gone for the church as well.”

“They aren't
selling the church,” Jack told her, but Paige just snorted. “And I
don't think they would sell to us.”

“Maybe not.”

“Oh, and did you
know that Sue's court date is in the New Year. I got a thing
through asking me give evidence yesterday, but we'll be in
Australia then. But they have the video, so I don't know why they
need me. It's with the lawyers”

“Just after your
good looks and charm,” Paige sycophantically replied with a broad
smile.

“I suppose you
heard about Peter Moran?”

Paige hummed.
“Sort of. Claire mentioned something about him being arrested for
being a nonce. I knew there was something up with him.”

Jack rubbed his
nose. “Yeah, looks like he's been up to no good with a neighbour's
daughter. Quite a scoop for the Herald. They beat the Police to the
story.”

“Amazing,” Paige
said with a barely-concealed smile. “Where do they press get their
information from?” She looked across at Claire talking to Andre and
then back at Jack. “You know, Claire's family has a new house, and
her mum has a florist to run. My family have a new house and my mum
is running our childcare centre, and my dad'll be looking after the
youth centre. Andre has Incredible Talents and Lucinda has the
order for the factory for all our merchandise. Don't you want to
get Harriet anything?”

“No,” Jack snapped
and scratched his chin. “Not at all.”

“She's still your
sister.”

“I know, but I
don't want to. Maybe when she has kids I can be a good influence on
her offspring.”

“Like Aunty
Lucinda was to you.”

“Yeah,” Jack
muttered and nodded towards the naked Deputy Mayor of the town.
“But at the moment, I might love her, but I don't like her.” Paige
tutted, and he shrugged. “And anyway, you haven't sorted out
Hazel.”

“Ahh,” Paige
muttered. “I was meaning to talk to you about that …”

* * * * *

Paige put her
hands together above her head and clapped her hands. “Give it up …
for the Bare Necessities!” She blushed as she ran naked onto the
stage to a rapturous applause.

“Hi. Hey, this is
our first time in Jamaica,” she shouted. “And this is the second
stop on our worldwide tour. And it's our second one that's
free-eeee-eeee!” There was a cheer, and she smiled. “The first one
was in Southend, and it rained!”

Paige lapped up
the delight from thousands of attendees of the naked beach party
and beamed. “We're gatecrashing your party,” she shouted and looked
towards the dozens of local artists who had performed, or were due
to perform during the day. “And we are the only non-Jamaican act
here, so from the bottom of our hearts, we thank you.” Paige nodded
towards her colleagues.

The three of them
had taken the eight weeks Andre spent hurriedly arranging their
“Xposed tour” by perfecting their sound and writing a handful of
new songs, as well as sorting out their families' futures. Andre
had told them that just turning up naked “didn't cut the mustard,”
so he had enlisted a couple of set designers to help the trio
perfect their stage with some colourful boards.

The crowd loved
their performance with the assembled audience knowing dozens of
their songs. Paige lapped at the adulation and beckoned a couple of
enthusiastic fans from the crowd. “You want to sing with us?” She
asked, and they looked shyly at each other. “Ahh, you've been
singing along all afternoon.”

The audience
roared with exuberance as Paige demanded that the two girls – who
were no older than she was – strip naked, before she sang Cotton
Tails with them. They were noticeably off-key, but they had wide
grins as they finished and Paige hugged them both, before getting
the crowd to give them a deafening cheer as they left the
stage.

As their allotted
time drew to an end, Paige stood confidently on the edge of the
stage as she lapped up their excited cries and appreciative whoops.
She signed hundreds of autographs as she leant over the stage while
the band posed for photographs and followed their performance by
joining the audience naked, to appreciate the local Jamaican
music.

As tea-time
approached, Paige disappeared backstage with her partner and met up
with her teenage sister. Hazel passed Jack his rucksack with a grin
as Paige looked around their small beach shelter, that had become
their dressing room. “Where's Andre?” Paige asked their agent's new
assistant and “Bare Necessities Band Manager”.

“He's with mum and
dad,” she replied. “After the show they wanted to go back to the
hotel. Mum wasn't feeling too good in the heat and Jeremy was
hungry.”

“And Claire?”

“Oh she's with her
family. They went half-an-hour ago.” Paige looked at Jack. “She
wanted to go for a meal with Andre and her folks.”

“I guess that's
just us alone then.”

“Err … what about
me?” Hazel asked.

“Oh come on then,”
Paige moaned. “I want to get something to eat. I'm starving.”

Hazel smirked.
“It's OK. I'm winding you up. I've already got a dinner date.”
Paige's eyes widened. “He played before you. Nice guy, asked if I
could get him a record deal.”

“Hazel, we are off
to America tomorrow to start the tour properly. And as Band Manager
…”

“Yeah, I know.
It's only a date.” She sighed and brushed her red hair back. “If
you weren't with posh-nuts here, you'd be on the lookout too. And,
I'm a career agent now as well, it feels good. I'm looking for new
talent. And I think he's supremely talented. In every way.”

“Oh Hazel,” Paige
snorted derisively. “Did you have to tell me that?”

“What?” Hazel
muttered. “You told me to lighten up, enjoy myself and not care
what people think of me. So I am going for a date after I have
overseen the packing up of the set and it going off towards the
States. Which is my job and then it's funtime.”

“Just be careful,”
Jack warned her and she smiled. “Not everywhere is as safe as
home.”

“She's from
Croydon, I'm sure she'll be fine,” Paige added, and shook her head
as her sister skulked from her with a grin and a wave. Paige turned
to Jack. “So I guess that really is just us two then. And I think
you are supremely talented too! Do I get a date?”

“Yes,” Jack
replied. “The moment you are dressed, we can go to a restaurant.”
Paige looked down at her bare body and sighed.

“I almost forgot,”
she gasped and looked around the small shelter for her clothes.
“You forget don't you.”

“Well you do,”
Jack teased, and she smiled. “But I love you for it.” Paige beamed,
and the naked girl held out her hands and hugged Jack tightly.

“Yeah, and I
love you too,” the teenage singer cried. “Even though you're a posh
bastard!”

1. Note from
   Author
   

Hello there again,

Thanks for reading my book – or
at least getting to the end of it. I hope you enjoyed it. Whatever
your comments are, then I would like to hear them, good or bad.
Please take the time to drop me a line at my website, or post a
review to wherever you downloaded my work. It is the only way I can
hope to improve as an author. Thank you.

My website:
http://jdhardingbooks.wordpress.com/

I am a new member of British
Naturism and wrote about my first naturist experience in a free
book called “Going Bare!” where I took my family to a naturist
resort in France for the week.

I appreciate this novel
requires suspension of disbelief, but there is an undercurrent of
truth to the harassment Paige, Jack and Claire suffer. There are
many examples of naturists being hauled through the justice system
for being naked, even though nudity was decriminalised ten years
ago. Instead, the Public Order Act, designed to stop riots and
threatening behaviour, is being used. This is unfair and has to
stop.

I intend to do the World Naked
Bike Ride in Manchester in June 2013; it'll be great to see as many
people there as possible! Only then can attitudes
change.

I have a few ideas for Bare
Necessities 2, and if there is enough interest around this book I
shall write it. Until then, here's to a clothing-optional
world.

Kind regards,

John