The Bare Necessities (Non-Profane Edition) (31 page)

Claire hummed and nodded. “Sure.”

“Go ring your mother first and I'll set 'em up,” Lucinda
cried. “And you can tell me about that belly button piercing you
got. I want one,” she added. “And I don't think Jack will
approve.”

“No,” Claire murmured as she smiled. “And thanks.
Really.”

Lucinda blushed. “I'm sorry about my brother. He thinks he
knows best, but he really doesn't. Jack takes after me, not his
father, I'm glad to say.” She sighed and blinked. “Go on, ring your
Mum and let's play some games. It's called Truth, Drink and Dare!
It's brilliant. Last one to get a liver transplant is a sissy!”

* *
* * *

“Paige,” Jack
murmured warmly. “Paige, Paige. Oh for the love of ... Paige. Wake
up.” The naked girl stretched in the bed and slowly opened her eyes
to see her bandmate holding a warm cup of tea and shaking her
gently.

“Ahhh,” Paige
cried. “Aggghhhh, what the hell do you want?”

“Paige … wake up.
Come downstairs. We are in the papers.”

“We are always in
the papers at the moment.” She wiped her eyes and looked across at
the alarm clock. “And it's eight in the morning. I don't get up at
eight in the morning.”

“Paige, come
downstairs. This isn't good.”

Paige snorted and
adjusted herself in the warm bed. “Be down in a minute.” She
snarled at Jack as he left the room and looked up at the ceiling
before grabbing her dressing gown and putting it over her
shoulder.

The half-naked
Paige sauntered into the dining room where the worried faces of
Claire, Lucinda and Jack looked back at her. “What's up?”

Jack held out a
double-page spread entitled “The Bare Necessities: The Naked Truth”
and slid it across the table.

“Since I've had
world-famous megastars staying with me,” Lucinda said with a smile.
“I've had all the papers delivered. Greg and Andre thought it would
be a good idea.”

“When did you
speak to Greg and Andre?” Jack asked as he turned to face her.

“Yesterday. He
said you three are an editor's wet dream. Three teenagers, all with
great bodies performing naked, making popular music and getting
into an argument with a Christian pressure group. It's got
everything – nudity, talent, popularity and conflict. Plus the love
interests. Ahh, they must reckon all their Christmases have come at
once!”

Paige squinted and
sat down. “They have just done a piece about our backgrounds and
families. What new stuff is there? And where the hell did they get
that family picture from?”

Jack shrugged.
“It's journos ain't it.”

Paige giggled.
“They reckon we know each other through Lucinda's first marriage.”
She looked up at their host, and she smirked. “Can't believe you
didn't tell us about that.”

“It's awkward,”
the woman replied.

“Twelve divorces,
you should know how to handle exes by now,” Jack told her jokingly,
but Paige interrupted the taunting.

“Oh my God,
Claire, were you really suspended for stabbing someone with a
compass?”

Claire muttered.
“When I was eleven. And were you really arrested and cautioned for
theft at thirteen?”

Paige muttered.
“Well, yes, sort of.” Her eyes continued to read the page, and
there was a noise at the door. Lucinda left the room as Paige
smiled. “Oh my God, my brother actually is gay. Listen to this,”
she said. “It is a common knowledge that Jeremy Simmons, fourteen
year-old brother of Paige is gay and currently has a boyfriend in
school friend Liam. Although Paige claimed he wasn't at the start
of one of her concerts, it is clear that she knew and was trying to
protect him.” Paige looked up and tapped the table. “How can it be
common knowledge when his own sister didn't even know?”

Claire shrugged.
“Maybe … maybe it was your announcement at trying to get back at
the attackers that was the clue.”

“Yes, thank you.”
Paige snapped. “I know I may have arsed that one up, but how the
hell didn't I know. And why didn't I know that my mother and father
both had failed marriages. Or that …”

“Guys,” Lucinda
called as she came into the dining room. “You have half of Fleet
Street in my drive. They sort of want a statement.”

“About this?”
Paige asked and pointed at the paper. “What the hell do they want
me to say? Can I say what I want, 'cause I got a few things to
say?”

“We should ask
Andre.”

“We don't need
Andre,” Paige spat as Claire's phone vibrated. “Let me guess, our
agent?”

“Yes,” Claire
muttered and Paige shook her head.

“Why does he
always ring you? There are three of us.”

“Well you don't
listen to him,” Claire snapped as she answered her telephone.

“He doesn't listen
to me,” Paige muttered as their doorbell rang for the second time.
Lucinda moved towards the dining room door, but Paige stopped
her.

“It's me they want
to see,” she explained. “Let's give them what they want.”

“Paige, do you
want to get dressed first?”

“No,” Paige
shrugged. “I got an image to maintain.” She smiled and pushed her
hair back. “Everyone has seen me naked, it's a bit late to be
getting all modest.” Jack, dressed in his jeans and T-shirts, held
out his hand as Paige tied her dressing gown. The doorbell rang
again and the man hammered on the door. “Go away!” Paige yelled
down the hall.

She gave Jack a
kiss on the cheek as she approached the door. “Don't say something
stupid,” Jack told her and they saw Claire come up behind them.

“Andre says you
are going to be arrested if …”

“Oh don't be so
silly,” Paige shouted. “I'm on private land. And I've tied my
dressing gown. Honestly, you fret …”

She opened the
front door to a battery of a bright lights and flashes. She
squinted and shielded her eyes as a hand touched her hand. She
pushed it away, and tried to focus.

At the end of the
drive were dozens of photographers and journalists. “Paige Simmons,
I am arresting you …”

“I am on private
land,” Paige shouted.

The Police officer
grabbed Paige's arms and forced them behind her back, pulling her
dressing gown open at the front and back into her shoulders. A pair
of handcuffs were slapped around her wrists. “Oi, you fascist. I am
on private land. Get your hands off me!”

“I am arresting
you on suspicion of offences under Section Five of the Public Order
Act. It may harm your defence if …”

“I heard it,”
Paige interrupted. “This is a disgrace.”

“Get her to the
station,” the Police officer said firmly and Paige was led away,
half-naked, past the photographers to a waiting Police van.

“I bloody told
her,” Claire shouted. “If she opens the door she will be arrested.
Police told Andre. It's in response to the complaint Christian
Outrage made.”

“They paraded her
past the hacks,” Lucinda said. “They did that to humiliate
her.”

“I'll speak to
Andre,” Claire announced and picked up her phone. “And we need to
get to the Police station. I'll tell him, we'll meet him there and
…”

But Jack didn't
listen and just snatched Claire's phone. “Andre …”

1. Chapter
   XXII
   

“Andre,” Jack
cried as he snatched the phone from Claire. “They've arrested
her.”

“I know,” the
smooth-talking agent told him. “They told me, they were going to do
that.”

“But why? And why
just Paige.”

Jack heard Andre
take a deep breath. “The complaint was against Paige,” the young
agent replied wearily. “No-one made a complaint against Claire and
you. And anyway, it was Paige that stripped and told you two to do
so. She's the ringleader.”

“But …”

“Listen Jack,”
Andre interrupted. “I know what you are going to say. It's not
fair, and I agree. But the Police have had a complaint, and they
have to investigate. And when they do, if there is a reasonable
possibility that a crime has been committed they have to interview.
And Paige admitted she had been told not to strip and did so, so
you can't blame them.”

“I can blame them
for how they did it!” Jack cried. “They arrested her in an open
dressing gown and paraded her in front of the cameras of the press.
And how the hell did the press know that she was going to get
arrested today?”

“I don't know,”
Andre admitted to him. “You know there are leaks to the press from
the Police. There are back handers a plenty. I certainly didn't
tell them.”

“Yeah, I guessed
that. You are always trying to get us out of trouble.” Jack sighed
and tapped the bottom step of the stairs with his foot as he
thought. “I need to get down to the station.”

“No, Jack. There
is a lawyer en-route to the Police station. I shall get some
clothes sent down as well.” Jack snorted. “Just stay there until I
get the word with what's happening. You turning up will just turn
it into a media scrum.”

“But …”

“Listen, Jack.
Christian Outrage have only made the complaint to further their own
agenda. You drawing more attention to the arrest is going to play
right into their hands. Don't do it.” Andre waited for Jack to hum.
“But when you see her, we do need to meet up. I got some news for
you all, and I need to talk about accountants and stuff.”

“Yeah I know what
Christian Outrage want,” Jack snapped and sighed. He looked at
Claire and passed the phone to her. “I'm going to have a shower.
And then I'm going to the Police Station. Don't care what Andre
says.”

Claire shook her
head and put the phone to her ear. “Andre says he heard that,” she
called out to him walking up the stairs.

“Good. I'm not
leaving Paige on her own. And he really can't expect me to.”

* *
* * *

Paige signed the
autograph for the custody Sergeant with a smile. “I'll go out the
front,” she stated to him. “I've not got anything to be ashamed
of.”

“We can let you go
out the back,” he announced. “S'only fair.” Paige shook her head.
“We'd prefer it, actually.”

“I've got a few
things to say.”

“That's why we'd
prefer it,” the Police officer joked.

“We haven't agreed
a statement,” her lawyer reminded her. “I have said that …”

“I know,” Paige
interrupted. “But I got a few things to say that you will not
approve of.” Paige shook the hand of her lawyer and moved towards
the doors of the Police station. “Cheers,” she said. “I'll see you
tomorrow.”

“I'd strongly
advise against …”

“I am sure you
would. But I have a life to lead. I will see you tomorrow. Maybe at
a different Police station. Maybe this one. Who knows? Perhaps we
could write a book about all the cop shops in Britain. I'd
certainly give this one the full five Police truncheons!”

He gave a grin.
“You should stop getting into trouble then, Miss Simmons.” Paige
shrugged.

“Sorry. I'm from
South London. It's in my DNA.” She gave a girlish laugh. “And
anyway, you can't bitch 'bout it. How much ya earning?” He didn't
respond, and the gaggle of photographers grew louder as Paige
approached the door. She could see journalists dozens of rows deep
and a plethora of cameras. “Am I really that interesting?”

“You're big news,”
she was told and slowly opened the towering glass doors to the
Police station. Flashes of powerful bright white lights erupted
into her eyes, and she bowed her head as she walked onto the
steps.

“Paige, have you
been charged?”

“What's happening
with Jack?”

“Is this the end
of the Bare Necessities?”

“Have you got a
message for Christian Outrage?”

Paige raised her
hands and patted the air to indicate she wanted silence. The
cacophony ceased instantly and she had a dozen microphones thrust
towards her.

“I would like to
make a quick statement,” she said forcefully and exhaled sharply.
“As you know I was nicked this morning after a bunch of religious
nutters made a complaint that I was naked at Wembley a couple of
days ago. I have been interviewed and have been bailed pending
enquiries. I have been advised not to comment further, and apart
from saying that Christian Outrage are a bunch of intolerant
bastards and the Police are a bunch of fascists who forced me to be
naked in public when they arrested me, I shall say no more.”

There was a murmur
of laughter as Paige reached the end of her comment and she looked
down at the journalists before continuing.

“It is no secret
that all three of us have had pressure from our parents, families,
moronic talk-show hosts, politicians and small-minded groups like
Christian Outrage to stop. Some say, it's about sex, but it isn't.”
Paige gestured with her hands and spoke assertively as she did. “I
can't begin to tell you how being naked, whether alone or with
people, makes me feel. I am calmer, I sing better. It is me. We are
not doing anyone any harm so why do people see fit to try and ruin
it for us?”

She gestured
behind her. “Why do the Police see it as so wrong for me to sing
naked when it is clear I sing much better with nothing on? Why does
it offend them? I am getting mightily hacked off that we are
getting harassed so much for being naturists. Why does society hate
us? What the hell have we ever done to you? How many people like
Christian Outrage and Peter Moran and all that have actually tried
naturism before condemning it?”

Paige cleared her
throat and wiped her eyes. “All we want to do is to enjoy ourselves
and make good music. Why was my brother beat up for me being a
naturist? Why have all the skeletons been dragged out of our
families' closets? Why are there lies printed about us in the
papers? It's enough to make people angry. We just want to be left
alone to make our music. So that's all I got to say. Sod ya
all.”

Paige looked
beyond the hundred people in front of her and the satellite trucks
behind them and into the distance. “Is it true that you and Jack
are romantically attached?”