The Bare Necessities (Non-Profane Edition) (28 page)

“We'll not do
anything else,” Claire promised. “We'll calm down.”

“Just please do.”
His eyes met Claire's who smiled at him. “But apart from that, it
was a great set. Just tomorrow, go and do whatever makes you calm.
Flee has one more Wembley date and I can't face another day of
angry Paige.”

Paige seethed and
kicked a chair across the room. “I'll take her out somewhere,” Jack
promised Claire and Andre in a quiet voice. “She'll be fine in a
couple of days time.”

* *
* * *

Paige rolled her
ball down the bowling alley and turned triumphantly to her
companion. “Strike!”

“Lucky,” Jack
moaned and looked up at the board. He threw his hands onto the
bench and cried out. “That's the second time you've beaten me on
the last roll,” he complained and Paige slipped her bowling shoes
off.

“So that's two
games to nil,” she teased and rubbed her hands. “How good am
I?”

“Singing, tent
assembly, bowling. Is there no end to your talents?” Paige laughed
at his coltish chortling, and he slid his feet into his trainers.
“You hungry?”

“I'm starving,”
Paige moaned and took Jack's hand as they walked back across the
bowling alley and deposited their shoes at the counter. She yawned
and apologised.

“Hey,” a voice
called and they turned to face a young group of teenagers. “Can we
have an autograph?”

“Us?”

“Yeah,” they cried
and pulled out pens. Paige looked at Jack, and they signed
T-shirts, white shorts, and Jack was asked to sign one of the
girl's rear end.

Paige giggled as
he signed the teenage girl's bare bottom, and the group of fans
fired a multitude of questions at the two members of their
favourite band which Paige did her best to answer. “Come on,” Jack
gestured and waved at the small group of teenagers. “We gotta
go.”

“Why?”

“Because one of
them will put a picture of the autograph on the 'net and we'll be
inundated.”

“That's a bit
crazy,” Paige shouted in response, but they ran down the street and
went into a small café. “Is this safe?” Paige asked and checked
under the table jokingly. “I don't see anyone.”

“It's not funny,”
Jack moaned. “I still want a private life. Or how can I take out
women for a quiet night out?”

Paige sniggered.
“Yeah. Like that's gonna happen! Poor little Jack needs some
groupies instead!”

“No. I didn't say
that,” he replied and picked up the menu and told Paige to pick
what she wanted to eat.

Paige made her
selection and went up to order, but Jack pulled her back so he
could pay for, and order, their meals. Paige groaned, but he
returned with a wooden spoon and a giant number on it. “The
waitress asked could she take a photo of us with her. And I said
yes,” Jack told her.

Paige shook her
head, but the young waitress was overexcited when she brought two
coffees to the table. “Thank you,” the young lady blurted. “I so
love your songs, they are so … deep. And the guitar solos are just
crazy and … oh , you haven't split up have you. Where's
Claire?”

“Claire is not
with us, but we haven't split up,” Paige answered and the waitress
hovered. “Excuse me,” Paige called to a couple on a neighbouring
table. “Would you mind taking a picture?”

“Oh yeah, right,”
the uniformed woman muttered and passed her mobile phone to the
couple, and then crouched down in front of them, allowing Paige and
Jack to lean onto the table.

“See what I mean,”
Jack said the moment the waitress had left. “I can hardly take a
girl out on a date, knowing that most of the time I would be paying
attention to other people.” Paige shrugged.

“Maybe you need to
find someone who knows what's like. Someone who would be
understanding.”

“Someone like …”
Jack stopped as Paige reached for her phone.

“Sorry,” she
muttered. “It's Hazel.” She pressed the button. “What is it? I'm
with Jack having lunch.”

“Paige!” The stressed voice cried. “It's Jeremy.
He's been beaten up, and we are going to the hospital.”

“Right, I'll be
right with you.”

1. Chapter
   XX
   

Paul straightened
his tie and coughed. He looked around the small conference venue
and sat down at the front of a table. Sue Garratt passed him and
sat down, and she adjusted the microphone in front of Paul.

“Just as we
discussed,” the elderly woman suggested as she whispered in his
ear. Paul nodded, and tapped the table, before taking a gulp of
water.

He was not used to
being in front of so many cameras and microphones, and there were
hundreds of people in the room. Behind him was a board with
Christian Outrage's logo, and around him were prominent members of
the action group.

“Ladies and
gentlemen,” their press officer cried and clapped her hands
together to get silence in the room. “Paul Rees-Montague, father of
Jack Rees-Montague, and Sue Garratt, founder and leader of
Christian Outrage would like to make a statement. There will be
time for questions at the end.”

Sue furrowed her
brow and cleared her throat. “Thank you Jenny. Yes, we have called
this press conference in response to the actions yesterday of the
music band The Bare Necessities and … er … their continuing war
against morality and the Christian faith.”

Paul nodded as Sue
spoke. She was authoritative and clear, looking directly at the
camera as she spoke and gestured warmly towards Paul. “Jack's
father is distraught. He is devastated that his son, his only son,
would get involved with two of the nastiest elements of our
society. Who care not, for other people's beliefs and who wish to
spread their message of hate and immorality throughout our
society.”

Sue ranted about
the naked protest at her church, Paige's uninvited appearance on
Peter Moran's radio show and their arrest a few days previous while
equating their performances as worthy of Satan.

“Mark Riordan, The
Mirror. If you could say anything to your son, what would it be?”
Paul was asked, and all eyes turned to the nervous father sat
alongside Sue Garratt.

Paul sighed and
rested his elbows on the table, in front of one of the microphones.
“I'd tell him to come home. I'd tell him to stop all this silliness
and to stop breaking the law. He will end up in prison, and it's
just 'cause he is chasing the two girls. They are leading him on.
They are bad influences. I mean, interrupting a church service,
that's out of order. He needs to stop.”

“And that is why
Christian Outrage is calling on everyone to boycott their shows,
their records, their tatty merchandise and their website. They only
exist because people have given them attention. So a message to all
Christians, boycott them.”

Paul nodded, and a
stray hand emerged from the end of the room. “Lucinda, Lucinda
Rees-Montague. Friend of The Bare Necessities and sister of Paul.
I'm writing for their website. What are your thoughts on members of
your terrorist cell, rioting outside the young girl's house,
frightening the life out of her family and another trying to attack
her on stage? That doesn't sound all that Christian, does it?”

Lucinda looked at
two members of the security staff move in behind her as Sue Garratt
stuttered over the question. “We are not bad people here …”

“Most people think
you are,” Lucinda interrupted and smirked. “Most people think that
attacking the family home containing minors to be the work of truly
evil people. And my brother there, talking with you, he's done some
evil things in the past. Surprised you want to share a platform
with the dishonest little twat.” There was a gasp as Lucinda
spoke.

“You're the one
leading my son astray,” Paul shouted and stood up. “Arrest that
woman.”

“I'm not leading
Jack astray,” Lucinda snapped derisively. “That's Paige's job.” The
journalist pencils scribbled down the shouting match as Lucinda
felt her arm get grabbed from behind.

“Get out!” Sue
shouted. “This is an outrage.”

Lucinda shook her
head. “Once you've answered the question. Do you think attacking
children is good?”

“Get her out,
please. Trouble-maker.” The figure of Jenny, Christian Outrage's PR
lady, watched as Lucinda was dragged out of the small venue,
kicking and screaming before the door was locked and Sue
apologised.

Irrespective of
what Sue had said, Lucinda's appearance and admission that Paige
was interested in Jack, would be the only story from their news
conference.

* *
* * *

“See what you've
done,” the angry face of her father shouted at Paige as she walked
into the private room.

“What have I
done?” Paige asked and looked at Hazel and her mother, who were
averting their eyes.

“This,” he shouted
and pointed towards Jeremy lay on the bed. Jeremy's face was
swollen and red. He had a number of stitches on the side of his
face, and his eyesocket was black and blue.

“This is nothing
to do with me,” the red-headed teenager shouted. “What the hell
happened?”

“This has
everything to do with you,” he yelled, his veins throbbing in his
face. He glared at his daughter. “What have I told you about our
naturism, it is not something you shout about. People don't
understand.”

“Well I'm … This
better not be Christian Outrage. Or else I am getting baseball bats
and explosives.”

“No!” He yelled.
“This is not Christian Outrage. This is how some people react to
naturism. And this stops. Now.”

“I won't be forced
to stop,” Paige replied and crossed her arms. “This is my life, and
if this isn't Christian Outrage or Peter Moran, then this attack
has nothing to do with me. But I will …”

“Tell her.” Jeremy
bit his lip and his father had to force him to recount the story he
had only recently divulged.

“Some lads at
school have been picking on me since you went public. Saying you
were a slut, and that we were weird for going naked. And …”

“And what?” A
shocked Paige asked. “What?”

“That I must be
gay for going on such holidays.”

“Yeah, spend the
day sitting around looking at naked girls. That sounds well gay,”
Paige replied sanctimoniously. “But what has you going naked got to
do with this?”

“They found me
this morning and beat me up. Three of them.”

Paige played with
her hair as she gulped and thought for a moment. “Names. I want
names.”

“It doesn't
matter.”

“I want names,”
Paige demanded. Jeremy hesitated, and Paige looked at him. “This
will not go unpunished.”

Jeremy hummed as
Paige's eyes bored into him. “Leroy, Gavin and Dan,” he admitted
and buried his face in his hands before tearing them away as he
came into contact with his bruises.

“Paige darling,”
her mother muttered. “Could we, you know, tone it down a bit. I've
had people come into the shop and talk 'bout it. You're upsetting
church folk as well and it's making it difficult for us. I know you
like controversy and I bet your agent is happy with you, but just
tone it down, please?”

“I thought you
were proud,” Paige shouted with tears in her eyes.

“We are dear but
…”

“But you don't
want me to do it?” Paige asked her mother but her father
responded.

“Not naked, no.
Time and place, dear.” He sighed. “I've had half my factory come up
and tell me that they've seen my daughter in the buff. You think I
want to hear that? You think any father wants to hear that? Hear
what they want to do with you.” Paige gulped.

“It's not about
sex.”

“Yes, I know that,
but they don't. And this is causing problems for Jeremy, here.”

“I am not
stopping,” Paige told him. “I like it too much, and I'm not hurting
anyone.” Her eyes narrowed as her father pointed to the bed. “I am
not responsible for this.”

“OK. You gotta
stop getting involved with the posh bastard,” Robert Simmons
demanded. “The Rees-Montague family are bad news. I said they would
cause trouble.”

Paige screwed up
her face. “I know you don't like the upper class, Dad, but he's
fine.”

“He isn't. There
is something wrong with that family.” Paige scoffed. “But I asked
you, and now I am telling you, you will do as you are told,” her
father shouted and Paige shook her head. “While you are under my
roof …”

“I shall move out
then,” Paige spat back and pulled out her mobile phone. “I shall go
if I am not wanted at home.”

“Paige,” Hazel
shouted, but Paige slammed the door as she departed and called
Jack.

* *
* * *

“Paige,” Andre
demanded. The concert organisers have said you are not to go
naked.”

“And what does
Flee say? It is her concert.”

“I don't think
it's relevant,” Andre told her. “Not relevant at all.”

“I think it is,”
Paige told him, and the naked girl crossed her arms.

“And you are not
to do the whole get on stage with clothes and take them off.”

Paige shrugged.
“Would I do a thing like that?”

“They say they
will cut you off if you start playing silly buggers, Paige. They've
had complaints and legal letters. They don't want to lose their
license, Paige. Just for once, please.”

“Sorry Andre, we
told you that. I can't be clothed. It just doesn't feel right.”

“If you do strip,
you could be arrested. All three of you.”

Paige sneered.
“What again? You think they could come up with something a little
more original.”

“How about jail,”
Andre asked her. “Just for once, please, try and not get yourself
on the news. Let's just do a gig and get home at a decent time,
instead of phoning for a lawyer and then the Press Association.”
Paige took a deep breath and groaned, grabbing her oversized
T-shirt and putting it over her body. She shrugged and looked at
Claire and Jack who reluctantly reached for their own garments.
“Better,” Andre told them in a patronising voice. “And you got five
minutes.”