The Bare Necessities (Non-Profane Edition) (12 page)

The NHBGBC were certainly
well-known; their videos were amongst the most popular of their
genre and even Andre had heard of the four girls that made up the
soidissant “queens of the gang bang!”

They had been
friends at University and graduated in 2008 as the economy was in
the midst of an economic storm. Finding work impossible to come by,
they had formed their own pornographic website and were making tens
of thousands of pounds making explicit films and performing live
sex shows.

What they needed
was an agent to help them go to the “next level” and Andre's call
couldn't have come at a better time. He spoke to Ruby, who was
certainly the brains behind their success, and watched as the
aforethought young lady was roughly impaled. The NHBGBC were “on
tour” and filming themselves with dozens of randy young men at a
time, all from different universities each week; it was a gruelling
and uncompromising schedule, but it was making a success of
them.

It took an hour
after filming for the actresses to be ready to talk to Andre and he
waited patiently for the four actresses to appear. Ruby, dressed in
tight jeans and a crop top, was first to emerge, followed by
“Pippa” - a Scottish brunette in a short, flowery dress. “Shall we
go to the coffee shop?”

“Sure,” Andre
muttered. “What about the others?”

“We'll chat, and
if its positive, then we'll all go to sign.” He nodded, and they
crossed the road to the coffee chain on the opposing side of the
road. Andre bought the two girls a drink and sat down, looking at
them with a smile.

“OK. My uncle –
and director of Incredible Talents – has been in artist management
for almost thirty five years. In that time, we have represented
England international football players, musicians at the peak of
the charts and Oscar-nominated actors.”

“Oh … who?”

“Our client list
is closely guarded,” Andre replied instantly to snorts of
disappointment from the two girls. “But there's been some stellar
names on the list,” he lied. “And we have always represented the
best interests of our clients.”

“So how many blue
movie stars and actresses like us have you managed?” Ruby asked
with a dollop of cream stuck to the end of her nose. “I don't
recognise your company name at all.”

“None,” Andre
admitted after a brief pause. “It is an area we are looking to
expand into. We think our contacts can help you.”

“Right, so you
want us to sign a contract that gives you a percentage of our
earnings, but you have never managed anyone like us before?” Ruby
asked aggressively. “Is that right?”

“Well …” Andre
hummed. “Not quite. We take eight percent, but this is negotiable,
and we would look to make you into a brand.” His eyes met Pippa's
and he grinned at them. “We think you have an exciting story to
tell – book deals, telly appearances, not to mention merchandise. A
Gang Bang Club pencil case, that sort of thing.”

Ruby scoffed. “And
who is going to stock our pencil cases?”

“Everyone stocks
Playboy. Aren't they the same thing?” Ruby laughed. “I mean I saw
twenty guys there today. Fans?”

“Hell yeah,” Pippa
replied. “We had to turn away so many applications.”

“They could even
do it for free,” Andre joked, and Ruby scowled.

“Why should we let
them have their fun for free? We charge five hundred pounds a
person.”

Andre gulped. “You
mean, you took ten thousand pounds for them turning up.”

“No, we took ten
thousand pounds on the website three weeks ago for tickets. It paid
for the shoot. We then get paid when we upload it, and people buy
it. Plus, we get people coming from porn video sites where we
upload one scene to our site. And we sell the DVDs through the
website as well as membership.”

“So, they pay to
have sex with you. Doesn't that make you a bit of a … well a pimp
and prostitute?”

Ruby guffawed with
laughter. “Yeah, of course. But everyone's doing it.” Andre looked
a little surprised, and she giggled. “Don't tell me Kate didn't
take it up the bum to entice William. Hell, I would have taken it
every which way to grab a member of the royal family.”

“There's always
Harry,” her friend teased.

“I'm not that
desperate,” Ruby joked.

Andre gulped and
shrugged. He took a sample contract out of his bag and passed it to
Ruby. “Read it, if you are interested.”

“Sure. I think if
you can get us a book deal to put us in print and in bookstores
then we might be interested. You see our fans will buy it and
non-fans who buy it will come to our website.” She looked at Pippa
who nodded. “And approximately 5.6% of people who come to our
website subscribe. Which is twenty-five pounds a month. So if, we
can get another 10,000 hits in a month, that's an extra 560
subscribers, which allowing for some people cancelling would
probably top 120,000 pounds extra a year. Which will easily pay
your fee. Not to mention the advance.”

Andre nodded. “You
have this worked out. It's very impressive,” he complimented her,
and Ruby cackled.

“Yeah. I should
think so. I did Maths.” Ruby and Pippa chatted warmly to Andre, and
any reservations he had about the two porn stars disappeared; they
were sharp, clever and business-minded, and he knew that their
partnership with Incredible Talents could be extremely
fruitful.

They left, and
Andre picked up the phone to dial his uncle; they had themselves a
deal, as long as Uncle Greg could sweet-talk a publisher.

* *
* * *

“Where are you
going?” Hazel asked her sister. Paige looked up from the mirror and
saw the expressionless face looking at her.

“Out,” Paige said
with complete brevity.

“I heard you
talking on the 'phone,” Hazel muttered. “Said something about a
gig.”

Paige smiled.
“Yeah, I am singing in a band. You can come and watch if you want.”
Hazel shook her head. “Hey, I was going to pubs when I was
fifteen.”

“Don't want to,”
she replied and looked at her frowning sibling. “Does Mum and Dad
know?”

Paige grunted, but
her sister clearly knew what she meant. “I don't need to tell
them,” she added. “I'm eighteen now.” Hazel's eyes narrowed. “I'd
like you to come if you want to see me sing. It's in The Jolly
Roger, over in Eden Park.”

“I'm not going to
a pub,” Hazel snapped, and her eyes dropped to the floor as Paige
looked at her.

“I'd love you to
see me, one day.” Hazel pursed her lips as Paige got her coat. “Be
good, and don't wait up,” she teased.

“Yeah. And good
luck,” Hazel told her as she left.

* * * * *

Paige and Claire
nervously approached the venue. They had arranged to meet Jack at
the pub as he was bringing the equipment and thought they might
struggle to get everything in his car with them as well. “I feel
really nervous now,” Paige whispered to Claire, with the borrowed
Les Paul guitar in a case over her shoulder. “We spent ages getting
our songs perfect. We can't do retakes here.”

“Yeah, but it'll
be fine,” Claire responded cavalierly. “It'll be fun.”

“Have you ever
sung in front of an audience?”

“No,” Claire
replied. “Apart from the karaoke.”

“I have,” Paige
admitted. “I was sixteen and at the school talent show. And I just
froze. Scared to death after the first note. It was a bloody
disaster.”

“Now you mention
it,” Claire teased and smiled. “I know, you told me before. But
we'll be fine.”

“It felt
unnatural,” Paige moaned. “I just locked up.”

“But we did the
karaoke competition. And it won't be that big an audience.”

“But that was
different,” Paige replied and sighed. “I was naked.”

“You can't be
naked tonight,” Claire told her, firmly and Paige looked at her
with a grin. “No Paige, you can't. We'll get chucked out. Please,
just imagine you're naked but keep your clothes on.”

“OK. Well, I
better get my act together.” She stopped and looked into the car
park, and they walked across to see Jack waiting by his car. “I've
got to get over my problem.”

“Could have got
you two in as well,” he told them as he opened his boot. On top of
the amp and two speakers was his keyboard and a bag of cables. “If
I take the speakers can you take the amp?”

“Sure,” Claire
replied and between them the three teenagers carried their
equipment into the pub.

“Upstairs,” Terry
directed them, and they looked at him. “I always put new bands in
the function room. We got a bar up there, and people will go up.”
He smiled at them and coughed. “If you are any good that is.”

The faded function
room was set up with two rows of ten chairs at the front of the
room, as well as two dozen tables with chairs dotted around the
room. There was a raised platform at the end which was generously
referred to as a “stage.” They noticed a bar at the back that was
closed, and Jack sighed as he put the amp on the stage.

He retrieved his
keyboard, and the girls tried to help him set up their equipment,
but Jack refused any help and then insisted on some sound tests.
Claire loved performing guitar solos as the sound echoed around the
room. “I guess they call it intimate,” Jack teased and glanced at
the clock; it was ten to eight and the first couple of people
entered the room.

Jack saw Paige was
getting nervous and bought three vodkas from the downstairs bar
which Paige drank two of instantly, when he returned. “This is
scary,” she moaned. “Proper scary. I'm shaking like a leaf.”

“Paige,” Claire
cooed. “Just relax.”

“I am relaxed,”
she panted and ran her hands through her hair. “I am relaxed, it's
not a problem. I'm fine. Oh hell, hell, hell, hell!”

“Paige, calm
down!”

“I am calm. I'm
like a leaf in the middle of a river. Sort of calm.”

Claire looked at
Jack who asked their anxious bandmate for help adjusting his
keyboard, clearly thinking that taking her mind off her forthcoming
appearance would help her: while she was distracted she could not
fret. “Just don't worry,” Jack whispered. “You've got a great
voice,” he complimented her. “It'll be great!”

“Yeah?” Paige
asked. “Of course.”

She looked back at
the room and had a sharp intake of breath; their audience had grown
from five to fifty in just a couple of minutes, and she looked at
Claire.

The dark-haired
girl took her microphone from the stand and looked at Jack. When
she got a smile, she sighed, hit some of the light switches by the
side of the stage that plunged the room into semi-darkness, apart
from the stage, and walked to the front. “Hiya,” she said and heard
her voice be broadcasted to the room, from behind her. “I'm Claire,
this is Jack and Paige. And we are the Bare Necessities.” There was
a slight cheer from a few members of the assorted audience and
Claire smiled. “This is our first gig, so bear with us if a couple
of things aren't quite set up right. Hope you enjoy it, we got a
mixture of covers and original songs.” She nodded towards Jack, and
he started the introduction of I Am Free on the keyboard.

Claire joined in
with the guitar and waited for Paige who missed her cue, and they
had to restart. There was some grumbling from the audience, and
Paige's voice quivered as she hit the first note. She struggled
with the chorus and their up-beat pop-rock song sounded flatter as
Paige couldn't get herself back in time with her colleagues.

Jack looked up to
see her hands shaking, and Claire looked across at him. A voice
shouted “rubbish” from the crowd as Paige finished her song, and
the red-haired girl looked apologetically at her band mates.
“Sorry,” she muttered into the microphone. “But I don't usually
sing like this.” Paige shook her head at Claire. “I've got to.”

“Paige, no!”
Claire shouted, but Paige was not listening. She kicked off her
shoes, slid her jeans to her ankles with her knickers caught in her
thumbs, and stepped out of them before discarding her top and bra.
The crowd shouted and hollered at the singer with some of the
patrons looking shocked and surprised, but she was oblivious to the
appalled and astounded looks she was attracting, and threw her
clothes to Jack. She beamed broadly; she looked confident and felt
confident.

“Can we try that
again please? Now that I am properly dressed for singing. I can't
sing when I am dressed. I'm a naturist.”

Jack and Claire
looked at each other nervously, and they started their backing
tracks again. Paige hit the introduction perfectly and injected
more energy and authority into her vocals that gave a performance
dripping with pizazz and vigour. Several of the audience swayed to
the rhythm and Paige smiled, completely oblivious and untroubled by
her state of dress in front of such a large audience.

She didn't hit all
the notes perfectly, but she didn't expect to; it was a live
performance and they were entertaining the crowd. Paige gave a
near-flawless rendition of Bad Reputation, Jack's rock song Sweet
Love and then her own song, Cotton Tails.

The room, which
was a third-full, was soon filling up as their music carried down
the stairs, and they saw the figure of Terry in the doorway. He
stopped when he saw Paige and gestured towards her, speaking
animatedly to his barmaid behind the small bar in the function
room.

Paige noticed the
shocked landlord and called “Girls” to her bandmates. They played
the song that Terry had adored on the CD to perfection, and the
appreciative landlord stood at the bar, listening and smiling to
Paige as she performed her music with energy and enthusiasm. If he
didn't like Paige being naked in his pub, he wasn't going to
intervene while she was singing so well, and his bar tills were
ringing.

Paige looked up and saw the familiar figure of her
sister loitering by the door. “This next song was written when
someone I love, very, very much, attempted suicide. And I've never
had the opportunity to sing it to her, but I hope she understands
what I felt when she hears,” Paige said to the room and wiped her
eyes.