The Bathrobe Knight: Volume 3 (20 page)

“I tried to give you the happy ending, Darwin, to let you have a people and to let you spend the rest of your days in this world worry free. You would have had an eternity to play games with your niece--a wonderful happy-ever-after for you. Stephanie is the one who forced my hand.” Her words seemed half-filled with regret, half-filled with anger. “If that portal gets destroyed, then I’ll even stop anything from killing that guild of yours myself. If not, don’t worry too much. After a century, the death of people today will seem like nothing more than a few whispers in a wind. You’ll only regret that they died without even being able to remember their faces or who they were. Trust me on this.”

“What kind of offer is this? You want me to destroy my way home and live the rest of my existence in a game? Just because a sister I’ve met once in my entire life said so?” Darwin couldn’t believe the woman’s gall.

“I want you to do it because I know you care about humanity. You’re not like her. You don’t want to see every man on earth killed or turned into one of us, cursed with the endless cycle of bloodshed that stains our people’s past.” Eve’s words may have been spoken calmly, but her narrowed eyes and the gritted teeth let Darwin know exactly how riled up she was.

If she’s asking me to do it, then that means she can’t do it herself,
Darwin thought to himself with a grin.
She needs me to betray my people because she can’t touch them. I have the upper hand as long as I say no.
He felt rather confident in his conclusion. “You mean the insanity? Charles is solving it. I’ve been controlling it with his help.” Darwin knew what her concern was--he felt it every time Hunger drove him mad--but it wasn’t something he couldn’t handle alone anymore. He needed to call Kitchens in and kill her if she wouldn’t cooperate, but trying to persuade her to call off her quest wouldn’t hurt. Obviously, if she were Charles’s wife, she probably would have already talked with Charles before him, and that clearly hadn’t worked.

“Have you? Have you actually managed to control it? The horns, your size . . . How many times have you completely lost control? Ten? Twenty? Those few demons we know who lived long enough to grow horns barely managed half of what yours are. You stand on virgin ground, going through one metamorphosis after the other triggered by the madness, and yet you’re still telling me that you have it under control?” Eve’s voice was dripping with disdain, and she practically spat the words out at him.

“I am.” Darwin could feel his brows furrowing downwards into his eyes. “Or else I’d have tried to kill you already. Things never would have made it to the point of talking after what you did.”

“What I did? Darwin, you’re trying to go back to the real world with a disease that will result in countless deaths. She’s using you to make more demons, more people to kill humans. Can’t you even see? You’re being played like a puppet, and you blame me for trying to take you out of the game?” Eve’s voice trembled with anger.

“Out of the game? This isn’t a game. This is my life we’re talking about. Were you even going to tell me it didn’t matter if I died or not? Were you going to let me rot in here, worrying every moment of my existence over when my death would come? So what if she played me? At least she freed me from your prison.” Whatever tiny piece of control Darwin had over his anger when he had entered the bar was gone now. The only thing stopping him from reaching across the table and choking his sister to death where she sat was the irresistible compulsion to win the argument.
Is this what Internet trolls feel like?
he paused momentarily to wonder when he realized this.
Wait, why don’t I just try to kill her?
he began to ask himself, but the first inklings of an answer quickly coalesced into the perfect reason.
Because if she’s like me, she can just respawn.
So it will accomplish nothing, huh?
he lamented.

“She only freed you so that she could use you.” Eve’s face had long lost its pale white color and was turning a darker red by the minute. “Why can’t you see that what I’m doing is for the good of humanity?! How can you not care about the billions who might die from your recklessness?”

“Because I’m not a human!” Darwin’s words raged out of his mouth as his feet planted in the ground. He stood up so fast that a shocked and wide-eyed Eve was pushed back as the table slammed into her. The words came out before he even realized what they truly meant. He hadn’t been aware of how he felt until the words actually left his mouth.
Because I am not a human.
The line echoed in his head, giving him a feeling he didn’t quite understand. They would have kept bouncing around if it weren’t for a sound coming from the corner of the room that broke his train of thought--the sound of someone slowly clapping.

“I couldn’t have said it better myself, darling!” Stephanie, unbeknownst to either of them, had stacked a chair on top of a table and was watching from a short distance across the room. She was wearing a new outfit, a set of knight’s armor made of burnished steel that glimmered under the light of the few, sparse candles that illuminated the establishment. After she finished her applause, she stood up and walked down off the table, using a second chair placed in front of it. Her casual manner made it appear as if she were descending a small series of steps down from her throne. “You’re absolutely right, honey. You aren’t human. You’re not one of those filthy, greed-ridden philistines that drove us to this state.”

“Stephanie!” Eve, who sat pinned between her chair and the table that Darwin had shoved into her when he had stood up, threw both the table and her own chair to the floor as she shot to her feet and backed up in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“You know what I love to do? Watch a little television while I play my video games. It’s just fun, isn’t it? You get all the drama and plot of a good story from whatever show you’re watching, and all the mindless fun and entertainment of a nice button-mashing game. See, one of the reasons it works is because you can always rewind the show if you miss anything from being too into your game,” Stephanie rambled, ignoring Eve’s question. “The problem with real life is that you just can’t do that. I can’t record one show and watch it after another one is over. Well . . . maybe I could, but it’d be such a big hassle. That’s why I was disappointed that this little nuisance of a conversation had to occur at the same time one of Eve’s precious groups of questers attacked Darwin’s home. I can’t just record one event and go back to watch it later.”

“Another group is . . .” The words slipped out as Darwin suddenly realized what Stephanie was hinting at.

“Oh, stop worrying, Darwin,” Stephanie interjected, intercepting his concerns before he could voice them. “There is another player Demon who is there to take care of things for the moment. By the time that moment is over, I’ll be back to make sure nothing bad happens to your guildmates. I’ll keep them safe for you, dear Dar Dar.” Stephanie finished walking up to Darwin, gave him a kiss on the cheek and then snuggled onto his left arm.

“Another player Demon . . . You got it to . . .?” Eve started. Her mouth, which had opened to speak, didn’t shut again, giving Eve the most cliché look of stupefaction possible. The look was, nevertheless, entirely genuine.

“Got it to work? Of course I did. Now, even if you did manage to seal Dar Dar here, it’s useless. Tiqpa has worked stunningly. You should see her too, poor little girl. She was a cripple who was actually laughed and mocked! In this day and age, who would think that there are still some humans who make fun of crippled people. It just shows how pathetic the race really is.” Stephanie chuckled a little bit. “It’s no surprise she was the first to start the transformation.”

“You . . . You . . . You . . .” Eve stammered, her eyes opening wider than her mouth as she stumbled backwards.

“Come on, Eve. You were just so full of words. Don’t tell me you’ve lost them all so quickly?” Stephanie cackled. “Dar Dar, no matter what we say or do, she’s not going to take away the quest. She’s out for blood--yours specifically--because you’re like me, a demon. Being her brother means nothing. I mean, after what she had tried to do to her people? And her own child? It’s best not to get mixed up with her kind.” Stephanie shot a quick glare at the still-dumbstruck Eve as she finished.

What she did with her own child? I thought she said I’d be playing here with my niece, which has to be her child, right? I don’t have any other brothers or sisters . . . Do I?
He studied Eve intently, trying to figure out a clue to the character of this obviously twisted person. “Your own daughter?” he mouthed at her.

“Yeah, her own daughter.” Stephanie nodded, reading his lips perfectly, even from his side. “I mean, you did notice how she wasn’t at Charles’s place when we had dinner the other night, right? Her daughter, unfortunately, has the same problem we thought only affected males in our species, so Eve had to make sure she would never see a waking hour of life on Earth.”

But that still doesn’t answer where she is now . . . or what happened to her. Is she in the game with us?
Darwin started to wonder, staring at Eve.

“Look, I need to get back to check on your little fort, and you need to start implementing your new recruitment policy. You did agree with the others on that, right?” Stephanie broke off the arm snuggle and headed to the door. “We’re both pressed for time, and this conversation wasn’t going to go anywhere at all. This woman will kill everyone close to her, so try not to spend too much time in her company. Right, Qasin? Oh, sorry. I mean, right, Eve?”

Eve’s face, still slack-jawed and clueless, was now also as red as a fresh Washington apple. “I . . .” she started then stopped.

“It’s okay. I’m not judging you. Everyone has man problems where they feel like killing their companion.” Stephanie opened the door and stared at Eve, Darwin now standing next to her. “Just stay the hell away from mine.” She held up her hand as if it were a gun and then pulled an air trigger. “Or else,” she said with a wink.

Darwin decided he had well enough of visiting his sister and didn’t want to leave Stephanie waiting. In an attempt to be gentlemanly, he went up and held the door for Stephanie. No sooner had he gotten close enough to her to prop the door open, however, than she jumped up on him, wrapping herself around his body so that she was eye level with him. She gave him a three-second kiss that felt like two minutes. Her soft lips felt like clouds and marshmallows, and he could taste the cherry flavor from whatever she had been chewing on. The combination of the way her tongue danced around his mouth and the feeling of her chest pressed up against him left him more breathless than a clown in a balloon shop. But the kiss, not much different than the many they’d shared before, actually left him feeling used this time.
Maybe Eve’s right. Maybe she’s always using me,
he thought.
But he didn’t care. Stephanie was getting him to where he wanted to be.
It doesn’t matter if you get used. If both parties are getting what they desire, isn’t that fine?

“Alright, see you tonight, Dar Dar,” Stephanie said as she landed back on the ground, wiped her mouth off and disappeared as quickly as she had come.

“Later . . .” Darwin said at the fading figure as he too started to go through the door.

“Wait!” Eve called out after him, but Darwin was going to heed Stephanie’s advice.
Her own kid? Her new man, Qasin? When she’s already married?
He couldn’t help but think of how vile his sister must actually be.
I have the madness, but so what? Charles was able to offer a solution in no time. One that probably would have been available to her own daughter too by now if she were still around.

“Stop, you have to ha--” Eve called out, but the door had shut and Darwin was already walking over to where Kitchens was haggling with a merchant.

“Hey, what are you getting?” Darwin asked as he sidled up to Kitchens.

“Getting? I was thinking of acquiring some tea since there aren’t any merchants for it at Lawlheima, but this man clearly doesn’t know his stuff or his prices.” Kitchens grumbled and bemoaned the man right in front of him, but the fellow’s face stayed chipper regardless of the complaints. “He can’t even tell the difference between Earl Grey and Lady Grey. Not to mention, he’s trying to charge me 30% over market price for the oolong.”

“Well, let’s head out then. I know a better place,” Darwin suggested. “I remember seeing at least one nice tea shop in the central square where I first met Minx.”

The shopkeeper, who had kept a cheerful, yet slightly-apologetic face the entire time Kitchens had insulted his abilities, suddenly panicked. “No, no need to do that at all, dear treasured and honored customers. I assure you, I can offer you a much better deal than any of the hacks you’ll find in the central square! Even if I have to go out of business doing it, I promise you that I’ll be able to beat their prices and still offer you a higher quality product!”

“No,” Darwin answered, sincerely believing they were bothering the poor merchant. “I am sure you would, but there really is no need. This other guy offers better prices all the time. Perhaps he has a cheaper supplier? We really don’t need to inconvenience this poor guy,” he said, turning to his friend. “Let’s just go, Kitchens.” Darwin once again urged his friend to leave with a slight tap on the arm. This time, Kitchens actually turned around like he was going to take his friend’s counsel.

“Fine! Fine! Young man, I’ll give you 35% off! Just please don’t leave to buy from that charlatan. You wanted three bags of Earl Grey and a bag of Oolong? I’ll give you 35% off and throw in half a bag of that Lady Grey tea you seem so enamored with! Honored customer, I assure you, he won’t offer any better price than this!” the merchant pleaded at Darwin and Kitchens’ backs.