The Bathrobe Knight: Volume 3 (41 page)

“I can’t wait to tell Kass how well I pulled this off,” Stephanie said as she rested on Darwin’s back, draped across his shoulders with her feet dangling in the air. “She’s going to be totes jealous of my idea.”

Back with that valley girl accent,
Darwin sighed. He didn’t know how to break the news about Kass, and the fluctuating accent wasn’t helping. Stephanie still seemed to be changing personas more than an ice cream shop changes the names of their flavors, but he didn’t mind in most circumstances. Truthfully, part of him liked it and thought it was cute. Nevertheless, he just wanted to focus on the topic at this point.
I didn’t realize she was actually close to Kass.
“Umm . . . About that. Stephanie, Kass . . . Kass is kind of . . . dead . . . and so is Charles.” He kept his voice as even as possible so it wouldn’t be misread as either a jest or humor. “I know you were probably close to Charles, but --”

“Close to him? He has been plotting against me forever. And Kass isn’t dead. I literally just saw her five seconds ago. Charles only thought she was,” Stephanie chirped, cutting him off before he could attempt to comfort her. “Also, I already know Charles is dead. Why did you think I came down with the fancy coat? It was to comfort you after you murdered him.”

Darwin clenched his eyes shut for a moment.
Well, I’m an idiot.
He reached a hand over his shoulder to pat the tiny girl on his back.
But at least I’m an idiot with a pretty woman.
“So, if you were just with Kass, then I take it she’s in your room?”

“Oh, yeah! I forgot to tell you, Darwin. I have a hot, young 20-something-year-old in my bed right now. I hope you’re comfortable with that.” Stephanie beamed as she slid off his back and over to his side. “Because she’s not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Does that mean I have to sleep on the couch?” He gave Stephanie a wry grin. “I kind of thought that wouldn’t happen till later in the relationship.”

“That depends how good your behavior is and how many games I lose to you tonight.”

“Don’t worry about that. I’m generally terrible at anything other than the good, old multiplayer computer games.”

“You know, Darwin, you’re kind of calm for someone who just killed a person. You holding up okay?” Stephanie asked.

“Yeah, I think so. I don’t know why” --Darwin looked back to the body that was lying in front of the portal behind him and shrugged-- “but nothing has truly felt real since I first stepped into Tiqpa. It’s almost like whatever has to happen just does.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Stephanie patted his shoulder, her arm not quite stretching to the center of his back.

“Yeah, I think I am.” Darwin glanced upwards. He couldn’t see the crown, but he could feel it resting on his head and knew that it was still there.

“Good, because we have a guest we have to entertain. I’m thinking a lot of block organizing games, followed by some fighter games, and we can top it all off with an RPG where the two of you get to drive from the backseat while I play.” Stephanie grabbed Darwin’s hand and started merrily skipping back to the room, dragging him behind her. “I’ll have one of Charles’s people make us some nice pizza to eat while we game--they don’t know you killed him yet--and we can tease Kass by hugging and smooching in front of her so she feels terribly uncomfortable. Come on, we’re going to have a blast!”

-------

There was an awkward pause when Stephanie and Darwin finally made it back to the room. “Kass.” Darwin mouthed her name before actually speaking it out loud. The sight of her immediately let him know that something really had happened to her. He hadn’t been told the details of how she had been injured, but it was obvious from her bedridden state and the way she was clenching the side of her stomach that, while she might not be dead, it had likely been a close one.
She paid the price for my actions,
and I paid the price for the actions of those who came before me.

“What happened?” he asked after a moment of hanging in the doorway with his mouth open like he was trying to catch flies.

“Well, a few things here and there. Charles shot me, and Stephanie kidnapped me, but I’m better now.” Kass winced twice while speaking.

Better? It’s hurting you just to talk, and you’re going to say you’re better?
Darwin frowned. He wanted to correct her and tell her she didn’t have to put on a strong face, but he also didn’t want to break her facade. She had clearly worked hard to throw it up, and there wasn’t anything to be gained by cracking it now. “Well, I killed him, so he won’t be able to shoot you again.” Darwin’s frown shifted up a bit on the right side into an awkward almost-smile.

“I heard from Stephanie.” Kass struggled to lean forward a little more, and it was a bit painful to watch. “But you didn’t have to.”

“Well, I did.” Darwin shrugged. “He was trying to trap me somewhere in Tiqpa where I’d be dead to this world for all intents and purposes.”

“Ah.” Kass sighed. “Then, uhh . . . Good thing you did, I guess.”

“Wow, you two are awkward together.” Stephanie stepped around Darwin, giggling. “Can you imagine if you guys ever dated? Your conversations would be like two cavemen grunting at each other with constipated faces.”

“What? Why would I ever date him?” Kass immediately countered Stephanie’s hypothetical situation with a flustered retort.

“No reason.” Stephanie giggled a little more as she came up near Kass. “But it’s not like it matters. What’s important now is that this bed is about to turn into prime gaming real estate, so I suggest you sit up and lean against the wall because I’m going to be scooting a television and a few gaming consoles over here for us to all play together.” Stephanie helped Kass do just as she had suggested before she plopped down next to her. “The only question left for the day is whether Darwin’s woman enough to keep up with me in some good, old-fashioned FPSs?”

Darwin’s earlier frown returned and deepened.
Why do you have to challenge me so harshly over a video game?
A
nd why does it have to be an FPS?
“Hey, I can handle myself just fine.” He laughed as he moved an old, late-2000s console over and set it up as the two girls watched.

“When you get to be my age, you should always strive to have a hot young man do all the manual labor while you watch,” Stephanie whispered to Kass loud enough for Darwin to hear. “It’s the best part of old age.”

Darwin looked over to see Kass’s face redden like a ripe tomato. “I’m not even shirtless!” he protested in response to her ogling. “Can’t you wait?”

“I’m pretty sure a bathrobe doesn’t count as a shirt,” Kass said, joining in with Stephanie’s laughter and smiling for the first time since Darwin had entered the room.

“You know, I’ve got a few dollar bills around here. If I slip one in your robe-string-thing you could--” Stephanie couldn’t even finish her sentence as she cracked herself up.

“Hey! Keep it PG!” Darwin continued to implore the two wanton women.

The three of them continued in this fashion for the rest of the night: laughing, chuckling and having fun while playing games until, by the time the sun was due to rise the next day, they had all settled into an awkward lump on top of each other. Kass had managed to pass out propped up across both of them, her snoring louder than the gunfire in the games they were playing.

-------

The next day, Darwin walked up the stairs leading from the portal up to the main chamber of the dungeon along with Stephanie and Kass, the latter of whom had met the two Demons at the portal. Stephanie had kept a spare dive machine stashed away, and Kass felt nearly back to normal now that she was in Tiqpa.

As they walked, Darwin looked over at where the boss den had been and found a veritable war room bustling with activity. Daniel, Alex and Kitchens were all poring over and marking up a collection of maps spread across several tables, and lots of new faces were rushing about and imbuing the place with a bustling excitement.

“I see everyone’s busy. Did we get additional recruits?” Darwin asked, catching everyone’s attention as he continued to look around.
What are they all working on?
he wondered as he approached one of the tables.

“Yeah, we’ve had a long day organizing battle formations, strategies and contingencies, but we’ve made a lot of progress,” Daniel said as he came up to Darwin’s side.

“Great Lord Darwin!” Alex called from one of the tables, immediately jumping over it and running towards Darwin. “I was told you had been kept away by extenuating circumstances regarding your health. Everyone was worried.”

“I can see that.” Darwin grinned as he looked around at his faithful companions, each filing in one after the other to create a semicircle several rows deep in front of him.

“Great Lord Darwin” --Alex gave a half bow as he spoke the title-- “to show that our hearts were still with you, we worked all night towards the cause you have taken up. We feared the worst and redoubled our efforts to ensure that your vision would become manifest and that your legacy would continue.”

So that my legacy would continue? What is my vision that they were working hard to make a reality?
“That’s excellent. Let me get settled in for a moment, Alex, and I’ll come by your war table so that you can bring me up to speed. Perhaps you can also show me how the new recruits are performing and give me a few status updates as well?”

“Yes, Great Lord Darwin, I’ll prepare them right away. Men, our task has just begun!” Alex disappeared with all of the other NPCs, leaving only Daniel, Kitchens, Minx, Mclean, Valerie and Fuzzy Wuzzy behind.

“So, now that they’re gone, how are you?” Kitchens asked, his brow furrowed a bit, likely with concern.

“I’m great.” Darwin didn’t have to lie. He was. He had come to terms with the fact that Charles was right: He easily killed people whom he didn’t consider his own, whom he didn’t feel some connection to or responsibility for. He just didn’t care about that anymore. Right or wrong, there were choices that had to be made. Whether for better or worse, the number of casualties could climb to billions, and he would still choose his demons over someone else’s people. His peace with that fact wasn’t just because he had come to terms with the truth that he valued them over others, that he valued the life of someone like Alex over that of the Panda King, but also because he had come to terms with the reality that he was a killer. “Yeah, I’m just fine. Except,” he looked at his health bar, “I’ve been too long without feeding the Hunger skill. I think I need to get out on the battlefield soon.” He patted his sword, acknowledging the growing itch to use it.
It’s okay, we’ll feed you soon enough.

“Ah. We already thought about that. Here you go.” Mclean pulled a red snow cone monster, which had somehow been incapacitated, out of her inventory and tossed it towards Darwin. “We have some more locked away in a prison. We weren’t sure how close to death you would be when we saw you again, so we went and got you a bunch of prey to kill.”

They are so thoughtful.
Darwin grinned as his sword cut the red snow cone in two while it floated in the air halfway between him and Mclean. “Well, I guess that only leaves us with one thing left to do: come up with more prey for our army.”

“Are the snow cones going to be enough to hold you off? We remember you went crazy when you didn’t kill anything for a few hours outside of Peh-Ting Zhou.” Kitchens stare was filled with worry, even if it would be hard for most people to pick up on.

“Yeah, it should be good now,” Darwin guessed. He couldn’t be certain, but ever since he had received the crown, since he had come to terms with his nature, he had begun to feel like the madness wouldn’t be rearing its head any time soon. He had even hypothesized last night as he gamed that it wasn’t triggered by the lack of killing or the need to kill, but his own internal struggles with his nature breaking through his psyche. A race that could never accept itself as anything less than saints coming to terms with the part of them that was bloodthirsty must have naturally created a lot of psychological problems, forcing them to repress their conscience to satiate their hunger.

“Well, if you say so,” Mclean gave a half smile to match Kitchens’ own unhappy look at the answer. “Anyway, I remember we talked about Jotunnheim, and Alex has already put together a lot of maps covering both the city and its surrounding environs. We’ve even assembled detailed layouts of their political structure,” Mclean said. “But . . . Well, I can’t join you tonight if you attack that soon.”

“Why not?” This time he wanted to ask her if she was okay.

“I’d love to, but . . . Well, I have to go to work tomorrow. My vacation is over, and I need to get back to the daily grind.”

“School doesn’t start back for a few days for me.” Minx snuggled into Fuzzy Wuzzy. “But they say no pets allowed. Fuzzy Wuzzy, you’re not a pet, are you?” Minx hugged Fuzzy Wuzzy’s big arm. “You’re not a pet . . . You can come, right?” she then pouted. “Ugh, why can’t you be my Fuzzy Wuzzy in real life!”

“Because if he were in real life, I’m pretty sure your principle would still have an issue with you bringing a giant bear into the classroom.” Kitchens shook his head in dismay. “You are definitely your mother’s daughter.”