The Beauty of Darkness (18 page)

“Well, thank you for that. I think. What spawned this diversion?”

She eyed me with frustration. “It seemed everywhere I went to today, I needed King Jaxon's permission to pass. First the merchant wagons outside, then trying to access the outpost wall, and finally Tavish all but threw me out of the surgeon's bungalow—”

“What were you doing in there?”

My tone came out sharper than I meant it to, and she stepped free from the circle of my hands. “What difference does it make?”

“We need to talk.”

Her expression sobered. “About what?”

“In my tent.”

 

CHAPTE
R
TWE
N
TY-SEVE
N

He nearly dragged me across the courtyard, and my thoughts tumbled trying to figure out what had disturbed him so. Colonel Bodeen's red-eye? Playing an innocent game of cards? Or had something happened in his meetings today?

As soon as we were in his tent, he spun. Every muscle in his face was tight with restraint. A vein twitched at his temple.

“What is it, Rafe? Are you all right?”

He walked over to a bedside table and poured a goblet of water, swilling it back in one swallow. He offered me none. He looked at the goblet in his hand, and I feared it might shatter in his grip. He set it down carefully on the table as if it held poison.

“It's probably not important,” he said.

I huffed a disbelieving breath. “It clearly is. Just say it.”

He turned to face me fully. There was a mountain of challenge in his stance, and I felt my shoulders bracing.

“Did you kiss him?” he asked.

I knew he could only mean Kaden. “You saw me kiss him—”

“When you were alone together in the Cam Lanteux.”

“Once.”

“You told me nothing happened.”

“Nothing did,” I answered slowly, wondering what had brought this all on. “It was a kiss, Rafe. That was all.”

“Did he force himself on you?”

“No. He did not.”

“Was it part of your escape strategy?”

“No.”

His jaw rippled with tension. “Did you … enjoy it?”

I prickled at his insinuating tone. He had no right to interrogate me as if I had committed a crime. “Yes! I did enjoy it! Do you want to hear every last detail? I was scared, Rafe. I was alone. I was tired. And I thought you were a farmer I'd never see again. You had moved on without me. I was desperate for something to hold on to, but I learned that Kaden wasn't that something. It was one kiss in a lonely moment, and you can turn it into anything sordid that you like, but I won't apologize for it!”

“He said he slept beside you every night.”

“
On bedrolls!
I also slept by Griz, Eben, and the whole smelly lot! And let's not forget the snakes and vermin! Unfortunately there were no private rooms available at the lovely inns on our holiday route!”

He paced the floor, shaking his head, his hands still drawn into fists. “I knew when he said it he was taunting me, but then when Tavish told me he saw him holding your hand—”

“I hurt my hand, Rafe. Kaden was pulling out slivers. That is all.” I made every effort to cool my own rising temper. I knew Rafe was under tremendous strain, and it appeared Kaden had taken advantage of that. I pulled on his arm so he had to face me. “You have to make your peace with Kaden, and he with you. You are not on opposite sides anymore. Do you understand?”

He looked at me, the line of his jaw still tight with anger, but he reached out and lifted my hands. He examined the one that was scratched and red. “I'm sorry,” he whispered. He pulled my hand to his lips, kissing a knuckle and lingering there, his breath warming my skin. “Please forgive me.”

I withdrew my hand. “Wait here,” I said, and headed for the tent door before he could argue. “I'll be right back.”

“Where are you going?”

“To the privy.”

I kept my rage in check until I was outside the tent. There was far more that still needed to be settled.

There wasn't a lot of arguing this time when I told the guards to move aside. They must have seen something in my expression. Maybe everyone did. Griz and Jeb lifted their heads from pillows, but Kaden, Orrin, and Tavish all rose as I walked in. I stopped in front of Kaden, my hands shaking with fury.

His eyes narrowed. He knew exactly why I was there.

“Don't you
ever
undermine me again, or dare to insinuate things that aren't true!”

“He asked. I only told him the truth. I can't help how he twisted it in his own mind.”

“You mean how you laid it out for him to twist!”

“I thought we both agreed to be honest. You kissed me. Or maybe you're leading him along too.”

My hand shot out, slamming across his face.

He grabbed my arm and yanked me close. “Wake up, Lia! Can't you see what's going on here?” In almost the same movement, the hot slice of metal filled the air, and both Tavish's and Orrin's swords were at Kaden's heart.

“Unhand the princess,” Tavish growled.
“Now.”

Kaden slowly released his grip, and Orrin pushed him back several steps with the tip of his sword, but Kaden's eyes never left mine.

I heard more footsteps. Rafe was walking toward us.

“There's someone else who needs to be honest besides you and me,” Kaden said. “I thought you were in on the story from the beginning, but then I realized you didn't get it.”

“Get what?”

“The excuse he conjured so quickly—the port and the few hills? Why do you think the Komizar bought it? You really think the marriage was only about an alliance? Dalbreck doesn't give a horse's ass about the Morrighese army. They mock you. The port was all they ever wanted, and the esteemed First Daughter of the House of Morrighan was going to be their leverage.”

I had no air. I couldn't force words to my tongue. Instead, a blur whirled in my head.

There's a port we want in Morrighan and a few miles of hills.

The rest is yours.

     
The prince has grand dreams.

Is it worth it to have any other kind?

          
… I never thought it was right.

     
Do you think the prince knew?

          
He knew.

I turned and looked at Rafe.
Another secret?
His lips were half parted, and he looked like he'd been punched in the gut—or had been caught.

The anger burning at my temples drained away. My stomach floated loosely in my chest.

Rafe reached out for me. “Lia, let me explain. That's not how—”

I stepped back, avoiding his reach, and turned to look at everyone else. Tavish and Orrin shifted uncomfortably but met my stare; Jeb looked away. Their expressions confirmed I was a pawn in a game that was so old it was practically a joke.

The floor seemed to bob. I tried to find footing in this truth that rolled through the room like an unwelcome tide. I hugged my arms to my waist, every limb suddenly feeling awkward and out of place. I skimmed their gazes, felt the shake of my head in a distant, detached way. “How very disappointing it must have been for Dalbreck to learn I was a branded criminal in Morrighan. Being worthless to my own kingdom made me a worthless game piece to yours as well. My apologies.” The wobble in my voice only added to my humiliation. It seemed I was a grave disappointment to every kingdom on the continent.

Kaden looked at me, his expression morose, as if he knew he'd gone too far. When I turned to leave, Rafe tried to stop me, but I jerked free, shaking my head, unable to speak, my throat swollen with shame as I ran out the door.

I rushed across the courtyard, the ground a sickening blur beneath me.
He knew.

I had been so worried about the sham my parents were perpetrating, when all along, it had mattered not one whit to Dalbreck if I had the gift at all. My worth to them lay elsewhere.
Leverage.
The word cut deeply. I'd heard it so many times, the cabinet uttering it with a smug smile in regard to one lesser kingdom or another, one county lord or another, all the ways they used tactical pressure to get something, couching it in a word that appeared so diplomatic and practical, but was laced with force and threat.
It is the way these things are done
, my father had said, trying to explain it
. A little pressure and they pay attention.

“Lia—”

I felt a tug at my elbow and whirled, yanking it loose. I didn't give Rafe a chance to say more. “
How dare you!
” I screamed, my anger returned full force.

His shoulders squared. “If you'd let me—”

“
How dare you
lay guilt on me for one stupid kiss, when all along you had this sham of epic proportions on your conscience!”

“It wasn't—”

“You and your conniving kingdom turned my entire life upside down over a port!
A port!
”

“You aren't getting the—”

“Oh, believe me, I get it! I get everything now! I—”

“Stop cutting me off!” he yelled. The steel of his eyes sparked with warning. “The least you can do is give me a chance to speak! We're going to talk!”

*   *   *

We sat on the outpost wall. He had led me there, maybe wanting a place where no one would hear us, maybe trying to make amends knowing I had been turned away from there earlier. He had dismissed the guards in our section of the wall, saying we would keep watch. They had raised their eyebrows. The king keeping watch? But it was as natural for Rafe as his arm was on my shoulder now. Our legs dangled over the wall's edge. How far we had come. Now he joined me on precarious ledges.

He hadn't denied it or tried to justify it, but he had promised the alliance wasn't only about the port, and by the time he was done speaking, I believed him. It was about a lot of things, not the least of which was foolish pride and the need to reclaim a part of their history and what had once belonged to the exiled prince. But there was a practical side to their motivations as well. Dalbreck too had heard the reports of the growing Vendan population, and they'd had more incidents with barbarian patrols. Maintaining the Dalbreck army was the largest expense of the treasury. Of all the kingdoms, Morrighan had the next largest army. It was true that Dalbreck viewed their forces as superior to Morrighan's, but they also knew they could use resources elsewhere if they didn't have to maintain such a large military. An alliance could mean cutting back on their western outposts, and the profits from a deep-water port on the western coast would help finance the rest. After I was within their borders, they would press for the return of the port, claiming it as a dowry.

Press.
Another innocuous word like
leverage.
I didn't even want to unravel all its nuances.

“So after they secured a political alliance, they set their sights on more, and I'd be the winning game piece clutched in their palms.”

He stared out at the darkening horizon. “I wouldn't have let it happen, Lia.”

“You're a king now, Rafe,” I said, and jumped down from our perch onto the walk. “Will you devise new ways to get it?”

He followed after me and pressed his palms against the watchtower wall, pinning me between his arms. A scowl darkened his eyes. “It doesn't matter who or what I am or what the cabinet wants. You are what matters to me, Lia. If you don't know that already, I'll find a hundred more ways to show you. I love you more than a port, more than an alliance, more than my own life. Your interests are my interests. Are we going to let the conspiracies and schemes of kingdoms come between us?”

His dark lashes cut a shadow under his eyes. His gaze searched mine, and then the turmoil receded and was replaced with something else—a need that had gone too long unquenched. It matched my own, and I felt its heat spreading low in my gut. It was only Rafe and me. Kingdoms disappeared. Duties disappeared. Only the two of us and everything we had ever been to each other—and everything I still wanted us to be.

“No kingdom will come between us,” I whispered. “Ever.” Our lips drew closer, and I leaned in to him, wanting every part of him to be part of me too, our mouths meeting, his embrace gentle and then passionate, wanting more. His lips traced a line down my neck and then nudged my dress from my shoulder. My breaths shuddered and my hands slipped beneath his vest, my fingertips burning as they slid over the muscles of his stomach. “We're supposed to be keeping watch,” I said breathlessly.

He quickly signaled a sentry below to resume his patrol of the wall and turned his attention back to me. “Let's go to my tent,” he whispered between kisses.

I swallowed, trying to form a coherent answer. “You aren't worried about your reputation?”

“I'm more worried about my sanity. No one will see us.”

“Do you have
anything
with you here?” I didn't want to end up in Pauline's predicament.

“Yes.”

His tent was only steps away, but still almost as far as a lifetime when I knew how quickly the fates could turn on a moment and rip it away.

“We're here now, Rafe, and the watchtower is warm. Who needs a tent?”

*   *   *

The world vanished. We closed the door. Pulled the shutter tight. Lit a candle. Threw a woolen blanket to the floor.

My fingers trembled and he kissed them, concern filling his eyes. “We don't have to—”

“I'm only afraid this isn't real. That it's only another one of my dreams that I'll wake from.”

“This is our dream, Lia. Together. No one can wake us.”

We lay on the blanket and his face hovered over mine, my prince, my farmer, the blue of his eyes as deep as a midnight ocean and I was lost in them, floating, weightless. His lips slowly skimmed my skin, exploring, tender, setting every inch of me on fire, the room and time disappearing, and then his eyes were looking into mine again, and his hand slipped behind me, lifting me closer to him, the yearning of weeks and months burning, and the fears that we'd never be together dissolving.