The Berenstain Bears Chapter Book: The G-Rex Bones
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Authors: Stan Berenstain,Jan Berenstain
Tags: #kids
by Stan & Jan Berenstain
Contents
Excerpt from The Berenstain Bears
®
and the Phenom in the Family
2. “Why, When
I
Was in School …”
Ralph Ripoff, Beartown’s small-time crook and swindler, had just settled down to an afternoon nap on his houseboat’s living room sofa when there was a knock at the front door.
“Who could that be?” Ralph said to himself.
“Who could that be? Who could that be?” said his pet parrot, Squawk, ever alert on his perch by the window that looked out on the river.
Ralph ignored Squawk and padded to the door. He opened it. There stood a tall, thin bear who looked vaguely familiar.
“Zoltan Bearish,” said the visitor in a deep voice. He had dark eyes and a piercing gaze. He wore a long black coat and a black wide-brimmed hat.
“No, sir,” answered Ralph. “I’m Ralph Ripoff. I don’t know any Zoltan Bearish.”
“You do now,” said the bear, with a little smile.
“I do?” said Ralph. “How’s that?”
“Because
I
am Zoltan Bearish,” said the bear. “
Doctor
Zoltan Bearish.”
“Oh, I get it,” said Ralph, chuckling at the misunderstanding. “But I didn’t know doctors made house calls anymore. Especially when you don’t even ask them to come.”
“I am not a medical doctor, Mr. Ripoff,” said Bearish patiently. “I am a doctor of chemistry.”
“Oh, is that so?” said Ralph. “Well, what can I do for you, Doctor?”
“First, you can invite me in,” said Bearish. His gaze became even more penetrating.
Ralph didn’t usually invite callers in before they had stated their business. But Dr. Bearish’s gaze had gained a strange hold on him. “Please come in,” he heard himself say.
When they had seated themselves in the living room, Ralph said, “You look familiar, Doctor. Have you ever lived in Beartown?”
“Yes,” said Bearish. He sat stiffly, his long, thin hands folded in his lap. “About five years ago I worked in the laboratory at the Bearsonian Institution. I was the head chemist. In fact, I was the
only
chemist.”
“Sounds like a lonely job,” said Ralph.
“Not at all,” replied Bearish. “An assistant would only have gotten on my nerves. After all, I am the finest chemist in all Bear Country.”
“If you don’t say so yourself,” chuckled Ralph. Boy, was this guy weird! “How come you left Beartown?”
Dr. Bearish’s smile vanished. His gaze drifted to the window. “The Bearsonian director and I had a … a falling out, you might say.” His use of the phrase “falling out” brought the smile back to his face for a moment, for it had caused him to imagine a certain bear falling out of an upper-story Bearsonian window.
“The director,” said Ralph. “You mean Professor Actual Factual?”
Suddenly, Dr. Bearish sat bolt upright in his chair. “Don’t
ever
say that name in my presence!” he snapped.
Ralph shrank back into the sofa. “Sorry, Doctor,” he mumbled. This guy was an even bigger weirdo than he’d thought! “Guess that means he fired you?”
“That is correct,” admitted Bearish. “It was over the most trivial of matters. I accidentally left the lid off a container of experimental fruit flies.”
“It must have been a pretty important experiment for the professor to fire you for that,” said Ralph.
“Hardly!” snapped Bearish again, making Ralph jump. “He was only angry because the flies ate the apple he’d brought for his lunch.”
Ralph nodded. But if he hadn’t been trying to be polite, he would have shaken his head instead. He knew Professor Actual Factual pretty well. And he knew that the professor was not only the greatest scientist in the history of Bear Country, but also one of its kindest, most generous citizens. Firing someone over a lost lunch just wasn’t his style.
“In any event,” continued Dr. Bearish, “I’ve come to you for assistance in seeking justice. I have devised a swindle to get back at the professor-who-shall-remain-nameless. Unfortunately, I have no practical experience in the swindling department.”
“Well, you’ve come to the right place,” said Ralph, holding his arms out wide. “The Department of Swindles—Ralph Ripoff, director, at your service. Let’s hear your plan.”
Dr. Bearish relaxed his gaze and leaned back in his chair. “You may know,” he began, “that the professor-who-shall-remain-nameless has long sought a particular fossil skeleton to complete his collection in the Bearsonian Hall of Dinosaurs.”
“You mean a
T-rex
skeleton?” said Ralph. “Sure, everyone in Beartown knows that. He even built that special room to put it in when he finds one.”
“The rotunda,” said Bearish.
Ralph had never heard the word before but thought it was a perfect one for the big circular room with the high domed ceiling that Actual Factual had built.
“After five long years of experiments in my private laboratory in Big Bear City,” continued Bearish, “I have at last produced a substance that can be shaped into perfect fake fossils. It can be made cheaply and in large amounts. And chemical analysis will reveal no difference between it and real fossil material, which I had a chance to study in detail in the Bearsonian lab.”
“Don’t tell me,” said Ralph. “You want to make a fake
T-rex
skeleton and sell it to the Bearsonian for a million dollars. See, I’m one step ahead of you, Doctor.”
