The Best Friend (35 page)

Chapter Twenty-Two

Gretchen was sprawled on top of Tony with her face buried again in his chest. Her breathing was calmer now as the sweat on her body cooled over him. Still naked, she finally shifted to the side and swung her legs off him.

She groaned out loud. “What was that? A last lay? A goodbye? Well, it sucks. It isn’t enough.”

“No, it isn’t enough,” he agreed quietly. Using the deep, reserved tone she remembered from his speeches, he asked, “Are you done yelling at me?”

She bit her lip in an effort to refrain from crying. Tears filled her closed eyelids. She could not do this anymore. She could not sit there and discuss his departure. Not now. Not right at the same time as watching a woman die, and enduring the excruciating pain of seeing it, along with the little girl most affected by it. Done yelling? No. She wasn’t even close to being done with him.

“I just don’t know how you can do this. I should have left you stewing in the basement.”

His hand lazily made circles on her bare back. “You probably should have. But for some reason, which remains unbeknownst to me, you didn’t.  I need to take the job. It’s important, and a chance for my life, and my job, to mean something again.”

“Like it did while you were a soldier?”

“Yes, I felt sure I mattered then. I knew what I was doing and why. I fought for those who stood right next to me and those who came before me, as well as the younger ones who will come after me. I believed in what I was doing. I haven’t believed in anything since then. Nothing mattered to me. Not being back here. Not being alive. I became hollow. Until you showed up. I care about you. But that isn’t…”

“Enough? Why? Why can’t it be enough?”

He squeezed her arm. “Of course, you’re enough for me. Don’t make it that simplistic. But it’s not enough for me to just sit around doing nothing.”

“It was enough for two years. Why change it now?”

“Not anymore. It’s not enough anymore.”

“Okay, then again, you can move in here. There would be plenty for you to do. Oh, wait, I see… only women get hired to stay at home and take care of Olivia. It would only be
meaningful
if I quit
my
job and did that. But you, a big, macho soldier, of course, it’s not
enough
.”

His chest shook under her. Surprised, she was confused by his reaction and glanced up to find him laughing.
He was laughing at her
? While dumping her? About… well, hell! How could he laugh now, of all the times in the world?

“Can you let me finish with my spiel before you ream me out? It’s why I didn’t bring it up to you earlier. I was trying to figure it all out first. I am not dumping you. I meant to ask you if you would consider doing this long distance with me. All three of my adult relationships with women were long distance, as I was usually off on tours and serving. Although I don’t love it, it’s something I’ve gotten used to. I know it’s asking a lot from you. Probably too much. And it’s not fair. You have a lot going on already. But it was the only solution I could think of.”

She jerked upright. “Why the hell didn’t you lead with that? Or shut me up? You should have tackled me and muffled me. I said horrible, unforgivable things… why would you let me go on like that?”

“I think because I kind of needed to hear it from you. I needed to hear that you really felt passionately about me. Because the usual Gretchen restrains her emotions. Her real emotions, that is. You always keep a tight lid on them. I didn’t know you’d react like that, but in all honesty, I’m freaking glad you did. I needed to hear it.”

“You needed to hear me call you mean names?” She rounded her eyes in horror at him.

“No, but I did need to hear you felt that strongly about me. I had to know you needed me enough to ask you to do this.”

“How could you not know by now that I need you?”

“I don’t know. Things like you not telling me my mother is always rude to you. Helen had to tell me that. It worries me that you still handle me with kid gloves because you don’t trust me to take care of things.”

She scoffed. “I hope you’re kidding me. I didn’t tell you about Leila because I didn’t want you to get mad at me by thinking I wasn’t being nice enough to her. It had nothing to do with if I thought you could handle it or not. I didn’t want her to start talking in your ear about me and having some influence. I figured ignoring her was better.”

“Well, that’s the kind of stuff I keep trying to figure out.”

“And? Did you figure it out that I love you enough, and that this isn’t fake? This, us, is as real as it gets.”

He brushed her hair off her face as he stared into her eyes. “Yeah, I get it’s as real as it gets.”

“And…”

“And I love you.”

She let out a breath. “Was that so hard to say? There again, next time, try leading with the ‘I love you and want you,’ not ‘I’m moving out and leaving you.’”

“I’ll talk to my mother before I go. I’m sorry if she made this tougher on you. I really didn’t know. I have not made life easy for her. A lot of what you’re experiencing is probably directed at me.”

“She just won’t allow herself to get as mad as she really is. She still treats you like you’re injured, and therefore, special because of it. I deduced that, Tony. And it’s half of why I let it stand. But I always treat you like I would any other man. I swear to you right now, I won’t be nice to you just because of your amputation.”

He finally let a small smile brighten his face. “You promise, huh?”

“Yes. Solemnly.”

He shook his head. “You, somehow, always make it easier for me.”

She leaned her head on him. “You make it easier for me too. Don’t forget that key part.”

“I know how hard you had it with Will when he was gone. I never thought or dreamed I’d ask this of you, but here we are.”

She closed her eyes. She hated it. The thought of Tony being gone. Not there. Not in town. The time, the distance, and all the things that could go so wrong. They could meet other people. Loneliness could make one or both of them give up on what they had, or do something stupid with someone else. They could both get fed up with the frustration and start to not care. So many things could happen. They hadn’t been dating long enough for this kind of a trial.

But she loved him. She inhaled sharply. More than everything else, and all the reasons why not, was that. She loved him. And he had to do it. One choice: either accept it or be alone.

“I still vote you move in here with me.”

He chuckled softly. “I might someday. I hope things go… okay. But not right now. I need this job. I want it. Please understand that. I lost all the ambition to do anything. I literally didn’t care if I lived or died. I didn’t care what day, or what time it was. It ceased to embarrass me how I was living and what I failed to do. You’re right saying that you motivated me into all of this. Suddenly, I cared. You led me out of the depression that nearly debilitated me. I could not feel anything but anger. And now I don’t. Now I want to get up and do something. I guess, I also want to see if I still
can
do it. I’ve never been all that good at anything, Gretchen. Not like you and Will. You were both always superstars of whatever you chose to do. I was mediocre, the nuts and bolts, always the follower and never the leader. This job, being asked to represent an organization I could be proud of, that represents a cause I gave my damn arm for, is not something I ever expected. I want the respect. I want to help. It’s more of a shock to me than perhaps anyone else. But there it is.”

Her heart cramped in her chest. How could she not want that for him? She sighed and slipped into his lap, leaning her head against his chest and wrapping arms around his waist. “Okay.”

He jerked at her voice. “Okay? As in…”

“Whatever you need to do. I’ll stay with you if you want me.”

“I want you.”

“Then we’ll figure it out together.”

He squeezed her closer to him. “I’m sorry it’s now. You know, with Olivia, and all.”

“There would never be a good time. It was never easy with you. Why start today?”

Chapter Twenty-Three

“…So, will you come help me move?”

Will paused on his end of the phone line, but Tony could hear him breathing sharply.  “Are you for real? You’re actually inviting me there? To help you?” Tony just spent the last ten minutes explaining the job offer to him.

“Yeah, if it’s not too much trouble. Gretchen can’t leave now. Not with all the stuff she has going on and the little girl she’s adopting. And Donny has his hands full with Vickie being pregnant. She won’t let him go around the block.”

Will laughed. “God help the man. Why? Why did he take her on?”

“Best guess? He knocked her up before he knew any better.”

“Well, it’s definitely not too much trouble. I’ll come.”

“Thanks. I wish I didn’t need the help, but…”

“But it’s done. I’m there,” he said. He was gone for a second before returning on the line, “Jessie will, no doubt, come with me to be with Gretchen.”

After he leaves Gretchen
. He physically ached at the thought of their separation. “That would be good. I never dreamed…”

“My wife would have to comfort your girlfriend?” Will inquired, the irony crystal clear in his tone. He finally chuckled. “Life is full of surprises.”

He let out a long, deep breath. “Yeah. It is. Hey, thanks, Will… I mean, for everything.”

“Are you spending a bit too much time in Gretchen’s therapy? Don’t go all girlie-ass on me now, dickhead. I wouldn’t recognize you.”

He laughed and it felt really nice to be laughing and joking with the friend who had been his best since he was five years old. “Yeah, well maybe I’m man enough to finally become so.”

“I’ll be there.” This time, Will wasn’t joking.

A week was not long enough, but too long to spend dreading. Not soon enough for when Helen died, but maybe it was better for Tony to leave before that event, rather than afterwards.

Now, he just had to tell his mother.

****

“Mom?” he said quietly to get her attention.

She turned from where she was perusing the local grocery ad for coupons and sales. His heart twisted as she innocently sat there, clipping away and glancing up momentarily, but clearly distracted by her steals and deals. He knew better than anyone how taxing and arduous his injury and the ensuing journey was for her. He put her through an emotional and physical hell during the last few years. She tried to help him in the first few months with the phantom pain that nearly cost him his sanity. She counseled him, grieved with him, worried about him, and did anything for him. She actually enabled him, but also gave him the freedom to accept what happened in whatever way he needed to and allotted him however much time it took. She let him absorb all of her spare time without a complaint simply because of her gratitude and relief he was still alive. She perpetually allowed him the freedom to do and say anything.

The time had finally come for Tony to quit ruining her life as well as his own.

Pulling out a kitchen chair, he sat down next to her. She glanced up again and her eyes ran over his face, taking in the dour, serious expression. She pushed her clippings aside and took his hand.

“What is it? Gretchen? Did she… do something?”

He squeezed her hand. “No. She didn’t. Other than deciding not to tell me you don’t like her.”

Leila’s expression soured. “Well, obviously she did.”

“No, Helen did.”

Leila had the grace to blush. “Okay. Fine. Perhaps I was a little bit unreceptive to her dating you.”

“A little bit?”

“Okay, more than a little bit. But she comes here and makes all these demands on you, and suddenly changes everything, as if she knows what’s best, when she wasn’t even here for the worst of it. She didn’t see it, or experience it, or worry if…”

Leila’s tears were streaming down her face and Tony pulled her against him. “No. No one worried about me killing myself, but you and Dad. No one stood by and let me lie around, day in and day out, for almost two years. No one else made me get out of bed, when I didn’t want to ever again. Just you. That will never change. Everything you did for me. Gretchen’s involvement will never diminish what you and Dad did for me.”

She pushed against him. “I don’t need any damn acknowledgment. I didn’t do it for the credit. I did it because I love you. I don’t need anything except a guarantee that you’re going to be okay.”

“And the thing is: I’m finally getting there, to that safe place. Thanks to you. And also thanks to Gretchen. She did things for me that no one else could; but then again, so did you. Don’t think I don’t realize that. Or value what you did or you. You were the only thing I cared about for a long time. You saved my life, Mom. If I never told you that until now, I’m sorry. But you did.”

“So, I should stop being so mean to your girlfriend? Is that the point of this conversation?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

She nodded. “I heard you. I just don’t need to hear it. You’re my son. You’re alive. That’s all I ever need to know again.”

“How about if your son isn’t a bastard anymore?”

She shrugged, and a smile hovered over her lips. “Okay, that might be more enjoyable, but I don’t need it.”

“I would appreciate if you were nicer to Gretchen. She’s a good one, Mom.”

“I thought she’d get tired and leave you like Audrey did.”

“Audrey didn’t do that. I did. I’ve told you that before.”

“No one should leave a man who just had his arm amputated.”

“Mom…”

She waved her hand around. “Okay, okay, I’ll be nicer to Gretchen. I always liked her, I just didn’t like her taking you away from me.”

“She’s not what’s taking me away from you now.”

Leila froze, and her eyebrows rose in puzzlement. He continued, “I’ve been offered a job and I’ve decided to take it. The thing is: it’s in Washington D.C. so I’ll have to move there…”

She cut him off by throwing her arms around him. Real tears coursed down her cheeks and choked her up. “You’re really and truly better now, aren’t you?”