The Best Goodbye (17 page)

Captain followed me with a step of his own. Confused, I watched him, wondering what this was. I couldn’t play teasing games with him.

“Don’t,” he said softly, when I started to move away again. “Just for a moment, let me be close to you. I know this isn’t what you want. It isn’t smart. But . . .” He closed his eyes tightly and clenched his teeth. “I just need to touch you.”

Oh, God. Oh. God. I was frozen, and moving was impossible.

He moved in closer, until our chests almost touched. We’d been here before. It hadn’t ended well. But although my head was screaming at me to stop, my heart was pounding, and the butterflies in my stomach had taken flight.

“All night, I’ve been drowning in your scent,” he said in a husky whisper, and he lowered his head, his nose brushing my neck.

I let out a shaky breath as I listened to him inhale deeply. “Incredible. My whole truck smells like you now. I’m not going to be able to get you out of my head. Not that I could before.”

His words made my brain go a little foggy. Not good. A hand touched my waist and ran down to settle on my hip.

“So good,” he said, still running his nose along the sensitive skin of my neck. “Nothing’s ever been this good.”

I should have moved. I should have said something. Instead, I grabbed his biceps to steady myself. I was an idiot, but at the moment, I didn’t care. I wanted more.

When his lips touched the base of my throat, I inhaled so sharply I startled myself and tightened my hold on him. “Just let me taste a little. I need a small taste of you. I swear, I’ll stop.” I wasn’t sure if he was begging me or convincing himself.

If I could talk, I would tell him I was at his mercy, and he could do whatever he wanted. It had been so long since I’d been touched like this. So very long.

His other hand slid over my hip and then behind my back, until it was pressed against my bottom. He pulled me close as his lips trailed kisses along my collarbone and back up my neck.

My head fell back, giving him more access to my neck. My body was becoming liquid heat, and I was sure he could do whatever he wanted at this point, and I’d let him.

His other hand slid into my hair and cupped the back of my head while he kissed his way up my neck, stopping to give me small licks where my pulse beat furiously. He pressed his tongue against one small point and groaned.

“I need your mouth again, Addy,” he said. Before I could even think to respond, he covered mine with his own.

I gave him what he wanted, because I wanted it, too. The plumpness of his lips drove me to shiver and cling desperately to him. He picked me up until our bodies were flush. The friction I’d get if I opened my legs and wrapped them around him was so tempting I had to fight not to do it. I had to stop this.

Franny was asleep in the truck, but if she woke up, she’d see us, and it would confuse her. She’d think something was happening that wasn’t. Because this didn’t change anything. He’d said he wanted friendship. So why was I giving him this?

I tore my mouth from his and pushed him away. To get space. To clear my head. God, I was so weak. Franny could have woken up and seen this. What was I thinking? When had I gotten so careless? Furious with myself, I shoved the lingering need back. Franny came first.

“We can’t do this,” I said, sounding like I’d just run five miles.

The look in Captain’s eyes was too much, so I looked over his shoulder at the moon. I couldn’t look at him right now. I felt the heat he was feeling, too. I just didn’t know what we were going to do with it. Because quickie grope sessions were not something I was OK with.

“I fought touching you all night, and I just . . .” He paused. “I lost control for a minute. I had to touch you and taste you again.”

Well, he got props for being honest. I glanced back at the truck, glad that Franny was still sleeping. “I need to get her to bed. It’s late,” I said.

“I’ll carry her in,” Captain said, turning to open the truck door and retrieve our daughter.

I opened the front door. Deep breaths and the evening breeze helped to cool my flushed skin. I could feel Captain’s eyes on me as he walked inside, but I wouldn’t look at him. I couldn’t. He had to know how this made me feel. This wasn’t fair. He wasn’t being fair.

“Where to?” he whispered. I nodded in the direction of the bedroom and led the way so I could pull back the covers.

I slipped off her sandals and quickly tucked her in, kissing her forehead as she curled deeper into the covers. When I turned around, Captain was watching her sleep. The love in his eyes made my stomach feel funny, and I had to leave him there. If he wanted to soak in that moment, fine. But I didn’t have to watch him do it. That played with another set of my heartstrings.

I felt him move and knew he was following me. The soft
click
of the bedroom door made me wish I’d stayed in there with Franny. Safe from him. Safe from my weakness and emotions.

“I’m not going to apologize for that out there,” he said, his voice low.

I didn’t turn back to look at him. “I was a willing participant. No need for you to apologize.”

He let out a heavy sigh. “Come on, Addy. Look at me.”

The idea of looking at him scared me. Even now, my body was still humming. Looking at him would not help. “It’s late,” I said.

I heard his heavy footsteps and tensed as his warmth drew closer to me. If he touched me, I had to remember myself. Our daughter was asleep just a room away.

“I want to protect you. From everything. I always have. But I don’t think I can protect you from me. I thought I could.” His voice was so close I could feel the warmth of his breath. “I can’t. I want you too bad. I want to be able to touch you. It’s not gone for me, Addy. None of it is gone.”

I took a step back and bumped into the bar. “Why do you think I need to be protected from you?” I asked. When had I ever needed that?

He dropped his gaze this time, and I thought he was going to shut me out, but instead, he ran the backs of his fingers down my arm and over my hand in a gentle caress. “I’ve done a lot. Things that damaged me. I thought I was too broken ever to feel this way again. I didn’t think my blackened soul could need, want, desire, anyone again.”

Although I wanted to know what he had done, that wasn’t what I was clinging to at the moment. He wanted, needed, and desired me.

“I think you brought a piece of me back to life. The biggest piece of me. The piece I lost when I thought you were gone. I feel so much more than I’ve felt in a long time.” His hand slipped into mine, and I let him thread our fingers together.

“What are we doing?” I asked.

“Everything. We’re doing everything. I’m all in. I’ve always been all in with you. That hasn’t changed.”

Wow. Not what I expected. “What does ‘all in’ mean?” I asked. I didn’t want to hope for anything.

He cupped my face with his free hand. His other hand was still holding mine. “I want you. I want our daughter. I want to be more than a part of your lives. I want to be
in
your lives. But right now, I want you. I want you so damn bad I can’t focus.”

My mouth opened slightly as I stared up at him.

“Come out to my truck. I just need to touch you a little, Addy. Please,” he begged, pulling me toward him. He didn’t kiss me. He kept his gaze locked on mine as he waited for me to reply.

Franny was a deep sleeper. Going out to his truck was safe. She couldn’t hear us out there. “OK,” I whispered.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and then his hand tightened around mine as he moved so quickly I almost lost my balance. He all but pulled me behind him out the door. When we got to the steps, he scooped me up and took several long strides until he was at his truck, jerking the door open.

I fell back on my elbows onto the backseat and stared at him as he hovered over me. His eyes slowly roved down my body, until they landed on the hem of my sundress, which rode up as I slid back, exposing my bare thighs and a glimpse of the matching red panties underneath.

“Red,” he said, then looked up at me. “They’re fucking red. I was tormented all night by what color they might be. Never imagined they’d match this sexy little dress.”

The dress wasn’t sexy. It was a simple red sundress. I liked the way it fit.

He watched my face as he ran his hand up my leg. His fingers slid just inside my closed thighs, and he pushed them open. “I want this,” he said, lowering his mouth to mine.

I wanted this, too, and if he didn’t give it to me, I was going to take it.

His mouth touched mine, and I arched up to taste him. I loved his lips. The more he kissed me, the more obsessed I became with them. I wanted to nibble them and lick them. I wanted to feel them on my body. I trembled as my thoughts became naughtier than I’d let them be in a long time.

Captain moved his hand up until his finger brushed the satin crotch of my panties. I was soaked, and I knew it, but it had been so long, and I wanted him so badly I couldn’t help it.

He broke the kiss but didn’t move from my lips. “So wet. That’s fucking hot. I’m gonna need to taste that, baby.”

I wanted to plead for him to do just that, but I whimpered instead. Which was all he needed.

Captain swore with a growl, and then both his hands were under my dress, tugging my panties down my legs. I lifted my hips and legs, helping him to free me from the unwanted barrier.

He lifted the panties to his nose and sniffed then with a wicked smile, then folded them carefully and laid them on his dashboard like he had all the time in the world. I wiggled, needing something. The gesture was sweet and really sexy, but my body felt like it was on fire.

“Easy,” he said, sliding a hand up my leg. “I’ll make it feel good. I swear.” Then he lifted my leg and put it over his shoulder before doing the same with my other leg.

I stopped breathing as he held my gaze, lowering his head until that first touch almost sent me flying off the seat. I cried out, but his tongue slid against my swollen clit again, and I began moaning. This was too good. I’d been without for so long, and this was going to be too much. My hands grabbed fistfuls of his long hair as he continued his sweet torment, tasting me.

With each lick, I wanted to claw at something. Beg and plead. The pleasure was building fast, and my body was ready for what was coming. When the heat exploded inside me, I threw back my head, my body trembling, as Captain continued his intimate kissing throughout the experience.

When I came down off my high, he kissed my inner thigh and slowly moved my legs off his shoulders and climbed up to cover me. Through my blissful haze, I stared up at him.

The grin on his face made me giggle. He was inwardly gloating that he’d made me lose control like that. I felt so good I didn’t care. He could gloat all he wanted. If I could just have some more of that again.

“Feel good?” he asked, rubbing my bottom lip with his thumb.

I nodded. The goofy smile on my face couldn’t be helped.

“You tasted incredible,” he said, his voice hoarse. “So good I could go taste some more.”

I liked that idea a lot.

The evidence of his arousal was pressed against my thigh. His jeans were still on, but I could feel the rigidness, and I wanted that, too. I wanted to make him feel as good as he’d made me feel.

I moved my thigh so that it rubbed against his erection, and he hissed through his teeth.

“It’s my turn,” I said, moving again. He moved his hips this time, causing the friction himself.

“No turns. This is all you tonight. I wanted that,” he said, pinning me down so I couldn’t reach his fly and free what I wanted.

“But I want to,” I said, letting my legs fall open so that he was between them. All he had to do was move up just a little to press against where I wanted him to be.

“Fuck, Addy,” he said breathlessly, shifting his hips so that my heat was against his.

I wanted more than this. I wanted to give him more. “Let me,” I said, moving my hand down to cup him through his jeans. He closed his eyes as I moved my hand over his stiffness. “I want to touch it,” I said, trying to get his pants unbuttoned.

He opened his eyes and looked down at me. The need made me shiver and grip him harder. His jaw clenched. “What is it you want?” he asked, moving his hips.

“I want your cock in my mouth,” I told him boldly, as I gently squeezed.

He let out a groan and moved back off me until he was sitting up. I hurried to move to my knees beside him before he changed his mind. “Didn’t mean for you to do this, but fuck me if I can turn you down when you ask like that.”

I quickly got his jeans down until I had him bare in my hands. He hissed through his teeth again, and his head hit the back of the seat, but he didn’t take his eyes off me. I liked knowing he wanted to watch me do this. Lowering my mouth, I kissed the tip, and he trembled under my touch. I loved the power it gave me.

I wanted to make him tremble. I wanted him to come apart from my mouth the way I had done for him. The idea excited me, and I felt the heat between my legs begin to tingle again. I moved my legs slightly apart and gripped the base of his cock with one hand, then slid my other hand between my own legs to tease the sweet ache that was back.

“Fuuuuck,” he groaned, and I looked up to see him watching me touch myself. “I’ll fucking come just watching that, baby.”

Smiling, I slid my lips down him until the head hit the back of my throat, making me gag.

“Easy, baby. Don’t hurt yourself. I don’t want you to do that.” The concern in his voice was laced with a thickness that told me that as much as he didn’t want me hurting myself, he was enjoying it, too.

I sucked hard as I pulled him from my mouth with a pop. “I like it that way,” I told him, then took him back into my mouth while his own went slack.

He was completely in my power.

I like it that way.

What the fuck did that mean? She’d said she hadn’t been with anyone else, and the last time she did this, she didn’t gag herself. I watched her as the head of my swollen cock slid into her throat. At the moment, I couldn’t fucking worry about what she meant.